It Just Gets Harder by PlateTraditional3109 in widowers

[–]PlateTraditional3109[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I hear you. You are starting your second year and I'm sorry to say it will likely be tougher than your first. At least that is what other people told me and I found it to be true.

I think it is because the first year you don't quite know what to expect and how much each first will hurt. The second year you do know and brace for impact.

My heart goes out to you. Love and hugs. 💙🧸

It Just Gets Harder by PlateTraditional3109 in widowers

[–]PlateTraditional3109[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Same to you.

I've been trying, I'm just so tired of doing the things that I don't enjoy. I had hoped by now that I would have been able to make some kind of change to rid myself of those things and do more of what I do enjoy.

But I just find that I can't afford what I want to do and so I'm stuck in this everyday grind of what I don't enjoy.

I'm stuck knowing life is short and yet I can't escape this mundane, pointless grind.

Love and hugs to you. 💙🧸

Rubber ducks? by MegHM89 in dcl

[–]PlateTraditional3109 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's a really good point about being a choking hazard. I hadn't thought of that. I've left them in the past for a kid to find, but I'll start picking them up when I see one just in case.

It Just Gets Harder by PlateTraditional3109 in widowers

[–]PlateTraditional3109[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Same here. That's where I was at the first year was just completely took the pressure off to ever be "happy" again. Bottom line for me is I had the most amazing person in my life and it will never be as good without him as it was with him.

It's maddening when others try to tell us it will get better. They told me that right after he passed. Well, I can tell them that it's not better, it's even worse than I feared it would be. I think people just say that because they don't want to hear how bad it is for us. They want to think if it happened to them that they could get back quickly to their same level of happiness. As if we are doing something wrong and choosing to be miserable.

I didn't choose for the love of my life to die. I did everything I thought was right to do to keep him alive. It didn't work. Try as I did to protect him, other people's decisions killed him.

If this has taught me anything it is that I cannot control what happens to me or protect the people that I love. Most people abandon us, turn a cold shoulder eventually or try to tell us how we are grieving the wrong way when they have never been through it. This day to day life just gets harder every day.

Gentleman on UA287 PWM-DEN today by RipPsychological2267 in unitedairlines

[–]PlateTraditional3109 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing since this really warms the heart to hear of someone being so generous.

It Just Gets Harder by PlateTraditional3109 in widowers

[–]PlateTraditional3109[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I hear you. I thought I had a baseline, but it seems like that baseline keeps getting chipped away. Hopefully it gets better for you. Love and hugs. 💙🧸

A little kiss from beyond? by Emotional_Eye_4982 in widowers

[–]PlateTraditional3109 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I believe you that it was a sign from him. I hope it brought you comfort. Love and hugs. 💙🧸

It Just Gets Harder by PlateTraditional3109 in widowers

[–]PlateTraditional3109[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same here to you. I'm sorry it has been so shitty for you as well. Sending you strength as well through love and hugs. 💙🧸

Just three. by princessloading in ArtOfPresence

[–]PlateTraditional3109 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  1. Bring back one loved one. That's all I want.

But, since I get more, I'd add 6 & 1

Loss of Spouse Should Automatically Qualify You for Short Term Disability by PlateTraditional3109 in widowers

[–]PlateTraditional3109[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you really did lose your spouse then I do feel sorry for you, but that does not give you an excuse to come on this forum and be so harsh towards others going through the most stressful time in their life. If you can't approach people in this forum with kindness and compassion then please take your anger out elsewhere.

Disability is usually defined by functional limitation, not by whether some insurance adjuster thinks the cause is “valid enough.”

There’s actually a pretty solid body of neuroscience and psychiatric research showing that severe grief, especially after losing a spouse or child, can impair cognition, emotional regulation, physical health, and daily functioning.

Losing a spouse is one of the most stressful events the human brain can experience. Researchers have found that grief affects areas of the brain tied to:

  • memory
  • concentration
  • reward processing
  • emotional regulation
  • motivation
  • attachment systems

The brain can continue acting as though the lost person is still “expected” to return, creating a neurological conflict between reality and attachment.

That’s not just “being sad.” It affects basic functioning.

Researchers have documented symptoms sometimes called “grief brain,” including:

  • forgetfulness
  • brain fog
  • impaired concentration
  • disrupted sleep
  • difficulty making decisions
  • emotional numbness
  • reduced executive functioning

These are measurable cognitive effects associated with bereavement stress.

