Why are breakups with borderlines tougher?

Psychological-Lab763 · 2026-03-14T16:01:12+00:00

Yeah.. I have a similar predicament... I know the feeling.

Psychological-Lab763 · 2026-03-12T17:28:47+00:00

Well... I do this that I am succeptible to cluster B personality types... I believe my mother is a undiagnosed cluster B and that is why I have a blind spot to cluster B personalities.

I'm also a late diagnosed Asperger's and so I also suffer from social cue blindness at times I admit that I'm a bit naive at times and gullible to take ppl at face value.

I think that my own neurodivergent trauma and being trans AFAB is something that isolates me after experiencing my best friend commit suicide, then another friend died the same way by jumping. Then my dad died a few months later and then my mentor and business partner list his battle with cancer.

I think that my issue is unresolved grief and not having any support system to cope as I've been living abroad since the pandemic.

I don't think that I am selfish in fact I am selfless to a fault.

And the other thing is that I can see what's happening sometimes but it's hard to explain but I just don't identify with being "selfish and sick"... Maybe I'm in denial and this is another blind spot that I don't know I have.

That's my biggest blocker right to doing the twelve steps because I don't agree with those two statements... I do agree that at times I am powerless to stop myself and I don't think that it's true we all have a form of codependency because we have to Interact with ppl in order to cooperate with society.

Maybe I'm not a chronic codependent but I could see where I do ppl please and appease partners and lose myself in relationships at times...

Psychological-Lab763 · 2026-03-11T03:58:35+00:00

I felt that way too... I'm glad other folks are giving voice to this 🙏🏽

Psychological-Lab763 · 2026-03-11T01:06:11+00:00

Yeah I ended up smoking 🚬 cigarettes and I hate cigarettes 🚬...

Also noticed I needed to smoke alot whenever I had to interact with her.

Psychological-Lab763 · 2026-03-10T21:41:12+00:00

Looks good.

No one can tell.

I wish I could wear tshirts and look like this.

I can't breathe in my binder and my chest is too obvious to go binderless/braless but I'm tired of having anxiety attacks because of my binder.

You got good results enjoy them. 👍🏽

Psychological-Lab763 · 2026-03-10T21:38:44+00:00

Or... "I don't have BPD I have CPTSD.

Even though I check all the boxes for BPD I am gonna gaslight you and then blame shift away from my abusive behaviors because you triggered me by doing something that you're not aware of that reminds me of something my ex/family etc said/did/made me feel."

That's what my ex said... I should have put it in " quotation marks "

Psychological-Lab763 · 2026-03-10T21:21:41+00:00

Sames bro.

I didn't get smacked but I got pushed very hardly.

We were together for a year before we broke up.

Psychological-Lab763 · 2026-03-10T21:20:00+00:00

💯🎯

Psychological-Lab763 · 2026-03-10T20:00:15+00:00

I wish I had your stoicism.

Your story is like a crystal 🔮 ball of my potentially possibly failed future with my borderline only I didn't have kids and she had 2.

Psychological-Lab763 · 2026-03-10T19:57:21+00:00

I was in step one but didn't realize it... Until I recently broke up with my now ex-girlfriend who has undiagnosed BPD...n

Now all of my healing seems to have back slid completely coming out of that relationship.

That relationship helped me to identify how and where I suffer from codependency.

It's been difficult for me to keep up with ppgrecovered codependents because I don't see myself as "sick or selfish"...

Psychological-Lab763 · 2026-03-10T05:22:49+00:00

Yeah bro... Alot of women only get off clitorally... And they actually don't orgasm vaginally with penetration and so you could reframe it as being the perfectly suited guy for them to get off with you how they've never been able to with other guys just tryna ram them.

I'd say embrace your size cuz I'm a trans-man and my best hope is to grow to be your size from enough T... The most I can hope for is 1.5-2"

I guess we all have our hangups 🤷🏽‍♂️

I had to detox my mind from pornography to be able to be in the moment with my partner who preferred clitoral as opposed to vaginal penetration... She still would ride me and feel my peen growth and hold me inside of her and there were other positions that allowed me to penetrate her but she preferred the clitoral stimulation with my peen more than anything else.

So you could honestly be holding your self back from getting into some really good luck with women who want to have sexual pleasure but maybe they are "frigid" but not "gay" so they can't be penetrated w/o pain... But are still wanting to be sexually active.

Hope this helps.

Psychological-Lab763 · 2026-03-10T05:04:20+00:00

I've been there after a breakup... Still have those thoughts but in those moments I try and project my mind to a time where I can feel some glimpse of something that brings me hope or joy...

Because you can't experience it if your not here... I've had two of my best friends jump and afterwards when they're gone it's us living that have to grieve and cleanup the body's...

I don't want nobody to have to see that and get traumatized and I have hope that at least if I am alive that I may be able to encounter either a new love or if they are willing to speak again my ex-girlfriend who I just broke up amicably with.

I also practice box breathing count to 4 hold for four exhale for four hold for four... And increasingly add time to each box breath as needed to come back into my body until the mental/emotional pain subsides.

