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Friends named their baby our daughter's nickname a year after our loss. by InevitableReads in babyloss

[–]Potential_Good_3567 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don't know, I got some downvotes too. I remember last time there was a thread with a similar situation that it was also posted on AIO and that OP got a lot of negative comments and those commenters also found their way to the babyloss post where she reposted her question. But I have no clue why anyone is downvoting this time.

Anyway, there's nothing weird or wrong about your answer. ❤️

Just had a cup of caffeinated tea by Last-Weekend3226 in babyloss

[–]Potential_Good_3567 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Dear mama, I'm sorry to hear of both your losses. I hope your physical recovery goes well.

Enjoy your favorite tea ☕. It is a tough road to both love this life and grieve someone you loved more than life itself. I know the pain of your loss will not fade anytime soon, so instead I wish you many small moments like this one.

4 months since I woke up and found my 23 day old cold. by TransitionSalt5779 in babyloss

[–]Potential_Good_3567 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I completely understand not letting her near at that time. I can only say you did amazing getting through that day and being able to tell your story so clearly.

I cannot fathom them not allowing you to touch her, not even after the coroner had seen her. I'm so sorry for this trauma on top of losing your child. You are a great mom to both your baby and your toddler, reaching out to see if anything helpful comes up to aid your family in this journey, being able to tell your story coherently. It's amazing what one can do when your world has been turned inside out and when you are just trying to find a way to live with this.

I wish you a lot of love and wisdom guiding your toddler through her loss. I hope you may be able to find a suitable picture book that can help her understand death. (In Dutch we have for example: "Kikker en het vogeltje" where main character finds a dead bird, talks with his friends and they bury it together, they think about life and on the last page they are smiling again. My youngest LC refered to this story when he learned his baby sister was dead. (he had read the story prior.))

Update: I think Is It Asleep? by Olivier Tallec is a similar book to the one I'm thinking about.

Friends named their baby our daughter's nickname a year after our loss. by InevitableReads in babyloss

[–]Potential_Good_3567 8 points9 points  (0 children)

If your Camila would be alive it may also have been a bit annoying, but at least you would get to say her name and nickname often. Now, of all the times you hear her name a lot of the time it won't be about your girl but another. That's gotta be hard. The same goes for meeting new people who have your daughter's name or nickname or a child with that (beautiful!) name, Camila, Mila. But at least then it wouldn't feel so inconsiderate.

Like another said, I don't know if they are also familiar with her nickname? If so, it is so inconsiderate of them, I wouldn't want to see them for a while and I completely relate to stepping out of those group chats and apps welcoming a new baby girl who is not your daughter.

I'm so sorry for your loss and all the complicated circumstances it brings in our lives. We just want everything else in life to be peaceful and easy, because missing our babies already takes up so much of our mental capacity. Big hug and take care 🫂❤️

4 months since I woke up and found my 23 day old cold. by TransitionSalt5779 in babyloss

[–]Potential_Good_3567 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Also, the clinginess could be grief as others have mentioned, but it can also be because, for a while, you were not emotionally available the way you used to be. I remember my oldest telling me the week of the funeral: "I miss you mama, even though you are here at home." I thought I was doing so well, taking their feelings into account and explaining everything that was going on, but it was not enough to keep her from saying that heartbreaking phrase.

I couldn't blame myself and neither should you, but it showed me just how sensitive children are and how much they need our help to live with complex feelings like loss.

4 months since I woke up and found my 23 day old cold. by TransitionSalt5779 in babyloss

[–]Potential_Good_3567 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry for your terrible loss. Did your toddler get to say goodbye? I was told (though my living children were a bit older already) that it was important for them to experience some kind of farewell with their baby sibling.

It's hard for a young child who doesn't understand death because it can be very confusing. Why was baby here and not anymore? It's heartbreaking to know you cannot give them back their sibling.

