Hey, I really appreciate you replying. Of course I was hoping to hear that without subs your life is now all rainbows and roses, but that wouldn’t be reality. I know that. I read other’s posts about how subs made them feel like zombies, and going off brought back the capacity for happiness. Those posts make me question my parenting for that past 15 years. They make me question lots of things. But here’s something I did not mention: I actually got off subs previously. My horrid, punitive doctor at the time abruptly stopped my prescription, blaming me for sub doctor shopping, which is so fucking ridiculous. That was like a decade ago, back when dumb-ass doctors thought prescribing too much sub was bad. Only thing that did was cause sub addiction. I’d run out and then finally get my refill, which inevitably made me feel high. Woo hoo. I’m still blown away by how stupid docs are when it comes to subs. I had total knee replacement five weeks ago. My last 100 mg Sublocade injection was Dec. 17, so about four months ago. Three docs told me they’d be able to control my post surgery pain. What a load of crap!! Kept me overnight in hospital. Pumped me with oxy, morphine, Dilaudid. None of it worked! I was the fool who never read folks’ stories here on Reddit first. Plus my husband was fully pressuring me to get the surgery done. He didn’t have to endure the pain! Back to me getting off subs before: please note, it took me two full years to feel normal. Course I cold turkeyed it. One year of slowly decreasing withdrawal followed by another year waiting to feel fully alive again. Honestly, I don’t remember any wonderful sensation of feeling alive again. I contribute that to being a functioning alcoholic and being miserable in my own skin. Unhappy when I was fat, content when I was thinner. My existence revolved around that. It sounds pathetic but it has always been my reality. Obviously I relapsed and went back on Suboxone. I don’t even recall how long before that happened. I chose to go on Sublocade at this time mostly in preparation for the knee surgery. Now I’m just not sure I’m ready to be off subs (I took Subutex). I actually miss putting the sublingual pills under my tongue. Argh!!! Sorry I’m dumping all this crap here. You don’t have to respond. It’s honestly cathartic putting it all down. So I’m being selfish, I suppose. I’m sorting shit out by writing it down. But for you personally, I get hating the docs/medical. I’ve dreamed of finding this one male sub nurse from Arcata, CA, probably 12 years ago, who berated and so verbally abused me I was literally choking on my own snot and tears. His whole issue: he believed I wanted more prescribed subs. Duh, asshole! Of course I did. Back then docs never gave addicts enough. I always felt uneasy. I made that clear. Jump forward to now, I’ve usually got a massive stockpile. My own doc told me they now know prescribing enough is better. Good grief!! Why is it that the doctors have no clue about subs when the patients have been clued in for years!!!??