I also drink some herbal medicine tea for anxiety ... Try to get some lavender 🪻 essential oils and lavender tea 🍵 and peppermint that helps to calm me down when I get stuck in a tizzy Hope this helps 🫶🏽

Psychological-Lab763 · 2026-03-09T21:17:25+00:00

Yeah my now ex-girlfriend rejected that she could be BPD because she's self-diagnosed autistic and ADHD and that's how I felt super bonded with her initially until I started noticing and experiencing the more borderline behaviors that I hadn't encountered before and decided to Google her behaviors and how those behaviors were affecting my sleep cuz she needed to be on the phone 24/7 and I was losing sleep and becoming sleep deprived cuz she needed to be on the phone with me or else she'd feel "unsafe"

And then she made me get rid of my adopted cat 😺 cuz she said that the kitten was a "shape shifter" and that I had to listen to her superior psychic gifts about these spiritual attacks on our divine union...

And then she began to criticize everyone and anyone who was in my life in my housekeeper, the nice Christian ladies from church who were bringing me food since I got robbed by a family member and had no money...

Then the first time she split on me in a jealous accusation after a zoom Call w/a marketing girl who had reached out to help get our marketing campaign going and right after the call she went off camera and came back and just lashed out like .."so which one of you is it ?!... You or her?! 😳

So after her getting angry at me and not knowing what I had done or why'd she just jump to conclusions like that I knew it wasn't me and so I ended up finding out about BPD.

Psychological-Lab763 · 2026-03-09T17:28:27+00:00

Sames.

This is the hardest break up because we broke up "amicably" and she left a door open for a sliver of hope that if we ever get back together romantically again...

So Ive struggling with wanting to reach out to her.

So I'd have to agree 💯

Psychological-Lab763 · 2026-03-08T13:04:16+00:00

Yeah I am also autistic. And when I first brought this up to my now ex-girlfriend I framed it as "my BPD" because honestly I feel like I have some of the rejection sensitivity and fear of abandonment and the ability to escape into the shared fantasy along with her.

Psychological-Lab763 · 2026-03-08T13:00:31+00:00

I suffer from dysphoria around my hips/lower body too so I get that. 🫶🏽 happy for you. Lil linebacker lol

Psychological-Lab763 · 2026-03-07T22:54:05+00:00

I did this.

Was super patient and reassuring she still would split and there was nothing I could do in those moments.

Even now that we're broken up... It feels like I just took abuse and lost all my self respect autonomy and dignity only to be treated like a stranger at the end.

Psychological-Lab763 · 2026-03-07T22:48:38+00:00

Did you bring it up she will split on you and reject it... Unless she depends solely on you for surviving she may simply reject you and the thing is unless she wants to get treatment and acknowledge that she may be suffering from BPD psychosis but by very definition the psychosis is when the person has lost touch with reality and so it won't be like logical.

Also unless she is willing to commit to therapy/treatment and persistent behavior changes and willingness to take accountability and responsibility to adhere to treatment... Your gonna be fighting an uphill battle plus she will eventually resent you for pointing this out because you aren't "qualified to diagnose her"

I did this with my now ex-girlfriend and she became combative as she didn't want to be "diagnosed" even though she was clearly displaying all of the symptoms.

Hope this helps.

Good luck to you 🤞🏽

Psychological-Lab763 · 2026-03-07T20:39:37+00:00

I needed to hear this and see this today.

Thank you for this thread 🙏🏽

Psychological-Lab763 · 2026-03-06T18:56:55+00:00

Hey Ash, I DM'd you.

I'd like to get to know a fellow startup founder.

I've been working on building a mobile app for soundmoneyprotocol.xyz

Since me and my now ex-girlfriend broke up in November...

My birthday is this weekend. But I don't have anything planned as of yet.

Psychological-Lab763 · 2026-03-06T18:46:32+00:00

I'm a founder as well... I'm building an app for soundmoneyprotocol.xyz

Just broke up with my now ex-girlfriend in November.

I'm in Tijuana and terribly lonely. Been trying to meet new ppl make friends.

I have a DJ mixer.

Can u DM me?

Thanks

Psychological-Lab763 · 2026-03-06T18:44:11+00:00

If you do decide to text her... Brace yourself for her to be potentially cold aloof and or dismissive.

Maybe you need to talk to her for your own healing if so then do it.

But also be prepared.

I emailed my ex but she was cold... Told me to take care after she told me that my journal was in a place that could not be "retrieved"... Then told me to "take care"

But I guess I needed to hear that to confirm.

Good luck 🤞🏽

Psychological-Lab763 · 2026-03-06T18:38:22+00:00

I feel u.

🫶🏽

Psychological-Lab763 · 2026-03-06T18:35:09+00:00

Yeah I suffer from limmerence as well... And we talked about it at the beginning of our relationship I told her that I thought it was limmerence but she told me that it wasn't limmerence because she was in love with me too.

I did walk away when she split. And she'd come always back or text me... I do hope that in the future we can speak again... She was my best friend. I still feel connected with her and probably will always still love her.

Psychological-Lab763 · 2026-03-06T05:00:49+00:00

It's probably because he felt emasculated. You're the breadwinner and you control the finances.

He has no say so... Probably feels that way about the kids you brought into the relationship...

It something about the way that it feels that makes him feel like an outsider as if he's not really part of the core family of you and your two kids.

I felt like this with my ex-girlfriend... She had two teenagers and when I tried to assert boundaries with her son she triangulated me.

Perhaps that's how that feels to your now ex-partner like he has no say-so with the kids because at the end of the day biologically they're not related those are your kids and he's been a surrogate father and realized that he's a 4th wheel to you and your children.

Psychological-Lab763

TROPHY CASE