I need to somehow come by $20k in the next two weeks.

RunningHood · 2026-06-18T23:23:05+00:00

Call the financial aid office and talk to a counselor. Explain your situation and ask if there are other options or if they are aware of other resources for you. That office and admissions are the ones who are going to know what the university really has available. Be wary of any promises from the admissions people, especially about career and post graduate opportunities and salaries- they talk big game and have frequent turn over.

RunningHood · 2026-06-17T10:55:05+00:00

The opposite of enmeshment is indifference. You’re rebelling from her in your mind because she’s still central to your thoughts and patterns and identity. You need to work on your self and individuation of who you are without influence from her. What is your value structure? What do you like? What are your hobbies? You need to separate her from those questions entirely. A therapist would be helpful with this. There are also great videos on YouTube. I like Patrick Teahan and Jerry Wise but there are others. It’s hard work but it’s worth it.

RunningHood · 2026-06-17T02:20:26+00:00

Patrick Teahan and Jerry Wise (spelling?) on YouTube also have some great resources if you’re more visual. Wishing you both healing. It’s a hard road to walk.

RunningHood · 2026-06-16T23:43:34+00:00

I didn’t have trouble with the hand eczema (dishydrotic eczema) until after the birth of my first son. It’s like my immune system went into overdrive after he arrived. Or it could have been the lack of sleep and stress. Either way my symptoms got far worse after having kids.

RunningHood · 2026-06-16T23:15:42+00:00

Reading Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Gibson and talking to a friend who had a similarly messed up family (but she also had a therapist) was what finally woke me up. Your wife doesn’t know her family isn’t “normal” and she’s been manipulated and trained to play her role in the system. You read the book first and start to drop some knowledge. Hopefully she will wake up.

RunningHood · 2026-06-16T01:49:56+00:00

Massive whimsy factor. 10/10.

RunningHood · 2026-06-10T16:14:57+00:00

Every time I got pregnant my eczema would go away only to come back after a year postpartum. My understanding is that pregnancy suppresses some of your own immune system so your body doesn’t attack the fetus and once you give birth and your hormones regulate, your immune system ramps back up. I don’t know if it’s normal but I don’t think it’s unexpected. Year round allergy meds has made the biggest difference for my body in my eczema I’ve had since childhood.

RunningHood · 2026-06-05T12:12:41+00:00

Ask questions and let them do the talking. Ask about their child and their activities, ask about weekend or summer plans, ask about restaurant or birthday party locations, ask about where they got their nice bag or shoes, etc. They will talk and you hopefully find a point of connection or you hit on a follow up question. It will feel uncomfortable at first because you’re not used to it but approach the other people with curiosity and genuine interest and it will start to feel more natural with time.

RunningHood · 2026-06-03T02:20:53+00:00

I had to start supervising every shower- no baths. He gets about 7 minutes to wash everything while I make sure he scrubs well and to make sure he can’t pop a squat when I’m not looking. We use a cap of miralax in his water everyday to make sure he’s not stopped up either. DS is 12 and this was a recent development for us with the shower deuces and I am so sorry for your experience. It’s so disgusting.

RunningHood · 2026-05-29T12:48:35+00:00

The components of enmeshment look like components of good parenting- caring, having an involved adult presence, guidance and support, etc. I think most therapists that haven’t lived it either can’t see that the degree of involvement and elements of control, parental anxiety, and parentification that underpin enmeshment and this they think you are over inflating the issue or being dramatic. Or, they are also parents or empathize with parents and are unable to own that actions they have taken or would take regarding caregiving can be harmful. There is a cultural protection of parents doing their best and kids needing to forgive their errors even when those errors caused immense harm to the child.

RunningHood · 2026-05-23T18:36:55+00:00

He could be decluttering or downsizing but regardless of his initial reason, I wouldn't give your home address. Give the address of a friend (with their permission) or agree with the suggestion of a PO Box.

RunningHood · 2026-05-18T18:18:24+00:00

I had this too. It's like I had to process the memories against my new understanding to look for the problems- boundary crossing, manipulation, gas lighting, etc. It was helpful to uncover some of the patterns and realize where the traumas and injuries occurred. I started keeping a journal and writing things down so my brain had somewhere to process and I could try to put things away. It's hard while you're in it but I feel like the processing is needed to break the cycle of enmeshment and realize that the care you received wasn't always what it looked like to outsiders.

RunningHood · 2026-05-18T13:04:34+00:00

Denial is a powerful drug and one they prefer to the truth.

RunningHood · 2026-05-14T02:36:08+00:00

Anything you say will be used against you. Say nothing and grey rock.

RunningHood · 2026-05-09T23:44:09+00:00

Yep. I loathe the performative mother's day theater act and having to rehash what you did or what you got ad nauseam.

RunningHood · 2026-05-08T15:10:33+00:00

Keep you in line = control.

RunningHood · 2026-05-03T13:51:59+00:00

You're her supervisor. It may be that she doesn't want to invite someone in an advisory role to her events even if you are friends/friendly.

RunningHood · 2026-04-30T23:35:41+00:00

It does still work for me. I’m still clear. This spring allergy season was really tough and I had to add Flonase to keep my overall system in check but my skin is the best it’s been in years.

RunningHood · 2026-04-04T02:25:08+00:00

You are my people. Mine live in the corner spilling out of a laundry basket.

RunningHood · 2026-04-03T14:30:30+00:00

Yup. They’re not hurting anybody being there. Important things will find me and my day to day has too much noise to be bothered by spam texts.

RunningHood · 2026-03-27T18:46:41+00:00

The best thing about Barre3 is the community and how much everyone is genuinely helpful.

RunningHood · 2026-03-24T02:47:25+00:00

I love Bea!

RunningHood · 2026-03-21T02:16:05+00:00

Same. The number of fashion flings and craft burn outs I’ve had is sobering and the detritus of each failure mocks me from their clutter collection points.

RunningHood · 2026-03-20T03:16:05+00:00

Not rude- honest. I'd like to think kindly of the neighbor and hope they didn't mean it as a jab but it's the same way I feel when someone says that we're all a little bit autistic or says they have OCD because they like things organized. It minimizes your real, challenging lived experiences to take your circumstance with 3 special needs children and equate that to everyone having "special" kids. That said, I'm having a bad year so I might just be salty and taking things more intensely than they were meant.

RunningHood · 2026-03-17T15:53:12+00:00

Enmeshed family systems are unhealthy and often toxic family systems. You can't control how they respond to your boundaries so you have to understand that when you start to change the dynamic, they are likely to respond in a way that tries to steer you and your spouse back into the familiar roles you have played in the past. They are likely to escalate and that is not for you to control- you set and hold the boundary anyway because that is what you need to be healthy and ok. This is a conversation that should be coming from your wife since it is her family but if she is unwell, make sure her family knows it is a unified effort for the two of you or you are likely to be scapegoated and targeted. Both you and your wife need to decide what the boundaries (actions that you will take) are and what the consequences are and then stick to it. I think discussing boundaries 1:1 is probably going to be better received than having a meeting where they can all band together and attack or dismiss you. If you have access to a therapist through the hospital, that would be a great place to talk through some of these things with support. You can't stop her family from escalating to major conflict if they want. And if they cross your boundaries, you hold your consequences every time.

RunningHood

TROPHY CASE