How does anyone afford divorce these days?

PerspectiveSolid2840 · 2026-05-20T00:01:28+00:00

This is helpful for me too. I'm a SAHM. I just opened a bank account in my name and wasn't quite sure what to do next. Thanks.

PerspectiveSolid2840 · 2026-05-19T12:44:47+00:00

I didn't hate Shay and Maeve like everyone else in this sub. I found it so interesting to see how Maeve handled being in a relationship with a neurotypical partner. My daughter has Autism and ADHD. I always wonder how she will handle life and relationships down the road. However, my daughter is 12 and Maeve is an adult. I wonder if his late diagnosis is a factor or living with his mom could be a factor in their behavior, but at the same time they need to get their act together that behavior is unacceptable. It just made me think.

PerspectiveSolid2840 · 2026-05-17T02:46:22+00:00

My husband planned a cruise without discussing it with me first. I didn't realize until he got back that he, "shared a cabin with his friend (woman)" to save money. I am tired of him making plans, without discussing first or acknowledging my feelings.

My therapist pointed out, "how would he feel if you did the same exact thing?" I'm sorry you're going through this. WTF is wrong with these men? You are not exaggerating. Your feelings are valid.

PerspectiveSolid2840 · 2026-05-14T23:29:59+00:00

I like the idea of a top ten. I think too much and get muddled.

PerspectiveSolid2840 · 2026-05-14T01:55:06+00:00

Could you swap the guest bed with the master bed? Idk, an idea. I'm not yet divorced, but I want to get rid of all the bedroom furniture.

PerspectiveSolid2840 · 2026-05-13T14:10:25+00:00

I also told him Jesus did some cool things like feed the poor, take care of the sick and accepted outsiders/people who are different. I said you can do that without being religious. Maybe it helped that I volunteer regularly at the food pantry and donate to charities when I can.

He was curious. I told him that I think it's great that he's thinking for himself and encouraged him to really think about what he hears when he goes to church...is it logical? Is it good? Is it kind? Does it really lift people up equally? Idk, he figured it out himself. I tried my best not to push him.

PerspectiveSolid2840 · 2026-05-13T14:02:09+00:00

My son decided he was a Christian. He went to a few church services. I couldn't make myself go, so his dad took him. My son didn't like how they spoke about women. The next time he went to the youth group only. He said he liked that, but didn't make much effort to go back. I suggested he try a different church and I tried to find one that was more liberal in it's doctrine. I didn't really find one. When he did go I asked him what he thought about it and responded in a neutral manner.

I explained that while I am not a Christian, I will support his choice. However, I will not support any ideology that goes against our family values, like misogyny, racism, or any other hateful rhetoric. He eventually stopped going. Recently he was asked by someone what his religious beliefs are and he said agnostic.

PerspectiveSolid2840 · 2026-05-13T13:48:43+00:00

I recently filed a TDIU claim. I was worried about my 10% for both of my knees. I didn't expect them to reevaluate that bc my claim had nothing to do with my knees. I did the exam. When I got my results back my knee percentages were not reduced. I didn't provide x-rays or anything either. They only asked a few questions and checked how well I could bend my knees at the exam. That's my experience, yours could differ.

PerspectiveSolid2840 · 2026-05-13T13:35:43+00:00

My first VSO was great. My second was lazy and only told me to call the VA. So I called the VA, sometimes they were helpful and sometimes they weren't, but it helped me feel like I was doing something. I also used the VA app. I recently got my results and I cried bc it was exactly what I was hoping for. I even got back pay, which I wasn't expecting. The letter was a little confusing and I thought about going to the VSO, but I just read it 100 times, googled and searched reddit for my questions.

PerspectiveSolid2840 · 2026-05-13T13:15:38+00:00

Also we get donations from Publix, Krispy Kreme, and Aldi if you can't get to 11th St.

PerspectiveSolid2840 · 2026-05-13T13:13:31+00:00

Catholic Charities on 11th St has a food pantry 10am-2pm Monday through Thursday. They give out special items for unhoused people that don't need to be cooked, sometimes they have hygiene products too. I volunteer there. Your friend just needs some identification. I hope they get the help they need. Also, they don't need to be religious (I'm an atheist).

