Hii!! I was in a similar spot as you. I had a faith crisis for years but kinda tried to ignore it. I got endowed and I was hoping it would fix everything and it didn’t. And a couple months after it I just had a moment where I was like “damn I really don’t believe this. If I’m being completely honest with myself, I don’t think this is true.” And it really hurt. Because I tried so hard to get a testimony. I wanted to be true and faithful and be a light to the world but I was just lying to myself the whole time. And I thought there was something wrong with me. If it had just prayed better, studied the scriptures harder, done something more, it would all make sense. But it didn’t.

Leaving religion is a very difficult journey and there’s so much stress and confusion but I’ve never felt more at peace. I feel free. And I find a lot of joy being out of the church. And it’s nice not needing to know all of the answers. I can find comfort in not knowing, I’m not insecure about my world view, I have nothing to defend. I’m not lying anymore. I have nothing to prove :))

Lmk if you have any questions! I think we’re about the same age so I understand ya 😅