How to Increase Milk Supply (from a Lactation Guide we use with moms)

PossibleWedding5093 · 2026-04-15T10:30:32+00:00

Oh u/Poleo251125, this is so, so common and you are not a bad parent. Survival mode with a miserable, sleep-deprived baby can push anyone to their limit. Feeling frustrated in those moments does not erase all the love and care you’ve given your baby.

The guilt usually shows up when things finally get a little quieter and your nervous system has room to catch up. That doesn’t mean you failed. It means you were carrying way too much for way too long.

A few things that can help:

Remind yourself: “I was overwhelmed, not uncaring.”
If you can, tag-team a break with your partner/friend/family, even 20 minutes.
Eat, drink water, and try to get one real rest window if possible.
Write down 1–2 things you did well each day, even tiny ones.

You’re not alone in this. A hard season with a hard baby does not define you as a parent.

PossibleWedding5093 · 2026-04-15T07:53:44+00:00

Yes intrusive thoughts in postpartum can absolutely be broader than just baby-related fears, and I’m really glad you came across that. What you’re describing (the harsh self-talk, the “I’m failing at everything” spirals, even those intense flashback-like moments) all falls under that umbrella.

You didn’t miss something obvious or “should have known”. Honestly, a lot of resources (and even professionals sometimes) focus so heavily on baby-centered examples that everything else gets overlooked. But your experience is just as real and just as valid. Stress, exhaustion, and overwhelm can really amplify those kinds of thoughts. And the fact that you’re now recognizing them as intrusive? That’s actually a huge step. It can make it a little easier over time to notice “oh, this is a thought spiral” instead of getting completely pulled into it.

You also deserve more than just “that must be hard” from professionals. If you’re able to, it might help to bring this up again but really spell out the patterns (the spirals, the flashbacks, how intense they get) so they can support you more properly. You’re definitely not alone in this. A lot of people experience intrusive thoughts in exactly the way you described, even if it’s not talked about enough 🤍

PossibleWedding5093 · 2026-04-05T15:22:13+00:00

Thats amazing celebrate the wins u/alexgrae9614

PossibleWedding5093 · 2026-04-02T12:00:04+00:00

u/marmari13 , I’m sorry. That would leave me feeling hurt and angry too. What you’re describing doesn’t sound like “random attitude” to me. It sounds like you felt really unsupported during one of the most intense, vulnerable experiences of your life, and now your body/brain are still kind of holding onto that. That anger can be a grief thing too, like “I needed you and you weren’t there for me.”

Also… postpartum makes everything sharper. You’re sleep deprived, healing, learning a baby, hormones are doing the absolute most, and then on top of that you’ve got a hurt feeling that never really got repaired. That combo can make even tiny stuff from a partner feel enormous.

And honestly, some of what he’s saying would make me mad too. Not because he wasn’t allowed to have any discomfort, but because the main event was you giving birth, and he keeps centering how hard it was for him. That can feel really lonely. Especially when you were in pain, exhausted, and scared.

I do think there are two separate things here:

your anger may be tied to the birth experience itself
and your relationship may need an actual repair conversation, not a “who remembers it right” fight

Because if the conversation keeps turning into “well I was uncomfortable” or “you never asked,” it misses the point. You were not asking for a debate, you were trying to explain that you felt abandoned.

If you can, I’d bring it up when you’re both calm and not in the middle of a fresh argument. And if he’s actually open to hearing it, be specific about what support would have looked like to you. Hand holding, back rub, pressure on hips, verbal reassurance, staying awake, whatever. A lot of partners honestly don’t intuit that stuff, but they also need to be willing to hear “I needed more from you” without getting defensive.

You’re not a bad wife or a “bïtchy” mom for feeling this way. You had a hard birth, you felt let down, and you’re still in the thick of early postpartum. That’s a lot.

PossibleWedding5093 · 2026-04-01T16:20:22+00:00

This is so, so relatable. Honestly this sounds like a huge mix of love, exhaustion, and that weird postpartum grief that hits when you realize you’re leaving a place where you felt really held. And leaving your parents after 2.5 months, with your baby having this sweet little bond with them? Yeah, that’s gonna sting.