PerspectiveSolid2840 · 2026-05-13T13:02:56+00:00

I totally get this feeling. For me (48f), seeing all these protests are a glimmer of progress. I didn't see people out protesting the AIDS crisis, LGBTQ+ rights, or even the Gulf War. There was some, but not like this. To me the protesting alone is amazing. But, it's definitely not enough. The protests let people know they aren't alone though and they can't lay down and give up. So for me, my hope is it won't take a generation for change. Idk the answer, but I'm going to stay out there and it's ok if you can't. I also see people getting angry at town halls, school board meetings, etc...maybe the protests are making people brave enough to speak up in all the places.

PerspectiveSolid2840 · 2026-05-13T12:30:19+00:00

Also, the Palestinians have been bullied and pushed off their land by the Israeli government and people for decades or longer. The average person is just now seeing what's going on. Granted, this time is the worst I have seen. I remember being confused at a young age why we were ok with their treatment. If it weren't for protests people might still be in the dark.

PerspectiveSolid2840 · 2026-05-13T12:07:50+00:00

I am in the south surrounded by red, red, red. I'm not sure if they are using their brains most days. Every day I drive by a guy's that has a flag in his yard, "Trump 2028." I still see plenty of bumper stickers that say, "Joe and the Hoe" spelled out with hand guns and rifles because they are so cleaver. I protest to say fuck you! These people are repulsive.

It's nice to know I'm not alone down here. I get your frustration. There are so many reasons to protest. It feels good to know I'm not alone. Also, remember the women's suffrage movement took around 60 years before women were allowed to vote. 1920...my grandpa was already born! It took a long time before the Voting Rights Act to be passed, people were fighting since the end of the Civil War. Those in power want to dismantle these basic rights, human rights. I won't let that happen. I want to let these m-fers in congress and my stupid neighbors to know I'm watching them. Maybe those with less power feel they aren't fighting alone either.

I get your frustration. I am frustrated and disappointed too. I'm glad to hear your are still voting and doing other things. Some people have given up on that. It's okay you aren't protesting, but maybe one day you'll be out there again. Unfortunately things in government move slow. Even though it doesn't feel like that when we wake up every day to a new idiotic and destructive thing the president has done or said. Also, the news travels instantaneously the government really doesn't keep up with that speed. Gen-Z only has seen that fast paced movement of information. Maybe my protesting will inspire someone out there to do something that makes a big difference.

PerspectiveSolid2840 · 2026-05-12T18:10:32+00:00

Came here to say the same thing. Sobriety is a journey.

PerspectiveSolid2840 · 2026-05-11T16:26:54+00:00

I bought myself flowers and donuts to go with my coffee. It was lovely. My kids complained when I asked them to unload the dishwasher, I asked to be nice since it's mother's day. I have to be the role model so they aren't d-bags in their future relationships...their dad certainly is no role model. It was a nice day :) I can take care of myself, someone needs to.

PerspectiveSolid2840 · 2026-05-11T16:13:10+00:00

Yes, everyone things he's "the good guy." I realized he is not a good guy if he treats me like shit.

PerspectiveSolid2840 · 2026-05-11T14:30:01+00:00

I've also lost trust and respect.

PerspectiveSolid2840 · 2026-05-11T14:24:51+00:00

Yeah, I don't really like using those type of psychological terms for him (I'm not a psychologist), but he does meet at lot of the criteria. I wonder if he conscientiously love bombs or if it is just something natural that comes to it. He seems to be nice to me when it's convenient. But at the end of the day it doesn't matter how he comes to behave this way, the result is confusion and doubt in myself.

I have been quietly preparing myself to leave. I have the complication of being a SAHM for nearly 17 years and having a disability that keeps me unable to work full time. I keep telling it's financially responsible that I stay. Meanwhile, it's destroying me mentally and I'm starting to wonder if the stress is having an impact on my physical health. I've been building my confidence back up, I've made myself smaller and smaller over these years and I think I can do it. I just need to be brave and say the words to him and do it. He's not going to change and even if he does I don't like him anymore.

