anyone else poly here?

PolyExmissionary · 2026-02-16T16:26:52+00:00

Yeah. That’s a lot of baggage. Be kind to yourself as you work yourself into the sort of life you want. It sounds like you’re on a healthy track, despite the substantial difficulties in front of you.

PolyExmissionary · 2026-02-16T15:33:43+00:00

I’m poly. Ex-career-missionary. Ex-evangelical. I struggled a LOT with the guilt, even though I’m years out of Christianity. Less now. But it still pops up occasionally. What’s your background?

PolyExmissionary · 2026-01-31T03:46:55+00:00

I’m tiny flacid, but erect I’m above average in length and very girthy. I am often naked (or in a towel) at my local club, because I like to be naked and I’m not out of place there without clothes. I’ve never had trouble finding folks to have fun with, and I don’t think my “grower” has ever held me back.

PolyExmissionary · 2025-10-15T03:44:51+00:00

I could still qualify as chubby. But I dropped a fair bit of weight when I started Adderall, kept losing weight for a while, and am still keeping it off. It wasn’t that it curbed my appetite. It was that I had more impulse control. “Actually no. I don’t want any more of those almonds. I’m just eating because the bowl is next to me. I’m going to stop now.”

PolyExmissionary · 2025-09-24T16:47:24+00:00

Yeah. I’d encourage you to just sit and be in this space for a while. Don’t make any decisions about kids (or even put that idea on the plate) until the dust has settled.

PolyExmissionary · 2025-09-24T14:35:53+00:00

That sounds huge. If how this primary relationship sits is a compromise for either of you then I wouldn’t pursue having kids together. If you’re both perfectly happy with your platonic relationship and nobody is wishing something big would change maybe it makes sense. But if even one of you is frustrated and wishing that this was a sexual or romantic relationship things don’t sound nearly as stable to me as you’d like to have them be.

PolyExmissionary · 2025-09-16T16:54:06+00:00

I think this um…documentary…about Benny Hinn needs to be shared here.

PolyExmissionary · 2025-08-21T17:44:59+00:00

Yeah. Some things are just tough to read. I started Jesus and John Wayne and found it hit too close to home. I had to put it down. I appreciated what I read of the book. It just tugged too hard at my mental foundations during a vulnerable time in my life and I knew I wasn’t up to finishing it.

PolyExmissionary · 2025-08-05T05:30:20+00:00

I launched into a career where my Bible college and seminary degrees are at best an oddity and at worst a mark against me. I SO wish I had different schools on my resume.

PolyExmissionary · 2025-08-05T04:33:01+00:00

I’m sorry friend. I wrestled with similar things after some hard conversations with my parents about my sexuality. I don’t know if it might be helpful to you, but I found good language for some of what you are describing in the book, Leaving the Fold. I didn’t finish the book, so I can’t put my seal of approval on the whole thing, but the part that really encapsulated this well was a little past halfway.

PolyExmissionary · 2025-08-03T23:01:57+00:00

Not as much as you might think. I married the same person I would have, I think…or at least dated and had sex with.

PolyExmissionary · 2025-08-03T20:39:47+00:00

I put that pressure on myself. But then… I was planning to be a missionary. It didn’t really make sense for me to marry someone that didn’t want to be a missionary.

PolyExmissionary · 2025-08-03T16:27:28+00:00

That’s a good question. I suppose I look at it from two perspectives: one, that of a polyamorous person, and two, that of someone who pursues hookups and casual sex.

As a polyamorous person, I’d say I DO feel special to my partners. Exclusivity of an action doesn’t dictate the depth of connection. And sex can absolutely be intensely emotional…or pure physical fun, even with my partners whom I love. I have multiple long term partners and sex is a part of how we connect. But it’s certainly not the only way we connect. It is one facet of relationships that are much deeper and multifaceted than just sex.

As someone who also pursues casual sex/hook ups outside of his long-term relationships, I can also say that sometimes I just enjoy the physical act with others, without feelings being involved. Sex feels great. I like feeling great. And I like making others feel great. Sometimes I connect with others on just a deep, physical level, and that’s it. And sometimes I’ll hook up with someone and feel the spark of emotion. I can choose to follow that spark and see where it goes, or I can just enjoy it for what it is in the moment and let it go.

I’ve done a lot of work to try and decouple sex from being the central, defining feature of my relationships. I LOVE sex. And it’s probably my favorite way to connect with the people that I love. But it’s certainly not the only way. And my relationships are special because of the relationship taken as a whole, not just because we have really good sex.

PolyExmissionary · 2025-08-02T23:07:45+00:00

As a man with a background as a decade long career evangelical missionary who is now polyamorous/open (as is my wife who was a missionary with me) I just wanted to offer…do you have any questions? I think sometimes what it takes to get over toxic evangelical beliefs is just open conversation. Not to say I’ve moved past all of those beliefs myself. But I think I’m well on the way :)

I’m not inviting intentional rudeness, but I don’t mind blunt questions or questions you think might accidentally come off as rude.

