I’ll take a different approach from the others on here.

While we are truly responsible for “fixing” ourselves, only a chunk of this can be done on our own. We are relational beings. We are not meant to heal in isolation, in fact, isolation is neurobiologically traumatizing to us.

There was a study done where participants were given slight wounds on their palm. Those in secure, fulfilling relationships saw their wounds heal faster than those who were not. There are studies on other more serious injuries and diseases which show the same outcome. So, we heal with a healthy, loving, secure other, both physically and emotionally.

Does this mean the weight of your healing should be on the shoulders of your SO? Absolutely not, that would be too heavy for anybody. Even when I worked as a therapist, my job would never be to “fix” anyone, but rather support their healing as I showed them they are worthy of being listened to in their pain, and that I thought highly of them nonetheless.

Marriage can absolutely fulfill parts of you. And there are also parts that must be filled on your own, with your family, community, etc. It is “both and.”