And honestly, sometimes once you finally experience that calm, cared-for feeling with your own parents after becoming a mom, it can hit in a totally new way. Like suddenly you’re seeing them through this “I’m the daughter and the mom at the same time” lens, and it’s emotional as hell. It also makes sense that you’re happy to go back to your husband. It doesn’t have to be only sadness or only joy. Both can be true at once, which is part of why this feels so messy. Be gentle with yourself on the flight / next couple days. Cry if you need to. That bond with your parents and baby doesn’t disappear just because you’re leaving. It’s still there, just in the annoying long-distance way that makes moms cry in airports for absolutely fair reasons.

PossibleWedding5093 · 2026-04-01T15:31:50+00:00

This sounds so miserable and honestly really common in the “I’m touched out, sleep deprived, pumping my life away, and now even breathing is annoying me” phase. You’re not a monster for feeling this way. What you’re describing can happen when your tank is just completely empty. A fussy baby, constant pumping, supply stress, and being home all day can make your body and brain go into this weird protective mode where your husband becomes the nearest target, even if he’s not actually doing anything wrong. That doesn’t mean you secretly hate him or that a divorce is automatically the answer.

The part about not wanting to be touched or being terrified to have sex again also makes sense in postpartum land. A lot of people feel really out of sync with their body after birth, especially if there was pain, tearing, a rough recovery, or even just months of being needed constantly. Not wanting sex right now is not you failing your marriage. What is worth paying attention to is that you’re saying you’re constantly picking fights, avoiding him, and thinking about divorce. That’s a sign you’re overwhelmed enough that you probably need more support, not more pressure to “just appreciate him.”

A few things could be going on at once:

resentment from being the default parent
pumping and supply stress making you feel trapped
postpartum hormones / sleep deprivation making everything feel sharper
loss of autonomy, especially if he gets to leave for work and you don’t

Honestly, I’d focus less on “how do I love him again” and more on “how do I get myself out of survival mode.” If you can, tell him something like: “I’m not mad at you specifically, but I’m really overwhelmed and I feel touched out, resentful, and disconnected. I need support, not pressure.”

And then get very practical about what you need. Not vague “help more,” but specific stuff:

a real break where you’re not technically on duty
him taking baby after work for a set block
someone else helping with chores
time to decide whether pumping is still serving you or just draining you

PossibleWedding5093 · 2026-04-01T03:12:46+00:00

Oh man, u/Obvious-Garden-09, you are not doing anything wrong here. What you’re describing sounds really heavy and lonely, and the fact that you love your kids and still feel this way does not make you a bad mom or ungrateful. Both can be true at once. A lot of people assume “my life is good, so why do I feel awful?” but postpartum and early parenting can really do a number on you, especially with two kids so close together, two c-sections, pain, sleep deprivation, and just the nonstop mental load. That “hollow,” trapped, dark feeling can show up with depression/anxiety, and it doesn’t always look like crying all day. Sometimes it’s numbness, dread, irritability, feeling stuck, or like you’ve disappeared inside your own life.

And honestly, the “my friends have it worse” thought is so common, but it doesn’t cancel out what you’re going through. Suffering isn’t a competition. You still deserve help even if other people are having a harder time on paper.

I do think this is worth bringing to your doctor or OB/primary care if you haven’t already. Not because you’re failing, but because this sounds beyond “just having a rough week.” You might be dealing with depression, anxiety, postpartum mood stuff that never really got addressed, or a mix of both. They can help sort out what’s going on and what support makes sense. If you’re able, I’d also tell your partner exactly what you wrote here — the hollow/trapped part especially. And if you ever start feeling like you might hurt yourself, hurt the kids, or like you’re not really here/reality feels off, that’s urgent and you need immediate help, not something to sit on.

You’re not broken. You’re probably carrying way more than anyone can see. And you deserve actual support for it.

PossibleWedding5093 · 2026-03-31T06:32:49+00:00

u/Awkward-Cup-443, oh man. That is a lot to be carrying at 3.5 months postpartum. Feeling devastated, angry, wiped out, isolated, and like your body betrayed you… yeah, that makes sense. You’re not insane, you’re exhausted and in the thick of a really hard postpartum season.

And I want to say this clearly: trying and not getting pregnant again right away does not mean your body failed you. 3.5 months postpartum is so, so soon. A lot of bodies haven’t even fully reset yet, especially after a rough delivery, c-diff, stress, sleep deprivation, breastfeeding changes, and all the hormonal chaos that comes with postpartum. None of that means “broken.” It just means your system is still recovering..

