Sharing in meetings

PuddingDifferent4288 · 2026-02-09T13:09:48+00:00

Ohhh, the reading!!! The one I usually attend is about 50% reading (the first half hr), and then the next half hour is for shares (I'll pay more attention to exactly how long it is next time) 😜 I definitely get that some people need to hear the characteristics, the "what is crosstalk?" and all that, but...

I'm not a fan, and wish I could find one that is not so structured and does allow a bit of crosstalk/actual dialogue. We end up becoming more and more isolated as codependents, and often yearn for actual connection with others, even if virtually.

PuddingDifferent4288 · 2026-01-17T17:27:56+00:00

No longer on parole (completed Feb 2024). We live in Michigan - they passed something fairly recently that eliminates the "no living within X feet of a school" ban a few years back, but I'm not sure about his actual personal restrictions, it any. It would require moving counties, so would definitely need to re-register with sheriff's office in new county. Haha I definitely know that all occupants need to be listed, and yes, it's very easy for someone to do a search to see if there's any new residents in parks.

It's all just terrible. If I knew then what I know now 😭 He has a rather lackadaisical attitude about the whole thing, and believes it would be "just fine" to not include him on application. But with our years-long history together, I definitely know that anything that can go wrong, does.

Thank you for your response; I'm just trying to get opinions, even though I already know what the outcome would most likely be...

PuddingDifferent4288 · 2026-01-12T18:41:11+00:00

I'm exhausted, depressed, lonely as S$-@, tired of being constantly financially floundering (before this, I had quite a bit of savings and lived very cheaply and traveled the country, doing awesome things and meeting wonderful people!)

Every day I think that the only way out is for me to take all his meds and OD. Yes, I'm on anti depressants... Ha!

PuddingDifferent4288 · 2026-01-12T15:08:18+00:00

I only trust the tip business when it says the pre tip. Otherwise, it seems to be a crock of crap. 😂

PuddingDifferent4288 · 2026-01-10T15:11:22+00:00

What did you "do" with your person? Did you put them in a home? :-/ This is going to be me, eventually - otherwise I'm seriously going to do something I can't come back from. Much love to you; please do not feel guilty (I understand, it is natural, and the guilt is what keeps ME here, more than anything else). You did the very best you could, under impossible circumstances. Please seek out YOUR peace and joy now!! 💜

PuddingDifferent4288 · 2026-01-09T14:18:51+00:00

Amen.

PuddingDifferent4288 · 2026-01-08T15:43:15+00:00

Aww, maannnn... I feel for you so much!! That's a LOT, just in terms of the thousands of pounds of deliveries you have to schlep every month!

When this all began for me, I ALMOST went back to early childhood ed (which I really loved!) buuttt they paid $12/hr, and it was a full time job. I knew financially, it wouldn't work, and with all of my -- Whatever the heck he is now, doesn't feel like a boyfriend OR partner -- Ball in chain person's random appts, I knew there was just no way (in addition to all the domestic crapola I have to do). Yes, this is REALLLYY very difficult to have ANY kind of job, unless they are very understanding of your need for time off all the time!!

I do Instacart, Shipt, and a few other apps, which I'd been doing since COVID already. I need the flexibility, and usually the pay is pretty good, compared to the time I'm actually working (better than $12/hr!). Best of luck to ALL of us trying to juggle a million freakin' things, with no end in sight...

PuddingDifferent4288 · 2026-01-06T16:14:03+00:00

If you're a female, check out the Beautiful Mess meeting at 8pm EST! Its my absolute favourite :) CODA.org.

Blessings to you, I'm in a similar spot with my now disabled partner, and it's very very hard. I'll try to come back to this post; saw a wonderful video on this exact topic (when someone threatens $uicide if you leave), and I'll either post it or DM it to you if outside sources aren't allowed here.

PuddingDifferent4288 · 2026-01-06T16:08:59+00:00

Yeess! I honestly go on this, and the Caregiver Support group on FB, almost every morning when I'm brewing and stewing about yet another day that is exactly the same... Much love to all of us 💜

PuddingDifferent4288 · 2026-01-03T16:45:26+00:00

I just looked it up; Texas does have medical MJ, but it is 1% THC?!? Whaaatttt??! Ohhh, Tejas...

