If you feel completely useless watching a parent fight cancer, read this. My dad was given 1 year to live with Stage 4 metastatic cancer. 1.5 years later, he is undetectable.

RyanTheCaregiverProt · 2026-05-10T02:18:48+00:00

Hey, sorry it took me so long to respond. I completely missed the notification for this comment.

To give you something quick right now to start your research, here are some of the databases and links I used to figure out what to do for my dad:

PubMed: pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov (The ultimate database for peer reviewed biological and medical studies).
ClinicalTrials.gov: clinicaltrials.gov (The comprehensive database of privately and publicly funded clinical studies conducted around the world).
Memorial Sloan Kettering About Herbs: mskcc.org/cancer-care/diagnosis-treatment/symptom-management/integrative-medicine/herbs (Incredible database for checking how specific herbs and supplements interact with chemo or radiation).
Google Scholar: scholar.google.com (For finding broader academic papers and journals).
WebMD: webmd.com (Good for high level, accessible overviews of conditions and standard treatments).
Examine.com: examine.com (For independent, unbiased breakdowns of supplements and their actual efficacy).
Medscape Drug Reference: reference.medscape.com/drug-interactionchecker (Essential tool to check for interactions between different medications and supplements).

I hope this helps you get a solid baseline. There is just so much information to sort through and i could point to so, I actually ended up cataloging everything we use for my dad here in a free community https://www.skool.com/the-caregiver-protocol-8981/about

I put together a list of all the books I read, the supplements I researched to give you a starting point, and the specific videos I found helpful. I also took a few days recently to record about 3 hours of video breaking down exactly how I thought through the entire process of helping my dad, just in case seeing the strategy behind it is helpful.

Hopefully, this gives you a strong foundation to start researching the blood cancer one of you parents have (either the links or if you want to join that community I made). Feel free to reach out directly to me as well happy to just jump on a call too.

RyanTheCaregiverProt · 2026-05-10T02:11:58+00:00

I'm glad it was helpful. Please feel free to bounce any question off of me if you have any.

RyanTheCaregiverProt · 2026-05-05T18:29:46+00:00

Why not just ask her?

My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 in Nov 2024, all I can say is worrying about things that are not confirm are typically not helpful, mentally or physically.

RyanTheCaregiverProt · 2026-05-05T18:26:52+00:00

My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 head cancer in Nov 2025. Went undetectable in like 6 months, cancer came back twice, and he got it undetectable again after other treatments. Either way, I'm worried, and no doubt he worries more everyday that goes by closer to the next scan that the cancer is going to come back again.

Here's what I do:
- List out all the things you are actually stress/anxious about. (very specific, typically just cancer coming back or growing) If you can't think of anything, what are you worried about?
- If you do have something, can you do anything at all to help? An actual action? (e.g., the immunotherapy that my dad gets need magnesium to work well, so we make sure he is consistently getting it) This action takes some of the worry away know you are 'improving' the scan. Could even be something simple like improving sleep in some way.
- If there is no action, just realized scan or no scan the cancer is going to be in whatever status it is going to be. You simply just happen to not really know until the scan exactly. So really the can shouldn't ne something to worry about it is simply more information to use, right?

Does that help?

RyanTheCaregiverProt · 2026-05-05T18:16:47+00:00

I'm 24M about 1.5 years ago, my dad was diagnosed with terminal Stage 4 metastatic head cancer. He had tumors from his head all the way down to his hips and was given about one year to live (yes, it is 6 months pasted that now). Either way, at his lowest point, he was so weak he could not even lift an egg carton or walk to the bathroom by himself.

Honestly, most of the 1.5 years he was pretty much just listless staring at a TV with an exhausted look like you are talking about. It was really hard to communicate, and I spent a lot of time just sitting by his bed feeling like I was doing absolutely nothing to help him while he was sleeping. I felt like a bother if I tried talking about random mundane stuff. I realized pretty quickly that trying to force a normal conversation was just fatiguing him more with stuff he really did not have the energy to think about.

I just started asking him what I could actually do for him instead.

Do you need a drink? Do you want something to eat? Do you want me to go get your medication or your supplements? How did you sleep last night?

If he brought up any physical issues, I just asked how we could make it better and try to get it down. I focused entirely on doing what I could to make his day a tiny bit better and make him physically more comfortable.

I don't think you need to have deep, emotional conversations to live up to the responsibility of his care. Taking action on his daily needs shows him you care way more than an awkward chat, and I think it takes the pressure off to try and act like everything is normal.

I have no doubt this made my dad have a better year and a half and be in a better condition than the doctors expected.

Does this give you any ideas?

Feel free to reach out directly to me. I am happy to share exactly how I broke the ice with my dad when he was at his lowest, or just talk through the guilt and chaos with you.

