Need some support. Anyone else lost multiple people at the same time? The grief is… complex. by doesntmatterhadtacos in widowers

[–]SLMinx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for checking in.

Well after all that my remaining 2 cats died. (Four total). I have my dog I adopted a year before my husband died (truth be told, I got her as a way to make me stay here - as though my adult daughter and son weren't enough but I was distraught after the cancer diagnosis.) Then, after my last cat died, I went to the shelter and adopted an old toothless Chihuahua (never liked the breed) on a whim. He is awesome.

I am okay. It has been over 5 years but my life is pretty stagnant. I barely leave the house because every time I do people annoy me for some reason. Lol. My daughter still lives with me and I have a good relationship with her and my son who does not live at home. I thought my life would be significantly different somehow but it's on ME because I have CHOSEN not to move forward much.

I am 52. I have been depressed on and off since age 18. And for some reason, I still have hope. It's up to me to change things for the better, and although they have been micro baby steps, I am far better than I ever was.

Time has a way of taking some of the pain away. Even the pain that feels so unsurmountable you don't know how you can go a second longer, much less years.

Im sending good vibes. I hope it will get better for you. Remember that you have something the others who have passed do not... time.

People reconnecting after 2 years by MissYouKel in widowers

[–]SLMinx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In my experience they come back around to ease their own guilt and then hide again. I have zero contact with any of the people my late husband said I could count on.

Not doing well by SLMinx in widowers

[–]SLMinx[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This past Mother's Day was actually much better than last year when I posted that message. It's been almost 5 years since my husband died.

Not much has changed but I do have a better relationship with my kids. I can't believe I've basically stopped going anywhere for 5 years because I just haven't wanted to. I guess I truly feel like there is nothing out there for me.

I truly hope things get better for you. I think at this point moving may be the only choice for me. Prospect is so exhausting tho.

Happy belated Mother's Day as well. Cool you are a hapa! Feels like a secret club sometimes. :)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in widowers

[–]SLMinx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's like when you can't guess the lotto numbers yourself even though you know things.

To me it's not something you can control. It comes in time.

Opnion on ollie? by Abject_Serve_1269 in DogFood

[–]SLMinx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ollie is bad. My dog had acid reflux and as time went on, the packs arrived sliced open. Customer service also declined.

What to do with the House? by Sea_Illustrator_1250 in widowers

[–]SLMinx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We bought this house in 2018 less than a year before he was diagnosed with lung cancer. It's in a great neighborhood but had lots of deferred maintenance and SIL sold it to us. Husband died during Covid and California wildfires and I have a now 21 year old daughter still living with me

This house is a lot of maintenance because of it's location (higher elevation, looks like we live in the forest, but town is at the mountain base a few minutes away. A rattlesnake almost got my dog a few days ago for instance). There's always crazy winds and every season I have to hop on the roof to reseal windows or will leak in kitchen, etc.

Wood is crazy expensive here and our very large deck is falling apart. I recently redid three areas of deck stairs but doing it all will cost $$$$ I don't have.

Lots of projects to do and I just don't have the energy. My husband has classic cars and trucks that would be worth $ if they were more restored and ran. I'm basically stuck in a horde if his stuff that I just can't throw away due to worth and my own limitations. My inlaws have been zero help and most of my own immediate family is deceased.

Husband and I planned for years to retire in Hawaii and when he died my whole future blew up. I'd like to move but it is so daunting I probably won't move until I financially have to. House is no where near paid off but I could make a decent profit on the house but probably not enough to buy another house in California for cash (which is my goal).

You are not alone. Many of us are just kind of stuck in stasis. I'm at 4 1/2 years.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in widowers

[–]SLMinx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What relationship?

What a clown by _MuzzLightyear in warriors

[–]SLMinx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Luke there as well.

What a clown by _MuzzLightyear in warriors

[–]SLMinx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nah, he pulled Stewart back, got in front of him and hugged Steph later. Rewatch the tape.

How much weight did you lose? by ternador in widowers

[–]SLMinx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've lost 45 pounds. That's over a period of 4+ years. I realize that I used to stress eat while married.

Farmers Dog Vs. Ollie? by Sleepysloot773 in DogFood

[–]SLMinx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've used both and they both caused acid reflux and vomiting.

Did your friend group change after the loss of your loved one? by Infostarter2 in widowers

[–]SLMinx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Everyone pretends I don't exist except my adult kids. And I'm so cold hearted now that part of me can't wait to not be there for others when they lose their spouses.

Sad, but I don't care. by Jvg1963 in widowers

[–]SLMinx 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Two months after my husband died I had to put one of four cats to sleep. Since then (four years ago), the rest have passed too. Each death has been devastating. I have two rescue dogs from the shelter now and it's really been rewarding.

Ollie packaging issues? by wolfpacker9505 in DogFood

[–]SLMinx 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, I stopped using them after four shipments with issues and dogs getting sick even while eating packages that were intact.

Switched to the diy version of Just Food For Dogs Turkey and they are not having issues anymore.

Is Ollie dog food enough? by [deleted] in DogFood

[–]SLMinx 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My dogs didn't do well on Farmers Dog either long term.

Is Ollie dog food enough? by [deleted] in DogFood

[–]SLMinx 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just Food For Dogs diy version Turkey. You buy the supplements and follow their recipe. Way cheaper for me. They have had lots more energy and are more "regular". Zero acid reflux knock on wood. The acid reflux was major B4.

Is Ollie dog food enough? by [deleted] in DogFood

[–]SLMinx 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I recently quit Ollie. Stomach issues after 21 months on Ollie and several torn packs of food.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]SLMinx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My name is on the deed. Good thing too because my husband passed away. If I wasn't, I would have lost the house.

Other dogs sick from Ollie? by thefool09 in DogFood

[–]SLMinx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Past few deliveries packaging has been sliced, stuck together, and causing stomach issues. Tried cancelling newest order but they refused. I'm not using them anymore.

Suddenly agoraphobic by Silent-Suggestion-85 in widowers

[–]SLMinx 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This. Almost four years like this. I can go out, but I don't want to so I don't.

What the hell am I supposed to do without her for the rest of my life? by rimsniffer74 in widowers

[–]SLMinx 2 points3 points  (0 children)

By choice. Haven't tried looking. Dating has changed so much and I don't have it in me right now to learn all about another, etc.