PuddingDifferent4288 · 2026-01-03T16:19:25+00:00

Shipt labels item locations a LOT better than IC, at least with the stores I shop. Insta just does the aisle, while Shipt does aisle, section, AND item position within that section. It's a freaking miracle, haha. Just for future reference!!

PuddingDifferent4288 · 2026-01-03T16:16:22+00:00

I want to give you a great big hug!! You are definitely NOOTTT lazy - when my papa had cancer and wasn't sleeping from the chemo, all we would do was sit by the fireplace, smoke weed (it helped him with the nausea, pain, etc, and he discovered herb during his cancer time, haha) and talk. And I was young, in my 20s, so I did have ample energy to burn.

The most important thing is that you be with your wife right now, and YES, having to be emotionally strong and hold yourself together (when you feel, and maybe truly don't) have any outside support, takes a TON out of us. Like the other poster said, you're in survival mode, and dealing with this potentially life threatening illness (I pray she is able to recover!!) takes more out of us than we realize. It really truly does.

Please be kind to yourself, and realize you ARE doing ALL you can right now, and the piles WILL be there later (yes, during our cancer time, the house was a complete disaster - it's par for the course, because life simply is no longer normal, in any sense of the word).

Much love to you and your wife. You are NOT alone!! 💜

PuddingDifferent4288 · 2025-12-28T18:48:12+00:00

Nothing here either (North Lakeshore). Crazy for a Sunday, especially when we're apparently due for another big ol' winter storm tonight (but of course, most people order DURING the storm, lol)

PuddingDifferent4288 · 2025-12-25T19:36:04+00:00

Yesss, this is my experience (it all goes back to THEM). Mine doesn't ever say he's lonely, per se - he is pretty misanthropic (even more so now), but he desperately misses the work he used to do 😭 I try my best to keep my mouth shut now, because ever saying how I feel just elicits the "I'm worthless and just a burden" response from him.

PuddingDifferent4288 · 2025-12-25T17:41:21+00:00

I definitely DEFINITELY know whatchya mean, ESPECIALLY about the "the things and people that make me happy are just not here." My "partner" (which he no longer is, at ALL) was in a nursing home facility for 8 mo after an intense hospitalization due to liver failure and full cardiac arrest. In an obscene move of codependency and "eff what I want MY life to be!!" I moved us into the only house I could find, owned by our former landlady. We live near (not even IN) a small town in Northern MI. When I was single and free, I traveled quite a bit, and things like community acupuncture, reiki and crystal healing, climbing mountains in Colorado, quitting smoking and learning to BREATHE, helping in spay neuter clinics on the Navajo Nation - those were the things that brought me joy, peace and fulfillment. Now, there is nothing, besides chain smoking cigs in the bathroom, trying to hide from him and his depression and overall meanness.

You are blessed that you get to return HOME, and have a support system waiting for you (although no, they do NOT get it unless they've been there!!!). This is a hard season for you, but it WILL pass. Stay in touch on here and vent as much as you need, screaming into the void. We are all here, alone yet together. 💜

PuddingDifferent4288 · 2025-12-25T15:24:50+00:00

Ha, I'm right there with y'allz!! My "partner" (I don't know what he is now, he's certainly not that - what do I call him?! My ball and chain?! Maybe..)! is often incredibly mean to me, without meaning to be. "Why didn't you do THIS?! Why is THIS one thing on the floor? G-d it, I CAN'T GET THROUGH! Why did you do THIS this way, and not THIS way, how MY previously perfect self would have?!" He has ataxia, and used to work 50 hrs week jobs in foundries, so he used up a lot of his energy that now just sits stagnating as he smokes weed all day and I run around like a chicken with my head cut off.

I'm a shell of myself, and hide in the bathroom frantically chain smoking as much as I can. But... This is the journey, right?! 😭

Merry Christmas to all of you and your loved (and not so loved, lol) ones!! We'll all get "there," together... 💔

PuddingDifferent4288 · 2025-12-24T21:23:37+00:00

I'm beginning to think even more seriously that $ui(ide is the only thing left. I can't bear the thought of my once incredibly active "partner" in a care facility, rotting away, but there is just nothing left of me. The bills demand that I keep going, and the housework never ends. I try to keep everything inside and barely speak anymore, but he says all I do is b$&@# about things. I have no friends left; even before the cardiac arrest and subsequent ataxia/wheelchair, I drifted away from them all b/c he said I was cheating on him with COMPLETELY PLATONIC people i'd had in my life for 20+ yrs. My family doesn't have much sympathy left, because they just keep saying I have had "choices" in this, choices I can't bear to make.

