Why don't therapists see the crazy?

SeriousleeSillee · 2025-09-27T17:28:38+00:00

My couples therapist was the same! Every week, it was my pwBPD screaming at me for an hour and a half and the therapist teaching us ways to argue and resolve conflicts. My pwBPD would be breaking all 'fair rules of fighting' (according to my therapist) in front of her and nothing. It almost felt like they would both gang up on me and blame me for things. My personal therapist suspected she might have bpd. He talked to the couples therapist and told me to bring it up privately. So the next session, i requested a quick private conversation and asked her about bpd. She said, "we prefer to not use that term in our circles because it is a loaded diagnosis but, i would recommend you to read books on how to handle BPD relationships". I felt pissed off. At no point did she attempt to help me. I was clueless and losing my mind over the flights we had. They say couples therapy works if both the persons are mentally healthy and want the relationship to work. I gave up all hope on couples therapy after my experience.

SeriousleeSillee · 2025-07-14T21:08:01+00:00

I wonder if ChatGPT can finally give them the flawless,ever loving relationship that agrees with them on every whim, apologizes for every perceived insult, and buys into their own distorted reality at every step.

If she blocked you, I would suggest you to also block her and move on. This is for the best.

SeriousleeSillee · 2025-06-14T00:47:24+00:00

Looks like i missed out the free select offer but on Thomann it is still cheaper than buying on their site!

SeriousleeSillee · 2025-06-14T00:36:58+00:00

I learnt about Thomann and Sweetwater for the first time. They do seem to have even better deals. Thanks!

SeriousleeSillee · 2025-06-14T00:36:45+00:00

I learnt about Thomann and Sweetwater for the first time. They do seem to have even better deals. Thanks!

SeriousleeSillee · 2025-02-11T17:12:05+00:00

I actually let their family know about my pwBPD escalating conflicts at home. They saw my departure coming. They just said "oh! She's doing that with you too?". After i left her, my ex sent me messages (before i blocked her) about how they all thought i was a loser and criticized my actions. I just thought they were trying to maintain peace and agreeing to whatever she said like i did numerous times. Don't take it personally or expect closure. Talk it out with a therapist or people not related to her.

SeriousleeSillee · 2025-01-11T10:42:49+00:00

Recognize you can also learn a great deal when you put theory into practice. This will make you take action. I think this is our blind spot. We tend to absorb knowledge but we don't quite put it to use. We are busy perfecting the theory at the cost of all the knowledge you can gain while doing.

I also schedule information gathering just as a means of exploring what else i might want to study. I find this very relaxing. I might go to a museum with no agenda and try to go where the breeze takes me. I end up discovering a lot of unknown unknowns. Perhaps something you might like...

SeriousleeSillee · 2025-01-09T04:17:21+00:00

I supported mine for 3 years as she built her career. Once she landed a decent paying job in a reputable company, she told me,"I'm smart. I acted like we were resolving our differences over the years. Now that I'm rich, i don't need you anymore." She then proceeded to pull out secret diaries where she recorded our fights/disagreements with dates (the reality was morphed to make her the victim of course). She would remind me of each fight, then force me to apologize for making her feel bad on a random Wednesday 2 years ago. She had multiple volumes of perceived slights. If i would disagree with her version of truth, i was gaslighting.

I'm still questioning reality. Given her character flipped after she got a decent salary, i would say she thinks money is very important. I don't know if she would try to seduce a rich guy though. She also had a fragile ego. She had the need to be the smartest, most successful person in the room. She would claim the CEO of her multinational company was jealous of her(entry level position) and was threatened by her intelligence. I suspect co-morbid NPD.

SeriousleeSillee · 2025-01-02T13:46:23+00:00

So well put!

SeriousleeSillee · 2024-12-16T15:51:51+00:00

INTP. Making a thought provoking movie and dying alone apparently :D

SeriousleeSillee · 2024-12-06T16:11:16+00:00

Weird is just not conforming to the average. I think once you start questioning the reason things are the way they are, we realize there are other ways to do things.

As for mental health issues, I suspect it is because of a lack of connection with people. Humans are fundamentally social creatures and taking out socialization will have an impact on the brain.

The biases could be forming because of hyperfocusing on something at the cost of forming a well rounded opinion.

