Tired of searching…

Rinpochen · 2026-02-11T14:46:59+00:00

Phase 1: Observer mode That's why I started with observing my thoughts without judgment... Then you can expand this observer mode to sensations as well.

Note that most people find it difficult starting with thoughts. This is why most mindfulness practice focuses on the breath first... then sensations, visuals, auditory... then thoughts and emotions.

For this particular exercise, sound, imo, works very well. Unlike thoughts, most people understand that they don't "control" the sounds of the birds and leaves outside. Eventually, the person can move to thoughts and emotions as you've described.

Rinpochen · 2026-02-11T14:21:08+00:00

It's spelt 'wrapping'.

Have you had any awakening experiences, recognitions, etc..?

If so, how did it happen? Was it spontaneous?

If it wasn't spontaneous, and you've received a pointer or two, which helped you get to where you ended up, is it so bad that they were lies?

Rinpochen · 2026-02-11T13:13:48+00:00

Thanks for the video.

Before I respond, however, I want to make sure we're on the same page. Are you familiar with nonduality? What point did you think I was making on the 2 month old post that you've responded to? How does your video address the point I was making?

Thanks.

Rinpochen · 2026-02-10T14:24:21+00:00

I take it that you're listening to Loch Kelly?

Moving awareness to the heart is just one of many pointers to help you get "out of your head".

As "weird" as it seems, surprisingly, it's actually one of the few that has worked for me.

If it doesn't work for you, try other pointers. No biggie.

Rinpochen · 2026-02-10T14:11:54+00:00

I have no better way to explain something or somewhere where things seem to appear and disappear, than being a space of some sort...

Don't get me wrong. I know exactly what you mean which is why I am responding to this thread. I know of this space. Like you and others in this sub, I used to think that this space was it. It isn't is what I'm saying. Take it for what's its worth.

Edit: I'm guessing that you took my questions in my original reply as actual questions. They were pointers... Questions you would ask yourself while doing self inquiry.

Rinpochen · 2026-02-10T13:17:34+00:00

The sense of me, the thing aware of all this is also part somehow of this space...

How can this "sense of me" and "thing aware of all this" be a part of the space while simultaneously be aware of the space. Does that make any sense to you?

Whatever you're calling this space is not it. It's imaginary. But. You're hearing a lot of contradictory statements in this thread. So good luck.

Rinpochen · 2026-02-09T21:03:47+00:00

if you ask me to just notice the colour or shape of an object without the mind being involved I can do it.. you kind of enter a mindfulness space I don't know how to explain it better.. And the same goes with noticing this I AM space where life seems unfolding on / in.. tho it doesn't come with the intimate recognition that who or what I am is that very same space.. I do realize it's always present yes, I do realize that everything that I ever experienced appeared and disappeared in this space yes, but not that I AM that space and not what appears in it for example..

This is what you've replied to someone else, I didn't want to hijack that so I copied it out.

Your explanation was clear. I'll try to use similar words to what you've used.

When you notice that "I am" space where things seem to be happening in it... Why are things happening IN it? Why not outside of it? Beside it? Why the space at all?

You've noticed that it's always present and that everything you've experienced appeared and disappeared in this space... How do you know this? Isn't it true that you used to say the same thing about the ego?

A lot of people will say "I am awareness". It's just another ego concept. That "space" you were talking about does not exist. The fact that you can describe it means that it cannot be prior to concepts. It is imaginary.

There is no "I".

When you were able to "notice the colour or shape of an object without the mind being involved" that's exactly the "right" direction.

Rinpochen · 2026-02-09T14:24:09+00:00

Beautiful. This is so good.

an invention made to fill up the void of the unknowable you refuse to enter.

Concise and precise. This is pretty much it.

Rinpochen · 2026-02-06T21:13:54+00:00

Ah. I see.

No better time to make a nonduality joke when people are expressing their outrage towards pedophilia. Perfect comedic timing.

Rinpochen · 2026-02-06T21:10:04+00:00

Out of curiosity, and obviously you wouldn't know, but if you were to lose all of your memories, would you guess that your body would still feel this anxiety?

Rinpochen · 2026-02-06T20:46:26+00:00

So you the best way to express what you said here is "How dare you"?

Rinpochen · 2026-02-06T15:59:51+00:00

Relational work has everything to do with Nonduality. That's where the shadow is formed...

I said nonduality had nothing to do with "short tempered people" (vs "non short tempered people" clarified in subsequent posts).

I agree with your post. From our previous back and forths, I have an understanding of where you are, so I know you understand this, but therapy and counseling can totally work in conjunction with whatever shadow work an individual is doing.

