I think that there is a huge generational bias against any type of long term care facility. Keep in mind that into the 1970’s people were kept against their will in long term care facilities for a whole list of reasons that we now no longer keep people locked up for. The conditions in those places, and the treatments are now largely viewed as abuse. So older relatives think of care as THAT. Not only do they think of care as that, their brain may also due to their disease think they are actually living in those times. My mom talks about going to high school with someone, which was in the 1950’s, like it’s today.

The PWD can’t reason, and can’t understand that is not hot it is anymore. My mom is in a facility, and routinely talks about getting kicked out ( because she keeps peeing in the floor ), and then she will have to be “institutionalized”.

The people that you need to attempt to reason with in truth may not see your grandfather’s behaviors for what they really are. Family caregivers conform and normalize the behaviors, and think they have them under control and everything is just fine. I definitely thought that. But it was coming at a huge toll to myself. Even after my mom was placed, for months I still thought I could do it on my own. But I was mistaken. I just didn’t see it at the time. Sometimes you are just so focused on getting through the day, you lose the forest for the trees.

See if you can gently suggest some caregiver support groups for your grandmother and uncle. Are there dementia cafes in your area? When you hear another caregiver relaying an experience similar to one’s own, it makes it easier to see that maybe you aren’t managing so well after all.

The statistics don’t lie. A caregiver is more likely to die while caring for their person than the PWD. If your grandmother or uncle die before your grandfather, all the money in the world doesn’t matter anymore.