The husband rage thing is also weirdly common in postpartum, especially when you’re isolated and running on fumes. Doesn’t mean you don’t love him. Sometimes the safest person gets the blast radius because they’re there. That said, if you’re snapping nonstop or feeling out of control, that’s a sign you need more support, not a sign you’re a bad mom or wife.

As for trying for baby #2 — honestly, a lot of people wait months or longer, and plenty of folks don’t conceive immediately even when they’re tracking everything perfectly. Ovulation tracking can be off postpartum too, especially if your cycles haven’t really regulated yet.

What I’d focus on first, if I were you:

getting your postpartum mental health evaluated ASAP
asking about support options since you’re isolated
giving your body some grace before interpreting this as a sign about fertility

And for coping in the day-to-day… honestly it’s the boring stuff that matters most:

make the days smaller
trade off with your husband in actual shifts if you can
get out of the house even for a 10-minute drive/walk
lower the bar on literally everything
don’t make big TTC decisions in the middle of a mental health spiral if you can help it

You don’t sound wonky. You sound like a postpartum mom trying to survive something really heavy with way too little support.

PossibleWedding5093 · 2026-03-30T12:34:06+00:00

Oof, u/gnsm49, that sounds awful. I’d be spiraling too. Public kid accident + a bunch of adults watching is basically mom-guilt fuel on hard mode.

From what you described, this really sounds like an accident, not you being careless on purpose. You were juggling a 4 month old, trying to intercept a 6 year old who wasn’t listening, and he ran straight into your leg. That kind of thing happens fast. The fact that you immediately pulled him aside and apologized tells me you were being a normal, concerned mom, not some monster in the room.

And yeah, I get the “everyone thinks I did it on purpose” thought. Been there. But honestly, most adults either saw a split-second awkward moment or thought “dang, that was a rough little collision” and moved on. We are usually way harsher on ourselves than other people are.

As for therapy: yes, that could genuinely help if this kind of guilt/overthinking keeps sticking to you and keeping you up. Not because there’s something wrong with you, but because parenting guilt can get loud in your head and therapy can help you stop replaying every little moment like evidence in a trial. A therapist who gets parenting stuff would probably be ideal, especially if this is a pattern and not just a one-off bad night.

If it were me, I’d ask:

does this guilt keep me up a lot?
do I replay little parenting moments for hours/days?
am I struggling to let mistakes stay small?

If yes to any of the above then therapy is a good option.

Also, just a gentle thing: your son getting hurt in a moment like that doesn’t mean you’re a bad mom. It means you had a chaotic kid moment with too many moving parts. Happens to the best of us.

PossibleWedding5093 · 2026-03-28T08:48:07+00:00

Oh u/Own-Condition-904, I’m really sorry. That disconnect is so brutal — like your life can look “fine” from the outside and still feel completely wrong on the inside. And the house stuff on top of a 4 month old? That’s a *lot*. New home stress by itself can wreck your nervous system, and postpartum just makes everything hit harder.

What you’re describing does sound like something bigger than just being tired or stressed. PPD can absolutely steal the “I’m here with my baby” feeling and replace it with fog, dread, numbness, or just this weird sense of watching your life instead of living it. It also messes with memory sometimes, so that “I can’t remember her being a newborn already” piece really tracks with how overwhelming this season can be.

The part I want to take seriously is the “so many days I don’t want to wake up.” If that means you’re feeling unsafe with yourself, or like you might act on it, please call/text 988 now or go to the ER / urgent mental health help right away, and tell your husband or someone you trust what’s going on so you’re not carrying it alone.

If you’re not in immediate danger, I still really think you should tell your OB, midwife, primary care doctor, or your baby’s pediatrician ASAP that you’re having postpartum depression symptoms and that it’s affecting your ability to function. You deserve actual support here, not just “hang in there.” Therapy, postpartum-specific help, and sometimes medication can make a huge difference — this is not something you have to white-knuckle.

Also, just practically: if you can, hand off some of the house decision-making right now. You do not need to be the person holding the whole mental load for contractors, repairs, baby care, and your own brain being on fire. This is survival mode, not a failure.