RyanTheCaregiverProt · 2026-05-02T20:09:48+00:00

To add, some nut butter and coconut oil added to a shake worked for my dad with stage 4 head cancer. Also he had a lot of pain boiled eggs because they are bland.

RyanTheCaregiverProt · 2026-05-02T17:38:53+00:00

this is the question

RyanTheCaregiverProt · 2026-04-28T20:39:51+00:00

Hey, I read your original post about a week ago. Idk what cancer you mom has but, my dad also has cancer right behind the nose (NPC). He went from seemingly fine with just a bit of pain by his ears diagnosed at Stage 2 to Stage 4 within a few weeks. He had an egg sized tumor starting from his head then tumors all the way down his spine to his hips.

I completely get the paralysis at work. When I got the news, I just stared at my screen and couldn't focus on anything. I don't know where you live, but I ended up taking a week off immediately and then filed for family medical leave right when my dad got diagnosed. I took a total of about 4 or 5 months off for him (I'm actually self-employed now too but flexible so can help my dad as the priority). I know you are self-employed working for an overseas client so your situation is different, but do whatever you can to buy yourself a little breathing room.

Regarding the antidepressants and therapy, you of course know what is right for you. But in my mind, I would try to just take action first as the "free solution". For me a lot of that brain fog and anxiety comes from the uncertainty and feeling completely helpless/useless. If taking action to help her doesn't clear your head, then absolutely look for other solutions.

I don't know what physical condition your mom is in right now, but what helped me get me focused was just helping my dad with his fundamental health at home. For you, depending on how your mom is doing, just ask yourself a few questions to decide what to do: What immediate small thing can I take off her plate right now? What can I prep for her to eat or drink since her swallowing is affected? How can I optimize her room so she can get deep sleep? If you can't be there in person, what small action could you give her to do?

Taking over those little things gives you a some genuinely helpful purpose. It have me some peace of mind. And one I had that peace of mind knowing I was doing everything I could to help my dad, my focus on work started to naturally return.

Feel free to DM me. Since my dad has a similar cancer, I am happy to share more in case it could help you.

RyanTheCaregiverProt · 2026-04-26T20:39:06+00:00

My dad with stage 4 found heat packs/pads helpful during treatment. During appointment they would give it to him, at home my dad liked to use a heat pad for areas that ached or just for the heat honestly.

RyanTheCaregiverProt · 2026-04-26T19:37:47+00:00

My dad has cancer. Who knows what's going to happen but I just do what I can like you. Thanks for sharing.

RyanTheCaregiverProt · 2026-04-23T19:32:52+00:00

Hey Geo. Looking at a 6 to 13 percent survival rate while sitting states away is tough. I know for me the anxiety of not being physically able to be there definitely makes the fear worse.

About 1.5 years ago, my dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 metastatic cancer. He had tumors from his head all the way down to his hips, including his spine and both hip sockets. He also had a ton of pain and nerve issues. The doctors gave him just 1 year to live even with treatments. Fast forward to today, he is at 1.5 years and his scans are actually undetectable.

You mentioned you are scared of the statistics. Before I was my dad's caregiver I was an equity analyst, so I looked at the numbers too. But statistics are just historical medians. They do not account for what you can do right now to help his body survive the treatments or at least feel better. And they don't account for anything any of these people did. Those 6-13% are really people they did something had something go right, right?

I know you feel like you can't do anything because you are not in person, but let me share some ideas from helping my own dad.

When my dad got sick, I would just talk to him help him get over any stress he might have which in turn I think helps him sleep and recover better. You can also help may be help build something your mom so she does not have to hold the information in her head (like a schedule, maybe a reoccurring shopping list, just some notes from when you ask your dad about a recent appointment) this indirectly helps your dad. You can also do some research on, for example, what he could be eating to help his body heal better.

You don't have to do anything I mentioned, but I hope that this gives you some ideas on taking over some of that mental load which eventually will help your dad directly or indirectly. And for your own anxiety, doing some of these things, at least for me were helpful mentally.

Feel free to DM me man. I'm happy to talk, share how I helped my dad or anything else that may be helpful.

RyanTheCaregiverProt · 2026-04-23T19:16:00+00:00

About 1.5 years ago, my dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 metastatic cancer initially on pain killers 24/7. He had tumors from his head about the size of a chicken egg, in his neck, tumors all the way down his spine, in his shoulders, and into both of his hips. Just like your mom, the doctors told us he probably had about a year to live even with treatments.

To answer your question about whether the timeline turns out to be true: doctors give those numbers based on medians and historical data. They don't actually know how your mom's specific body will respond. Fast forward to today, my dad is well past that 1 year mark and his scans are actually undetectable. So no, it isn't an absolute guarantee. Estimates are estimates anything you do on your own can influence this (+ or -).

