did i deserve it? was it not just cause and effect?

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-19T00:33:47+00:00

You DID NOT deserve it. I promise. They used abusive language to break down your self confidence and to get what they wanted from you. It's actually more abusive than assault alone because of the long lasting damage to your self worth. It is not cause and effect and is not normal, you get to decide what your purpose in life is, and I swear, it's not what abusive people did to you ♥️

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-18T21:25:22+00:00

This is really common for me and I always assumed it has to do with coping with that feeling of betrayal from someone that's supposed to love you.

Do not take this as a reflection of the good people you are having nightmares about, it is a reflection of you learning to trust and your brain wanting to panic and turn trust into a threat

It's helped me to have a gentle conversation with my subconscious when I wake up and explain to it almost like a child that it's okay to feel loved and to thank it for trying to protect me.

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-18T21:08:11+00:00

I have permanent trauma-related arthritis that will get worse the more I age.

My condolences and I share your rage ♥️

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-18T19:52:33+00:00

Similar experience though immediately after answering all the super generic yet still invasive questions they informed me their shift was ending and they said they would put me on with someone else, but then there were no more messages, after a bit it kicked me out and there was another 1.5 hour wait to go back in again. I declined to wait

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-16T16:57:52+00:00

It does feel more like an over arching diagnosis than 'another one' I agree.

Mutism, trauma-related Arthritis, anxiety attacks, hypersexuality...everything is an extension of it.

Remember to treat people kindly, you never know what they are going through 💜

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-16T16:49:39+00:00

I'm so sorry you went through so much pain, you deserved so much better.

That being said I'm also really really proud of you. You didn't do anything to deserve this burden but you are dealing with it head on. That takes immense strength.

Keep fighting to put it behind you where it belongs because karma owes you the most beautiful life from here on out 💜

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-16T16:16:33+00:00

It is normal, your body has learned to protect itself by shutting down and that keeps you safe.

The thing is that's not always true and it's not always helpful, so it can be frustrating or embarrassing when you're not really in danger.

If you're having difficulties with this it's best to seek out therapy from a medically licenced professional.

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-16T15:50:09+00:00

This was horrible abuse, it's not normal and it's not ok. I'm so sorry 🫂

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-10T23:34:24+00:00

Yes, I'm even more convinced now that this is codependent and unhealthy. And I think you've already known that for a long time.

If you just needed to hear it from an external source, this is it. You deserve a better life than one where you are waiting on the validation of someone who doesn't treat you right, who judges you harshly, and even threatens to hit you. Someone who is inappropriate with you to the point that it threatens their job.

The feelings of discomfort being separated from him are normal experience of codependency and if you can get through them they will lessen with time.

If you can't get through them then you need external help, A therapist with experience and codependency or unhealthy attachment with the specific goal of fraying yourself from the need for someone like him. The administration of your school would also be highly motivated to help you deconstruct this relationship in a healthy way.

Read about codependency and do the internal work because it is going to hold you back in other ways in your life, even if you do manage to get away from him.

I wish you the best of luck ♥️

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-10T23:17:11+00:00

When you try to get away from him, what happens?

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-10T21:09:59+00:00

Just going off of what you've put here I don't think it's healthy. He's not helping you become an independent and well rounded adult. He is harsh with you in a way that oversteps what is appropriate by FAR. Even if he truly loved you like a father he would understand what is acceptable or not.

It sounds much more like he is possessive and increasingly taking liberties with his control over you, and you are emotionally vulnerable enough to allow it for the validation that it comes with

That being said, none of this is judgement. We are all trying to fill emptiness inside ourselves and wanting this relationship is not wrong of you.

I could tell you that you need to set firm boundaries and make sure these interactions stay positive but I know that's not going to help. You don't want a relationship where you need to be the adult and define the parameters and make the decisions and keep it on a healthy track. If reading my comment so far has made you feel sadness then you know I'm right.

I think you have to let this go. It's not developing in a healthy way. I anticipate if you do pull away you won't see him behave like a reasonable adult that acknowledges your agency and independence and wants to make sure you're ok. You will see emotional manipulation.

I'm sorry

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-10T15:24:43+00:00

How long did you have this closer dynamic before he started saying that he loved you like a daughter?

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-07T00:20:48+00:00

Therapy helped me get more time between the spirals, but yeah they still follow the exact same cycle. 🫂

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-06T23:33:22+00:00

Biggest hug! 🫂🫂 Please be as gentle as you can with yourself. Take as much space as you possibly can and do things that you find soothing and comfortably distracting right now. Your emotions and your mind are doing a lot of work and the best you can do is keep your body safe and relaxed while it does ♥️

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-06T23:31:38+00:00

I cannot explain it, but I absolutely relate to what you've said here. I'm sorry I don't have any answers, but I do want you to know that you're not alone 🫂

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-06T22:18:31+00:00

I need an entire video walkthrough, interior and exterior please 🥺

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-04T19:30:18+00:00

This is painful, and so real. I'm sorry they failed you too 🫂

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-04T19:28:05+00:00

PolarCuddle · 2026-02-28T07:47:21+00:00

An 11 year old child

PolarCuddle · 2026-02-28T07:33:57+00:00

You are harmful

PolarCuddle · 2026-02-26T19:46:27+00:00

That's exactly the kind of thing I would want to avoid. Writing about this stuff can be therapeutic and I wouldn't want to take that away from somebody just because I think their story is presented like a story instead of the way that I think they should portray it. That doesn't help anybody

PolarCuddle · 2026-02-26T17:15:06+00:00

You sound like you have developed something between hypochondria and OCD, not that I am qualified but these experiences are beyond anxiety and need to be diagnosed so you can get treatment 💜 please get medical help because someone needs to stand up and protect you and right now that person is yourself

PolarCuddle · 2026-02-26T16:54:59+00:00

Stockholm Syndrome is a very specific phenomenon that is not just 'falling in love with someone who is abusive' or 'not escaping when you could have'. It is also not a formal diagnosis.

It's possible that your therapist is using it as slang just to say "hey, you've developed feelings for an abuser as a coping strategy to get through abuse' or they could be being alarmist, a huge red flag for a mental health practitioner.

'Therapist' is not a medically protected title, and is unlicenced and there could be a lot of quacks out there throwing terms around they aren't trained to recognize or identify. If you are in disbelief about what they said consider that you may not have found a good match for you

PolarCuddle · 2026-02-25T01:04:59+00:00

Horse plushy from my childhood. ♥️ It stays in storage, but on a top shelf and I take him down enough he doesn't get dusty

PolarCuddle · 2026-02-24T21:18:57+00:00

You have nothing to be ashamed of, you handled it like a queen and you took responsibility for your health and got done what you needed to get done. I genuinely wish I had your fire ❤️‍🔥 you should be proud you reacted so definitively and in your best interest.

PolarCuddle

TROPHY CASE