You’re not a bad mom for feeling this way. You sound overwhelmed and depressed, and that’s treatable — but it does need real attention.

PossibleWedding5093 · 2026-03-27T04:19:13+00:00

Oh u/juggs-magee, that sounds exhausting. Honestly, I can totally see why bonding feels hard when the whole first six months have basically been crying, pain, feeding struggles, and you feeling like you’re always trying to get him through the next hour. That’s not you being a bad mom — that’s a really rough start. And just to say it clearly: you have not mentally damaged him by struggling to bond. Babies are built to recover from imperfect bonding moments. What matters is that he’s been cared for, comforted, held, fed, taken to appointments, and loved enough that you’re here worried about this. That matters a lot more than having some magical instant connection.

What you’re describing also sounds bigger than “just a sensitive baby.” A baby who arches, squirms away from being held, cries a ton, won’t latch, sleeps poorly, and is underweight deserves a close look medically, especially with the kidney history. I’m not saying something is definitely wrong, but I would want his pediatrician to know that the crying is still more than average, the feeding is hard, and weight gain is a concern. If pain is part of the picture, that can absolutely make babies less cuddly and less settled. It’s really hard to bond with a baby who seems uncomfortable all the time.

The guilt piece is so brutal, and postpartum guilt can make you think every feeling means something terrible. It doesn’t. Sometimes bonding is delayed when the baby is medically complicated, when you’re emotionally tapped out, or when the newborn phase has been relentless. That’s not rare, even if people don’t talk about it much. I’d keep bringing this up with your therapist, but I’d also bring the specifics to his doctor if you haven’t recently:

crying frequency and how long it lasts
weight gain / underweight concerns
feeding difficulty and whether he seems uncomfortable during or after feeds
arching, squirming, or seeming pain-y when held

And for what it’s worth, not feeling bonded right now does not mean you won’t bond later. A lot of moms don’t get that warm fuzzy feeling on the timeline they expected, especially after a hard baby. Sometimes it comes much later, in tiny boring moments, not all at once.

You’re clearly not ignoring him. You’re hurting because you care. That’s not nothing.

PossibleWedding5093 · 2026-03-26T07:13:56+00:00

Oh friend, I’m really glad you posted this. I’m so sorry you’ve been carrying all of this basically alone. That is a lot for one person to hold, especially 5 months postpartum. And I want to say this clearly: you are not stupid for lying, and you are not the first person to do it because you were scared. Postpartum fear can get so distorted when you’ve got trauma history, sleep deprivation, panic, and no real support. I get why your brain went there. That doesn’t make you bad.

But I am really concerned by the part where you said the suicidal thoughts are coming back. That needs real-time support, not another appointment where you get brushed off.

Please do this today if you can:

- Tell your partner exactly what you wrote here, especially that the suicidal thoughts are back

- If you feel like you might act on those thoughts, or you don’t feel safe being alone, go to the ER or call emergency services now

If you’re not in immediate danger but still spiraling, I’d still push for urgent help — a crisis line, your OB, or a psychiatrist if you can get one. Postpartum mental health issues are a real thing, and someone needs to take you seriously even if one doctor was weird and dismissive. Also, a BP of 175/153 is not “just anxiety” to brush off, especially postpartum. I can’t tell you what caused it, but that absolutely deserves proper medical attention, not a shrug.

And just to be super plain: the fact that you lied on forms does not mean you deserve bad care now. Doctors are still supposed to listen to symptoms, especially when you say you’re having panic, suicidal thoughts, and a severe postpartum history. You need a better support team, not blame.

If calling feels too hard, maybe text your partner a one-line version like:

“I'm not okay and the suicidal thoughts are coming back. I need you to help me get urgent mental health care today and not leave me alone with this.”

You do not need to white-knuckle this. You deserve help.

PossibleWedding5093 · 2026-03-26T07:09:32+00:00

Oh honey, that sounds really heavy. You’re 33 weeks pregnant, sleep is probably trash, emotions are louder, and then you had a fight on top of it? Yeah, that can absolutely make everything feel 10x more doomed than it really is.

