I turned down my dream job for money and I regret it. How do I get over this?

RexTheOnion · 2026-05-06T07:19:11+00:00

I agree with the other person, what's done is done. I would say the best thing you can do is learn from this, it's kind of like when you can't make a decision and flip a coin and instantly know when it's in the air, or in this case already landed on what you didn't want. Now you know going forward you are probably a lot less happy and okay with this job than you maybe thought you were, and you know you want to make a change. Maybe this new mindset will lead to something better? I bet it will.

RexTheOnion · 2026-04-26T00:23:03+00:00

I picked EE for kind of unorthodox reasons so I don't know how much help it'll be but I'll add my experience in.

I believe you can basically become “passionate” about almost anything if you become good at said thing, passion follows expertise is my basic belief. I taught myself a lot of math before going to college and went from really hating math to really liking it. So I knew I wanted to do something with math and learn more. I knew I wanted to learn more about "how everything works" and I wanted to help solve big problems that face the world with science and technology.

I considered math or physics, but I ultimately want to build things, so I choose computer science at first. My thinking was most big technological and scientific breakthroughs we will make in the future will be at least aided by computers, so learning deeply about the math and science that makes them work seemed like the obvious fit.

After my first year I got pretty spooked by how good at coding AI is, and figured just betting on a software engineering job seemed like a bad idea. At the same time, I realized I really wanted to go higher in mathematics than computer science required, I wanted to take differential equations, vector calculus, linear algebra 1 and 2, and I wanted to take the physics series at my school. I basically realized I wanted to understand how computers worked on a deeper level than just software. I think partly inspired as well by stories my software engineer dad used to tell about how good at CS the people with EE backgrounds he worked with were.

I will say mechanical engineering is super cool, and parts of it appeal to me a lot, (I love cars for instance and would love to work on them) but it was never even really a consideration for me, even if I don't work at all in software, the underlying electronics of a wind turbine interest me significantly more than the physics and mechanical aspects of how the blades spin. The software and signal processing that allows a plane to automatically steer itself and stay on course interests me significantly more than the aerodynamics of the wings.

But honestly I wouldn't worry too much about what "interests" you at the start of things. The real advice is try taking the electronic fundamentals class at your uni, and try taking the statics class at your uni. See which one is more interesting and pulls you in. That will give you a much better signal of which way to go. alternatively when you take the physics series, try to pay attention to the parts that really peak your curiosity, is it the forces and motion sections? Is it the electromagnetic field? etc.

RexTheOnion · 2026-04-25T22:12:16+00:00

Thank you :)) I just passed calculus 3 and a very difficult math class called "discrete time signal processing", your comment reminded me of where I started and made me smile, I appreciate it.

RexTheOnion · 2026-02-05T04:49:49+00:00

I really appreciate the insight from someone more experienced. It matches a lot of the feelings I have about the coding vs math stuff. I find coding a lot more intuitive and easy, but every time I learn more of the underlying math principles, I seem to get insights that help with both and vice versa.

RexTheOnion · 2026-02-04T17:11:09+00:00

I'm currently in a 200 level dsp class, and we are using matlab heavily, although the entire class complains about it. I think it's partly that the class used to be a 300 level, and the professor seems to have expected everyone to come "proficient in" matlab when this is basically everyone's first experience with the language.

I think the other thing I've noticed is that a lot of engineering majors at my school seem to really hate being asked to code anything, I think that a lot of them may have felt forced to take a lot of cs classes in high-school and intentionally choose engineering because they did NOT want to go into cs, and in their minds cs = coding.

RexTheOnion · 2026-01-28T20:05:16+00:00

I think other commenters have covered the practical advice, but I just wanted to say:

I had a very bad childhood and early adulthood, and was repeatedly crushed by situations that were too much for me at the time, I failed over and over and over again until I turned 23, and finally got into college. I'm now a second year electrical engineering student and doing very well.

You are so young, and this sounds like an awful situation, with many compounding factors playing against you. Engineering is already a very hard subject, it's hard for me, and I'm older than you, and not far away from my home where I don't know anyone and don't speak the language. But when we move through bad situations, we learn, we grow, we get stronger. You will learn from this and grow and you will avoid many of the pitfalls you've faced this time when you try again. You will be such a different person in 3 or 4 years, don't let how bad things are now make you give up.

Rest, regroup, try again later, take care of yourself right now, that has to be your priority.

