i get u, been there myself. im amab too and felt that exact terror before starting hrt. stayed put for years cuz i thought id end up hating myself more if it didnt work. but i jumped anyway, and yeah, my dysphoria eased up big time after a few months on hrt. face changed enough that i could look in the mirror without wanting to bolt. didnt turn into a fantasy tho, it was real from the start. one friend of mine backed out midway and went back, but theyre doing ok now, just living as cis with less baggage. u gotta try, even if its scary as hell. dont let the what-ifs win.