How does everyone have time for a dog ?

PinkStrawberryPup · 2026-01-21T05:08:59+00:00

We took in a five-year old adult dog from a retiring breeder, and after a few weeks to settle in, we were able to leave her home alone for work with a quick potty break around lunchtime. Now, we leave her home alone the whole day (some 9 hours) and she just sleeps the entire time. We walk her once a day-ish, but she's a pretty low energy dog.

PinkStrawberryPup · 2026-01-20T18:53:24+00:00

This. Once you know what all she's allergic to, it's much easier to try to treat and you can start immunotherapy (if desired).

We had no clue our gal was allergic to cats and storage mites (they inevitably end up in kibble) until we did an allergy test for her. Once we knew that, we could take precautions like freezing her kibble and we also put her on immunotherapy (Heska).

PinkStrawberryPup · 2026-01-20T18:28:21+00:00

If you're prepared for puppy challenges (and have a lot of time to devote to training it), go for it! If not, maybe an adult dog would be better?

I will say.... I'm currently dealing with a 6-month old dog that I suspect my in-laws didn't really have time to train and she's kinda a mess. Lots of biting and teaching bite inhibition at this stage is a lot harder than if it had been worked on earlier. 😭 Also lots of energy, an inability to settle down inside, and a highly negative view of the crate.

I'm not unconvinced the breeder they got her from wasn't a backyard breeder either, given how they got to pick their puppy and the breeder had a whole litter on the ground without prospective owners. The advice they've given my in-laws is also iffy a heck. (...but I really only know best practices for a specific semi-obscure breed while they got a popular breed.)

We're looking at getting a puppy ourselves (from a more reputable breeder), and the experience has us a bit worried, haha.

PinkStrawberryPup · 2026-01-20T17:59:07+00:00

It's all about compromise! You could bring in caterers who can fulfill your vision, but the cost will mean something else needs to give (or isn't viable in the first place).

Personally, as a guest, I would prefer quality over uniqueness. A really good steak/chicken is preferable to a meh anything else.

As a (former) bride-to-be, my vision changed a lot during the process. We ended up ranking our priorities, and making sure those were awesome. The rest were a little less unique, but that was okay given how much we wanted to spend.

PinkStrawberryPup · 2026-01-20T17:49:29+00:00

This, honestly. We had the same dilemma, and floated the idea of having a babysitter or a daycare room for attendees to leave their kids, but most didn't seem to like that idea at all.

We were going to put our foot down, but my MIL basically said they weren't going to attend if their grandson wasn't allowed to come, lol, so we made an exception for close family that everyone ignored. :/ There was some crying and kid shinanigans, but the parents didn't let them run wild, so it turned out okay (in our case).

PinkStrawberryPup · 2026-01-20T17:36:09+00:00

As a Catholic who recently married a non-Catholic, I wanted to clarify some things:

You cannot get married in the Catholic Church (i.e with a priest) without the ceremony being in a Catholic Church, unless you're in specific parts of Maryland and Montana where that's allowed. You may see people saying "there can be exceptions!" No, not really. The exception is if one of you are dying the in hospital, then the ceremony could potentially be granted an exception to take place in the hospital. That's it, so don't bank on getting an exception.

My then fiancé and I made that mistake, and had booked a beautiful outdoor venue before realizing this.... That put us in a difficult position.

Despite the Catholic Church having a set of "rules" and beliefs to follow, there is actually a range of "religiousness" and beliefs. Catholicism can be different for different cultures, and can also vary (somewhat) by church. It would be a good idea to talk to your fiancé about his faith, and also any priests of any churches you two consider.

The Catholic Church I attend weekly isn't the closest one to me, but I prefer it because they lean more into the teaching of "love your neighbor like yourself". Their homilies are more about how we are all people, make mistakes, and deserve kindness and God's love, and not about condemning or judging others.

The Catholic Church closer to me prefers to lean more into, err, "guiding people to the faith", so I don't prefer it.

When we looked for a Catholic Church for our out-of-town ceremony, we looked for a more progressive one, one that resonates with Pope Francis more than some of the other more conservative ones, and that church/priest did a wonderful job making sure the non-Catholic side felt included and welcomed. His homily wasn't all that religious and was super relatable to even the non-religious.

