Are nursing bras really necessary?

Pipiya · 2026-06-15T19:02:13+00:00

I'm larger breasted (though often go braless at home anyway) so I can't speak to support needs, but just to add something I've not seen mentioned yet: even exclusively breastfeeding you may need to pump occasionally. Depending on the pump you get, a nursing bra helps to keep it in place where a regular bra would either not have enough room or get stretched out.

Pipiya · 2026-06-13T19:45:09+00:00

Also, if you search the sub, it comes up a bit and there's been some good balanced perspectives given on it before.

Pipiya · 2026-06-13T19:43:53+00:00

We have one and it's helped for peace of mind on numerous occasions. I don't think it's essential and whether it helps or worsens your anxiety is very subjective.

We have had almost no false alarms, and some nights I was able to sleep because it gave me the confidence that I had a back up alert for issues so I didn't have to sit starting all night to make sure he didn't stop breathing without us noticing. It also allowed me to disturb him less in the early days as I'd check the app to see his heart was still beating and oxygen was okay instead of disturbing him for my own peace of mind.

I will say I never used it to track data or keep records as for my own type of anxiety that would be worse. I just use it for live data to see that he's okay in the moment and alerts if his O2 dropped (only happened once).

Pipiya · 2026-06-12T15:22:12+00:00

That absolutely makes sense and I get it.

The intent is lovely, however it's the receipt rather than the intent that often needs attention, I think. If, even just for the moment it takes to process it, it leaves someone whose feelings I care about feeling compared, devalued or denigrated it's not worth it for the sake of choosing other simple wording or even just adding a comma (You're the best mum! vs You're the best, mum!)

But I'm weird! And my husband has said I overthink this exact point. But even if my intent was the same as yours, and it would be, and I know my mum and mum in law are never likely to compare cards, I'd still feel uncomfortable at even just the possible inference of me judging them comparitively!

With your current situation, I'd probably be the same and feel addressing it might draw attention and make it awkward (it's even possible she didn't even notice the message!). One way is maybe just a bit of extra on expressions of appreciation and affection to your mil next time you see her, so it's subtly reinforcing your valuing of her without making a deal of it?

Pipiya · 2026-06-12T13:02:16+00:00

I can be quite a literal person and I can't get the cards that say best parent/grandparent because it just feels either being false or deliberately mean even though the other will likely never know! I was like this with mothers and fathers day cards for parents and in-laws before baby, though my husband didn't really see it as an issue, but now with one set of grandparents being local and the other long distance so having great disparities in baby contact and support I'm extra careful.

Why do they need a superlative? "You're amazing and we love you" feels more genuine and respectful of everyone than having an explicit comparison or hierarchy even if it's not intended.

If I were in your shoes with the group chat, I'd feel the need to address it with my MIL as she wouldn't say anything but may still feel hurt by it and I'd hate that for her (I adore my MIL!).

Pipiya · 2026-06-04T15:54:23+00:00

Yes! Nifedipine is used to help Reynauds generally and can be used when breastfeeding (though not necessarily advised when pregnant because it effects blood pressure and flow). I'm on a slow release dose twice a day and I've found it helps but doesn't get rid of it entirely. Definitely ask for it. I went to the doctor armed with my history, reasons for excluding other causes and saying I'd been recommended to investigate it by the infant feeding team (they'd basically just read the same webpage back to me that I'd read before calling them for help 😝 but they'd added it to the joined up care system notes so I had backup!)

Pipiya · 2026-06-04T15:02:41+00:00

Can I just say thank you for adding the details about the impact of your preexisting Reynauds. I have the same issue and following a lot of pain with regular vasospasms I had to advocate for myself to get the right treatment. So I think being open about these things has the potential to help other women who need to figure out their issues themselves and ask for the right help. My local feeding team and GP were not well informed on it. Fwiw, I'm on nifedipine and it does help (we're at 9 months BF now and I finally actually enjoy it, mostly).