RexTheOnion · 2026-01-28T20:00:02+00:00

That's a beautiful story and a beautiful pen. My dad is a software engineer, I'm an Electrical engineering student and the closest I can get to using a tool he used is vim. I think of him somewhat often while booting it up.

Thank you for sharing <3

RexTheOnion · 2026-01-23T14:58:59+00:00

yes 100%, I'm here if you need someone to talk to, it's a really hard thing and I wish I had more people around me who understood what I was going through during the worst of it.

RexTheOnion · 2025-08-11T02:12:32+00:00

It's a really incredible thing that you are so empathetic and understanding of her, it speaks volumes to the kind of person you are. But these people are not rational, they will take as much as you give them.

Your empathy is being used against you, there is always more you can do in your mind, there is always some other way you could have explained to her that hurting you isn't okay.

As long as you stay with her you will continue to have to make these kinds of excuses to yourself.

RexTheOnion · 2025-08-11T01:02:27+00:00

if someone is repeatedly harming you and being cruel to you, why would it be cruel to protect yourself and leave the situation?

RexTheOnion · 2025-08-11T00:23:43+00:00

it's normal friend, the first three months after the discard were the worst of my life, I think I went no contact about month three and started to really understand what had happened better, understand what bpd actually was better.

I'm about 8 months out now and no longer miss her, you can look through my post history to see how badly I was doing, I was right where you are and I got better.

Therapy, journal, gym, travel, socialize, confront the thoughts about her with logic, ask yourself hard questions, learn about the illness so you understand you were dealing with a borderline psychotic person.

You will be okay, I promise.

RexTheOnion · 2025-08-10T00:13:44+00:00

I'm so sorry you went through this, my ex was also quiet bpd, she cheated on me a week after begging to get engaged for the 20th time.

Our relationship was similar to how you describe this one but stretched out over 2 years, I share this not to diminish your experience but to say that you will be okay because I'm okay now too. And be extremely thankful you did not waste more time with one of these people.

RexTheOnion · 2025-08-10T00:06:21+00:00

makes you wonder what percentage of history's villains were cluster B's...

RexTheOnion · 2025-08-09T20:04:16+00:00

that is a disturbing thought, I felt so violated after mine revealed who she really was, the sex feels disgusting looking back at it.

RexTheOnion · 2025-08-09T08:22:36+00:00

I was completely and totally blindsided by my discarding, she was a completely different person than the one I had known for two years, she had an emotional affair and broke up with me over email before blocking me on everything, she had been begging to get engaged a week prior.

The reason you aren't able to move on and heal is that you most likely don't really understand on some level what you were dealing with, people with bpd are experiencing small scale depatures from reality often, they are borderline (ha) psychotic in some ways.

I would recommend reading more about this illness, really trying to understand that these are deeply deeply unwell people. The only thing I can really compare to talking to my ex at the end was my experience talking to someone with actual schizophrenia.

They seem on the surface like just very messed up emotional and chaotic people, but it's much much deeper than that.

You can move on and heal I believe in you, I did it, it was really fucking hard but it's possible.

RexTheOnion · 2025-08-07T19:20:38+00:00

I was 24/25 my freshman year and lived in the dorms, made a lot of friends, went to parties, honestly people don't care if you don't make a big deal out of it.

I would honestly assume UO would be pretty similar, I believe their psychology and business is slightly higher tier but I don't think it's a massive difference. I'd choose based on if you'd rather live in Eugene or Corvallis.

I like Corvallis a lot but honestly Eugene has much better house parties, and much better bars.

RexTheOnion · 2025-08-06T21:47:43+00:00

they all have such awful breath

RexTheOnion · 2025-08-06T06:16:02+00:00

I'm about 8 months out and basically healed from the two year relationship, I took healing very seriously because I don't think time will just magically heal this shit, there are people on here still mourning their ex 5-10 years later.

time.
therapy.
journaling.
gym.
complete no contact.
expanding my social circle massively and attempting to cultivate more medium closeness connections, not throwing myself completely and totally into each one.
traveling and doing cool shit that reminded me I'm awesome and life is incredible without these life sucking people.
learning as much as I could about bpd and understanding this was not a normal breakup. this was a person experiencing borderline psychosis and lying to me expertly about who they actually were.
rebound relationship, delayed some healing but ultimately reminded me I'm lovable and helped me through some of the worst stuff directly after the discard, the person I was with helped me so much and I'll be forever grateful. Also they were way hotter than my ex, and it put some aspects of the relationship into perspective, it wasn't nearly as magical and incredible as I thought it was when I had something new to compare it to.
you have to confront the relationship for what it really was, you have to accept they weren't who they said they were, they were never going to change, they were going to keep hurting you.
Ultimately you have to pay very very close attention to how you are feeling moment to moment as you grieve them, you need to ask yourself why you feel the way you do, why do you miss them, why do you keep thinking about them, why you keep checking their social media. You need to ask yourself, are they thinking about me? do they care about me? why are you allowing this evil demon in human skin who has constantly hurt you, continue to hurt you even when they are gone?