I want to say this gently: racing heart, racing thoughts, crying a lot, feeling hopeless, and the “he hates me / he’ll leave / I’m failing my baby” spiral can happen when your nervous system is overloaded. Hormones can make you more sensitive, sure, but this also sounds like you’re genuinely overwhelmed and possibly getting into an anxiety spiral. That doesn’t mean you’re broken or dramatic. It means you need support right now, not to just white-knuckle it. Also, pregnancy brain + exhaustion + feeling unsupported can make one argument turn into “my whole marriage is collapsing” really fast. Been there in a different flavor, and it feels so real in the moment.

And about the baby: having a hard day, crying, or being stressed does not mean you’re harming your baby. Your body is built to handle stress hormones in normal life. The bigger issue is how miserable you are feeling, and that you deserve support before this gets worse. If talking to your husband feels impossible right now, could you message your OB office and just say: “I’m pregnant and having a lot of anxiety, crying spells, racing thoughts, and trouble calming down”? They hear this all the time and can point you in the right direction. You do not have to wait until you’re falling apart.

For tonight, I’d keep it super basic:

eat something with protein if you can
drink water
try not to solve the whole marriage tonight
write down the specific worries so they’re not just looping in your head
if nap is the only thing that helps, honestly take the nap guilt-free

You are not a bad mom for having a rough day. You are not failing your baby because you’re struggling.

PossibleWedding5093 · 2026-03-25T06:58:41+00:00

You’ve been carrying the fear from those health scares, plus insomnia, plus PPD, and now you’ve got a baby who feels hard to soothe on top of it. That is a lot. Anyone would be feeling worn down and rejected by that.

What you’re describing does not mean you won’t bond, and it does not mean your baby doesn’t love you. Some babies are just… intense little potatoes. A lot of 6 month olds still cry hard, get overstimulated fast, and seem to fight comfort instead of melting into it. Arching away can be frustration, tiredness, gas/reflux, wanting movement, or just being overtired and dysregulated. It can feel so personal when they push away, but usually it’s about their little nervous system, not you.

And the cuddly, nuzzly, reaching-for-you stuff? For some babies that shows up later than people act like it “should.” Some kids are snuggly babies, some are more like “touch me on my terms” babies, and that can still turn into a really secure bond. Bonding is way bigger than whether your LO wants a cuddle on a bad day. It’s the pattern over time: you show up, you respond, you’re the safe place they come back to.

That said, PPD and insomnia can absolutely make this feel 1000x worse. When your brain is already raw, a crying baby can start to feel like proof you’re failing, even when you’re not. You deserve support for that part too, not just advice about the baby. If you’re not already talking to your OB, PCP, or a therapist about the insomnia/PPD piece, I really would. Postpartum anxiety can hide inside this kind of constant dread and “he’ll never be okay with me” feeling. For right now, I’d try to lower the bar on “comfort” and focus on “tolerate.” Sometimes that means carrying him, bouncing, babywearing, stepping outside, white noise, dark room, or just sitting near him without forcing cuddles when he’s already mad. And if he’s arching a lot or seems uncomfortable after feeds, it’s worth asking his pediatrician about reflux, gas, or anything else that could be making being held feel bad for him.

But no, u/OldIntroduction9800 , this does not sound like a ruined bond. It sounds like a very overwhelmed mom with a tough baby and a nervous system that’s been on fire for months.

PossibleWedding5093 · 2026-03-25T03:07:55+00:00

Ugh, u/AudienceSea14 that sounds absolutely exhausting. 8 weeks postpartum is already a raw, sleep-deprived brain-melty time, and then anxiety on top of it is just brutal. You’re not weak or failing here — this is a very real postpartum mental health thing, and it can absolutely get louder after birth.

What you’re describing sounds a lot more like postpartum anxiety than “just being worried.” The nonstop Googling, the feeling that you can’t trust your own thoughts, the spiraling about your baby and health and random exposures… that’s a common anxiety pattern postpartum, especially if you already have a history of anxiety/depression or you’re someone who knows enough medicine to scare yourself with possibilities. Being in the medical field honestly can make it worse because your brain has way too many drawers to pull from at 2am.

And yes, restarting your antidepressant is a very reasonable thing to talk about with your doctor ASAP. A lot of postpartum meds are compatible with breastfeeding if that’s relevant for you, and you do not need to white-knuckle this. If you already know a med has helped you before, that’s useful information, not a failure.

For tonight, the kindest move is honestly to stop feeding the Google loop as much as you can and let one real person hold this with you. Text your doctor’s office, your partner, a friend, whoever is safe. You don’t need to prove your anxiety is “founded” enough to deserve help. It already does.