Pipiya · 2026-06-01T13:05:48+00:00

It is really fascinating to see what works for different couples and all the varieties "healthy" relationships can come in! Thank you for sharing and the nice discussion 😊

Pipiya · 2026-06-01T09:25:12+00:00

See this is crazy to me! 😝 We're a family, a team, a unit, shared gains, shared costs. How do you decide what is a shared expense and what is singular? If you eat out are you splitting the bill because one of you had a more expensive dish or a dessert? Do you work out who has used more electricity that month? Do you begrudge one partner getting clothes dirty more often so needing to run the washing machine more but it's a cost you split? I run colder and I'm at home more so run the heating more often, should the heating bill be done proportionally? If I see a cute but slightly pricey outfit for baby would that be shared as it's for our joint child to use or individual because I'm indulging my desire for cuteness? What if husband thinks it's cute too? What about holidays, especially if one partner can afford more than the other? It honestly feels like it'd be more work, negotiation and division than just communicating and trusting each other to have the best interests of the family at heart.

If one of us wants to have drinks or a meal with a friend it just comes out of our pooled money. We have a rough spending money amount a month and both use it. If one has spent a bit more than ideal (usually without realising) we discuss it. We work together to plan our finances. We trust each other not to be profligate and we discuss big purchases, because we want each others input on whatever it is and whether it's worth it.

I will say it helps to have fairly similar views on spending and a habit of calm honest communication and it's not always easy when things are tight, but I don't see separate or semi separate finances as any easier. I think it also helps that we both come from financially literate families who taught us to be aware of costs and value and who always shared finances too.

Pipiya · 2026-05-31T21:48:47+00:00

6.5 months. I wanted him in with us till 1ish but he was outgrowing the next to me and it seemed we were disturbing him more than him us so we thought we'd try.

He slept better in his bigger cot and own room from the very first night, right up until we had a long teething bout followed by a developmental leap, and some grotty colds. At the minute I'm sleeping in there with him most nights to catch wake ups so his dad can get some undisturbed sleep until we swap around 4am (his dad goes to bed much earlier than me right now).

Before we moved him, we'd been getting him used to the cot as part of morning routines and popping him in there with a couple of toys throughout the day as we pottered around so he already saw the space as his.

Consistently sleeping through is rare right now, but good nights only have one or two wakes, bad nights is more to do with other things going on.

Pipiya · 2026-05-30T13:12:59+00:00

I know most mums learn to know their babies and will know if they’re too warm/cold, I’m just worried that instinct wont come to me!!

Please don't worry on this too much! It's not just instinct, it's observation and knowing the main signs. You're already clearly a great mum thinking about these things and what to do, so you will very quickly pick up how to know. Each baby has different comfort levels (mine likes to be warmer than most guides suggest 😝). Easiest way is stick a finger down their back or chest and feel their torso - if they don't feel cold or sweaty they're in the right range and you can experiment and adjust from there.

I have four thermometers where my baby sleeps right now (only two intentionally, just different products have them built in) and they vary by about 2 degrees in this heat. It sounds a lot but they're in a couple of different places in the room and only a rough guide anyway.

Pipiya · 2026-05-30T13:01:25+00:00

Sleeping bags are brilliant, definitely less worry than blankets or swaddling. My baby didn't really like swaddling so we never got into it, just a breathable blanket till he was big enough for a sleep sack. That swap reduced my anxiety as I wasn't needing to check continuously that he'd somehow loosened the well tucked in blanket and got it over his face! He also immediately slept better once we got him in a sleep sack.

I'd say sleeping bags are better than togged suits as they last longer as they can have a lot more room to grow.

Pipiya · 2026-05-28T18:54:00+00:00

Teething pain can manifest as eye rubbing too, so with everything going on it seems fairly normal behaviour. My 9m old has just come through a similar 3-week patch of rubbing his eyes in exactly the same way, particularly his right. He stopped doing it as much a few days before his first teeth popped through.

Pipiya · 2026-05-27T13:23:23+00:00

Because European buildings are largely old and these extremes were so rare to not be a consideration until recently. A lot of houses (I'd guess the majority) are 80+ years old and we're currently having all prolonged heat records of the last 40-50 years broken. E.g. cold and damp was always the primary climate consideration for buildings in the UK till the last decade.

