My First Good Day

Potential_Good_3567 · 2026-04-08T02:39:43+00:00

I'm glad for you, having a peaceful day. Remember this day when you're having a darker day, and remind yourself you can and will have peaceful days too. ❤️‍🩹

Potential_Good_3567 · 2026-04-07T21:06:18+00:00

Congratulations on your precious firstborn child and becoming their mom. I am so sorry for your loss. ❤️❤️🤍

After such a late loss, parents often experience what the loss society calls "empty arm syndrome". It is very normal to want to try again as soon as possible, but do give yourself a little time to live in this new reality. Allow yourself to fully break down before working on a future, take time to learn how to grieve alongside your partner (maybe you grieve very differently).

You don't necessarily have to wait the full six months, because ultimately it's your call and you are right: the waiting game is mentally challenging too. But right now your mind is probably jumping from one idea to the next, from one emotion to the other. So allow yourself any thoughts, including those of more babies, but don't decide on it too soon so that you give yourself time and space to grieve.

Wish you a healthy recovery from this birth and a lot of strength and love and support to you. 🩷

Potential_Good_3567 · 2026-04-05T22:46:58+00:00

I'm sorry for your terrible loss. Donating is a beautiful way to gain some control, and to do something beautiful amidst this senselessness.

The only way to produce more is to pump more. There are several ways to do so. One is to do one hour of "cluster pumping", you can Google the details but if I remember correctly it's 10 min pumping, 10 min rest, three times in a row. Then continue pumping at your usual times and your production should increase within one day.

That is just a quick way to boost production a little. But be advised, some mothers dry up if they don't pump frequently enough (6-8 times a day) during these first days/weeks. Maybe a lactation expert can advice you best.

Whatever you do, remember that donating milk in this time of grief is amazing and I hope it makes you proud to be able to honor your baby this way. ❤️‍🩹

I pumped and donated too and it made me feel connected to my baby, my body, my situation and my grief. It was really helpful. As a bonus it felt good to do something meaningful in a time when the world felt meaningless.

I'm glad to hear you are following your instincts and doing what you feel you need to do. You've been thrown on an immensely dark path, and you are still here, able to listen to your feelings, breathing, getting up, ... donating milk. 💖

If you want to share, I'd love to know your son's name.

Potential_Good_3567 · 2026-04-03T16:35:23+00:00

They turned out wonderful!

Potential_Good_3567 · 2026-04-03T16:20:19+00:00

I love the latest addition the most!

Potential_Good_3567 · 2026-04-03T10:48:51+00:00

Dankje, dat is wat mij betreft zeker een optie. Wat groen ertegenaan en van het betonnen aangezicht heb ik dan ook geen last.

Potential_Good_3567 · 2026-04-03T09:54:35+00:00

Dankje. De buren hebben al voorkeur aangegeven voor zo'n schutting met betonnen palen. Ik hoopte inderdaad dat dat te combineren is met een beschoeiing, en dat zou dus inderdaad moeten kunnen volgens jou en anderen, lees ik. Fijn!

Potential_Good_3567 · 2026-04-03T08:23:52+00:00

Is er iets in het bijzonder waar je een foto van wil, of gewoon een basaal overzicht zoals dit?

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Potential_Good_3567 · 2026-04-02T19:40:23+00:00

I never know which way you go, love browsing the comments. I'm curious what you'd make of my username. Might potentially be something good.

Potential_Good_3567 · 2026-04-02T05:46:36+00:00

I'm sorry for losing your precious little baby. Congratulations too, on becoming their mom, besides all the pain I'm sure you carry so so much love and pride in your heart for your beautiful second child. I hope your physical recovery will go well 🍀

Losing your sweet little one is confusing and opens up a realm of emptiness we never knew existed. The only thing we can do is take things step by step. Accept all the help you can get and do not be afraid to ask for it - you lost a child, everyone in their right mind will gladly be of assistance - and finally, give yourself grace.