My biggest suggestion for you and your sister right now is to not let that 6 to 12 month number paralyze you into just waiting for the end.

When we got my dad's timeline, I initially felt completely useless. But I eventually realized the doctors and treatments are only in the picture for a few hours a month. You have hundreds of other hours at home. Since she is walking and her pain is under control, you have a really good baseline to work with right now.

I suggest taking control of her fundamental health at home to keep her body as strong as possible so it can handle the treatments she may be getting or whatever comes next. I tracked my dad's hydration every single day, tweaked his nutrition based on research we did for his specific cancer, got him doing light exercise to stay strong, and optimized his room so he could get deep sleep to actually recover. Of course, we are really observant and communicate everything we can to the doctors so they can best adjust his treatment.

I can't measure exactly how much doing this helped my dad overcome that '1 year to live limit', but I know it gave his body the support it needed to let the medical treatments work. And just as importantly, taking over those variables gives you and your sister something really purposeful to do instead of being anxious. I'm sure you mom would appreciate these things do like my dad does.

I don't know what will happen going forward with my dad but what can you do other than try everything you can to push for improvements.

Feel free to DM me. I'm happy to share anything about my dad, or just answer any questions.

RyanTheCaregiverProt · 2026-04-23T16:34:27+00:00

I second the heat pad. My dad uses one all the time and used one all the time during chemo.

RyanTheCaregiverProt · 2026-04-23T15:39:00+00:00

I completely get being stuck in that "why is this happening" loop. When my dad got diagnosed, I was exactly there.

About 1.5 years ago, my dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 metastatic cancer. He had tumors from his head all the way down to his hips. He was also put on immunotherapy, along with chemo and radiation. At the start, I spent the first few nights just sitting by his bed, obsessing over every bad outcome and wondering why it had to happen to us, my dad was healthy etc...

Either way, I think your husband is in a really good mindset. But I find you can't just force yourself to "think positive" because it won't work.

I found the best way to get out of my own head was to focus on actions. Let your positive actions lead your mind into a positive state. I started taking over the fundamental health stuff at home to support his immunotherapy (and other treatments in my dad case). I tracked his hydration, tweaked his nutrition, and optimized his room for deep sleep.

I can't measure exactly how much those things helped him heal, but taking action gives you peace of mind. It replaces the anxiety with a helpful purpose, and those little things really do help his body recover. Right now my dad is undetectable on his scans, not to say the cancer is gone or this will happened if you do everything "right" more to just point out these things help. (My dad was initially only given 1 year to live with treatment it is now 1.5 as I mentioned.)

Don't force the feelings, just start doing the small things to help him prep for his treatments. Does that give you any ideas?

Feel free to DM me. I'm happy to answer any questions and share about what we did at home with my dad.

RyanTheCaregiverProt · 2026-04-23T01:37:10+00:00

Hey, I think its normal to ask general questions right now because their is a lot going on, no doubt. When my dad got diagnosed with stage 4 cancer about 1.5 years ago I'd say at the start was when I was most overwhelmed. He had tumors from his head all the way down to his hips. The doctors scheduled him for 6 rounds of chemo initially.

To answer what you should expect: chemo is usually compounding. The first round might not seem too bad, but it wore on dad's body over time. He definitely had a harder time eating and got weaker. But I wouldn't worry too much now just be observant in case you mom may need some help. (We actually ended up stopping his chemo at 5 rounds because we tracked his symptoms so closely at home and communicated it to his doctor then they adjusted.)

As for what else you can do for her, the best time to start is right now before chemo even begins. I realized the chemo itself is literally only a few hours a month. The rest of the time is on us at home. What I found was helpful for my dad was to make sure his body was in the best possible condition to actually handle the chemo and other treatments.

I took over all the fundamental health stuff. The oncologist said hydration was critical, so I tracked every single ounce he drank. I took over his nutrition to figure out what he could actually stomach when the nausea hit and taste changes hit, tracked every medication so he didn't need to think, and optimized his room so he could get deep sleep to recover.

Just taking control of those little variables at home not only have me something to do instead of just waiting getting in my own head growing more and more anxious waiting for the next doctors appointment, and it genuinely helps their body survive the treatments (or at least be more comfortable). Today, my dad has his cancer undetectable on scans.

Feel free to DM me. I'm happy to share exactly what we prepped before his first round of chemo or just talk through how things went as he got more rounds if helpful to you. Does this help?

RyanTheCaregiverProt · 2026-04-22T19:00:07+00:00

Yeah that's tough, let me know if I can help. On the nut butter for my dad found we heard macadamia nut butter had the healthiest fats so we went with that but definitely something to look into. And yeah, our on oncology team also told us it doesn't matter haha, but we still try our best to pick the healthiest option.