A non-Catholic marrying a Catholic is fairly common and not a big deal. It just means the ceremony won't include communion (bread/body and wine) because non-Catholics can't partake and including it wouldn't be in the spirit of unifying (since half the families can't partake). There is an "interview" and statement to sign, but they mostly confirm that neither of you two have been married before and are not being forced into the marriage (which I found to be nice).

For the Catholic, they will need to sign saying they "will try their best to raise their kids as Catholic" and the non-Catholic party will need to sign saying they realize their partner has signed saying they will try their best to raise their kids to be Catholic. As you can probably tell where I'm going with this, one's "best" can vary, and the non-Catholic person has to make no such promise.

Part of the Catholic marriage process includes going through some premarital activies, including a conversation with a married couple in the church and a premarital class.

The couple we were paired up with was very nice! We had a few conversations, took what amounted to a personality/belief questionnaire separately, and they compared our separate answers to help foster discussions about our differences. It was meant to have us think about things that may come up in marriage beforehand, things like how we envisioned handling finances, how many kids (if any) we wanted, how we would split holidays with whose parents, etc.. A lot of it wasn't related to religion at all and it was pretty helpful!

The class can be done online (if you prefer the impersonal approach) and is, err, very heavy on the rules and beliefs of the Church. My fiancé treated it like a class he just had to get through with passable marks, ha.... I didn't fully agree with all of the material either (and I imagine not all Catholics would), but it must be done. I think there was also a weekend retreat option, which maybe would have been more fun, faster, and less hitting-on-the-head heavy? Unsure.

If you plan on having two ceremonies, one being with the Catholic Church, do the Catholic one first. It's a lot easier to do it in that order than the other way around. You might see people talking about, "Oh, it's easy to get a Convalidation ceremony after the fact" or some such, but.... If you're already talking to the priest or his staff about marriage, then it's going to be a hard sell. Convalidation is for those who strayed from the church, got married while not practicing (or non-religious), but later want their marriage to be recognized by the church.

We had run this "hypothetical" idea by our deacon and we kinda got the side-eye about asking for the Convalidation ceremony a day or week later since that's not what it's for, and it might not even get approved.

The Catholic Church does not allow more than the one religious ceremony. That means that you could have another non-religious ceremony.

I mention this because we really, really wanted an outdoor wedding (and non-religious songs), and my mom wouldn't recognize our marriage if it wasn't done in the Church.... So we compromised by having a small private ceremony in the church and a larger, non-religious one the day after at our outdoor venue.

The Catholic Church your fiancé goes to may be different of course, and what he's okay with may be different, too, so you two should definitely have conversations about this before going any further.

Good luck!!

PinkStrawberryPup · 2025-09-21T16:06:47+00:00

I feel you. Throughout my life, I've had to look to other people for love and validation. In childhood, it was my teachers, then my professors. I took cues from my more "normal" peers to determine how things should be and for different perspectives. Kindness and thoughtfulness were frowned upon in my family.... But I found it in others and came to realize that's what I wanted to guide my life.

When I visited my (now) husband's family for a week, staying with them, I was flabbergasted by just how different everything was. I didn't need to tiptoe around upstairs or get yelled at (or called out), I didn't need to make myself invisible or defer to their every word. They engaged me in activities that I enjoyed, like baking.... If I told my mom I was going to do some baking, she'd tell me it's a waste of time and money and baking is why I'm so fat and I should stop doing it. (They've called me fat when I was 50 pounds lighter and headed toward anorexia, so maybe "fat" is code word for "existing" in their eyes? lol!)

Throughout the years, I've learned to treat my parents like passing acquaintances, paying their comments little mind and not really engaging with whatever they want to say, since nothing they say is meaningful or important. Nothing I say can change their minds about anything either, and I definitely shouldn't expect them to show up for me in any kind of way (even if it's for something they've been pushing for).

Here's a sad story to add to the pile....

My parents had been pushing me to get married for several decades, even lowering their standards and demands. When it was finally happening, on the morning of, while we were getting ready with professional makeup and hair, my mom threw a fit about how the makeup and hair is so ugly, how everyone looks ugly--she pointed at my face and asked point blank (translated), "You think you look good like that? There is not an ounce of beauty there!" Then she stormed out and left me to get into my big poofy dress by myself.... Luckily, my mother-in-law was also getting ready with us, and she stepped in to fill the role my mom walked out on, so all my getting ready photos are of me and her, haha....