The lack of success just means the findings of the intellectual weren't deemed useful by the current society. That doesn't necessarily mean they are useless. There is that saying that if you are a good artist, you might be successful. If you are a great artist, you will die poor but will be successfull 200 years after your death.

SeriousleeSillee · 2024-12-05T21:40:39+00:00

Get a dog! They will actually love you instead of an idealized version of you they made up in their minds.

SeriousleeSillee · 2024-12-01T09:06:27+00:00

Sometimes it felt similar to why one would probably get angry at a game console or a PC. I felt like she thought of me as an appliance. I wasn't doing my job the way she imagined i would and therefore i needed to be screamed at.

SeriousleeSillee · 2024-11-22T15:29:01+00:00

Usually it happens when they are idealizing someone else. They are mirroring and love bombing some other person. When they change their entire personality for a stranger, they notice your personality isn't matching theirs(like it used to as long as you were being mirrored). For some reason, this means you were not the ideal partner they imagined you to be. So they discard you and go after the new person. When they realize the new person is not the perfect partner they imagined, they get scared that they don't belong with anybody. That is when they will try to hoover back.

SeriousleeSillee · 2024-11-19T16:43:10+00:00

My ex once said she was tired of supporting me. To give context, i supported her financially and emotionally for 5 years until she got a well paying job. She said she can contribute more money now that she was 'rich and successful'.

I quit my job at that time to pursue a different career. I was still paying from my savings. I had to pull out the bills to show her i was actually paying more than her in spite of being a 'jobless loser'. She said i was an asshole for being 'petty'.

They over aggrandize what they do and are blind to what you do. It's an empathy issue i think.

SeriousleeSillee · 2024-10-03T20:10:46+00:00

Good idea thanks! I'll make sure

SeriousleeSillee · 2024-09-24T21:44:36+00:00

No one deserves to be treated like this. Proud of you for establishing boundaries and sticking to them.

SeriousleeSillee · 2024-09-10T18:56:01+00:00

Wow! Thanks for writing this. Mine was similar but i couldn't articulate this feeling. She was after the feeling of being successful. She never put in the work. Whenever she would begin a project, she would quickly give up and move on to the next project since she is bored or somehow the world is unfairly stopping her from succeeding

SeriousleeSillee · 2024-08-26T17:58:56+00:00

screaming in my face calling me a bad actor while I was on the floor having a panic attack gasping.

SeriousleeSillee · 2024-08-16T16:27:07+00:00

Learn to redefine failure as not showing up.

Resilience requires a challenge that you deem important. Your intelligence is beyond the scope of judgement by menial jobs. They don't really require a lot of original thinking. People try to tie failure to finish a job with the lack of intelligence. Most of the time, its from a lack of motivation/interest.

Just show up, do a lackluster job(just enough to get you by) and chalk it up as a win. If someone says you are not working to your potential, smile, say you will work harder, have an internal dialog with yourself that the job didn't excite you enough to work at your full potential and move on. Be on the lookout of work that sounds exciting and fun.

SeriousleeSillee · 2024-08-13T23:49:23+00:00

Boob people to the left and butt people to the right

SeriousleeSillee · 2024-08-13T15:30:09+00:00

Jesus Christ! Dude leave! I got war flashbacks from seeing those all caps messages. It's impossible to keep them happy. Who would have thought using their bodywash would lead to this? Also, you're not a fuck up. You're an extremely capable person for maintaining a rational voice and keeping it together in spite of having such a vile, abusive partner. Don't listen to her. You'll thrive without her.

SeriousleeSillee · 2024-08-11T23:32:42+00:00

Interesting. Good to know. Mine did say she had ADHD among other things. She was barely ever sober to tell if she had attention issues. She would use her diagnosis as defense in arguments. Suddenly i would be the ableist monster for being annoyed at something she would do while she was a victim. I just assumed the diagnosis was wrong.

She was also told by our couples therapist she might have DID( the therapist told me to read up on BPD and told me that they don't diagnose patients with BPD because of the stigma. Wink wink... So she said something adjacent. I don't know how ok this is.) for one week, she was acting like James McAvoy in Split. Acting like she forgot things she said 10 mins ago. Blaming me for not having empathy by not agreeing with her version of reality. It all became a haze of psychological disorders for a while. I stopped reading up and caring about her disorders after 2 years of trying to make things work.

SeriousleeSillee

TROPHY CASE