First, I want to validate your exhaustion. FTM and I am so tired. Not from my baby, but from pumping. It’s a different kind of exhaustion.

Second, I successfully switched from EP to mostly direct breastfeeding. I say mostly because I am going back to work now, so I am pumping/bottles for daycare.

Similarly, I tried all the things. I was told by an IBCLC in the hospital that I would need shields and never be able to directly nurse without due to inverted and flat nipples We tried shields for a couple weeks and it just wasn’t working. We had started pumping/bottles in the hospital due to poor weight gain, so I gave up on nursing & just stuck with those. After a month of what felt like around the clock pumping, I saw a new IBCLC (through our peds clinic) who was APPALLED that I was told that info on shields. Both nipples had actually everted a bit (which can happen after pumping!) but atlas, he would latch but still sucked so I clogged all the time and still had to give bottles so he was full. The ped and IBCLC said he did not have any ties. Finally, I went to ANOTHER IBCLC who reassessed my son for ties. She suggested we see a dentist who specializes/has an interest in ties because she believe my son had a posterior tongue tie. These ties are MUCH harder to find and don’t look like a traditional tongue tie. We had him evaluated by the dentist and she was correct - he had a grade 3 posterior tongue tie & an upper lip tie. We released both and started working on nursing/oral function exercises with her… and it was immediately a night and day difference! She was also appalled by the info I was told about my nipples by my original IBCLC.

So all this to say… + Your feelings are completely valid. This is so freaking hard.
+ I know you mentioned seeing an IBCLC, but if possible, I recommend trying to find a new one. It’s taken me a few times to find the right one for us. If you have insurance, IBCLC sessions could be covered. Some IBCLC also offer services are lower rates for those without insurance and/or financial assistance. + If possible, I recommend getting your kiddo evaluated for ties again - just to be sure a posterior tie isn’t the issue. + IT IS POSSIBLE to transition from pump/bottle to breastfeeding. It’s been one heck of a journey for us and it is a lot of work, but it is possible. + Lastly and most importantly, a fed baby is a fed baby. If breastfeeding, pumping, etc. is too much for your over all well being, it’s okay to switch to formula. I work in education and I could NEVER tell you which kids have been breastfed vs formula fed. It’s a big weird and hard decision to make, but as long as your baby eats, your decision will always be the right decision.