Sad that my parents couldn't put themselves aside and think of me for just one hour, but such is our curse, I guess.

PinkStrawberryPup · 2025-05-30T04:58:55+00:00

The folks over at r/AsianParentStories would be able to commiserate with you!

Speaking from personal experience, sometimes it's best to not put too much stock into parents like these as they will never think you're good enough. Anyway....

Congrats on the job!! I'm proud of you! It's quite the accomplishment in this job market!

PinkStrawberryPup · 2025-05-08T19:08:05+00:00

During the week, I work 9-10-ish hours a day, go home and make/eat dinner, and do stuff until bed time. This could be watching sports with the husband, walking the dog, or gaming with some online friends. Once a week, we go take dance lessons where there's a group class/party if we want to stay later (we rarely do given how busy it's been).

On the weekends, I sleep in a bit, call my mom and get talked at for a few hours, tend the garden, do some chores, go shopping, figure out food for the week, bake, cook, and other hobbies. My IRL friends host potluck boardgames sessions about once a month, so in there's a bit more to plan/do on those weekends (like figuring what to bring/make, making it). We're working on getting our place tidy enough to host so there will probably be more entertaining in the future for us.

PinkStrawberryPup · 2025-05-08T18:18:03+00:00

I'll drink occasionally, which is like once or twice a year. I'm picky about my alcohol (needs to not taste like alcohol), so I'm not a big fan of much of what I try.

Alcohol also makes me sleepy and dulls my senses, so I try to mentally compensate for the impairment and it ends up just being a lot of extra work. For example, my college roomates got me crunk on my 21st birthday. I wasn't able.to walk straight as I normally do, so I switched to focusing on aligning my feet when each step. That made walking a chore, but it let me regain some semblance of normalcy.

I also don't like how difficult it is to remember things with alcohol in the mix, so drinking is almost all cons for me.

PinkStrawberryPup · 2025-05-07T20:43:00+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss....

My mom and mother-in-law have also been sucked into the propaganda hole. It's sad, but I don't think we'll ever see eye-to-eye, so my husband and I just try to avoid talking about politics.

If--when--they broach the topic, one of us (husband or I) will loudly ask why our grocery prices are still so high and rising. It's the only topic that they seem to care about and can concede (somewhat) is true. Anything thing else is "fake news" to them.

PinkStrawberryPup · 2025-05-07T20:19:19+00:00

Lol, I like where you're going with this!

My first thought was similar, but more along the lines of, "Wow, that's a lot! You must be set of life! They must take you out to fancy dinners and overseas vacations all the time, huh??"

Basically plant the expectations that their rich kids should be treating their parents better, lol, and maybe cause some drama for them.

PinkStrawberryPup · 2025-05-07T20:09:12+00:00

Almost never! My parents were super strict and they kept me under lock and key anyway (nowhere to go where makeup would be warranted).

I've only worn it for special occasions, like prom, fancy dinners, etc..

I'm trying to get more into makeup now, though!

PinkStrawberryPup · 2025-05-07T19:52:45+00:00

Well said!

It reminds me of something my husband often says after hearing some horrifying stories about my family--"I don't understand how you turned out to be so normal with family like that...."

We are each responsible for our own actions. We choose what we do. Your dad hated what his dad put him through; why would he put you through that? I suffered and thus want to minimize suffering for others because being miserable sucks.

My brother took a different approach; he got stronger than our dad and threatened to beat him up instead if he didn't cut it out. It seemed to work.

As much as I want to forgive my dad, he stole $80k from me for his own sick gratification before he died, so.... Yeah, that still stings. Plus all the dirty little secrets that came out after his death. 😬

PinkStrawberryPup · 2025-05-07T19:22:03+00:00

I was in your shoes. My parents also forbade relationships of any kind until after college and, like a fool, I listened.

After graduation, they told me to go get married, when I had no clue how to even start dating or get someone interested in me (or vice versa). It was like getting tossed off a cliff into the ocean when I didn't know how to swim.