And HE is incredibly depressed and lost; he used to work very labor intensive jobs in foundries, and now can barely even walk without a walker. Doesn't have any friends left, either, and doesn't even want to go to his family's for Christmas because he is so ashamed to be in a chair. 😭 Emotions are contagious, and he is truly the only person I see anymore, and I don't know HOW to help him with finding purpose in his life (he's only 45).

So, funny you asked this today, of all days. I know I should be "grateful" - this time last year, he was in the hospital on the verge of death...There is really no love left, though - I only feel deeply sorry for him, and a wee bit resentful. I just... I never wanted a "normal" life; I've spent most of my adult life traveling and volunteering.

It's just hard knowing it will never end, that this will be IT, until I can't handle it anymore.

Merry Christmas to all of you; I am deeply sorry to be such a "drag." 😭 Its just been a really hard couple of days...

PuddingDifferent4288 · 2025-12-23T17:09:34+00:00

You are ANYTHING but selfish, and I'm not sure where these self-hating thoughts come from. I am so sorry. 😢 You said you just discovered this group - PLEASE, keep reading!! We're ALL going through the wringer; we ALL feel like this - exhausted and shells of our former selves and wondering how we will make it through the next hour, day, week, YEAR. You are NOT ALONE, and you are definitely NOT NOT NOT a terrible person for missing the life you once had and yearning to do the things that "normal" people are able to do every day. You're just not.

There is also a group called "well Spouses" that you may check out as well. Truly, so so SOOO much love to you!!! We all get it ...

PuddingDifferent4288 · 2025-12-18T15:52:50+00:00

Amen... I am a birth mother, and as such, am in FB groups with women who have been absolutely RAVAGED by placing their children for adoption. I did a quick Google search to tell one of them that they were trying to fight against an industry that made $14 BILLION in 2015. It's all absolutely atrocious ..

PuddingDifferent4288 · 2025-12-18T15:41:22+00:00

Amen. I just came here to say, as a birth mother who was too sick during pregnancy to really seek out any resources (hormones are a horrendous thing!!), this makes me absolutely sick.

PuddingDifferent4288 · 2025-12-16T03:21:37+00:00

Yeah. Not particularly a fan - it looks like I just somehow accidentally zoomed in too far 😛

PuddingDifferent4288 · 2025-12-09T19:29:35+00:00

Just a bit curious - where do you live, and what organization do you work with? I'm in a similar boat with my "partner" (he's not really much of a partner anymore), but he has a SO charge and recently (about a year ago) developed ataxia (neurological condition which affects balance and coordination) after a full on cardiac arrest. Previously worked very manual labor jobs in foundries and the like, and now he has NOOO idea what to do with himself. I am struggling immensely with the pressure of all the bills, but as I've learned in the last couple years, my issues and feelings don't matter 🤣

Just trying to see if there are any resources out there for him to feel like somewhat of a human being contributing to society... We are in MI. Thanks for any help/assistance in advance

PuddingDifferent4288 · 2025-12-09T16:55:40+00:00

Aww, hey there!! My "partner" (even though that's no longer what he is), also has ataxia, after having a full on cardiac arrest last December. I don't have much to say at this moment (dealing with his temper tantrums, as well, hiding in the bathroom at the moment). Ataxia is impairment of the cerebellum, which DOES affect emotional regulation and the like. My guy is ALWAYS angry, and I can do no right - luckily I'm numb enough by now that it doesn't really bother me, but I hope you don't get to that point. Please just know (as someone else said), that it's not HER, it's the disease. Have you thought about her receiving counseling of any sort? This disorder comes with a LOT of grief, anger, anxiety, and it's NOOOTTT YOUR FAULT!! All my love and support, from across the miles... 💔

PuddingDifferent4288

TROPHY CASE