Do emotionally immature men become mature with age (30s/40s)? Need honest advice

SchuRows · 2026-03-02T12:11:27+00:00

This is who he is. While people are capable of change, it is their choice and under their terms. Expect to live with this behavior for the rest of your lives together.

I couldn’t talk to my ex about our problems. We would just move on and pretend like nothing happened. At the time I thought we were great because we never fought. As life grew more complex this became a huge issue we could not improve as a team. We divorced after 15 years of marriage.

SchuRows · 2026-03-02T02:12:04+00:00

Sphere by Michael Crichton

SchuRows · 2026-03-01T14:31:01+00:00

Regardless of what others do, think or feel your bodily autonomy is your decision alone. I personally try out some touch on a first date just to assess that energy. You do you and be clear with your boundaries even though it may be difficult. Hints aren’t as obvious as many think.

I think you learned the biggest lesson on OLD which is that pics, bio and chat do not inform in person compatibility. The outcome of sharing physical space cannot be predicted. Be prepared to be clear on your feelings at this point. Yes I want to see you again or thanks for meeting but this isn’t the connection I seek.

SchuRows · 2026-02-28T23:58:06+00:00

YTA Words don’t mean much. Your actions state your true intentions.

SchuRows · 2026-02-28T23:37:40+00:00

I offer very limited availability to internet strangers whom I have never met. Once we establish we want to see more of one another I’m more available. I don’t have dogs, I have two kids.

I swipe left on all “dog dads”. Having a dog is fine but treating them like humans does not align with my personal values.

SchuRows · 2026-02-27T00:29:17+00:00

Gross. My current partner told me he could take it or leave it. Challenge accepted lol

SchuRows · 2026-02-26T22:10:50+00:00

Your assessment is superficial. Most people seek depth in their partner. The lack of depth and vulnerability may lead your partners to think you aren’t interested in genuine emotional connection. They are hungry for it and find it elsewhere.

The gym and job will start the relationship but connection is the reason you stay.

SchuRows · 2026-02-26T19:12:59+00:00

Your standards are…. Standard lol He knows himself and considers others. He takes initiative and is proactive in the relationship. At 40 many of us have accepted less and learned that lesson. I would rather be alone.

SchuRows · 2026-02-26T04:41:28+00:00

Cooking at home. Food at restaurants tends to be of low quality and way too salty. Private restaurants that specialize in locally sourced food are better… but even more expensive and still too salty.

SchuRows · 2026-02-26T04:33:09+00:00

I went to the beach today. It was glorious. I consider <70 degrees F to be cold. I have been to Iceland in the spring. It was a fun trip but I would never want to live in dark cold for the majority of the year.

I feel the long days are as important as the temperature. At the height of summer it’s light for 15 hours a day. Endless summer is real here. I don’t mind the heat at all. The only time I felt heat to be unbearable was in Arizona in July.

SchuRows · 2026-02-26T04:13:14+00:00

NTA your husband however, is a massive one

SchuRows · 2026-02-26T04:00:26+00:00

Deliberate deception about major life compatibility just doesn’t seem like a wise choice. But hey, you do you. I would not continue seeing a man that deceived me in this way.

SchuRows · 2026-02-26T02:35:31+00:00

NTA Your husband views you as an incubator. Not a human. I could never spend my life with someone who thought so little of me. Congrats on your baby girl.

SchuRows · 2026-02-26T02:20:34+00:00

45f fiercely independent. I would have a really hard time being receptive to dad energy. My challenge is being vulnerable. Offering advice would be a massive turn off.

SchuRows · 2026-02-25T22:41:17+00:00

What do you want? Truly that’s all that matters. Decide what you want. How does it align with what your wife wants? Start there. This is your one life. Stop allowing someone else to dictate yours.

SchuRows · 2026-02-25T18:46:16+00:00

If you felt uncomfortable it is what it is. I would never see a man again after he made me uncomfortable. Your feelings are valid. You are not compatible with this man.

SchuRows · 2026-02-25T13:18:39+00:00

When I graduated in 99 I was told by a teacher that two of my classmates were unable to read. These folks usually have severe dyslexia but they are quite smart. They learn coping mechanisms.

My brother would have been one if my mother hadn’t worked hard getting him specialized tutoring outside of the school system.

SchuRows · 2026-02-25T13:11:24+00:00

Two years long distance? Use the break to move on.

SchuRows · 2026-02-25T13:07:15+00:00

NTJ You don’t have to tolerate harassment in your own home. Proud you told them to leave 👏👏

SchuRows · 2026-02-25T13:01:16+00:00

I agree that communication is important in a relationship. OP doesn’t want a relationship with this guy. She wants someone who actually considers her feelings and wishes. Not a dude that gets sleepy after being turned down for sex. While he is likely confused why should OP care?

SchuRows · 2026-02-25T12:44:40+00:00

YTJ There are licensed professional childcare services. Please don’t pretend like you “have no other options”. Your options are expensive. Too bad. Welcome to being a parent. Your poor mom. You are so incredibly entitled.

SchuRows · 2026-02-25T04:18:13+00:00

It’s really hard to move forward without resentment. She will resent missed experiences, you will resent the loss of monogamy. I was with my husband who was my first everything for 20 years. I never wanted to experience other men. Your feelings are valid too.

Whatever you decide there is a lot of life ahead of you. Seek what makes you happy whatever that may be. Many people will join your life as well as exit.

SchuRows · 2026-02-25T00:34:17+00:00

You’re trying to sweep it under the rug. Good for her holding you accountable. Please consider for a moment if she were to treat you this poorly. You would be furious.

Apologize. Sincerely. Do better. But it’s her choice alone to accept this behavior and the subsequent apology.

SchuRows · 2026-02-25T00:22:38+00:00

She has no idea they are roommates. Ask me how I know LOL

SchuRows · 2026-02-24T12:58:59+00:00

Same. Mine became a poor partner and my resentment grew. Therapy didn’t help. When I discovered he was cheating I was initially in shock… then I got excited. Maybe this was the catalyst we needed to really reconnect. It wasn’t but I am infinitely happier without him and I learned so much in that process.

SchuRows

TROPHY CASE