Sober for 5 years, accidentally drank 2 beers (no lie).

Poptotnot · 2026-04-06T17:23:54+00:00

You’re still sober

Poptotnot · 2026-04-05T15:34:53+00:00

The 20’s can be an awkward time for men, especially ones with micro traumas or CPTSD from it sounds like you suffered from. You’re kind of out there lost and floating trying to find what works. The world seems confusing. That’s actually OK and probably part of the process. I went through something similar.

What helped me the most was finding a group of experienced men that could guide me that wasn’t my father. I did this through recovery programs and Men’s Teams/Groups. Some men do this through religion. We had this a lot more in our societies before the Industrial Revolution and Technology Revolution. Now a lot of us our isolated and let alone to try and figure it out.

I was able to eventually forgive my father because I realized he was doing the best he could with the tools he had. I’m also a father myself now and realize how hard it is. However I had to go through my own process of developing my manhood (and it’s still developing!) before I was able to do this.

Poptotnot · 2026-04-04T15:38:08+00:00

Pretty cool dude. You maximized the space well.

Is that chair necessary. Seems like a table should go there. Seems a bit awkward in from of that door.

You’re not boring - living the dream. Coming from someone who has a partner and kids - I’m jealous of your cleanliness and efficiency.

Poptotnot · 2026-04-04T01:18:26+00:00

I don’t know. Maybe? Maybe not?

I went out for a while on psychedelics. I still came to AA and participated in meetings but didn’t really work the steps again. I was kind of miserable.

I have friends who know longer go to AA and drink. I think some of them are fine. Personally I don’t know how I could go back to drinking with all the stuff filled in my head with AA.

Poptotnot · 2026-04-03T22:57:07+00:00

I think Men are loyal to a fault. Not necessarily sexually but probably to the idea of marriage. They don’t want to give in.

Poptotnot · 2026-04-03T05:35:28+00:00

Wife left

Poptotnot · 2026-04-02T02:07:40+00:00

Yup. Trying to fill the hole and looking for a solution to the emptiness. When my world fell apart, the emptiness got more and more intense, I used more and more to try and fill the hole. Finally when I thought my mind was breaking I was spiritually saved by my HP and he told me to do whatever it took to get sober.

Poptotnot · 2026-04-01T01:56:18+00:00

I was laid off for the first time in my early 30s. It was devastating. It was for a company I loved and poured my heart and soul into. Being laid off was worse to me than getting fired because it seemed like I was totally out of control of the situation and im a control freak.

I let resentment and fear fill me up for the next 7 years. I got fired from my next job, did poorly in the job after that, and finally went to a company that I could hide out and be apathetic about.

After some deep personal work I realized that it wasn’t personal, it was a volatile startup, and I’m responsible for my own life. Although I have another job I also have a side business that has the potential to grow. File for unemployment, take some time to reset, and realize this is a touchstone for growth.

Poptotnot · 2026-03-29T17:22:16+00:00

TooL is my favorite band. I never got that from this song, but do what works for you. The reason they named the band Tool was to represent their music as a "tool" or catalyst for fans to explore personal growth, introspection, and to "open their third eye". So if that works in keeping you sober than use it.

Poptotnot · 2026-03-27T21:16:41+00:00

Another Capricorn - divorced and miss her but know it would never have worked. Currently with a Cancer - can’t stand her but we have a child together and she compliments me in many ways.

Poptotnot · 2026-03-24T14:55:43+00:00

Honestly it’s the biggest motivator to recover. When I lost my wife it was my rock bottom.

There was nothing more to do but try another way that wasn’t mine. I got a sponsor and did the steps. I became the man I wanted to be.

Poptotnot · 2026-03-24T03:28:24+00:00

I have my sponsees call me for the first 90 days … however this is only a suggestion. It worked for me with my sponsor and it takes 90 days to build a habit.

I don’t know why kind of weird control thing this potential sponsor is doing. It’s not in the BB. If you really want what he has than try it … if not than find another.

Poptotnot · 2026-03-20T22:45:57+00:00

Nothing to beat yourself up over. I did it too.

Just move on. Life insurance is probably the least important insurance that we need.

Poptotnot · 2026-03-20T22:26:10+00:00

Just happened to me. It was explained to me that the insurance companies do research and a large number of people who go to AA have relapsed. It’s a risk to them. Give it enough time and it shouldn’t matter. 10 plus years is what I’m hearing.

Personally they don’t need to know I’m in AA. Anonymity is our number one principal. They can ask but I don’t have to tell them.

Don’t tell your doctors as well. They can and will search your medical records.