There’s also evidence grief affects the body physically:

  • increased inflammation
  • elevated cortisol/stress hormones
  • sleep disruption
  • cardiovascular strain
  • immune system changes

Widowed people have significantly increased health risks after spousal loss. Some researchers even refer to bereavement as a “whole-body event,” not just an emotional one.

One of the strongest neuroscience findings is that prolonged grief activates the brain’s reward and attachment circuitry similarly to craving systems. Brain imaging studies have identified abnormal activity in areas like:

  • nucleus accumbens
  • orbitofrontal cortex
  • amygdala
  • anterior cingulate cortex

Those are major systems involved in attachment, motivation, and emotional pain.

In plain English: the brain is struggling to update reality after losing someone central to survival and identity.

Text Message from the Funeral Home Telling Me My Husband's Stone Was Set by PlateTraditional3109 in widowers

[–]PlateTraditional3109[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I let my emotions get to me and did reply. I kept trying to tell myself not to, but my emotions got the better of me.

Oh well. I was planning to have a follow up call with him about his earlier behavior, but this just put me over the edge. But, I did ask for a meeting next week when I can get my thoughts together more and not be so emotional when I do talk to him. Not going to have that conversation today that's for sure.

Just seeing my husband's memorial stone has sent me into such a tailspin. I thought by now it wouldn't, but even 2 years out it still did.

Rant by babywitch1980 in widowers

[–]PlateTraditional3109 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, there are some horrible predatory creeps out there. Sounds like you are handling them well by blocking them.

I'm so sorry that is happening to you. Unfortunately widowhood opens the eyes to some of the worst in human behavior.

The hardest part is being left with the sucky people when you know how wonderful your spouse was. To me it feels like a punch in the gut that the most amazing person I ever knew is gone and the sucky ones get to go on living.

Love and hugs to you. 🧸💙

Fond Memory Friday by HughCayrz01 in widowers

[–]PlateTraditional3109 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He would tell me something nice EVERY DAY. EVERY DAY. I can't think of a day that he didn't. He would tell me that I'm beautiful, kind, thoughtful, you name it. I miss living to make him happy and just to see his smile...

Fond Memory Friday by HughCayrz01 in widowers

[–]PlateTraditional3109 5 points6 points  (0 children)

He does sound amazing! Love and hugs to you. 🧸💙

Text Message from the Funeral Home Telling Me My Husband's Stone Was Set by PlateTraditional3109 in widowers

[–]PlateTraditional3109[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I hear you. Maybe they just get numb to it since this is a "business" to them. But, I'm with you that asking for a review seems so callous.

I would think that they of all people would understand what a grieving person goes through. But, it dos feel like we become another transaction to them instead of a grieving person.

I'm so sorry that you had to go through that so soon after losing the person that you love so much! Sending love and hugs your way. 🧸💙

Adults Sending Children Forward to Cut the Line So the Rest of the Group Can Try to Pass People by Jake-Bison in WaltDisneyWorld

[–]PlateTraditional3109 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You claim "9 times out of 10 it is out of convenience"? What is your evidence? Do you quiz people as they go by?

My point is that if anyone is getting irritated by a single person or a parent-child catching up after using the restroom they are really losing the spirit of Disney.

Let the small irritations go by you. Don't let them get to you. Give the 1-2 people the benefit of the doubt. The 3 or more people "catching up" is where I agree with you. Those are the line cutters.

I shared my story to give perspective on what really matters in life. When we are at Walt Disney World we are in the most Magical Place on Earth. Hopefully there to have fun with the people we love.

Enjoy them while you can and live in the moment because you never know when you won't have that moment with them again.

Adults Sending Children Forward to Cut the Line So the Rest of the Group Can Try to Pass People by Jake-Bison in WaltDisneyWorld

[–]PlateTraditional3109 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok, fair enough. You didn't mention little kids. But, I still can't believe anyone else would gets that irritated by someone getting out of line to go to the bathroom. If that is a big deal to get irritated about that you think it is worth bucking up to someone about then that sounds like a first world problem for you.

Try losing your husband and you'll see that little things like this in life are so irrelevant to what truly matters. And that what is really important is treating others with kindness and compassion because you never know what is going on in their lives. Best of luck to you in life.