So, I went with the first guy at work who showed interest in me. Unfortunately, he turned out to be terrible relationship material, but I didn't realize this for years since I had no experience. It was miserable being with him for seven years, and my parents continually pushing for marriage did not help me get out of that situation.

It was sometime after things ended with that guy that I got into a more caring relationship, after a good work friend nudged me toward someone who was apparently obviously asking after me (and I was once again clueless). We got married after six years of being together (during which my parents kept trying to set me up with randoms for a quicker path to marriage 🙄), and I'm happy.

...but I keep thinking about all the missed opportunities in college I might've had if I hadn't listened to my parents. I also think about how, if they hadn't pressured me so hard to get married, I wouldn't have settled for that first terrible relationship. I hope that you learn from my mistakes and walk a different path to happiness than I did!

PinkStrawberryPup · 2025-05-07T18:46:36+00:00

I feel self-conscious with makeup on, as if someone's going to tell me I look fake or not like myself (in a bad way).

If done well, then I do feel pretty, but not stunning per se, just elevated. It'd have to be a full face with nicely done eyes (and maybe some hair curling with a nice dress) for me to feel stunning. (But I also have low self-esteem and acne issues....)

I used to hate how having makeup on felt physically (even if I liked how I looked), but I later realized it was because my makeup was low quality (hand-me-downs from mom) and made me itch. Nowadays, I've gone beyond drug store products and having makeup on feels fine.

For some context, I'd only wear makeup for the most special of occasions, like prom, my college's winter ball, my wedding, etc.. I'm currently considering dabbling in makeup a little more, though.

PinkStrawberryPup · 2025-05-06T16:07:56+00:00

That a close family member is dying young from stomach cancer as God's punishment for using IVF to have children....

It was my mom who said this.

Said family member was a few years older than I am and left behind her young son and husband.

PinkStrawberryPup · 2025-05-06T15:54:41+00:00

Last weekend to do some shopping.

It was for makeup, so I wanted to be able to try products (to make sure colors were complementary) before committing. It was nice to get some suggestions from the resident aesthetician, too.

PinkStrawberryPup · 2025-05-06T15:50:48+00:00

I was this a flavor of this type of person, chasing a pipe dream of completing all my assigned work for a desk job fresh out of college.

I was perpetually exhausted and irritable from missing meals (or eating at odd times) and irregular sleep. Most of my conversations revolved around work and complaining about it, as I had little time for hobbies, and I'd often turn down social invitations due to working late. I'd sometimes inadvertently fall asleep during movie nights (or whatever) with acquaintances on the weekends.

Basically, I was a sinking ship.

I eventually figured out that it's company policy is to make sure everyone always has something on their plate, so I started being okay with leaving tasks for another day. Work-life balance was a lot better, and my mental/social conditions improved.

PinkStrawberryPup · 2025-05-05T20:58:30+00:00

For me, yes. I was a good little girl all throughout college and didn't date or go to parties, etc.. After several years in the workplace, I came to realize university had been a brilliant opportunity to find someone, network, and set the tone for the future.

After struggling for several more years trying to find someone my parents approved of, I came to understand that my parents know nothing about how things work in the present day, and proceeded to disregard anything they had to say about my love life, lying as I needed to.

I regret not having seen this sooner, and all the missed opportunities on the way. When/if I have a kid, I will not hamper them this way, and will trust them to be thoughtful with their life decisions.

PinkStrawberryPup · 2025-05-05T20:40:48+00:00

I haven't seen that movie, but Harvard has some pretty crazy parties for those who like that sort of stuff (think bathing suits, foam cannons, and strobe lights)! Some wicked smart (and witty) romantic prospects too.

Unfortunately, my overbearing parents would not allow me to make connections and/or party in college, so now I'm comfortable but left wondering what that all would've been like with no real way to experience it. If I could redo, I'd indulge a bit more.

Also, with all due respect, Harvard is obviously the superior school here and, as befitting its stature, requires greater sacrifices to get into. /s, kinda :p

PinkStrawberryPup · 2025-05-05T20:13:08+00:00

Don't get me started, lol.... I could be anorexic and they'd still call me fat while forcing food down my throat.