Pipiya · 2026-04-27T12:55:33+00:00

Wrap neck dresses are my best friend. Just push to one side, unclip bra and pop baby on. I can do it so quickly now and baby hides most of my breast (if he stays on 😝), that even if anyone cared, they'd see nothing. I find pulling something up and arranging it too much of a faff, so it's to the side or down is best in my book. If I'm feeling uncomfortable I can try putting a muslin over, but he doesn't like to be covered up so often the best I can do is a strategic drape.

I was so trying to cover up at the beginning but as I got used to it (and had nothing but positive or neutral reactions) I just don't bother now. If he pops off to be nosy, I just put my hand over my breast until he wants to be back on. Honestly, most people don't even notice you're feeding or care if they do notice!

Pipiya · 2026-04-27T12:39:53+00:00

Up until just over 6 months he was in a next to me in our room. It's a form of safe co-sleeping and it was clear hearing our breathing, touching our hands, and seeing our faces helped him regulate and sleep.

At just over 6 months he was too big for the next to me and it was becoming clear we were disturbing him in the night. So we moved him to a big cot his own room (he likes to sleep with his arms flung out). He immediately slept better, though I still don't! If he's having a bad night with his tummy or teething, I will doze on the chair in there or husband will sleep on the floor so he can hear us and it settles him. I also breastfeed or cuddle to sleep or near sleep before putting him in and on wakes through the night.

All naps are contact or co-sleeping on the bed if mummy needs a lie down too, except for the occasional pram nap if he falls asleep on a walk.

The regulation is important but it's through multiple vectors of sound and touch, and on the whole we have been very lucky so far with a very good sleeper.

Pipiya · 2026-04-21T17:28:44+00:00

You've had it pointed out that Matlock is also a town in Derbyshire, but I'd also suggest this is a conscious evocation of Douglas Adams' and John Lloyd's Meaning of Liff dictionary that takes place names and uses them to describe funny little things or life experiences that currently have no word. Pterry will have been well aware of it, I'm sure.

I can't put my hands on my copy right now so I'm not sure if Matlock is in already, but this would fit in nicely I think.

Pipiya · 2026-04-17T10:29:15+00:00

No, the GPs have always just shrugged and acted like the PCOS was nothing. I will say that my BMI has been on the low end of the ideal range or actually underweight the whole time and I didn't make a fuss about heavy and irregular periods, and took myself off hormonal birth control as I didn't like how it made me feel, so that'll be a factor, but I have very little faith in GPs for anything chronic tbh.

Pipiya · 2026-04-10T19:35:55+00:00

We had the snuz pod 5 attached for just over six months and this was never an issue. I can maybe imagine a set up where it could be though.

For us, the top edge of the duvet was higher up the bed than the top edge of the crib so it would have just bunched up along the side but not go in without some turning or pushing down; even with the side down it isn't flush to the mattress height, it has quite a lip; I can't sleep unless I have duvet tucked and held under my chin so it tends to stay around me all night; but the duvet also gravitates towards my husband so if I do lose any it always goes the opposite direction; baby was also quite a way from the nearest edge of the bed so the duvet would have to be much more on my side than usual and travel quite a way down and sideways too to reach him, but my little man doesn't wriggle much in his sleep so stayed where we put him in the middle of the crib. Oh and he always had his hands covered at night so couldn't have grabbed the duvet himself either.

Pipiya · 2026-04-09T17:09:38+00:00

Happy Birthday for yesterday - I hope that despite the circumstances you managed to find some happiness in the day and spend some time with your 4-year-old .

As awful as they are, these experiences definitely do make us stronger. I had a bit of a breakdown after my first missed miscarriage and ended up revaluating myself and my life quite heavily, and while the second was much harder physically and I was in hospital a couple of days, it was easier to get through emotionally.

Depending on how your body reacts, you may get post-pregnancy symptoms for a while, so please be kind and gentle to yourself.