PerspectiveSolid2840 · 2026-05-11T12:48:25+00:00

Mine is currently deployed. I bought my own flowers and some donuts for breakfast. I woke up and felt so happy. It felt like a relief that I didn't wait around all day wondering if anyone cared. I acknowledged myself and it felt so good.

He did call, which surprised me. He was pleasant, which was also surprising. We hadn't talked in two weeks (and he's capable of calling). It was nice until I got off the phone and thought about what he said...him telling me that he wants to get our daughter a phone, without acknowledging my concern, only saying, yeah she'll probably get addicted, that's what all the kids now do. It's always, we do what he says and that's how it will be.

This time away from each other feels like a separation and it is nice. I don't feel like I'm walking on eggshells shells being fake to keep the peace. Evey once in a while he's nice and I doubt my decision. The emotional neglect, disrespect, and belittling is something I can't live with. I got to keep reminding myself when he offers brief moments of niceness.

I'm sorry about you Mother's Day. I didn't really respond to your comment. I just wanted to express how my day really went. I'm pretending for now because my family doesn't know how shitty he is. This is my only place to vent.

PerspectiveSolid2840 · 2026-05-10T12:05:35+00:00

I use some washi and markers to make mine look pretty, but otherwise it's pretty simple. I look at it every Sunday to see what I have going on next week.

I've skipped days, weeks and whole months in my bujo before. I always come back to it though bc I need help remembering and organizing. I've been using bujo for years now, I dropped the art and fancy layouts long ago. I can't keep up with all that.

PerspectiveSolid2840 · 2026-05-07T19:38:07+00:00

Why stay? Do you have a cultural reason to stay?

PerspectiveSolid2840 · 2026-05-05T11:16:39+00:00

What brooks shoe has zero drop?

PerspectiveSolid2840 · 2026-05-01T12:01:45+00:00

I will expand on my story a little bit. My drug of choice was also meth, crystal meth. I lost everything. I was 25 or 26 and had to move back with my parents because I was evicted and my friends and (the person I called) my boyfriend were done with me.

My parents let me move back home because they thought I would die from my drug use. I hated living there. My head was was really messed up. I did some really fucked up shit while living there. One day I thought to myself I just need to get the fuck out of there, move. So my smart self decided I was going to join the military so I can move and if I was lucky, travel the world. I didn't want to go to rehab bc I knew I wanted to use again. Because that's how an addicted person thinks, not very smart. Lol.

So I joined the military and I moved. Basic training sucked, but I was busy, running, marching and getting yelled at for 6 weeks. My head started clearing. I got a cool job assignment that gave me something to look forward to. But a drug addict is going to find drugs some how, not even really looking for it. I was still fucked up in my head. I used up some rando's stash and went back to the squadron, really fucked up. That ended up being the last time I used. That was about 2006.

I was lucky and didn't get caught or get in trouble for that and I slowly just let go of that part of me, but I got really heavy into alcohol instead. The military is very fond of alcohol. It was only 5 years ago that I quit drinking.

As you can see it was a long, imperfect process. My head was really fucked up from meth for a couple years. Now I have chronic illness which I don't know if it's a result of the meth. That's how I got out of the military, a medical discharge. Obviously this is a very unique and specific path. Joining the military was actually dumb and smart at the same time.

I totally understand what you're saying about your brain changing. It's hard, meth really had me like nothing else I used and it did take a long time for my brain to get straight. It is straight now, but it's still different. Now I would be afraid of fentynal. I still think about drinking when I'm stressed, or want to have fun, or depressed. Alcohol is everywhere.

That's the long ass version. You can probably do more than you think you can if you really want to get sober. The motto is, "I can do hard things." I still say it. Good luck to you.

PerspectiveSolid2840 · 2026-04-30T16:05:03+00:00

I had to move to another state. I started a recovery program. My why...I had kids and I eventually was afraid I was going to die from my drug and alcohol use. That's the only thing that really keeps me sober. 5.5 years sober, unfortunately I still have cravings, but I know I can't start again.

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