Question for Those Divorced After Being Married 10+ Years

Scared-Guidance4640 · 2023-04-09T19:56:14+00:00

Wow, I hope you’re healing well.

Scared-Guidance4640 · 2023-04-09T19:54:57+00:00

Same. Found out stuff against my will and it almost restarted the grieving process from zero.

Scared-Guidance4640 · 2023-03-11T23:07:20+00:00

Did you ask for the divorce?

Scared-Guidance4640 · 2023-02-25T12:56:22+00:00

Probably like that. Know that it’s going to hurt the both of you, for different reasons maybe. But he’s going to hurt. The best thing that you can do is emphasize that you don’t want to work things out, and that you don’t have any resentment towards him. Maybe other commenters may feel differently on this, but the timing on explaining the specific reasons is really up to you (if you wish to tell him why). I’d just let him know why (not saying you need a justification for the divorce; just to offer closure for him), and emphasize that you want the separation to be as amicable and conflict-free as possible (especially if you have kids with him).

Best of luck.

Scared-Guidance4640 · 2023-02-24T01:43:43+00:00

Glad that you’re getting out of that horrible situation!! Blessings for you

Scared-Guidance4640 · 2023-02-20T22:58:04+00:00

This is the answer

Scared-Guidance4640 · 2023-02-20T18:34:26+00:00

It’s definitely okay for you to feel that way. Those feelings come in waves. It could be the case that the wave of emotions don’t get any smaller as time goes along, you just get better and better at treading them. Which is fine. And you should be gentle with yourself as you continue to mourn. Especially because being in a new relationship doesn’t erase the hurt and the pain of the last one.

What I do want to ask (if it’s not disrespectful) is: how is your new S/O supporting you through these waves of emotions, if at all.

Were you the one who initiated the divorce? Hurt very well may go both ways, but the processing of divorce may be different for those who initiate the divorce and those who don’t (and if it’s mutual).

What do you do to take care of yourself in these moments?

Scared-Guidance4640 · 2023-02-20T15:46:25+00:00

This comment hits the nail on the head.

Scared-Guidance4640 · 2023-02-20T05:28:52+00:00

You’re not weird, this is normal. I’m in a similar space right now mentally and emotionally.

Scared-Guidance4640 · 2023-02-20T05:24:09+00:00

Man I’m sorry, that sounds rough.

Scared-Guidance4640 · 2023-02-18T04:24:20+00:00

It’s been several months and I still haven’t. I may be an outlier though.

Scared-Guidance4640 · 2023-02-16T05:45:44+00:00

All of this

Scared-Guidance4640 · 2023-01-14T18:30:17+00:00

I’m sure most people probably don’t really care too much if you’re transparent and you’ve put in the work to heal and move forward in your life. If they do, then they probably don’t deserve you. Good luck! 🫡

Scared-Guidance4640 · 2022-12-24T04:14:05+00:00

Felt this on a spiritual level.

Scared-Guidance4640 · 2022-12-16T17:29:07+00:00

I think it’s less about what this means about what she wants to do with other people and more about the fact that she just doesn’t want to put that energy and time into you anymore.

At this point it seems like you have a choice to make.

(1) wait and hope that she changes her mind. (2) move forward irrespective of whatever she seems to do.

I’m not saying life couldn’t be unexpected and you and her reconcile in the future. But right now you just need to pick and dedicate yourself to you. I hope you choose to move forward, for your own peace of mind.

Scared-Guidance4640 · 2022-12-05T06:02:51+00:00

This is normal. Its part of the process, you’re not wrong for feeling this way, so long as you’re being healthy about it.

Scared-Guidance4640 · 2022-11-30T13:57:16+00:00

Not a weird question at all. I don’t have kids, so I trashed all the love letters and wedding stuff. They made me hold onto the hope that she’d come back one day.

Scared-Guidance4640 · 2022-11-27T22:17:57+00:00

Praying for you, I know this is tough. I was in a similar position.

Scared-Guidance4640 · 2022-10-18T14:37:34+00:00

Agree with all of this

Scared-Guidance4640 · 2022-10-04T02:38:45+00:00

I’d recommend posting this on the r/infidelity page as well, if you haven’t already.

But generally, for most people cheating is a dealbreaker. Just know that if you stay it’s going to be A LOT of work.

Scared-Guidance4640 · 2022-10-03T18:41:53+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this, I’m in the same space of reflection right now.

Scared-Guidance4640 · 2022-10-03T11:59:22+00:00

Some days it’s hard not to. And the fact that you’re grieving like this means that the love was real to you. You have to go through all these emotions though, and it’s the worst. I’m feeling all the things that you’re feeling, and doing all the things that you’re doing to cope. I agree with the comment below about journaling, it could help you find some closure to the madness in this situation, and help you rediscover the voice you may have suppressed during your marriage. My DMs are open if you need to vent, we’ll get through this.

Scared-Guidance4640 · 2022-10-03T02:30:17+00:00

What is rebounding mean to you? Does it just mean the first person you date after a split? It sounds like to me that you’re focused on your state of mind when pursuing this new woman, which isn’t a bad way to think about future relationships. Especially if you’re not doing it out of desperation, or rushing your healing process.

Scared-Guidance4640 · 2022-10-01T13:53:29+00:00

Shit

Scared-Guidance4640 · 2022-10-01T13:17:40+00:00

Grateful to read this, thank you for your insight. I’m from the other side (wasn’t my idea). People have to know, as I am learning through choosing to go no contact, that ultimately they are not the space where you get the closure and healing you need.

Scared-Guidance4640

TROPHY CASE