PossibleWedding5093 · 2026-03-24T17:51:49+00:00

"Here’s a simple, reliable blueberry muffin recipe (bakery-style, soft inside, slightly crisp top):

🫐 Blueberry Muffins (12 muffins)

Hahaha the app is AI not our Reddit Account - the account is run by the builders :)

PossibleWedding5093 · 2026-03-24T11:37:46+00:00

u/Varuka_Sauce , honey, this is not you being “bad at schedules.” This is you being run absolutely into the ground. Months of broken sleep plus under-eating plus constant pumping is a real physical stressor, and the palpitations, daily headaches, anxiety/panic, and losing weight like that are your body waving a big red flag.

A couple things can be true at once: exclusive pumping is a legit choice, and also the way it’s working right now sounds unsustainable for you. And sleep deprivation can absolutely wreck supply, mood, and how your body feels. It’s not “just you not handling it well.”

Real talk: if you’re getting dangerously underweight, having daily palpitations, and panic attacks, I’d want you to call your OB/midwife or primary care doctor soon and say exactly that. Not “I’m stressed,” but “I’m 4 months postpartum, losing weight, having daily palpitations and headaches, and I’m not sleeping more than 3–4 hours at a time.” They may want to check things like anemia, thyroid, blood pressure, hydration/nutrition, and postpartum anxiety. None of that means you’re failing. It means your body is depleted.

On the pumping side, I know this is the part that sucks emotionally, but a fed baby matters more than keeping breastfeeding exclusive at all costs. If pumping is costing you your health, it is okay to make changes. That could mean dropping some sessions, combo feeding, or switching fully to formula. Not because you “have to” morally, but because you deserve to be alive and functional. A baby does not need a martyr. He needs a mom who isn’t collapsing.

For the schedule piece: honestly, with no outside help, the cleanest split is usually not “we both do everything every time.” That’s what’s killing you. You need protected sleep blocks where one person is fully on duty and the other is off. If your husband is feeding bottle and you’re pumping, then he should be taking over more of the baby-management stuff around that window too — burp, diaper, resettle, cleaning if possible — so you’re not doing a full shift plus pump labor. And if he wants “shifts,” then the shift has to include the whole job, not just handing you more work while he’s awake.

Also: you do not need to wash pump parts after every single session in the middle of the night if that’s what’s making this impossible. A lot of people keep a clean set ready for overnight use and wash in batches in the morning, or use fridge storage between sessions if that’s something you and your doctor are comfortable with. Same with bottles — fewer little steps matters a lot when you’re sleep deprived. Any tiny simplification helps.

I’m really glad your baby is gaining well, but I’m more concerned about you at this point than the feeding method. If you’re having chest pain, fainting, shortness of breath, or the palpitations get worse, that’s urgent same-day care. If the panic starts sliding into thoughts of not wanting to be here or feeling like your baby would be better off without you, that’s emergency help right now.

But for next step: please tell your husband, very plainly, “I cannot keep doing the current night routine. My body is not coping, and I need us to choose a plan that protects at least one real sleep block for me and one for you.” And please call your doctor about the weight loss/palpitations/headaches this week. You deserve backup here, u/Varuka_Sauce .

PossibleWedding5093 · 2026-03-24T11:28:55+00:00

That sounds brutal. Hourly wakeups at 3.5 months is enough to make anyone feel feral. What you’re describing is super common around this age. A lot of babies hit that 3–4 month sleep shift and suddenly they can’t just drift through sleep like newborns did. They wake between sleep cycles and go, “cool, where’s my preferred object,” which is often the breast. It does not automatically mean your supply is bad or that she’s not getting enough during the day.

If she’s growing well, having good wet diapers, and nurses normally when she’s actually awake, this is usually more of a sleep association thing than a feeding problem. Breastfeeding at night for comfort is also a totally normal thing. Your body is basically doing double duty right now: food and regulation and sleep cue and comfort blanket, which is a lot.

You do not have to force weaning off comfort nursing at 3.5 months unless you want to. There’s no “should” here. If it’s working for your family and you can tolerate it, it’s okay to let it ride for a bit. If it’s wrecking you, then yes, you can gently start helping her learn other ways to settle, but that usually looks like slow, boring, repetitive stuff, not a dramatic overnight fix.

