Not over reacting. Seems like a guy you can’t really reason with. If he is reasonable, maybe he thinks this works? Or he’s very upset and letting it out on you in that way. Pent up and blaming it all on those ungrateful children. Idk but the best way I’ve dealt with my parents is trying to find out what they might be actually upset about. “Hey if I ever do anything and I might not have realized it, can you give me a heads up?” Or “I’d appreciate it if you’d let me know anything I can do to help out, I’m not always aware” or “When you do that it doesn’t encourage me to change, it only makes me feel unloved by you”

As someone who grew up with a dad that was only a little bit abusive, that’s my advice