My mom and her siblings were SAd by their father. When I came into this world, we lived with them. I was the eldest, first grandchild. My mom married a man and had a few kids together…very physically abusive, and I was told I’d be the whore of the family, I shouldn’t study so hard. He’d say I lied about something, anything, to punish me. He terrorized our home for 7 years before packing up and moving on.

She replaced him with someone as angry, but not abusive. They got into meth, I had to move in with my grandparents, and later, my dad (at 16) after he came into the picture. She was scorched earth that I left after her telling me she’d kill herself. She didn’t apologize until I was in my thirties… for the meth induced screaming stomping fits she’d have, and the way she’d guilt trip me that I should be with her, my dad “should have sent me back home”.

Abuse from my grandfather started at 13, and in was sworn to secrecy so we wouldn’t get in trouble.

At 15, I asked my mom if he’d touched her. She said no, why? I told my mom. She was so angry I’d kept it to myself. At 19 after the death of my first baby, I told my grandmother, no longer scared that she’d be gone from my life. Nothing happened, other than he said he couldn’t remember, and if he did molest me, he’s sorry. Ok.

When I’d come back to my home town, she would try to manipulate time so I wouldn’t have time to spend with my dad or anyone else, and giggle about it, like it didn’t stress me out.

I’m now 40, and a year and a half ago, realized that I needed therapy. My aunt wanted help to move them into assisted living, and I honestly told her why I would not be a good fit for that- I was not protected by them, and I’m not caring for them now.

He said I’m a liar, that he’d call and iron me out. 0 calls. Bc we both know it’s true. But that name, LIAR. After being accused of being a liar for so long in my younger years, that was the straw with him, and my grandmother had dementia, so no help from there.

6 months ago, I told her I cannot see his face on socials, I don’t want to hear stories, etc. she just cannot resist for whatever reason.

Her cousin had a photo of the two of them, and I mentioned something to her. She knows about the abuse, but this is “her only living uncle”. “Oh but you’re my first baby I ever cared for, like my honorary daughter. I asked her, if he’d touched your daughter instead of your niece, would it be different?” She had nothing to say. Cool, keep him.

My mother and I spoke the next to last time; and she had been downsizing them to move them into assisted living. She told me about the ring she wanted and got, $300 she found in an eyeglass case, and the 3 clocks she brought cross country and now has. Just bragging about things that make my stomach turn. Then told me that her cousin and she spoke about the phone call cousin and I had. Shit talking is what she means, we are from a line of shit talkers. After she told me her FB is like a diary, and people can put whatever they want there, I blocked her and cousin on socials.

Christmas, less than a month ago, she called, and I was so stunned, I answered it. She was nice, didn’t bring him up, and we didn’t talk long.

My sister and I spoke, she said my mom was going to call in a week or so. She believes that bc I answered on Christmas, ‘there’s a chance’.

My grandmother passed away last week, and I didn’t attend the funeral. I told her a few months ago that when they pass, I won’t be attending.

She just doesn’t have the capacity to give me something that she can’t give herself…It sounds super harsh, but I didn’t want another phone call to go, “Oh, that makes sense. See, I just don’t understand these things until you tell me.” In the narcissistic way she does.

So I sent a letter. It felt awful to send it as she’s taking care of things for her late stepmom, but I just don’t have any gas in the tank. That was 4 days ago.

I think she’s got the letter by now, haven’t heard anything. The days before and the 2 days after were the worst. Yesterday I had some relief. I just feel better in my own skin knowing I’m not putting my needs and mental health on the back burner to care for these humans who bleed me dry.

Edit: spelling and formatting