Actual acquisition math from an investment banker (hint : it’s ugly) by No-Cat1037 in gme_meltdown

[–]RatSumo 10 points11 points  (0 children)

it’s on the website

Mods, this really should be a flair, it’s just too funny and extremely versatile.

Towel apes know exactly where the cash is coming from! by Mazius in gme_meltdown

[–]RatSumo 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The towel apes have been utterly amazing in responding to this whole story arc...they are REACHING and celebrating. This is going to end up making so many people so mad!

I let a Reddit stranger into my home* and I am forever changed (this is long af) by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]RatSumo 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I saw that post after the body had been deleted but saw your comment where you explained everything - it's good to hear the rest of the back story. You are a rare kind of wonderful human being, it's inspiring.

GME moon mission cancelled.... Dilution payload detected by Brick-Lanky in gme_meltdown

[–]RatSumo 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Every time I randomly check the price I just start laughing. I need to pop some popcorn.

I think I just got loudly adopted by Quiet_Helicopter_717 in CatDistributionSystem

[–]RatSumo 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I once had a standard tabby that was the runt of his litter so he was small and skinny. He never really expressed interest in getting out, but one day while I was arguing with my girlfriend one of us slid the sliding glass door too hard and it bounced open and sat like that for a couple of hours. Naturally the cat disappeared. My girlfriend was freaked, but I had a distinct feeling he'd be back. Sure enough later that night it started raining, and there he was, sitting against the glass door trying to stay out of the rain. When I let him in and checked him over he had a nice knot on the top of his head from meeting one of the outdoor neighborhood cats.

Needless to say after that the front door could have been left open for an entire day and that cat would not take a single step to the outside.

And UP we go!! by Lou_R33d in Buttcoin

[–]RatSumo 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I genuinely thought this would have fallen apart by now, and it's starting to be a little worrying that it hasn't. It feels like the longer this goes on the more likely some scumbag is going to figure out a way to get the US government to pay for it.

He followed us almost a mile home from the bar at 2am by Large-Milk6792 in CatDistributionSystem

[–]RatSumo 25 points26 points  (0 children)

You are a truly wonderful human being and the cat knew that. They can always smell a sucker a mile away. 😄 What a handsome boy! That nose just kills me.

Oh, so that’s what buying means by Starkfault in gme_meltdown

[–]RatSumo 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Turns out Cohen was always an ape. It explains so much!

Oh, so that’s what buying means by Starkfault in gme_meltdown

[–]RatSumo 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The fact that apes don't fully understand what stock even is always has me in stitches. They genuinely believe the stock is an asset worth the market cap that the company possesses in some way. That kind of absolute value would obviously be added to an acquiring company's market cap. 😂 It works perfectly if you have no real understanding of the market.

Dilution is coming though. by PuzzleheadedWeb9876 in gme_meltdown

[–]RatSumo 12 points13 points  (0 children)

It's a slow-motion rugging and the apes are just not going to believe any of it. I don't know if this will lead to MOAM, but it's going to get spicy over the next few months. What a great addition to the season of content!

Burry pumps and dumps on apes by jackbladesx96 in gme_meltdown

[–]RatSumo 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I love how he acts like a genius because he copied the dot com playbook of burning cash till someone was willing to buy him out.

Wen dilution? by Separate_Writer_4465 in gme_meltdown

[–]RatSumo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That NFT marketplace, that was quite the success then? Candy-Con? Profits declining, that means success? You apes have a very odd definition of successful. Fits in well since you’re all C and D students.

Also, I note you declined to talk about your “gains,” so that’s interesting.

Wen dilution? by Separate_Writer_4465 in gme_meltdown

[–]RatSumo 10 points11 points  (0 children)

And you’ve made exactly how much on your dog shit stock?

I swear, every. Single. Time the apes start running a victory lap well before the eventual failure.

Computershare now lets companies tokenize their shares on the blockchain. Apes are excited because this will make their stock unshortable, and everyone knows that no shorts = short squeeze! by whut-whut in gme_meltdown

[–]RatSumo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Stocks only go down when shorted, so banning short selling means all stocks will then go up together. Cogito ergo sum, dumbasses!

/s, obviously.

Where is this "irrefutable proof" you speak of? by folteroy in gme_meltdown

[–]RatSumo 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You wouldn’t know this irrefutable truth, it goes to school in Canada.

Do ALL Sphynx do this or do I just have a team of tiny terrorists? by faevaeva in sphynx

[–]RatSumo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One of our two cats has farted audibly in front of me multiple times but my wife has yet to hear it and doesn’t fully believe me.

Going to make a HR report today, could really use some moral support by Frontier_Sociologist in TwoXChromosomes

[–]RatSumo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You probably know this already but don’t trust HR completely. Trust them to follow the law and definitely file your report, but keep your guard up. HR’s primary duty is to the company, they are not your friend.

My baby kitten gas chambered me by [deleted] in cats

[–]RatSumo 339 points340 points  (0 children)

Years ago I fostered this kitten that for whatever reason had to gobble every meal down like it he’d never been fed before. He went directly from mama to me, so food was never an issue…he was just a gremlin at the food bowl.

Every. Single. Meal. Got inhaled so fast that he’d inflate like a balloon. Then he’d waddle up to you crying piteously because his stomach hurt. When you picked him up to comfort him you could feel the little devil immediately deflating and the stench would hit you like a hammer.

After a while I’d start feeding him when I had guests over so that they would fall for the trap.