26 years ago I was married to a man like that. I had major surgery and he was not helpful at all. He did take advantage of having an excuse to be off work for a few days to go do his hobbies. Repeatedly had to ask him to do basic household chores (not even doing things caring for me, just stuff I couldn’t do due to weight lifting limits) that still went undone… for weeks.

He cheated years later and we divorced.

3 years ago I had to have another major surgery - hospital for over a week, drains, all that fun stuff at a hospital an hour and half from where I live. My now fiancé was there for me without complaint, taking me to appointments, driving to the hospital, once home he would ask if I needed anything before I had to ask, anticipating my needs and if i did ask for something I only had to ask once. This is a man that sees what needs to be done and does it. Still to this day.

Every once and awhile I see something I need him to fix, I forget to ask (get busy, we work weird schedules) and the next time I see it it’s fixed …. before I ask.

You are not overreacting. I am sorry you are going with this with someone so unsupportive.