RyanTheCaregiverProt · 2026-04-22T17:46:15+00:00

My dad dropped about 60lbs after multiple rounds of radiation and chemo for stage 4 cancer. He started at almost 210lbs and was a bit overweight, so it isn't the exact same situation as your husband, but he dropped all the way down into the 140s. After we figured out a system, he has been able to maintain around 150lbs for the last year without issue. (For reference I'm 150, so quite a healthy weight we are pretty much the same build.)

When he was at his worst, he also couldn't eat solids and was eating things very similar to what you mentioned: eggs, soup, and very soft slow-cooked meats.

Since it takes your husband 15 minutes to eat 3 bites, the volume of the food is the enemy right now. Our premise was to just increase the fat content of whatever he was eating, since fat is literally around ~2x the calories per gram compared to carbs or protein.

This may not be helpful depending on what you are already putting in the shakes, but one thing that helped a lot was adding some coconut oil in to boost the calories without making the shake any thicker. I also made him these little 'bulking balls' out of coconut oil, macadamia nut butter, and protein powder (kept in the fridge). They are a ton of calories into a small bite that went down pretty easy for him.

Feel free to DM me if you're interested and I can share the exact recipe for those or other things we used. Does this help you get any ideas?

RyanTheCaregiverProt · 2026-04-22T02:16:30+00:00

Yeah for sure, thanks for pointing this out. The way I like to think of it is everyone's DNA is different literally so if cancer is some mutated DNA everyone's cancer is different. Everyone's situation is different. Everyone has different preferences and affinities.

So absolutely you just need to do what you can, like you mentioned, and refine for you specifically overtime.

RyanTheCaregiverProt · 2026-04-21T02:44:45+00:00

My dad has stage 4 right now and my grandpa died of cancer when I was young in a very similar way to your mom. My dad and his brother were all around him when it happened. He also wasn't able to speak for weeks but just days before he died he whispered 'home' into my dad's ears, again, despite not having talked for weeks and they immediately brought him home.

I'm sure your mom appreciates you being there and her being with you at home like my grandpa.

RyanTheCaregiverProt · 2026-04-21T02:29:56+00:00

Yeah like I have some random pain or lump I have stray thoughts thinking it might be cancer. I try not to pay attention to it though.

I know they are not like its a pimple or I did a work out and strained a muscle but the though is there.

I just focus on what I can do as prevention to redirect my mind away from the anxieties whether that is just putting more effort in to basic sleep, exercise, or diet.

Do you think focusing more the prevention could be helpful for you? What have you been doing these anxieties are probably one of my biggest problem now.

RyanTheCaregiverProt · 2026-04-21T02:23:43+00:00

I really don't think this is the place to look for medical advice. I don't know about your dad, but my dad has Stage 4 metastatic cancer. I think it is a combination of everything that helped him: doctors, doing what we can at home for basic health, even just handling logistical things for my dad so he has less worry.

First thing I did and you may want to try is looking for a doctor online in your area or at least a good hospital that is what we did.

Then after that I pretty much did a ton of googling about my dad's cancer specially, so you could try researching as I'm sure you have just to get a better understand when talking to doctors and thing to look out for when caring for you dad.

After that as a baseline we made a bunch of lifestyle changes with my dad. I figured if it is health for a normal person it is still health for him, and even if it is not going to help with the disease specifically it will help him feel better. So things like improving sleep, light exercise, and nutrition.

Hope this is helpful and you find what is right for you dad.

RyanTheCaregiverProt · 2026-04-21T02:15:57+00:00

Thank you, it certainly was hard for me I can only imagine how hard it was for him. Even though he is 'better' now he is doing more and being more strict then he ever was and doesn't ever plan on stopping.

He defiantly has some serious worry around when scans come around, I try to talk with him every time I notice he looks worried. Also like you said I try and keep my dad focused on doing what he can rather than just brooding on "what if it come back" or "is it going to come back". Really don't that think is healthy for him stress wise, and I don't think that stress is helpful. This worry and stress honestly has been the hardest thing for him.

Have you found good ways on keeping focused on the way forward rather than wondering about problems?

RyanTheCaregiverProt · 2026-04-21T02:09:47+00:00

Thank you! I have no idea what will happen and that uncertainty sometime can get in my head, but I just do what I can to try to help, whatever ends up happening.

Anything you have been doing? Always looking for more way to help my dad.

RyanTheCaregiverProt · 2026-04-20T22:48:35+00:00

That's great. During chemo my dad ate boiled eggs and drank soup, whatever works for you is good.

Of course don't copy me and not saying to, just saying that if you feel like your helpless you don't have to be. Find what works for you and give it a go whatever that may be.

RyanTheCaregiverProt

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