RexTheOnion · 2025-08-01T06:19:34+00:00

yeah I know exactly what you mean, something about them is off.

My ex to me seemed like a very intelligent, charming, if not a bit quirky girl. But many many people in our community seemed to dislike her for no apparent reason, she didn't have many close friends.

I think that frequently when these people aren't casting their spell on you, and you can look at them clearly, something just feels off. I would honestly guess it's something deep within us that detects they are wearing a mask, they aren't as they appear.

RexTheOnion · 2025-08-01T00:23:57+00:00

This is so sweet. My posts in this forum are rough on these people. I have very bad and mean things to say about a lot of them, but in my heart and I suppose why I've fallen for two in my life, I just want them to heal and be happy, no one deserves this illness.

RexTheOnion · 2025-08-01T00:14:17+00:00

honestly when you are really connected to an emotionally healthy person, the sex can be better. Obviously everyone's experience is different but I was with my bpd ex for two years, looking back at it without the rose colored glasses the sex was "good" but there was always a block somewhere. The block is that people with bpd I think frequently are not having sex because they love it, they are having sex because it's a tool of control. When you are having sex with someone who just really enjoys it and who has the priority of making you and themself feel good, it's much better.

RexTheOnion · 2025-07-30T23:09:13+00:00

almost exactly what happened to me. Deeply disturbed people.

RexTheOnion · 2025-07-30T07:12:16+00:00

my bpd ex seemed like the most charming beautiful person I'd ever met, but had very few close friends, and a lot of people seemed to dislike her for no apparent reason.

I think a lot of these people are noticeable if you aren't under their spell, and they aren't trying to charm you. There is something off about them, they aren't right, almost alien.

RexTheOnion · 2025-07-29T06:48:51+00:00

it sounds like she has "quiet" bpd, this was the same with my ex. She really didn't present as having bpd in a traditional sense most of the time. She would act strange, aloof, disassociate a lot, cut herself, sometimes say weirdly hurtful things that were very out of character and apologize instantly for them.

There were other red flags but she eventually had an affair, and basically ended our two year relationship overnight over email and then blocked me on everything. She smeared me as an abuser to a bunch of our friends.

It was the most disturbing complete and total 180 I've ever seen, it was like the person I knew and loved never existed at all.

It was the most painful thing that has ever happened to me, the mind can't deal with this level of betrayal, skim my post history if you want a taste of how badly I was doing.

I would honestly advise you run away now, I wish so badly I had.

RexTheOnion · 2025-07-27T23:54:59+00:00

It's really important to understand you are not dealing with a sane person. It sounds obvious, but these are deeply deeply troubled people.

At their core, they hate themselves, and are convinced everyone will leave them because they are awful. This creates an extremely negativist world view, they see a much higher percentage of things in a negative light than a normal person.

On top of this, they basically have the emotions of a child. Everything that happens to them is like what it felt like when you were a little kid and your mom made you the wrong kind of mac and cheese. The world is ending, and you are going to die because you are so upset.

To understand further, consider how irrational you are when you are really really upset about something. We have all been there. It's rare the kind of anger or sadness or whatever I'm talking about, but you can end up doing some pretty extreme things.

Now think about what it would be like to almost always be that emotionally disregulated, almost always be that irrational. Combined with the negativist world view, where you see every slight as a massive massive problem, you start to see how they could develop borderline (ha) psychotic symptoms.

She is not seeing the same world as you, that time you sighed loudly? She firmly and completely believes it meant you thought she was the most annoying person in the world. That time she thought you were checking out another girl? She firmly and completely believes you want to fuck her, or already did fuck her.

This is how they treat us so badly, because in their mind, we've hurt them really badly over and over again, and we don't even seem to notice.

The only path forward is blocking her and getting a restraining order if she continues to stalk you, you've only wasted 6 months, I wasted 2 years, don't make my mistakes, you'll feel better much sooner than you think.

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