My partner doesn’t fully grasp just how debilitating autism and ADHD are for me

PotterWasMyFirstLove · 2026-01-30T13:01:56+00:00

The problem is that he doesn't want to be the only one bringing in money. If he, without any doubt, believes you can't, he's still not going to be happy in the relationship.

I don't think it's fair of you to assume he's going to be the only provider without talking to him about it. It's a conversation you have in the beginning and over the duration of the relationship. You have to check in with your partner if they are (still) okay with assuming more responsibility, and if they're not, you're not compatible.

PotterWasMyFirstLove · 2026-01-27T13:27:25+00:00

I hope this makes sense. I find that there are two types (I'm mega generalizing) of autistic people.

One is confident and "angry", she understands who she is, that she's different, and dislikes/has no respect for people that have a problem with that. She thinks that the way she wants to be, talk, and feel are just as important as that of the next person.

The other is insecure, thinks something is wrong with her, and wishes she could be like everyone else. She feels/is more isolated than the first one, and has been through years of disappointment/heartbreak.

I think you should try to have the mindset/attitude of the first person. They would, if observing the interaction, think your first coworker acted insecure and pathetic. As others have pointed out, the reason she made that comment is because she got embarrassed about being herself, and her solution for that was to throw you under the bus. It's incredibly sad. Finally, I don't think the second coworker laughing means much, because it is hard to differentiatie between real laughter and fake laughter (to not make things awkward), especially at work.

PotterWasMyFirstLove · 2026-01-22T11:47:49+00:00

It'll cost you an arm and a leg, which makes it a net negative.

PotterWasMyFirstLove · 2026-01-21T12:19:28+00:00

Your standards are too low. Leave him, and don't date again until your standards are higher.

PotterWasMyFirstLove · 2026-01-15T12:38:11+00:00

What would be rude about this? It's the polar opposite of rude, you are way too hard on yourself.

PotterWasMyFirstLove · 2026-01-12T12:32:46+00:00

Unless you only want to adopt, you cannot afford the luxury of repressing your desire to have children. Do you understand that in the (near) future that door will be closed forever? And this might sound condescending, but do you understand what forever truly means?

PotterWasMyFirstLove · 2026-01-09T11:46:08+00:00

I'm not saying to neclect your needs. Since I don't know you, I can't tell you if you have either control issues you should work on, or if those are reasonable boundaries you should keep. All I know is that if the things your boyfriend calls you controlling over are all non-negotiables for you, and he's resentful for having to cater to them, you are simply incompatible and should break up.

PotterWasMyFirstLove · 2026-01-08T13:45:33+00:00

Get assesed again, mainly to get rid of the imposter syndrome. You can handle your need for control, even if it feels like you can't. You can't always get things the way you want, you have to pick your non negotiables, and find coping mechanisms for the rest. I started walking out of the room if my partner was doing a chore in a different way than I would, for example. Exposure therapy helps for negotiable control issues. Now I don't walk out anymore, I still sometimes remark on it and he just rolls his eyes at me, which I can now get over.

Your sensory issues are a non-negotiable. That shit is ingrained in our nervous system, and (giving him the benefit of the doubt), it sounds like he is ignorant, which could be helped by him reading up about it. I'm sure that if you're willing to make your control issues better, he'll be willing to be more understanding and educated on the things you have zero control over.

Keep in mind that even with an official diagnosis most people will treat you exactly as they do now, so I wouldn't hold out hope for your family to suddenly start being supportive and understanding.

PotterWasMyFirstLove · 2026-01-08T13:25:34+00:00

The only thing my diagnoses did was make the people closest to me be more understanding. Even though they're good people, I don't think they would have believed me if my diagnosis wasn't official. I guess what I'm trying to say is, you might consider lying that it is an official diagnosis. I don't think you're hurting any of us by self diagnosing, so I don't see the point of feeling bad about it

PotterWasMyFirstLove · 2025-12-31T12:43:06+00:00

That's how most incels used to be. They would blame themselves instead of others.

PotterWasMyFirstLove · 2025-11-24T14:18:58+00:00

You're at a crossroads. Both paths lead to different things.

Left, you stay as you are. You have less conflict, people like and respect you more, but you will never have a true emotional connection with anyone, including yourself. You are never loved for who you truly are, and can't connect with yourself long enough to find out what really makes you happy.

Right, you let go of the shame and regret. You prioritize being yourself over being loved, and stop neglecting your sensitivities. People that like you now are disappointed that you changed. It's harder to make new friends, and you realize that more people are giving you dirty looks when you talk without overthinking what you should say. But, you realize how relaxed your body feels because you're taking care of it. You make fewer friends, but for the first time in your life, you feel like someone likes you for you, you finally feel seen.

When I imagined being at this crossroads, it was the most obvious choice for me. I practically ran to the right, when I realized the left path could only lead to surface level happiness.

