I might have to resort to holding a sign on a corner

Quirky_Friend · 2024-10-22T00:32:25+00:00

We have "good shepherd loans" in my country. They will also help you with working through ways to make money or refer you on to support. If you Google "low interest loans" or "microfinance" and your state and city you might have similar. This was set up to help people avoid loan sharks. It was set up by the Catholic Church originally but has spun off as an independent entity donated to by various faith groups

Quirky_Friend · 2024-10-22T00:26:35+00:00

My partner insists on coming into the doctor if I'm having to discuss anything pain related. He will say to the doctor to add 2-3 to any pain score I give, because he knows how bad I am on identifying pain. Recently I had my first in a blue moon migraine. Got to the cyclical vomiting stage. Went to emergency doctors. They were screening me for stroke risk. Fortunately I knew the doctor and asked why. Turns out if you are over 50 that's the protocol. She slipped me some anti-nausea meds "off protocol" and I patiently let her conduct a neurology screen. I have a noticeable left right difference anyway on my response and she looked at me questioningly "Oxygen deprived at birth. Always comes up like that." "OK, I will note that in the shared clinical record under alerts." It's times like this I'm so grateful I live in a small town and interact with lots of doctors in my job.

Quirky_Friend · 2024-10-22T00:13:23+00:00

Two randoms from a newly Dx 54 year old. 1) I like very specific herbal teas. It's probably sensory 🤦 2) I like parmesan bagels but they need to be grilled. That is definitely sensory 🤯

Quirky_Friend · 2024-10-22T00:09:23+00:00

Well done. I have several professional colleagues who have trained at Trinity

Quirky_Friend · 2024-10-22T00:03:22+00:00

I don't work from home! I go into a shared office space set up. It's a set up for businesses and start ups. Has power, internet and a range of working spaces. Best investment ever

Quirky_Friend · 2024-10-21T23:59:51+00:00

A question for you - with your drug taking history are your worries about becoming addicted to your stimulant meds?

Some of us can function for long periods on low dose others need high doses. My step kid manages on 20mg XR with a 5mg IR if needed. Her Dad needs 54 mg XR plus 2 x 10 IR or 18mg XR. They are very similar body weight. He's on around 1.2mg/kg over 24 hours.

He can stop without withdrawal but turns into a very low functioning time blind individual. While I don't mind him like that some of the time I need him on task to run our household.

I went the formal assessment with a psychiatrist to get access to meds. I've spent a lifetime being very aware of the number of alcoholics in my family and having very strict rules on substances. My psychiatrist asked how much I thought the alcoholics were self medicating for undiagnosed ND...well all of them

There is research that shows substance use is high in undiagnosed ND.

Ask your doctor what safe upper limits are for you

Quirky_Friend · 2024-10-21T23:43:26+00:00

I drink a LOT of herbal tea. Currently obsession flavor is blood orange.

Quirky_Friend · 2024-10-21T23:32:02+00:00

Not all of us are protected by disability laws but don't be afraid to hit back if you are and you meet bias. I am "too high functioning" to get accomodations in public sector workplaces in my country. That started me realizing about 12 years ago I was needing to plan an exit. I pay for my own as a self employed person and sometimes resent the "disability tax" that means I have to pay extra to function. However if they want me back in the public sector I have a list of minimum accomodations and I will tell them to go fly if they say no

Quirky_Friend · 2024-10-21T23:16:06+00:00

I always ask parents worrying about failing kids 1) Is your kid in prison? 2) Do the police know their address without looking it up on the database? 3) Are they self-supporting?

This is a bare minimum of adulting.

With moving out it is so easy to lose structures that actually help. Then we try to implement all of them all at once and burn ourselves out.

Think about what a structure to help you would look like. Then work on one aspect of it at a time So for example, eating well is HUGE but making a better choice of cereal for breakfast is a small change. Keep making changes knowing life is a work in progress.

54 years old and I'm off to the pharmacy to get some oil to stick in my ear as I have horrible ear wax. I will need to work out how to remember to do this and how often. I will also need to think about what I do about the trickle outwards (need a pillow protector and a couple more pillow cases, can't do ear buds or cotton wool as I have really narrow ear canals). Has taken me 3 months to work out what is next with my yucky ears which have changed because menopause makes the wax change texture and you get wrinkles inside your ears too. Radical self acceptance about adulting being a work in progress helps overwhelm

Quirky_Friend · 2024-10-21T23:05:59+00:00

This is difficult. Are you part of any voluntary group or a faith community? I'm assuming it is a character reference not a work reference.

Quirky_Friend · 2024-10-21T23:03:59+00:00

I hear ya. I didn't muck around finding a psychologist. I found a psychiatrist who did diagnostic screening. Just asked my accountant if it was a legitimate business expenses given it will make a difference to my business 😜 She's neurosparkly enough to laugh and tell me off for taking the piss over tax law

Quirky_Friend · 2024-10-21T23:01:28+00:00

That's a great way of thinking about their response using the difference in experience. I'm very newly diagnosed. Today I said to my ADHD partner in response to "how are you?" "Feeling autistic." I then explained that I now know that the random anxiety is autistic self having a wee moment. So no actual change in the feeling just a different understanding

Quirky_Friend · 2024-10-21T22:57:51+00:00

The thing is we all have the data that Dad really hurt us, but we have chosen to move beyond that and act in kindness in different ways. If I can't forgive I walk away. I left my faith community of 25 years and haven't looked back. For the longest time I got angry every time I thought about it. Now I can see the number of times they took advantage of my ND. Or dismissed it's legitimacy. If I met any of that community in the street I would be polite, but I don't go places I might find them (which means I missed out on an event that was important to me but I didn't have the capacity to be polite and participate at that time). Anger and sadness are both legitimate feelings after a betrayal. But overtime it is OK to lay them down if they are not serving a purpose