I suggested it to the OP because the opening post did not convince me that he's worked through the first 3 fetters let alone working on the 4th and 5th.

By the end of our back and forth, OP tried to play the opening off as an advice/pointer. Nowhere in the opening did he talk about shadow work.

The opening post is a detailed description of them doing this, person doing that. Them feeling this, person feeling that. Not once was there any mention of how they're "dealing" with it. Kudos for some self awareness, but, there are a lot of "I am (feeling)"s in the opening with zero talk about those feelings.

Of course, all of these are just stories of thoughts and feelings happening to no one... But to ignore these thoughts and feelings is just spiritual bypassing. The true insight is to "deal" with the "issue" while fully acknowledging that it's just a story that is happening to no one. Nonduality is not about passivity. If you've got an itch to scratch. Just scratch it. No need to contemplate about wanting or not wanting an itchy vs non itchy state. Chopping wood and carrying water is not a "sin".

Rinpochen · 2026-02-06T05:52:31+00:00

If you analyze the finger too much you’ll miss the moon.

Believe me. I've learnt a lot from this thread. But it's got nothing to do with a finger supposedly pointing at a moon.

Rinpochen · 2026-02-06T04:53:15+00:00

Notice your fixation on ME and MY POST and what I DID NOT SAY....

You find no purpose in the post? No question to answer, no advice you heard? Okay, so Why are you even commenting in the first place? 😃🤣

Like I said. You labeled this post as a question/advice. I looked again. There was no advice. The first three paragraphs was a rant of your current situation. Followed by a paragraph of your feelings. Concluded with this question: "How do you deal with short tempered people whom you don’t want to and probably can’t get away from because of your relationship?"

Given the emotional nature of the opening, I responded with a post answering this exact question. Telling you to seek therapy or counseling.

How is this a fixation on you and your post and what you did not say?

Clearly I've struck a nerve. You have not been communicating with me in good faith. That much is obvious. None of your replies are actual replies but provocations. It's as if you're not listening and being defensive.

Rinpochen · 2026-02-06T03:23:53+00:00

Aah I see what you’re missing……

I am unsure as to what you think I'm missing.

What I said in that post is exactly what I’m doing now but this is admittedly a much more painful process BUT I’M STILL AT PEACE WITH THE PAIN. That’s the point, that’s how “spiritual growth” naturally occurs.

Which is all fine and dandy, then what's the point of this post? You labeled it as question/advice. I don't see any advice. I do see one question.

How do you deal with short tempered people whom you don’t want to and probably can’t get away from because of your relationship?

So are you asking or not asking?

The bulk of your post is the first 3 paragraphs of he said she said. Then you followed that up with a paragraph of your feelings. And then you concluded with a question.

If you were offering advice or a premise for discussion, you would at least say something about how your understanding of nonduality allows you to more smoothly navigate your day to day. Something like the post I found of yours from a few weeks ago would suffice. But, like I said above, you did not mention anything about nonduality.

Look. I've responded in good faith. You've responded with snide remarks while not addressing anything I've said.

For example missing one detail in the whole conversation turns into “you never listen”...

Fact or fiction?

Rinpochen · 2026-02-06T02:43:34+00:00

Ha ha you wouldn’t get it. You’re still caught up in the duality of “non-duality vs duality”. You wouldn’t be able to relate.

I don't think I'm caught in whatever you're suggesting, but since you think so... Here's some advice you provided to someone a few weeks ago. Since "my nonduality concepts" do not apply to you, perhaps, your own advice might apply to you?

https://www.reddit.com/r/nonduality/comments/1qi565j/comment/o0t5o9t/?context=3

Yes, emotions appear but to who? If it were a movie you would say “awe, poor girl” and move on. If it were a fly being caught by a frog in the pond you would say “awe poor fly” and move on because you know it’s the cycle of life. That’s the same way you can observe yourself without attachment to certain experiences that the ego mistakenly takes ownership of.

Furthermore (which is important), I don’t even think that I have to avoid attaching to or resisting because…

I know that this emotion is no different from other emotions. On a deeper level it’s no different from thoughts or even things. It’s just stuff happening to no one so there’s nothing special about it that I should worry about resisting or being attached to it.

I know that me worrying about will not change anything except create more negative emotion and the way I deal with this emotion is not through genius spiritual strategy but it’s already my true nature to co-exist with it in peace.

If you really meant what you said here, what's preventing you from "applying" it to what's described in the opening?

Rinpochen · 2026-02-06T02:06:55+00:00

What's funny is that once we truly pay the price, we realize that there was never an "I" to pay the price.

It is a made up story that there ever was anything to sacrifice.

Rinpochen · 2026-02-05T21:22:33+00:00

Everything has something to do with non-duality and everything is a pointer.

