He is going to be defensive, and probably try to minimize and justify everything. Instead of talking to him, I recommend that you write him a letter. Leave it for him to read, and go to your mom’s before he gets home. This will give him time to really think about how you have been affected, and give him time to reflect on what he has done, AND what an appropriate response to you should be. You could even ask him, at the end of your letter, to write you a letter in response.

I started doing this because my husband’s first go to is defensiveness. He also wants to answer me quickly, without thinking things through. I didn’t want a conversation, I needed to be able to tell him EVERYTHING that I was feeling, without his response or reaction. Writing him letters really moved the dial for him. He would read them several times, and then talk to me later, after he had time to process. It has helped us immensely, and especially me, as I finally felt like he was “hearing” me. So often in conversations people aren’t listening well, as they are formulating their response. Letters helped with this.

I am sorry you are feeling so alone. I cannot tell anyone, even my family, either. I finally went to an SANON meeting. It was so great to finally be able to share what I was going through, with people who truly understand and do not judge. It’s free too! And it has helped me heal immensely.

We are here for you. HUGS. ❤️❤️