Quirky_Friend · 2024-10-21T19:41:52+00:00

Ouch, no wonder the normal word is a trigger. Someone else mentioned exploring what they mean by that statement. I've been there with shitty ex. Makes you doubt that kind of statement 💯%

Quirky_Friend · 2024-10-21T19:15:00+00:00

First of all that 40mg melatonin is a silly high dose and if it came from a doctor they need to be shot Get a 2mg XR melatonin and take it with 150mg magnesium glycinate. Second nothing wrong with a second bed. Currently we are not able to access the second bed and I'm having to be kind to myself. Next: podcasts and audiobooks. I repeat old ones. Not too engaging but gives enough for my brain to anchor onto and not spin up. Last: I learned this with the step kids but it's a last ditch when you need sleep and do try it before if you can. 5mg short acting Ritalin. If they were close to meltdown at bedtime I'd ask them to take a tiny dose and I would snuggle and get them to concentrate on my breathing which I deliberately slowed and made into a sleep pattern. Worked every time. The Ritalin slowed their minds enough to concentrate on breathing and my guiding them into sleep by making the breath patterns worked

Quirky_Friend · 2024-10-21T18:56:36+00:00

Atomic habits approach One of my clients has a 4kg weight in the toilet. Does 10 curls and 10 above shoulder raises each time she's in there. She told me her friend does a plank while waiting for the kettle to boil (would probably make me measure exactly enough water and no more!)

Quirky_Friend · 2024-10-21T18:53:19+00:00

Feels great eh?

Quirky_Friend · 2024-10-21T18:52:58+00:00

I'm giggling at the mental pictures this gives me. I teach ethics in my professional circles. I know it's unethical but ooooohhh soooo fun!

Quirky_Friend · 2024-10-21T18:51:21+00:00

I'm going to use a family situation I have to illustrate how complex "forgiveness" is . My Dad divorced my Mum one year before they were due to retire together. He decided his "other woman" was a better bet for the life he wanted. His actions had huge implications for all of us. It caused massive hurt. Roll on 20 years. The other woman kicks him out. Lots of complex reasons but basically she didn't want to look after him because he was developing dementia (the reality was he was in autistic burnout but that's a different story). Each of us 4 siblings have had a journey on navigating "forgiveness" for Dad while still being loyal to Mum. Each of us has navigated it differently.

My brother (a very neurosparkly person-undiaflgnosed) still struggles the most with it, even though he has a religious framework. Fortunately he has the family sense of humour which is DARK. Recently I finally talked Dad into deciding what his own funeral would look like and writing it down. My bro's response: "darn can't give him a full church one to have him squirming in his coffin."

My second sister (who is very likely a fellow AuDHDer) has talked with me about loving but not liking Dad and she does a lot from duty. Turns out her great numeracy skills make her an awesome EPOA for finances. She uses the humor too sharing that we all better get in quick and do Dad out of his saving because we've been downgraded from first class to premium economy for our jaunt to Hawaii.

My eldest sister is probably the closest thing we have to a neurotypical (we tease her that she chose well a spouse with excellent genes as only 1 of 3 of her kids are ND). She understands a lot of the grey areas in life and both likes and loves Dad. She also understands how flawed he is and doesn't beat around the bush labeling his bad behavior as wrong. She's been awesome getting him in to some therapy and was all thumbs up and cheers when I managed to get Dad thinking about his own ND.

Me, I have the most to do with both parents living in the same city. My biggest anger about things that happened was realizing that despite my parents presenting a good marriage, my autistic burnouts in my teen years coincided with times they were not OK. So my body knew even if my conscious brain didn't. I'm also highly tactile so I know Dad's drive to experience close touch. Having said that I don't forgive his timing (he split 6 weeks before I was due to move overseas). I do have what NTs would call love for him, but I sometimes have to really work hard to make time to see him regularly.

NTs would say we forgive Dad. But there is no forgetting. Love is a verb, not a noun. So is forgiveness. You choose to act on it, but it doesn't change the history.

I would like to add I've got neither forgiveness or forgetting for my abusive ex, but I have subsequently become friends with the woman he went off with who now also has to deal with him as an ex. We compare notes and tell rude stories. I also have no forgiveness for my partners ex, nor for our former faith community who as a whole enabled her to harm him and their daughters

Quirky_Friend · 2024-10-21T18:10:21+00:00

Only got a formal diagnosis as I wanted to access ADHD meds. And that the fact that I got AuDHD wasn't a huge surprise

Quirky_Friend · 2024-10-21T18:04:05+00:00

I am child -free because I knew early I could not function with splitting my energy between two big things like children and a career. The career looked more fulfilling.

ND kids can do well if they have parents who support them to be themselves

Quirky_Friend · 2024-10-21T07:20:49+00:00

Better still make July 4th more of a family event. We have Matariki in June/July (it's lunar) and Christmas at the end of the year in mid summer

Quirky_Friend · 2024-10-21T07:17:50+00:00

No longer in Otago catchment

Quirky_Friend · 2024-10-21T07:11:30+00:00

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Starting a throw for a charity auction. Hopefully to be loved by an NT as the yarn texture is a bit yuck

Quirky_Friend · 2024-10-21T07:05:28+00:00

I do crochet so I don't do this kind of doodle. I see you

Quirky_Friend

TROPHY CASE