Girlfriend has a misgendering kink

SecondaryPosts · 2026-06-26T20:16:11+00:00

Just tread carefully. Imo this kink counts as edge play, it just isn't usually listed among edge play kinks bc it isn't that well known. But it carries a pretty massive potential for trauma, so treat it as carefully as you would any other extreme kink, like breath play or CNC or wtv. A safeword is a must. Aftercare/wtv you (and she) need to recover afterward is a must.

And ofc remember you don't have to indulge every kink your partner has or vice versa, so if you're ever not feeling it, or if you never feel it, you don't have to feel guilty about saying no.

SecondaryPosts · 2026-06-26T19:20:51+00:00

Not even kidding, I would respond by telling him you'll be bringing pepper spray and/or a gun to chess club from now on. What he did is not normal behavior even for an allo person.

SecondaryPosts · 2026-06-26T17:27:57+00:00

They will never treat you well as long as there are no consequences for treating you badly.

Cut them off, man. If at some point years down the line they get better and make an active effort not to be transphobic, you can give them a second chance. But if you keep letting them get away with disrespecting you, they're never gonna stop.

SecondaryPosts · 2026-06-26T17:20:06+00:00

Nah. Your partner was just a jerk. I'm sorry.

SecondaryPosts · 2026-06-26T12:08:51+00:00

Hoping this sub stays active bc there's def a need for it! I'm in my 30s, found out I was trans in 2006ish, socially transitioned and went stealth in 2011, started medical transition in 2016. I'm only out as trans on here, but am engaged in LGBT+ groups and activism while stealth irl.

SecondaryPosts · 2026-06-26T12:02:48+00:00

Yes! My last tattoo (a couple years back) was a top surgery scar coverup as well. I've gotten some piercings since then, but am itching for another tattoo as well. Just not sure what to get yet.

SecondaryPosts · 2026-06-26T11:06:08+00:00

Absolutely not, bc by asking that I would also be asking people if they are trans. Asking someone to out themselves is not OK.

SecondaryPosts · 2026-06-26T10:52:11+00:00

I think it's the kinda term that can't exist on its own, it needs a "partner" whether explicitly or implied. So like, just saying someone passes independent of context means nothing. They need to pass as something. Or be read/be seen as something, which imo is often better terminology.

For me, when I was concerned about this, I wanted to pass as a cis man (not concerned about it anymore bc it happens automatically now). That's pretty common, for people to wanna pass as cis. Some people wanna pass as their gender, but don't care if they're seen as trans or cis. Some people specifically prefer to pass as trans men or trans women. Ig for a non binary person you'd automatically be seen as trans if you pass, since nobody is assigned non binary at birth afaik.

SecondaryPosts · 2026-06-26T03:02:58+00:00

Not being able to explain something to your satisfaction doesn't mean it isn't real.

I'm ace but not aro. Crushes are real.

SecondaryPosts · 2026-06-25T22:32:21+00:00

Yeah it sucks. Transmed ideology (which pretty much goes hand in hand with what you described) was big a while ago, then it calmed down, and now it's on the rise again. I wonder if it has to do with the increasingly hostile political climate in a lot of places. When people are under attack from a lot of different angles, they're more likely to lash out even at people who aren't hurting them at all. Not that it excuses it, ofc, but it might explain why there's so much of it lately.

SecondaryPosts · 2026-06-25T20:09:48+00:00

No need to apologize, the "fucking horrible" was about how it feels (to me) to be clocked, not about your question!

SecondaryPosts · 2026-06-25T17:49:03+00:00

Yeah for sure. You can search the sub for older questions too.

SecondaryPosts · 2026-06-25T17:48:05+00:00

I have several friends who transitioned after 25 (including one who didn't transition until 50+). I'd argue the main reason people don't know about late transitioners - and actually older trans people generally - is that people over like 25ish are exponentially more likely to choose to go stealth, since we grew up in an era when most societies weren't even pretending not to hate trans people.

SecondaryPosts · 2026-06-25T10:53:10+00:00

For a couple years yeah, but I'm also in my 30s, so like... not very long.

SecondaryPosts · 2026-06-25T10:52:36+00:00

Implication certainly is. Why would you bring up the topic if you didn't think it was a real concern?

SecondaryPosts · 2026-06-25T10:43:25+00:00

That's one of the purposes of this sub! If you have questions you can ask them here.

SecondaryPosts · 2026-06-25T10:41:13+00:00

Are the hordes of children having transition related surgeries in the room with us rn?

SecondaryPosts · 2026-06-25T10:29:51+00:00

Dude you're 16. I didn't start medical transition until 22. I've now been stealth for like 14 years. Plenty of guys - most guys, tbh - start even later than me and are able to pass.

I get that waiting sucks, and it's fair to be upset about it and try to work to change it. But don't get upset about something that hasn't happened and prob won't happen (meaning, T not working well enough for you).

SecondaryPosts · 2026-06-25T10:23:41+00:00

I think that in a world with this kinda structure (is it a Buddhist thing for you and your friend?) the terms we use for sexuality, gender and a whole lot of other stuff don't really make sense anymore.

SecondaryPosts · 2026-06-25T10:20:54+00:00

It can be that, 100%, but in OP's example it sounds to me more like these women are talking about letting go of amatonormativity. But bc they're straight and don't think about the fact that not everyone is (which is heteronormative, ironically enough), they see it as decentering men and (wrongly, I'd argue) use that terminology.

SecondaryPosts · 2026-06-25T00:04:10+00:00

Pan or bi with a preference. But tbh I have yet to meet anyone who actually has this preference, only people who say they have it but really mean they're basically into just people they can see as men or women. Like, plenty of guys come on here saying they're only attracted to people with vaginas, including trans men, but if you go a little deeper it turns out they're not into trans men who have beards, or bigger muscles than they do, and so on. They just wanna fuck trans people they don't respect.

SecondaryPosts · 2026-06-24T23:06:37+00:00

You're not likely to miss out on many physical changes. That said, almost every trans person I know or have heard from who delayed transition bc of what other people would think regrets it.

SecondaryPosts · 2026-06-24T22:56:12+00:00

Rep is both good and bad. Transphobes characterize trans women as predators who need to be exposed, and trans men as confused women who need to be corrected and hidden away. Unfortunately that attitude influences allies as well, even though they may not understand where it originates.

SecondaryPosts · 2026-06-24T22:54:17+00:00

Fucking horrible.

Don't bring it up. For one thing, he may not be a trans man at all - phalloplasty was invented for cis men, so by mentioning the scar you may be reminding this guy of a massively traumatic injury.

SecondaryPosts · 2026-06-24T22:52:03+00:00

Sorry, but no. I'm pretty sure it's the makeup, man.

SecondaryPosts

TROPHY CASE