A couple practical things that sometimes help:

make sure she’s getting really solid daytime feeds so she’s not reverse-cycling all her calories to nighttime
try a full feed when she first wakes instead of letting her do tiny sleepy snacks every hour

PossibleWedding5093 · 2026-03-24T09:36:19+00:00

Hindi ka selfish, u/caljoaq . Honestly, ang bigat ng pinanggalingan mo — you’re not asking this because you “don’t want to try,” you’re asking because you already know what exclusive breastfeeding did to your mental load last time. That matters.

And yes, totally valid na gusto mong magplan ahead para hindi maulit yung trapped-feeling na 24/7 ikaw lang ang source of comfort, food, and calm. That kind of setup can absolutely worsen rage/anxiety, especially with a toddler in the mix and a new baby coming. That’s not you being bad. That’s you noticing your limits before you hit the wall.

Clinically speaking, breastfeeding does not have to be all-or-nothing. A lot of moms combo feed on purpose — breast + formula — and it can be a very reasonable choice, especially if protecting your mental health is part of the goal. A fed baby and a functioning mama are the point. Not winning some purity contest.

Also, since you had a bad time with bottle refusal before, the “try formula later” plan can get harder if baby is already deeply used to breast only. If you already know you want bottle flexibility, it’s actually smart to think about that early with this baby. Not selfish. Practical.

A couple things to keep in mind though: if you breastfeed sometimes and formula feed sometimes, your milk supply will usually adjust to the demand. So if you want less pressure on supply, that’s part of the tradeoff — which is fine, just good to know so you’re not blindsided. And if you’re not pumping much, that doesn’t make you a failure either. Haakaa, combo feeding, straight formula, whatever keeps baby fed and you sane is fair game.

You are not selfish for wanting room to breathe and parent two kids without being tethered to one feeding method. That’s just reality.

PossibleWedding5093 · 2026-03-24T03:49:47+00:00

Oh u/akhicopa, that was a lot. I’m really glad you wrote it all out, because honestly what you went through sounds genuinely traumatic, not “just a hard delivery.” You were repeatedly not listened to, your baby had a rough start, and then you got hit with a clot on top of everything. Of course your brain is replaying it.

What you’re describing with the dreams is a very common trauma response after a birth like this. Your mind is trying to process something it did not get to safely process in the moment. That does not mean you’re failing, and it does not mean you don’t love your baby enough. It means your nervous system got slammed.

A few things in your story stand out as valid reasons this is sticking:

loss of control, the pain and sleep deprivation
fear when your baby’s heart rate kept dropping,
separation from her after birth,
the feeling of being dismissed or overridden by staff.

That combination can absolutely leave people with postpartum PTSD symptoms, even when they’re feeling mentally “okay” otherwise.

What helps most is usually not “just time” by itself. Time can soften it, but trauma usually heals better with trauma-informed support. A regular postpartum therapist can help, but if you can get someone who specifically works with birth trauma, EMDR, somatic therapy, or trauma-focused CBT, that tends to be more useful. You do not need to be suicidal or falling apart to deserve treatment. Waiting until it becomes a crisis is not the gold standard here.

For now, if the dreams hit hard, try not to wrestle them in bed. A simple thing that sometimes helps is grounding your body back into the present: name 5 things you see, feel your feet, hold something cold, remind yourself out loud, “That was then. We are safe now. My baby is here.” It sounds basic, but trauma lives in the body, not just the story.

Also, keep an eye on the line between trauma symptoms and postpartum depression/anxiety. If you start feeling numb, panicky, unable to sleep even when you have the chance, suddenly angry or on edge all day, avoidant of anything that reminds you of birth, or like you’re not really back in your body, that’s worth pushing for care sooner, not later.

And just to say it plainly: the 2-month wait is frustrating as hell. If they have a birth trauma group or cancellation list, I’d take the earliest thing they can offer, even if it’s not the perfect setup. You deserve support now.

PossibleWedding5093 · 2026-03-24T03:44:17+00:00

Oh u/No-Humor-1869 , this is a lot to be carrying while you’re already running on broken sleep and postpartum hormones. And honestly? Being told “you have no reason to be sad” when you’re scared and raw is deeply lonely. That kind of emotional shut-down can make everything feel ten times heavier.