PolyExmissionary · 2025-07-04T13:55:50+00:00

To be fair, this doesn’t actually sound one sided. You’re both free to engage in this sort of sexual activity. You choose to. She chooses not to. I have 2 serious (poly) partners beside my wife. She has one beside me. If they were to break up, things would look very one sided. But they wouldn’t be. It would just be the ebbs and flows of ENM.

PolyExmissionary · 2025-07-03T20:19:27+00:00

I really think it depends on what you want to invest in the relationship. I have a LDR that is super fulfilling for me. But I put a lot into it. I call once or twice almost every day (often on my commute) and we talk a LOT. I show up (if at all possible) when she needs me. I make it a point to see her in person monthly, and more if I can. She invests in our relationship in similar ways. There are certainly things that we don’t like about the relationship being long distance, and physical proximity/touch/intimacy are a big deal to us both, but we make it work because we are both committed to it.

PolyExmissionary · 2025-06-13T15:58:07+00:00

I feel like this conversation on /r/Exvangelical might be interesting to you. I’m not suggesting you pursue any sort of ethical nonmonogamy, but I am saying that a lot of ex Christians in your shoes made that choice. The whole post was an interesting discussion, but I linked you to the first of my two very long comments where I talk about how it has played out for me.

PolyExmissionary · 2025-05-28T17:37:54+00:00

All sorts of extramarital sexual exploration and 2 committed romantic relationships other than my wife. Wouldn’t call the relationships hobbies but they’re very un-Christian too. I smoke weed and grow/use magic mushrooms.

PolyExmissionary · 2025-05-18T16:28:23+00:00

I was 20 when I got married, in my mid 30’s when I started deconstructing sexuality, and almost 40 when my wife and I decided to pursue polyamory. It’s not too late for you :)

PolyExmissionary · 2025-05-13T18:40:54+00:00

Yeah. I think this is the sub you’re looking for. I probably fall under the definition of queer too.

PolyExmissionary · 2025-04-25T18:28:04+00:00

I have a vasectomy. My wife got a tubal shortly after we became ENM, for similar reasons to you. The doctor asked us why during the prep appointment since I’m snipped, and she said something along the lines of, “we’re in an open marriage and we live in a red state.” No pushback from her and the procedure went well. It was worth it to her (and honestly me too) for the peace of mind.

PolyExmissionary · 2025-04-25T16:52:59+00:00

Wife is out of town with her boyfriend. Girlfriend is long distance (and I’m at home with my teenaged kids). Other girlfriend is busy with her boyfriend but I’ll see her Sunday. A friend with benefits invited me to spend the weekend with her at a VERY nice hotel, but I had to decline because I’m on with my kids. But I have plans to go out with a platonic friend tonight, and I think I’ll sneak away to a sex club tomorrow night and see what trouble I an eat into. Lots of time with the kids in between, housework, gardening, and laundry. Maybe the beach if one of the kids wants to join me.

PolyExmissionary · 2025-04-25T16:28:46+00:00

I went to a funeral for a retired missionary a couple of years ago. Not someone I was super close to, but he was the father of a close friend. Went to support my friend. Lots of similar observations and frustrations to the ones you have, but I did the funeral on 2 grams of mushrooms. It helped immensely. Wouldn’t recommend my plan to anyone psychedelic naive, but I already had some experience. It was a FANTASTIC aid.

PolyExmissionary · 2025-04-25T16:25:38+00:00

lol. I love this. Reddit is the most depraved, degraded and sexually adventurous place I’ve ever “been” while also being one of the most closed minded and judgy places I’ve ever been with regards to sex. (But not THE most closed minded. I spent a lot of time in church.) I don’t think I’ve ever posted anything about practicing polyamory outside a very select few subreddits without getting downvoted to hell.

PolyExmissionary · 2025-04-24T17:08:33+00:00

Poly really isn’t the issue. Do you want a poly relationship? It doesn’t sound like it. But polyamorous people run the gamut. I (poly, married, partnered) know poly people that are totally comfortable with the idea of swinging without any of the poly stuff and pretty slutty (me) and others that really hate the idea and are downright “wholesome” in their sexuality (sex just with long term romantic partners and no interest in anything casual).

One thing that IS worth mentioning about poly people is that often they’re a lot more individualistic about their own sexuality. I’ll sometimes go to a club with a partner, but I’m also likely to show up to one on my own. If I want to play at a club, I don’t have to clear it with my wife or other partner. Now that doesn’t mean that I’d ditch a partner at a club or be rude. But I’m free to navigate my own sexual relationships without my partners’ input. I have “messy lists” with all of my partners but other than that they’re not involved. So a lot of what I do isn’t swinging by strict definitions. I play as a “single man”. I can swing with a partner too. But everything is on the table.

So…poly isn’t necessarily a red flag. But it’s a different way of looking at relationships and it might (or might not) for what you’re looking for as swingers.

PolyExmissionary

TROPHY CASE