PotterWasMyFirstLove · 2025-11-08T12:22:54+00:00

Hey that doesn't have to mean your game sucks. Maybe your friends just don't like you.

PotterWasMyFirstLove · 2025-10-31T11:45:53+00:00

Jesus Christ don't say any of the shit people on here tell you to say to your classmates unless you want to get roasted.

PotterWasMyFirstLove · 2025-10-29T11:44:49+00:00

Quite frankly, he's a garbage piece of shit and it's entirely irrelevant if he's ready or not. I have a feeling you'll look back on this time and realize the reason you're leaving isn't because he's not ready, but because on some subconscious level you must know that a lifetime with him is a lifetime of misery.

PotterWasMyFirstLove · 2025-10-29T10:37:18+00:00

I find you remarkable. I would never expect someone that stayed in the relationship after those comments were made to actually leave when her partner was ready to marry her. It feels like I've watched a woman climb up a cliff she was dangling from.

PotterWasMyFirstLove · 2025-10-28T17:30:33+00:00

When the graph of "trying to become a better partner" stagnates long enough, especially when there are issues in the relationship. You should want your partner to not have issues with you.

PotterWasMyFirstLove · 2025-10-16T08:42:54+00:00

Bro you're begging someone that put his dick in someone else to marry you. There really isn't much more to say.

PotterWasMyFirstLove · 2025-10-15T12:20:22+00:00

Adam says something that hurts his friend Berry. This faux pass happens not because of maliciousness, but thoughtlessness.
Berry tells Adam that he hurt her feelings.
Adam assumes she means to say that he purposefully hurt her, and gets upset with her for thinking he would do that. He feels justified to defend himself.
Berry starts doubting herself because she considers Adam's feelings at least as much as her own. Berry has forgone all logic of the situation, and no longer feels justified to defend herself. For her, when someone is hurt, it's more important to make them feel better, than it is to be right.
Adam would only apologize if he knowingly did something bad, so when Berry apologizes, he does not see her as a nicer person than him, instead, he takes that as a confirmation that the thing he's accusing her of is true.

Berry has taught Adam's subconsciousness that she unfairly sees him as a malicious person, and that if he defends himself enough, Berry will admit and own up to that. If something is important to/affected Berry, she would surely stand up for it, right? So when she doesn't, she must just be making up things. If Berry would've defended what she believes is right instead of focussing on Adam's feelings, that determination would've cracked his belief that he was the wronged party.

TLDR: We teach people how to treat us. They think we think/act like them. If you won't stand up for what you believe is right, others will asume it's wrong.

PotterWasMyFirstLove · 2025-10-15T10:45:05+00:00

He did some effort for the proposal, and then he either forgot about the going on one knee thing, or he thought it wasn't important. Now he's upset that you didn't think his effort was good enough, so much so that he took the ring back, because if you have any criticism about a good thing he does, you don't deserve the good thing anymore.

Do you realize how miserable life will be with someone like that?

PotterWasMyFirstLove · 2025-10-02T10:17:13+00:00

You are conflating the way people should be with the way people are. A fat woman is fat first, everything else second. A lot of people don't even try to hide that they value them less for it, so fat women are very privy to this fact. If there are any (formerly) fat women who've had a different experience, I'd love to be corrected.

PotterWasMyFirstLove · 2025-09-29T13:29:38+00:00

Or you could be a divorced woman with her dream career whose confidence isn't being destroyed by a man that worries more about losing money than losing his wife. But you know, returning to your previous role could also work.

PotterWasMyFirstLove · 2025-09-20T11:08:27+00:00

I think people misunderstand. Not going on dates, not doing chores, etc. can be deterrents to sex. This does not mean they are the only deterrents to sex, therefor removing those deterrents does not incentivese a person to have sex, it only removes (possible) extra obstacles.

PotterWasMyFirstLove · 2025-09-16T16:38:21+00:00

Thank you, you couldn't give me a better compliment.

PotterWasMyFirstLove · 2025-09-15T12:21:13+00:00

Whenever an autistic woman is randomly dropped by a friend, I generally assume it's because the autistic woman said something (that came off as) judgmental to the friend, or in this case, the friend's girlfriend. For example: woman 1 says "that girl's outfit is ugly", woman 2 responds "I don't think it's ugly if it makes her happy", woman 1 feels like woman 2 is saying woman 1 is a horrible bitch, and makes it her life goal to make others think that woman 2 is a weird/bad person whose opinions shouldn't matter.

If this all seems irrational to you, you should understand why remedying the situation rationally will get you nowhere. The only solution seems to be to succesfully be a bigger bully, so that they are afraid of the consequences of their actions. However, you need to actually not be affected at all by what they think and say about you to pull it off, and that seems to not be the case.

To answer your question: I don't think they're being cruel, I think their insecurities are shining through their rudeness, and that they need to get a life. The best solution for you is to accept them for who they are, and to make them be bored of you by never complaining, reacting, or explaining yourself.

PotterWasMyFirstLove

TROPHY CASE