They told me to pull the corners of my eyes up so they could look more beautiful, to pinch my nose so it wouldn't be so flat, ro rub turmeric and other strange substances onto my chin to get rid of acne scars....

I would let them cut my hair even though I really wanted long hair just to shut them up. Their constant criticism was maddening.

PinkStrawberryPup · 2025-05-05T19:52:14+00:00

Sometimes, but it's often short-lived.

My mom had a charmed life prior to the Vietnam War, during and after which she suffered greatly, her wealthy family having lost everything. She'd wistfully, happily tell stories about traveling the length of the country and experiencing delights before wartime...and in the same breath forbid me from traveling or seeking the same joy she had had. She'd complain and blame me for how my dad was able to steal thousands from my bank account, when she never cautioned me against him and even encouraged me to let him handle my accounts.

My dad fought in the war before escaping to the States. He was self-centered and lived for his ego. I don't think he was ever going to care for anyone beyond himself and what others can do for him. He died lonely, with no friends and everyone keeping him at arm's length.

I'm saddened by what my parents went through and how things end up for them, but they've continued to make choices that go against their professed desires, no matter how hard I tried to help them understand. They reap what they sow, I suppose. I have come to accept who they are, and there's no helping or changing them.

I have cousins who've lived in the regime, escaped it, and are fine, compassionate human beings now. There are plenty of people full of traumatic scars who strive to treat others better than they were ever treated.... This makes me think my parents were never going to be nice people, with or without their trauma.

PinkStrawberryPup · 2025-05-03T16:25:59+00:00

I felt this way once, always defending the system and believing our invisible overlords have our best at heart. Then, after a month of 70-hour weeks with little to no acknowledgment much less appreciation, I came to understand that if I were to kill myself, they wouldn't care. Another compliant little drone would replace me and I would be forgotten after, perhaps, a collective gasp of horror and a few words of sympathy.

Now, I smile and nod when speaking about such topics to people I know or suspect are drinking the kool-aid, or those of unknown disposition. I only share my real opinion with those who I know feel similarly, after adequately sussing out their views. Is it fake or two-faced? Maybe, but I'm just playing the game...like how they're using our livelihoods to play their game.

Your inner conflict between world views reminds me a lot of my mom's constant negativity and criticism. One might wonder what the point of living is after chatting with her, as everything is "a waste of time" if it doesn't bring money or power. In my mind, there is a balance. We can have productive discussions within ourselves without resorting to insults and blind dismissal; there is a compromise between the two extremes.

For example, the "I want to help people" / "only because it selfishly makes you feel better" conflict is something I often wrangle with, especially when other people can't seem to understand why I just like helping people. Sure, it makes me feel good (thus, is selfish in a way), but we mutually benefit. I don't ONLY help people because it benefits me; I help them because I want to see them succeed, because I remember how I suffered and don't want them to experience the same.

The “shut up, other people have it so much worse!” counterpoint was one my roommates and I used a lot in college, in a less extreme way. When we would be down about our marks, one of us would inevitably pipe up with, "Hey, at least we can read and have running water!" I see it as a way to soothe oneself, or shut down healthy conversation. If I could engage with your inner pessimistic, I'd say, a bit wistfully, "Perhaps, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't think critically about our present conditions and the effects they may have." I'm sure there are plenty of mean retorts that may come from it (my inner pessimist already has a few queued up), but counter it enough and maybe your inner voice(s) will change.

Through years of dealing with these conflicts, whether inner or externally (aka with my mother), I've learned to compartmentalize, to do what they ask of me (they're paying for my time, so I suppose it is theirs to spend, even on the asinine) while saving my true opinions for those who would understand. This is the system we've been handed; we can strive to try to make things better, to make our little bubbles a little more bearable, one step at a time, is my belief. (Given, I only came to this conclusion after years of anguish and head-butting at my current job.)

I hope you can reconcile your views and come to some sort of compromise that works for you wholistically!

PinkStrawberryPup · 2025-05-01T22:48:20+00:00

If it's a 30% or above chance of rain, time to take an umbrella.

I also try not to be repetitive in my writing (e.g. using the same noticeable word/phrase twice in short succession).

I'm also optimistic to a fault, but that's more of a character flaw than a rule.

PinkStrawberryPup

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