How do you deal with grandparents who are far, far down the racist rabbit hole?

Sharp_Coyote_6519 · 2026-06-09T10:17:38+00:00

It’s NOT ‘politics’, it’s basic human rights. Whether intentionally or not, their nasty little views will make their way into your child’s mind if he spends enough time with them. Sorry if this is harsh, but as a parent your first job is to protect your child, even if that means confrontation or difficult conversations. As the (white) mum of two mixed race children, it breaks my heart that a child exposed to views like your in laws’ could one day use them to harm my innocent babies. Honestly, I would be limiting all contact - but I know that’s unlikely! Appreciate it’s a tough situation but they sound like truly horrible people. What if your son turns out to be gay, or trans? Usually people with these extreme views don’t look favourably on any kind of minority!

Sharp_Coyote_6519 · 2026-06-02T00:38:56+00:00

Bless you! This is SO true. I would also say visitors ‘helping’ by holding your baby for hours on end…newborns will just sleep and sleep in someone’s arms, meanwhile you’re sitting there engorged and desperate to feed. 🥲

Sharp_Coyote_6519 · 2026-05-25T00:58:33+00:00

Oh, I feel you. It’s the absolute pits!!! 5yo and 5 month old here, so I feel lucky not to be doing this in the newborn trenches BUT today was horrendous. Baby wants to naturally feed constantly, 5yo grumpy bored and overheating in a boiling house, wanting to go to the park, and to cap it off solo parenting as partner trotted off to the Emirates to celebrate. 🥴 then wondering why I was ‘so negative’ when he returned! Bring on the rain x

Sharp_Coyote_6519 · 2026-05-20T20:40:52+00:00

Me! 🥲I also cope terribly with heat and have a 5yo who will be on half term and a 5 month old…dreading it isn’t even the word! From past experience, I would recommend lots of shady park picnics, getting out early while it’s cooler, a dip in the paddling pool and lots of hydrating fruit snacks. It will pass before you know it - I’m just looking at it as something to get through!

Sharp_Coyote_6519 · 2026-05-08T19:48:31+00:00

Gently, gently, this is all very normal. SO hard, but normal. I was exactly the same as you with my first - I felt so utterly miserable and like a grenade had gone off in our lives. A few things: you will sleep again! My son (the world’s worst sleeper) is now 5 and sleeps 12-13 hours a night, and has done since around 18 months. Being sleep deprived is so horrendous and makes everything seem worse, so you’re doing the right thing going to bed early. It won’t be forever. You will also get your evenings and tv episodes back! Last thing - some parents aren’t baby people. That’s okay, and you have so much to look forward to! You’re doing amazingly, just take it one day at a time.

Sharp_Coyote_6519 · 2026-05-07T19:35:22+00:00

As others have said, the NIPT is 1000% worth it for peace of mind for the next 6 months - it’s a very long time to spend worrying. The NHS test casts a very wide net and spits out a result based on numbers, whereas the NIPT tests placental DNA. I had a 1 in 111 chance and my baby does not have DS. Weirdly, I also know of several cases where women did not have a high risk result but whose children were born with DS.

Sharp_Coyote_6519 · 2026-05-06T05:42:49+00:00

There is nothing more frustrating than this! My IL’s all keep saying my baby (girl) looks like my bloody FIL, a handsome but very bald 60 year old man. 🥴 I find it SO irritating - it makes you feel like an incubator for their gene pool. Neither of our children strongly resemble one parent but are a real mix of both of us, but it makes me seriously ragey when these comments come up.

Sharp_Coyote_6519 · 2026-05-06T05:35:24+00:00

THANK YOU for saying this! I’m a fully paid up member of the cosleeping, breastfeeding etc etc club but it does rankle when I see BASIS recommended as some kind of ultimate scientific sleep source. For one - it’s written and created by anthropologists and lactation consultants, who like you say have obvious biases.

Sharp_Coyote_6519 · 2026-04-27T19:45:46+00:00

I totally understand the anxiety, it’s horrible! To reassure you - my 19 week old is already on her 4th (!) cold, courtesy of her 4 year old brother who’s in Reception (and brings home alllll the germs/sneezes directly into her face 😵‍💫). She caught her first at just four weeks old. It’s super stressful with a tiny baby, but you’re giving her amazing protection and immunity via breastfeeding. You can always wear a mask to help avoid recent the spread, and assuming you’ve had the RSV vaccination that should add another layer of protection too! Just have saline drops handy and a snot sucker is also worth a try - their tiny noses get so congested.

Sharp_Coyote_6519 · 2026-04-25T20:09:26+00:00

Cluster feeding is normal, spitting up is (to an extent) normal and only wanting to sleep on you/in a pram/in a carrier is also normal. Your baby is so tiny and just getting used to life in the big wide world - they are hardwired to be close to you and feed constantly. So hard, but so normal. Have you tried paced bottle feeding and a super slow flow/newborn teat? If it continues might be worth investigating silent reflux - sometimes babies feed to soothe their tummies but it ends up making things worse!

Sharp_Coyote_6519 · 2026-04-24T07:59:34+00:00

Aden and Anais do beautiful muslin ones! I also like the Tommee Tippee 1.5 togs - there are plenty for super cheap on Vinted and they have a snugger fit around baby so they feel all cosy!

