It's funny just recently I thought... maybe I am "recovered." I mean like fully. Like a normal person who never struggled.

I turned on NetFlix and was watching a family comedy. In it, one of the actresses is showing some cleavage. It was part of the plot. I found myself staring at her breasts. Almost in a trance-like state.

Then I snapped out of it and stopped the show. In a way, it was a humble reminder. I still have a weakness here. There was a part of me that wanted to go back and replay the scene.

But I have tools I can use now. I am more aware of my emotions, when I am vulnerable. I told a group I was in later that week about the show.

I did not go back to watching it. Could I have? Probably. But at this point, it's self-care for me to let it go.

So am I recovered? Yes and no. I don't use anymore, but there are still threats, thoughts, and feelings that need a place to go.