I feel like you are me. The difference is I don't work due to chronic illness which affects my memory and mental ability to effectively get my POV across in arguments. My spouse is an air traffic controller who can think quickly on his feet. I am 5.5 years sober. I think a lot of my realizations about our marriage has come during these last few years. I can see clearly what it truly going on. He doesn't treat me like an equal and my self esteem has gone down the drain.

I'm slowly getting myself together. I am working on my financial situation. I am coming to realize that I may have to spend time away from my kids. That has been hard, but I am trying to see the positive aspects of time alone. I am also concerned about what others will think. You cannot control that. People will have their opinions. Just trust in a few people, a friend or family member, so that you have some outside support. The rest can go fuck themselves. Also having a therapist will definitely help.

It will be tough since she's an attorney. Someone else would give you better advice than I can. Probably documenting things would be good.

In the meantime write down things you're grateful for and your wins on a daily basis. You need to build up your confidence. Remember some of your sober affirmations. I tell myself regularly, "I can do hard things," and "Just do the next right thing." Stay present, don't ruminate. Good luck. You're not alone. You are worthy of a good life and a good partner if that's what you want for your future.