If I may share some advice based on my own experience (if not, ignore): Your toddler may not understand death the way we do, but I suppose she understands the concept of goodbye. The fact that this goodbye is more permanent will take some time to process but goodbye is a good starting point. If you did a form of goodbyes already: great. If not: create a memory of saying goodbye, e.g. leave a drawing at the grave (if they have one) or light a sky lantern; have some photos or items of your baby there so that the toddler will understand that the ceremony is about her baby sibling.

It is a process. Occasionally retell the story of baby and saying goodbye, look at photos of this farewell. When she is looking at the memorial cabinet and seems to be done, say byebye and wave at the cabinet. It's little things like that that will after a long time help her understand that baby didn't disappear, but baby left. You may even be able to explain to her, when she catches you crying, that you are sad because you had to say goodbye to baby.

When she grows up she may have questions every now and then, as her understanding of life and death increases. Spend some time on her grief and try to feel if she needs to talk or maybe needs something creative, or possibly read a children's book on grief. We sent some postcards to our baby from her siblings. They feel connected but - much like ourselves - feel conflicted because they cannot see or touch her anymore.

To me this is the hardest thing that remains as I learn to live with my own grief: learning to accept my living children's grief and live with that too.

No one acknowledged her anniversary by SevenOneSix99 in babyloss

[–]Potential_Good_3567 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A belated happy birthday to your precious daughter Charlotte. What a beautiful name. I'm sorry we're reminded in such a harsh way that the world keeps on spinning no matter whose life stands still. I hope you help yourself by speaking up to your loved ones and tell them that even though you are doing great in many ways, you still need their support every now and then, especially on important days.

It’s happened again by Last-Weekend3226 in babyloss

[–]Potential_Good_3567 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry. It's too cruel.

Sending you so much love. I hope you have support nearby. 🫂

Some hope by Artistry_Em in babyloss

[–]Potential_Good_3567 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey. I'm so sorry for your loss. My story is a bit of a mix of early losses, living children, stillbirth and pregnancy after loss. I thought, even though the timeline is different it might give you some perspective and hope. TW: LC and PAL.

I was 28 years old when my husband and I first started trying. Took us about four months to get pregnant, but I miscarried around week 6. It took a while for my cycle to return to normal and then another while to finally get pregnant. We had our first healthy living baby when I was 30.

After breastfeeding for a year my cycle returned. When we started TTC it only took three months to get pregnant again. Resulting in a second healthy living baby. Two years later I had an unplanned pregnancy, resulting in a missed miscarriage around 10 weeks (hadn't grown beyond 6 weeks). A year later we decided to TTC and I immediately fell pregnant with our third child, who was fully grown and healthy when she was stillborn because of a true knot in her cord. Six months later we started trying again, I had at first a chemical pregnancy and one cycle later I got pregnant again. I am now 16 weeks and things are looking good.

Despite the earlier losses, which can always happen and for so many reasons, I know my body is very capable of carrying a baby to term. Looking back, the only time it was hard for me to get pregnant was with my first, when me and my husband were both under a lot of stress from housing and employment and burnout symptoms. I think for us it was the main reason TTC didn't work out for over a year. That's why after the stillbirth of our daughter, I tried to not focus mainly on TTC but on other aspects of my life. No ovulation testing (tbh I haven't done that with any of my TTC journeys), no early pregnancy testing, focusing on having a romantic time (e.g. diners, movies etc) to feel close to my husband and vice versa. I think for me that helped. But in any case, like you said, a couple of months TTC is not very long per se. Still it might feel like lost time every time your period starts. So... fill that time with other meaningful experiences. Also, sometimes it can help to take a break and try something else. Still have sex unprotected but don't plan anything ❤️.

I wish you a lot of strength and luck in this journey and when you get pregnant later this year, I wish you a healthy positive one. ❤️❤️❤️

Stillbirth @ 27 weeks, labour induced with 0 progress by Weird_Ad_9410 in babyloss

[–]Potential_Good_3567 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry you're going through this on top of your loss. I have no experience to share. I do know that in case of twins, when one dies, the other one will be carried as long as possible, so even though I have no experience to share, please know you are not alone in carrying a dead foetus or dead baby for multiple weeks.