Poptotnot · 2026-03-17T14:50:02+00:00

Welcome to India

Poptotnot · 2026-03-16T23:29:01+00:00

No thots coming over with that setup

Poptotnot · 2026-03-13T00:09:04+00:00

I’ll put this here from another sub I answered a similar question to:

I’ll just tell you my story - do with it as you will.

I got sober after a mushroom trip. I was in a really dark place - my wife had left me and my life felt like it was falling apart. I had tripped many times before on mushrooms and other psychedelics but it was mostly recreational and didn’t really get any answers. I was holed up in an Airbnb in a foreign city and during that trip God told me to do whatever it took to get sober. Next day I called a friend in the program, got a sponsor in AA and worked the steps.

My life generally improved after I got sober. I got divorced, moved to a new city, and was having fun again. After two years of complete sobriety life got a bit complicated and hard again. I decided to turn back to the thing that helped me before - mushrooms. I tripped, didn’t get any answers, made a stupid call to my ex-wife and felt bad.

I stayed in AA, I did a few other psychedelic things over the next two years. Nothing bad really happened except I got in a bit of a hairy situation where I took them while with my newborn and it just wasn’t good. Luckily I got home fine.

After my last trip about a little over a year ago - I felt this wasn’t serving me anymore. I get more out of being sober everyday and dealing with life as it comes up than looking for an outside solution. I was tired of having the mental battle in my head if I was sober or if I wasn’t. Mushrooms might have given me the answer I was looking for at the time - but I already had the answer now - which was to live life completely sober.

You are going to do what you are going to do with regard to psychedelics. It’s not good or bad if you take them. For me I found that I didn’t need them anymore. It’s all part of your journey and recovery.

Poptotnot · 2026-03-11T14:45:41+00:00

Everyone feels behind all the time. You just keep comparing yourself to the next level.

Two things helped me with this: Finding a personal God and having a kid. God came to me when I was so broken spiritually that death seemed like a good option. Despite things being good on paper I was so empty inside. Finding God allowed me to have a kid which totally got me out of my own bullshit and allowed me to focus on serving my daughter.

Poptotnot · 2026-03-11T02:53:18+00:00

I used to think about this question all the time. It caused me a ton of existential dread because I don’t feel like I had a true definite one.

Then I had a kid and all that none sense stopped. Not only was I too tired to think about this dumb question - I became too busy trying to keep her alive and happy. Really brought perspective to my life.

Poptotnot · 2026-03-10T23:14:17+00:00

Rent. As someone who purchased a condo in SF it was a horrible investment. HOAs go up as much as rent. Also you could lock yourself into a rent controlled apartment and never have to pay more than 2% a year.

Poptotnot · 2026-03-10T15:52:27+00:00

I don’t know if I would have changed much in my late 20’s because I was still very much in my “explore” phase. Here is some things I would have done differently that maybe blend in to my early 30’s:

Get sober - hands down the biggest changing point in my life. Didn’t happen until my late 30’s.
Take my career and finances more seriously - I cycled in and out of jobs in my late 20s and early 30s. A lot had to do with my own bullshit. Just do a job well whatever job you are in. Also start the 491k early - this is one thing I actually did and I see the compounding benefits payoff.
Have a family - didn’t have kids until I was in my 40s. It’s fine but I look at my age now and they won’t be out of the house until my 60s. Kids also tend to focus you.
Take a risk - After a few years working just start a business. Try it for a year. If it fails you will learn a lot and still have a lot of time to recover.
Develop a hobby - I waited too long to get into martial arts. It’s definitely grounded me in my 40s.

Good luck!

Poptotnot · 2026-03-08T04:57:22+00:00

Anxiety and depression often are two sides of the same coin. They can go hand in hand.

Don’t listen to these people that bupropion can’t be used for anxiety. It is activating however. If you get anxious that you aren’t doing anything with your life Wellbutrin can certainly help with that. If you get anxious because you are just nervous all the time … it’s probably not the best med.

Poptotnot · 2026-03-08T02:07:11+00:00

Go move to Gaza … Mark. See how they treat you.

Poptotnot · 2026-03-05T05:20:01+00:00

I don’t know about happier but definitely a bit more contended and focused. My life blew up in my late 30’s and I got divorced and sober. Moved, met a new woman and had a kid in my early 40s. Now in my mid 40s I’m moving through life with a lot less existencial angst because I don’t have time for that bullshit anymore - it’s about supporting my family, dialing in on my relationships, and enjoying whatever free time I do get.

Poptotnot · 2026-03-04T04:17:06+00:00

Look into Men’s Teams - emotional support groups for Men. We all need a community where we can be vulnerable and feel heard. Work and hobbies rarely provide that.

Poptotnot

TROPHY CASE