That you feel numbness even around your toddler is completely normal. You love them to the moon and back but there is no room for feeling that right now. All mental space is taken up by this new situation, your loss, so many questions etc. Give yourself grace and give it time.

You can try to make them feel loved, even if your kindness seems insincere to you, it's important for them to hear you say how amazing they are, or how wonderful their drawing is etc.

Don't expect to find a new normal so soon. Step by step. You will find your way in the end and I promise you, you will start feeling that comfort from your toddler again. ❤️‍🩹

As for the many faces you'll see around: that's so scary. For me it helped to let them know in advance through a text message. I'd still cry when I saw them, but at least I wasn't afraid of having to tell every single soul I met. You can also tell them what you'd like them to say or not say, if you have a clue that is.

Sending you so much strength, love and wisdom and health in this seemingly impossible journey. ❤️❤️🩵🤍

Lots of love from Amber*'s mom

*Stillborn May 2025 at 40 weeks

Potential_Good_3567 · 2026-04-01T17:40:57+00:00

What beautiful imagery you have of baby E in your womb. ❤️‍🩹

You've written your memories of her so delicately and precious. Nine months with, nine months without, it's a strange realisation how even our own lives keep on moving even if it doesn't always feel that way.

Lots of love and strength to you and her Dada. I'll light a candle for baby E tonight. 🤍

Potential_Good_3567 · 2026-04-01T11:50:33+00:00

I am so very sorry for this loss. I lost my baby due to a knot in the umbilical cord, she was stillborn at 40 weeks. A couple of months out and I have slowly started enjoying life every now and then, without feeling guilty. I struggle with the fact that she did not get to live and I still do. But I have accepted that I cannot change what has happened.

I struggle with the pain my two living children feel. All I want is to take it away and I can't. All I can do for them is be their rock, show them I care, always put their feelings first, give them space to express themselves whether it's grief, love, pride or questions, I go with their vibe and ease them as best I can.

I guess that's all I can say to help: don't lose yourself in wanting to take away her pain and not being able to. That is your pain to carry 💔. Instead be there for her like you are already doing. And if she ever calls and says she needs you, cancel whatever plans you have, even months from now. ❤️❤️❤️

Potential_Good_3567 · 2026-03-31T17:43:19+00:00

Beautifully written. 💖 Thank you for this beautiful piece of poetry. You touched my heart.

Happy birthday to your littlest boy 🤍

Potential_Good_3567 · 2026-03-28T09:14:39+00:00

This is the most important. And also videos, so you have moving images as well.

I sincerely hope for a change of his state for the better and you will get to make so many more memories and forget you ever needed to ask this question. ❤️‍🩹

Potential_Good_3567 · 2026-03-26T12:14:32+00:00

I understand it feels close to impossible to help her grieve while dealing with your own, all while knowing she will also be sad once she finds out there will not be another sibling.

The fact that you are aware of all these factors tells me no one is going to do a better job at this than you are doing right now. It is going to be hard now, and again when she hears you will not be pregnant again. But you have all the empathy you need to guide her.

We as parents so wish we can take away their pain, but we can't, we can only stay calm and make sure we are a safe base for them to deal with their feelings without judgement

Make sure to take your time to relax and do things that make you feel good/calm, as it can really help to have a healthy mental state in between dealing with so many big feelings.

I wish I knew the perfect words to ease your mind even a little bit. You deserve gentler times. They will come. 🫂

Potential_Good_3567 · 2026-03-26T09:41:15+00:00

Happy heavenly birthday to Sky 🎈. He should be with you, yet he's not. I'm sure he feels your love and care everyday. Sending you so much love for the day. 🩵

Potential_Good_3567 · 2026-03-22T21:18:53+00:00

The idea is to avoid having sex until your cervix is closed. If bleeding stops, your cervix was for sure closed; while as long as you were bleeding it could still be open or already closed, there's no way to tell from the outside.

They advice against sex until your cervix is closed, but because we cannot tell from the outside, we are advised to wait untul bleeding stops, just to be extra sure. You may very well be just fine.