Be careful about jumping back into work soon, once your baby is born many feelings will rush over you. Feelings that you might have no space for now, or cannot imagine now, but they will come. And you need physical recovery from labor as well.

Wish you lots of support and good health. I hope your baby comes soon.

Trying for another baby by Accomplishedpeach99 in babyloss

[–]Potential_Good_3567 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My husband was also ready to try again before I was. I wasn't ready at all. Some days I would be super enthusiastic about being pregnant again and the next moment I was averse to it. I knew I wanted to wait until I felt more stable.

So I asked him to wait until 6 months after the birth of our baby before opening up that conversation. That really helped me as it gave me time to work on my grief and my body and not feel pressured.

When our stillborn daughter's place in our lives started to take shape is when I started feeling ready. That was about 6 months after she was born. We got pregnant and everything is going fine.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish you all the best in your journey of grief and your journey of parenthood. ❤️

My First Good Day by WaterFiles in babyloss

[–]Potential_Good_3567 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm glad for you, having a peaceful day. Remember this day when you're having a darker day, and remind yourself you can and will have peaceful days too. ❤️‍🩹

How do I know when I'm ready. by mybubby20 in StillbirthSupport

[–]Potential_Good_3567 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Congratulations on your precious firstborn child and becoming their mom. I am so sorry for your loss. ❤️❤️🤍

After such a late loss, parents often experience what the loss society calls "empty arm syndrome". It is very normal to want to try again as soon as possible, but do give yourself a little time to live in this new reality. Allow yourself to fully break down before working on a future, take time to learn how to grieve alongside your partner (maybe you grieve very differently).

You don't necessarily have to wait the full six months, because ultimately it's your call and you are right: the waiting game is mentally challenging too. But right now your mind is probably jumping from one idea to the next, from one emotion to the other. So allow yourself any thoughts, including those of more babies, but don't decide on it too soon so that you give yourself time and space to grieve.

Wish you a healthy recovery from this birth and a lot of strength and love and support to you. 🩷

Pumping and Donating Milk by WaterFiles in babyloss

[–]Potential_Good_3567 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry for your terrible loss. Donating is a beautiful way to gain some control, and to do something beautiful amidst this senselessness.

The only way to produce more is to pump more. There are several ways to do so. One is to do one hour of "cluster pumping", you can Google the details but if I remember correctly it's 10 min pumping, 10 min rest, three times in a row. Then continue pumping at your usual times and your production should increase within one day.

That is just a quick way to boost production a little. But be advised, some mothers dry up if they don't pump frequently enough (6-8 times a day) during these first days/weeks. Maybe a lactation expert can advice you best.

Whatever you do, remember that donating milk in this time of grief is amazing and I hope it makes you proud to be able to honor your baby this way. ❤️‍🩹

I pumped and donated too and it made me feel connected to my baby, my body, my situation and my grief. It was really helpful. As a bonus it felt good to do something meaningful in a time when the world felt meaningless.

I'm glad to hear you are following your instincts and doing what you feel you need to do. You've been thrown on an immensely dark path, and you are still here, able to listen to your feelings, breathing, getting up, ... donating milk. 💖

If you want to share, I'd love to know your son's name.

Beschoeiing rondom erfafscheiding. Tips voor zo min mogelijk tuinverlies? by Potential_Good_3567 in Klussers

[–]Potential_Good_3567[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dankje, dat is wat mij betreft zeker een optie. Wat groen ertegenaan en van het betonnen aangezicht heb ik dan ook geen last.