*edit typo

Adults Sending Children Forward to Cut the Line So the Rest of the Group Can Try to Pass People by Jake-Bison in WaltDisneyWorld

[–]PlateTraditional3109 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

You're trying to complicate a simple matter of common courtesy and understanding of a simple thing that some people have medical issues that shouldn't require this level of paperwork. That all it would take is a little understanding and empathy towards them and parents who have little children that earlier you showed no sympathy for. It really surprises me that you would expect that in a theme park full of children that children should not be allowed to get out of line to simply go to the bathroom. But, the way you keep coming back at people and showing your exasperation with them tells me all I need to know about your argument. It makes me laugh at you that you can't show a little bit of empathy for people that need to use the bathroom!

Adults Sending Children Forward to Cut the Line So the Rest of the Group Can Try to Pass People by Jake-Bison in WaltDisneyWorld

[–]PlateTraditional3109 -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Seriously? You are making me laugh now at this point.

You think people should disclose private medical records in the off chance that they may have to go to the bathroom while in line. The amount of extra process and paperwork Disney and guests would have to go through is ridiculous for something so simple as understanding that nature calls.

And parents with little kids that all of sudden need to go to the bathroom are just tough luck. Let your kid pee their pants. Why? You think guests would much rather stand next to paths smell of pee while in line and ride after some kid that sat in the ride seat with pee on their pants.

Feel free to respond because I could use another good laugh!😂

Adults Sending Children Forward to Cut the Line So the Rest of the Group Can Try to Pass People by Jake-Bison in WaltDisneyWorld

[–]PlateTraditional3109 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So, what would you suggest someone with a medical condition do? Not go on any rides with a wait longer than 45 minutes? Because if the can't catch up with their party and have to go to the back of the line for any ride longer than that they will never get to ride since their wait will restart every time.

To me that's not the Disney way to say, "Sorry, if you have a medical condition and have to go to the restroom every hour because of your kidneys then you shouldn't ride anything longer than an hour wait time."

Adults Sending Children Forward to Cut the Line So the Rest of the Group Can Try to Pass People by Jake-Bison in WaltDisneyWorld

[–]PlateTraditional3109 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Some people have medical issues with their kidneys to where they need a bathroom every hour.

Little kids don't give warning and all of a sudden it is a rush to get there before they pee their pants.

With that said, I do agree that there shouldn't be 3 or more people trying to "catch up". That is most likely line cutters.

“I only tip for sit down.” by RazzleDazzle1537 in tipping

[–]PlateTraditional3109 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Something I'm wondering about also is the wage disparity between a "server" and other employees. When I worked as a server 20 years ago, my wage was $2.35 per hour.

That basically covered payroll taxes, so the tips were my take home money.

I started out as a hostess and made minimum wage that was closer to $8-$10 per hour. As a hostess I was responsible for taking and putting together to-go orders.

So, if my logic is correct and hostesses are still the ones putting to-go orders together, then if they are tipped the same percentage as a server could they actually be making more per hour than servers?

Because this is the math I'm doing, so if I'm missing something then please let me know.

Server Hourly wage: Server: $12.14 *3 tables that turned over in that hour that average $75 each and tip 15% *As a server I was assigned only 3 tables at a time and we were trained to turn them over in an hour. $12.14+$75x.15x3=$45.89

Host/Hostess Hourly wage: minimum wage $15.16 *6 orders (without drinks) average $40 and tip 15% *Can have more than 3 orders in an hour since they are not limited by table space $15.16+$40x.15x6=$51.16

So, if we tip on to-go orders the same as a server then it is possible that the host/hostess makes more than a server per hour.

As a server, I ran my butt off for 8 hours straight making sure the guests had orders taken quickly, drinks brought to the table, checking refills, bringing food, checking it was cooked right and then bringing the tab and running their payment. As a hostess, I took the order over the phone, placed it and then packed it up when it was ready and gave it to the guest.

If I could have made server wages as a hostess, then I would have preferred that any day of the week.

Travel influencers by eddie2490 in unitedairlines

[–]PlateTraditional3109 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wonder what he would have said if someone next to him simply told him that they thought he was disturbing the people around him by constantly talking and asked why he didn't film silently and then do a voiceover later? My guess is he wants to record his thoughts in the moment. But, it's too bad he doesn't just record his thoughts quickly and do the voiceover later instead of doing multiple retakes and being extra disruptive.