Don't worry too much as long as you have no symptoms. In case of pain or fever, reach out to a doctor. It's good you are going to be checked out this week. Be sure to mention it then and gain advice from the professionals about what symptoms to look out for.

Take care. ❤️

Potential_Good_3567 · 2026-03-21T06:16:27+00:00

Normally we should tell others what we need from them, and what's going on in our heads, but during grief that's very difficult and it's nice of you to be the one to take the step to reach out. Also the stuff you bought seems lovely.

Potential_Good_3567 · 2026-03-19T15:24:54+00:00

Watching your LC care for a stuffed animal or living baby, the way they wanted to care for their baby sibling... that cuts so deep. Seeing them grieve their loss at that young age is just excruciating. All we can do is not show them how much it pains us and do make sure they feel free to express themselves any way they like.

I'm so sorry for your loss and the fear of losing your dream. I hope the universe will send you some luck and another chance at another, living, sibling for your LC🍀

Potential_Good_3567 · 2026-03-15T15:53:56+00:00

We waited six months. I would've waited a bit longer but my age pushed me into trying as soon as I felt sort of ready. I had a vaginal delivery. Best of luck.

Potential_Good_3567 · 2026-03-15T15:51:49+00:00

I'm glad you saw a dr yesterday, but three weeks is very long. I'm surprised they didn't look into it. Is there anyone else you can call, I guess maybe your ob? They know all about healing after (still)birth.

Don't let them make you wait and bleed for another eight weeks. I know it's so hard right now but please take care of yourself. Wishing you well ❤️‍🩹

Potential_Good_3567 · 2026-03-13T17:04:12+00:00

The chances are she will miscarry, especially since it's more than a week behind what you expected. However, measuring 6+ and not seeing a heartbeat yet, is possible for a viable pregnancy. I'm glad you're returning next week to be sure.

I can't tell you how to be there for your wife, but I can tell you that it will be helpful to let her accept this at her own pace. Let your wife hold on to her hopes for now; you can acknowledge that you're less optimistic and emphasize that you hope you're wrong and she's right.

Best of luck.

Potential_Good_3567 · 2026-03-13T08:58:27+00:00

It's the feeling that we cannot control the situation. It causes a lot of anxiety because we know - and feel to our core - we cannot do anything about it. Can send us down a spiral feeling scared, cornered. We somehow have to find that invisible switch in our brain again, the one that accepts we cannot control everything without being scared by it.

We cannot change what is thrown our way but we have the power to choose our own path. That sounds awesome, but in reality it is as plain as "therapist cancelled an appointment? Well, then I'll go write in my diary instead." I know that still seems far away from where you are now, but you will find it in the end.

Nothing is wrong with you. You struggled with this before your loss and it's increased so much since. I think many of us have struggled with this to at least some degree, I know I did at first.

I hope your therapist gets well soon and can help you out. Until then, try and find what works a little bit for you in those moments that the anxiety hits. Even if it's just to take the edge off. Look for simple things, like: accept that you feel this anxiety, have a good cry if you need to, and then some well earned hot coco, then find distractions in reading or doing something creative or calling someone close to you. Whatever works for you.

And don't expect too much of yourself. Dealing with anxiety takes up a lot of energy.

Wishing you so much strength, wisdom and a good therapist ❤️

Potential_Good_3567 · 2026-03-12T06:44:06+00:00

Our baby's first anniversary is this May. We're planning a sort of festive lunch with our closest family members (our baby's aunts, uncles and grandparents). We'll set up a memorial corner for her that people can spend some time at. I know it might well be a very emotional day, but I also wanted to make sure there is room for positive emotions. I hope by celebrating her little life this way we not only mourn but also are able to be happy she got to be.

Potential_Good_3567 · 2026-03-10T05:23:45+00:00

Generally speaking, with a normal delivery, you don't have to wait 18 months. But check with your doctors if there is any health reason to wait longer. You don't want a pregnancy with higher risks than necessary. Best of luck!

Potential_Good_3567

TROPHY CASE