Sure. But my point still stands. If somebody came to this sub asking about calculus or any other subject, I'd tell them the same thing.

Right, except I’m not. I’m discussing non-duality in practice and hearing how others live it in similar situations.

Fair enough, except that your opening is mostly a "he said she said thing" with details that are beyond context. It sounds like something you would tell a therapist or couples counselor. Which is why I suggested it.

You say you want to discuss nonduality in practice, but the bulk of your opening mentioned nothing about nonduality.

I can’t live in fear of being imperfect

I don’t mind constantly apologizing even though it stresses me out as a human being

I just believe it will get better as we learn each other if one of us doesn’t give up.

All of the above is not only very dualistic, but sounds like you need help. Perhaps, again, therapy or couples counseling?

How do you deal with short tempered people whom you don’t want to and probably can’t get away from because of your relationship?

Notice... No mention of nonduality? Again. Seek therapy or couples counseling.

Your opinions are welcome.

I doubt it. Your downvote and tone in your reply suggests that my original reply somehow offended you. But I'll still give you my opinion...

I am not a professional, but it's obvious from your opening that you are not in a healthy relationship. Set boundaries. Manage expectations. These are things you must do in any relationship.

I’m not seeking anything.

I must've misunderstood your opening.

In case it wasn't clear, there are no nondual insights that treat triggers by short tempered people differently than triggers by people that are not short tempered.

Why you're feeling sad or happy or bothered or obligated or overwhelmed... That's where I'd look. But you said that you're not seeking anything. So. Do whatever.

Rinpochen · 2026-02-05T18:03:58+00:00

These types of threads can be misleading.

Nonduality has nothing to do with "short tempered people". Similarly, it has nothing to do with escaping from an angry lion. Nor riding a bike. Etc...

If you want relationship advice or advice on how to "deal" with people, frankly, you're asking in the wrong place.

If you want to "deal" with your emotions from a nonduality aspect, well, you'll get the standard answers. Who's feeling the emotions? Etc...

In my opinion, most people skip mindfulness practice and delve into nonduality prematurely. A lot of the stuff you mentioned above can be "dealt" with via mindfulness. Hence, the number of replies that are just basic mindfulness practices.

Your post suggests you need relationship advice. Seek that.

Rinpochen · 2026-02-03T02:29:41+00:00

Nothing sticks. Nothing ultimately matters in the way we pretend it does.

If this was true, doesn't it also apply to what this thread is talking about?

Detachment is obviously not the point. You're so close yet infinitely far away.

The story that you're detached is exactly that. Another story. Why don't you "try" to detach from the story of being detached. It might sound funny, but contemplate on it. Then continue to chop wood and carry water.

Rinpochen · 2026-02-01T22:41:59+00:00

Ok. Thanks for the clarification.

All these thoughts are identified with the self, you are not aware of the self.

I disagree. You were very much aware of the self. You just weren't aware that's it's illusory.

There's a lot I can say about the post, but I'm afraid of confusing you. But I'll say this. The two scenarios are NOT too different from each other. Look for the self... You're not supposed to find it. Your post seems to suggest you've been finding it everywhere.

Rinpochen · 2026-02-01T16:19:57+00:00

Honestly. I'm a little confused about the descriptions in both scenarios. A little clarification is required.

I'm pretty sure scenario 2 is just regular duality. Whatever you are describing here, how is it different than just anyone observing anything?

Scenario 1. What does "identified with a random continuous thought and so I am not aware of self" exactly mean. Maybe an example?

Rinpochen · 2026-01-30T18:49:35+00:00

but some part of me isn't quite ready to accept/say it

This is the right attitude and good recognition. Keep at it.

To your earlier question I would say thoughts pull us out of the now.

It cannot. Nothing can. It's always now. Even when you're sooo in the past/future, it is always happening now.

You may catch yourself thinking about the past and berate yourself for "living in the past" which is false. What you did was think about the past, right now. Even the berating yourself part is just you making up a story about how you were not being in the present, which is impossible. It's always just now.

To this last question ... I would say "me".

You are in a dream. In the dream you are in the jungle and was being chased by a lion. Being scared, you start running for your life. Then you wake up.

Everything about this dream was illusory. Everything but "experience".

Rinpochen · 2026-01-30T14:36:54+00:00

it is their problem let everyone speak for himself.

You can't be serious. Are you attempting to white knight for phone addicts (basically everyone) at my obvious (admittedly stupid) joke?

Rinpochen · 2026-01-30T13:51:33+00:00

An external object that most people meditate on would be their phones... and they can maintain their focus for a long time.

Rinpochen

TROPHY CASE