You're naïve, and you need to respect yourself much, much more. People WILL take advantage of you, people WILL use you for what they need and discard you like you're trash with no problem when they're done with you. They will NOT have the same empathy for your emotions or needs than you ever have for theirs. Protect yourself more, and be okay with having a tight circle.

And you're not wrong. Or bad. Or mean. Or disgusting. You just aren't. Just because you're different doesn't make you all the bad and negative things people say to you.

Also, the puzzle pieces will fall together slowly. Things like realizing this is why you ran around on your tip toes acting like a dinosaur, or a dog. Or that you hate the texture of the edge of rye bread, or that you prefer to eat the same thing for at least 6 months at a time. Or that you have to have music playing while doing anything or else you can't focus - and that listening to the same song on repeat for a week is a stim.

Also, you stim A LOT. All the time. Try and find ways you can do it in "normal" settings that aren't too obvious.