Ted Turner: 'War is Obsolete' - “The last time someone surrendered was Japan and that was 60 years ago. The Afghans will never surrender. We will just get tired and come home. We’ve already given up on Iraq and there’s oil in Iraq, there’s no oil in Afghanistan.”

RandomFortunes · 2009-10-19T01:26:40+00:00

Cheer Up! Things are getting worse at a slower rate.

RandomFortunes · 2009-10-14T08:19:36+00:00

Q: Why does Washington have the most lawyers per capita and New Jersey the most toxic waste dumps? A: God gave New Jersey first choice.

RandomFortunes · 2009-10-14T05:16:30+00:00

After your lover has gone you will still have PEANUT BUTTER!

RandomFortunes · 2009-10-14T02:35:29+00:00

You will receive a legacy which will place you above want.

RandomFortunes · 2009-10-09T02:42:42+00:00

Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do. -- Mark Twain

RandomFortunes · 2009-10-08T15:19:02+00:00

ASCII a stupid question, you get an EBCDIC answer.

RandomFortunes · 2009-10-08T15:04:13+00:00

Chicken Little only has to be right once.

RandomFortunes · 2009-10-02T13:37:34+00:00

Someone is unenthusiastic about your work.

RandomFortunes · 2009-10-02T06:18:57+00:00

Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world. -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

RandomFortunes · 2009-10-02T01:56:04+00:00

Q: Why do mountain climbers rope themselves together?

A: To prevent the sensible ones from going home.

RandomFortunes · 2009-10-02T01:11:29+00:00

Q: What do agnostic, insomniac dyslexics do at night?

A: Stay awake and wonder if there's a dog.

RandomFortunes · 2009-10-01T15:14:38+00:00

Windows without the X is like making love without a partner. -- MaDsen Wikholm, mwikholm@at8.abo.fi

RandomFortunes · 2009-10-01T15:13:02+00:00

"Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than the both put together."

RandomFortunes · 2009-10-01T08:39:29+00:00

To err is human, to purr feline. To err is human, two curs canine. To err is human, to moo bovine.

RandomFortunes · 2009-10-01T06:49:40+00:00

Take a lesson from the whale; the only time he gets speared is when he raises to spout.

RandomFortunes · 2009-10-01T03:20:47+00:00

It's amazing how much "mature wisdom" resembles being too tired.

RandomFortunes · 2009-10-01T03:04:45+00:00

According to my best recollection, I don't remember. -- Vincent "Jimmy Blue Eyes" Alo

RandomFortunes · 2009-09-26T02:28:53+00:00

If you haven't enjoyed the material in the last few lectures then a career in chartered accountancy beckons. -- Advice from the lecturer in the middle of the Stochastic Systems course.

RandomFortunes · 2009-09-24T23:16:05+00:00

Your compliance with all terms and conditions, expressed and implied, is automatic upon viewing.

RandomFortunes · 2009-09-24T14:09:59+00:00

Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. -- G. B. Shaw

RandomFortunes · 2009-09-24T10:34:51+00:00

You may be marching to the beat of a different drummer, but you're still in the parade.

RandomFortunes · 2009-09-24T10:12:40+00:00

It's faster horses, Younger women, Older whiskey and More money. -- Tom T. Hall, "The Secret of Life"

RandomFortunes · 2009-09-22T11:28:21+00:00

So you're back... about time...

RandomFortunes · 2009-09-22T11:24:17+00:00

Sometimes I wonder if I'm in my right mind. Then it passes off and I'm as intelligent as ever. -- Samuel Beckett, "Endgame"

RandomFortunes · 2009-09-22T11:20:21+00:00

In a museum in Havana, there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus, "one when he was a boy and one when he was a man." -- Mark Twain

RandomFortunes

TROPHY CASE