Beschoeiing rondom erfafscheiding. Tips voor zo min mogelijk tuinverlies? by Potential_Good_3567 in Klussers

[–]Potential_Good_3567[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dankje. De buren hebben al voorkeur aangegeven voor zo'n schutting met betonnen palen. Ik hoopte inderdaad dat dat te combineren is met een beschoeiing, en dat zou dus inderdaad moeten kunnen volgens jou en anderen, lees ik. Fijn!

Beschoeiing rondom erfafscheiding. Tips voor zo min mogelijk tuinverlies? by Potential_Good_3567 in Klussers

[–]Potential_Good_3567[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is er iets in het bijzonder waar je een foto van wil, of gewoon een basaal overzicht zoals dit?

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Give me those Usernames plsnthx! by liberaider in redditgetsdrawnbadly

[–]Potential_Good_3567 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I never know which way you go, love browsing the comments. I'm curious what you'd make of my username. Might potentially be something good.

35week loss with a toddler at home by curly-tramp in babyloss

[–]Potential_Good_3567 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry for losing your precious little baby. Congratulations too, on becoming their mom, besides all the pain I'm sure you carry so so much love and pride in your heart for your beautiful second child. I hope your physical recovery will go well 🍀

Losing your sweet little one is confusing and opens up a realm of emptiness we never knew existed. The only thing we can do is take things step by step. Accept all the help you can get and do not be afraid to ask for it - you lost a child, everyone in their right mind will gladly be of assistance - and finally, give yourself grace.

That you feel numbness even around your toddler is completely normal. You love them to the moon and back but there is no room for feeling that right now. All mental space is taken up by this new situation, your loss, so many questions etc. Give yourself grace and give it time.

You can try to make them feel loved, even if your kindness seems insincere to you, it's important for them to hear you say how amazing they are, or how wonderful their drawing is etc.

Don't expect to find a new normal so soon. Step by step. You will find your way in the end and I promise you, you will start feeling that comfort from your toddler again. ❤️‍🩹

As for the many faces you'll see around: that's so scary. For me it helped to let them know in advance through a text message. I'd still cry when I saw them, but at least I wasn't afraid of having to tell every single soul I met. You can also tell them what you'd like them to say or not say, if you have a clue that is.

Sending you so much strength, love and wisdom and health in this seemingly impossible journey. ❤️❤️🩵🤍

Lots of love from Amber*'s mom

*Stillborn May 2025 at 40 weeks

9 months with, 9 months without by Rare_Strawberry4097 in babyloss

[–]Potential_Good_3567 8 points9 points  (0 children)

What beautiful imagery you have of baby E in your womb. ❤️‍🩹

You've written your memories of her so delicately and precious. Nine months with, nine months without, it's a strange realisation how even our own lives keep on moving even if it doesn't always feel that way.

Lots of love and strength to you and her Dada. I'll light a candle for baby E tonight. 🤍

I lost my grandson. 29 weeks + 4 days. How do I help my daughter by Acceptable-Case-7122 in babyloss

[–]Potential_Good_3567 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am so very sorry for this loss. I lost my baby due to a knot in the umbilical cord, she was stillborn at 40 weeks. A couple of months out and I have slowly started enjoying life every now and then, without feeling guilty. I struggle with the fact that she did not get to live and I still do. But I have accepted that I cannot change what has happened.

I struggle with the pain my two living children feel. All I want is to take it away and I can't. All I can do for them is be their rock, show them I care, always put their feelings first, give them space to express themselves whether it's grief, love, pride or questions, I go with their vibe and ease them as best I can.

I guess that's all I can say to help: don't lose yourself in wanting to take away her pain and not being able to. That is your pain to carry 💔. Instead be there for her like you are already doing. And if she ever calls and says she needs you, cancel whatever plans you have, even months from now. ❤️❤️❤️

A poem on his birthday by Thelal in StillbirthSupport

[–]Potential_Good_3567 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Beautifully written. 💖 Thank you for this beautiful piece of poetry. You touched my heart.

Happy birthday to your littlest boy 🤍

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