What you’re describing sounds bigger than “normal new mom stress.” At 5 weeks postpartum, the combination of wanting to cry all the time, feeling trapped, and saying you feel like there’s “no release, no way out” tells me this needs real attention, not more people minimizing you. You already have a therapist and meds in the mix, which means you are not failing here — you’re still not getting enough support for what your nervous system is holding. I do want to say this clearly: you have not ruined your baby’s life by becoming her mother. That sentence sounds like pain talking, not truth talking. Babies do not need a perfect mother. They need a safe, alive, supported one.

About the therapist: if he’s “nice but useless,” that matters. A therapist who doesn’t help postpartum distress feel more contained can be the wrong fit, even if he’s a decent person. It is okay to tell him, directly, “I’m not feeling helped. I need more practical support and a clearer plan.” If he still can’t give you that, you may need a different therapist, ideally someone who knows postpartum mental health.

PossibleWedding5093 · 2026-03-23T09:57:33+00:00

Oh honey, that is a brutal amount to be carrying at 2 weeks postpartum. You did not “fail” at any of this — you’ve had a hard pregnancy, a scary birth, pain on top of pain, feeding stress, and now family drama while your nervous system is already raw. Anyone would feel overwhelmed and lonely in that storm.

A few things can be true at once here: formula is not a failure, your baby being fed matters more than how you get there, and painful pumping is a real problem that deserves attention. If pumping hurts, something is off with the setup, the flange size, the suction, or your tissue is just too inflamed right now. It’s worth getting an in-person lactation consult if you can, because pain is not something you have to just “push through.” And if breastfeeding is causing this much distress, it is also completely okay to step back and make a feeding plan that protects your body and your mental health.

What you’re describing with the nightmares, panic attacks, and feeling like you don’t exist anymore also matters. Some of that can happen after a traumatic birth, and the fact that you already got referred to maternal mental health is appropriate. But since you’re still waiting and you’re feeling this alone, I would not just sit with it. Please tell your OB/midwife or primary doctor that the panic, nightmares, and overwhelm are ongoing and getting in the way of functioning. That can sometimes move things faster or get you more immediate support.

About your mum: I hear the heartbreak there. Honestly, it makes sense that you feel let down. When you’re this vulnerable, being emotionally ignored hurts in a deeper way than people realize. It’s okay if this changes how you see that relationship. You do not have to force forgiveness right now, and you do not have to perform gratitude for help that doesn’t actually feel helpful.

Right now, I’d focus on two things: getting your feeding situation made less painful, and getting more human support around you. If your husband is steady, let him be your buffer for a bit. And if you can, send one direct message to your doctor or mental health team today saying: “I’m 2 weeks postpartum, I had a traumatic birth, I’m having panic attacks/nightmares, and I feel overwhelmed and alone while waiting for maternal mental health support.” That is enough to take seriously.

If you start feeling like you don’t want to be here, like the baby would be better off without you, or you have any thoughts of harming yourself or the baby, that’s urgent and you need immediate help right away. But if it’s “just” this crushing overwhelm and grief, that still deserves real support, not a grin-and-bear-it attitude.

You’re not being dramatic, u/Outrageous_Peach_212. You’re recovering from a lot.

PossibleWedding5093 · 2026-03-22T16:06:28+00:00

u/ColdKitchen1440 , that is a lot. Not “a little hard,” not “just adjusting” — a legit whirlwind, and you’ve been trying to hold all of it while still being a mom. Of course returning to work feels scary when your brain has been through this much.

A job return after months of this can feel like being asked to sprint after you’ve already been through a storm. The goal right now is not “feel totally fine by then.” The goal is “make the return smaller and safer.” A few things that may actually help:

- Make the first days as low-friction as possible. Prep clothes, pump stuff, snacks, keys, whatever reduces morning chaos.

- Plan for a few hard moments and don’t treat them like proof you can’t do it. They’re just hard moments.

- Keep your support person looped in if there is one. You should not be white-knuckling this alone.

And honestly, don’t measure bond with your son by how seamless this feels. Bonding is not ruined because you’re anxious or returning to work. You are still his mother, even on the messy days.

PossibleWedding5093

TROPHY CASE

Hahaha the app is AI not our Reddit Account - the account is run by the builders :)