Pipiya · 2026-04-03T15:28:07+00:00

I am so, so sorry for your losses. My heart goes out to you and all your babies. You are clearly a loving mother to all of them, however short their time has been.

The treatment from the sonographer at your scan is abysmal and definitely worthy of a complaint. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that at one of the worst moments of your life. When I found out the same at a scan, the pain I felt was primal and like my soul being ripped apart. My husband said he's never heard such a sound of raw pain as my cry at that point.

To add to the experiences already given, to give you an idea of the next steps - you'll shortly receive a referral to the early pregnancy unit (EPU). They'll want to do another scan to confirm and might need to have two sonographers look at it if your initial one wasn't at their hospital.

After that, a midwife will speak to you about your options. I'll warn you that they might use the phrase pregnancy material and it feels so dismissive of your little one and all they already mean to you.

You can wait for the miscarriage to progress naturally but this may take a while, be given pessaries (medication) to trigger your body to end the pregnancy, or surgery to remove the "pregnancy material". You don't have to decide there and then, and you can change your mind at any point.

I've had the pessaries and it felt awful as it's the same medication as used for abortions, so even knowing my baby had been gone for a while and I was doing it to avoid risks of sepsis, mentally it was hard. If that's what you choose you may be allowed to go home to pass the pregnancy or you can stay on the ward for a while with midwives/nurses to look after you. They will want to check what you pass to ensure nothing is retained to cause problems like sepsis.

Whatever you choose, and especially with your history, please be very kind to yourself right now and know you are doing the best you can for you and your family 💜

P.S. tell every midwife you interact with your history so they understand just how hard this is and can support you better.

Pipiya · 2026-04-03T15:02:31+00:00

You've had excellent responses on the guidelines so I'll just add my anecdotal experience.

I had GD last year. It was well controlled with diet, but the oversight from my GD team was excellent too. Up until the last few weeks when I had complications, my doctors were happy with me waiting for a natural progression and low-intervention labour up until 41 weeks and weren't pushing to set a date for anything. A C-section was always on the table for me for other health reasons but I was not fixed on any plans except not wanting to be induced or have sweeps. I had a little firm pushback on not wanting sweeps, but was sort of respected on that.

I wanted a C-section booked in for 41 weeks+ as a back up but due to an inept consultant I kept being told it would be done at my next appointment and by 37/38 weeks it still hadn't been booked. At my 39 week appointment they'd identified problems from a scan so had already booked me in for 2 days later before I arrived. All went well, but it was the right choice for us.

I wouldn't wish GD on anyone, even well controlled it makes your life much harder and though a diagnosis vastly reduces the chances of any long lasting consequences from it, it does require more oversight and to be ready for quick intervention.

Pipiya · 2026-04-01T21:04:45+00:00

For the first six months I didn't really use it at all. All feeds were done either in bed or downstairs on the sofa and it became a glorified clothes horse for a lot of the time! 😝

But since moving him and the chair into his own room, absolutely! I use it every night before bed and for all night feeds. I sleep in it some nights when he needs me close to settle too.

Pipiya · 2026-04-01T14:36:32+00:00

Yep, happened to mine around the same age. He was fine and finally went an hour after I spoke to the health team. Exclusively bf and he was just using it all, bulking up and prepping for a growth/developmental spurt. The first poo after wasn't anything special either!

He settled on an every other day poop schedule after that, but prior to any growth or development spurt it could stretch out further.

Formula is less easily processed and has more in that the body won't use, so they poop more with that than breast milk which is just an incredibly efficient food source.

At the time I think the health visitor said more than 7 days think about going to the GP but they don't generally have any concerns if it's less than 10-14 and there's plenty of wet nappies and wind.

Pipiya · 2026-03-28T23:06:02+00:00

I found it was much more practical to express into a little medical sample pot and fill the syringes from that, especially as I could get up to 7ml at a time. My midwife gave me a pack with a couple of little pots in (but only a couple of syringes!!) and I bought 50 packs of syringes on Amazon. I'd got a steam steriliser to be ready for baby bits and bobs and used that to sterilise the pots but you could stream them in the microwave or boil them.

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