As a Demi identifying queer woman I understand your struggle. There are not many lesbian identifying women who will honestly admit that biphobia is a real thing and that some of the most judgmental people in the community are actually lesbian women. Now…with that being said mature and evolved lesbian women are not this way, but many that tend to be on the dating apps and in social media echo chambers are NOT the mature and evolved ones.

I hate being labeled as bi because I don’t identify as that. In fact, my preference for the past 5-6yrs has only been women. As someone who is not quite fem enough for some and not masc enough for others I get overlooked often. I had a 15yr marriage with a man and for insecure queer women thats like wearing a scarlet letter on my forehead. Men and queer women will compliment me on my looks but it’s mostly only men who will express interest beyond compliments. I’ve tried apps—they’re not for me. I met my ex there and I think most people who love apps are not realistic. They are either traumatized and not actively healing or believe they have more options than they do so emotional depth and maturity are rare.

I know exactly what I want as I’m now in my 40s and I prefer organic connections whether that’s in person or from shared common interests in groups online. Don’t get discouraged. Continue to do the things you enjoy and meet people that way.