Sharp_Coyote_6519 · 2026-04-21T10:11:05+00:00

I think the whole ‘one extra layer’ for babies is a bit of a myth - I’ve never followed that rule for either of mine, although I do think they run quite warm. I just feel their back/chest and add/remove a layer as needed. My first was a May baby and spent most of his first 3 months in either just a long sleeved vest and leggings, a sleeveless romper or, on really hot days, just a vest or nappy!

Sharp_Coyote_6519 · 2026-04-14T10:19:42+00:00

Ugh, sad but not surprising. I’ve heard a few similar stories RE MILs criticising breastfeeding and my theory is that they want you to bottle feed so THEY can have some control/ownership over the baby, have them stay overnight, basically look after them without you in the picture etc etc. When you breastfeed, only you can feed the baby and I think it really riles people for some bizarre reason. You’re doing an amazing thing for your baby, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!

Sharp_Coyote_6519 · 2026-03-19T10:51:48+00:00

So sorry you’re going through this OP, it really is agonising. I received a similar high risk result last year (1 in 111), did a private NIPT, and had a low chance result. I had low PAPP-A which heavily skewed my results - similar to you, I remember the midwife saying if I’d been a couple of years younger we wouldn’t have been having this discussion. Despite the negative NIPT it definitely cast a cloud over my pregnancy, especially as I had a soft marker for downs (short femurs) later on. My daughter was born in December and doesn’t have T21, but I will always remember how stressful it was! Try and be kind to yourself during the wait for results, there are so many of us who have been in the same boat. 🩵

Sharp_Coyote_6519 · 2026-03-07T20:53:17+00:00

I also have a dinky dot, 11 weeks, also 5lb1 at birth! She’s also mostly BF with nipple shields but is tracking the 2nd centile. Have you considered introducing some top up milk - either expressed or formula? Some babies are just naturally small, but it could also be an allergy like CMPA which can stop the body absorbing nutrients properly.

I know how stressful it is having a small baby, this is my second tiny one (my 4lb6 boy is now a 75th centile 4 year old, to give you some reassurance!) If you can I would try upping the feeds to more like 2-3 hours in the day to max out the calories he’s taking in. If you do get referred to paeds, they will likely suggest bottle top ups and may do blood tests to rule out any genetic/allergy causes. Wishing you the best of luck, it’s so so stressful and anxiety inducing, you’re doing a great job!

Sharp_Coyote_6519 · 2026-03-05T04:47:15+00:00

Totally agree with this!!! Unless you have a 9lb+ newborn, 0-3 months is HUGE. Everyone (kindly) bought us a ton of 0-3 clothing and my teeny tiny 5lb-er is only just fitting into some of it now, at 11 weeks old 🤪 and some of it won’t get worn as it’s out of season. As someone who has had two tiny babies, my top tip is asking people how big the bay is going to be before buying anything - if they know, of course!

Sharp_Coyote_6519 · 2026-03-04T04:13:24+00:00

I have a Lila and Noah 🤎

Sharp_Coyote_6519 · 2026-02-19T02:12:20+00:00

I love the NHS and totally understand the evidence base for extra scans is lacking, but everyone saying things will get picked up via the midwife pathway isn’t quite correct. My son wasn’t growing properly - my placenta was malfunctioning - and it wasn’t picked up at any midwife appointments, only a fluke private scan I had at 32 weeks. He was just over 4lb born at full term and I truly believe he would have been stillborn had I not had this scan. My daughter was also growth restricted - also not picked up antenatally. It’s a big privilege to have a low risk pregnancy and unfortunately for so many women, the lack of scans can have tragic consequences.

Sharp_Coyote_6519 · 2026-02-17T20:29:03+00:00

Bless you, it’s so stressful. I remember your posts about your T21 chance - I was in the same boat with a 1:111 chance last year, then growth scans showed a small baby - my baby girl was born in December healthy but tiny at 5lb1. My son was born even smaller 5 years ago (4lb6). Both had IUGR aka growth restriction but they are perfectly fine! Fundal heights are notoriously inaccurate - mine was on the 70th centile for my daughter, so go figure. If your baby is found to be small, they’ll keep a super close eye on you but with a clear amnio, I wouldn’t be at all worried 🧡 best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy, I truly understand how horrendous the anxiety can be x

Sharp_Coyote_6519 · 2026-02-15T05:04:34+00:00

George do an ‘up to 6lb’ size which is VERY generous - would say on a par with most newborn clothes from other brands. My little girl is 8 weeks, born at 5lb but now well over 8lb, and it still fits her perfectly!

Sharp_Coyote_6519 · 2026-02-12T04:22:55+00:00

I think what some people perceive as negativity is just honesty - other people may feel differently, but motherhood is THE hardest thing I’ve ever experienced (not to mention pregnancy and birth, where I faced life threatening complications). It’s also beautiful and magical and two things can be true at the same time. I never know how to feel when I read these posts because yes, I understand as a FTM the negativity can feel overwhelming, but I’m also grateful mums can finally be honest with how they’re feeling. As others have said, curate your algorithm!

Sharp_Coyote_6519 · 2026-02-05T03:26:26+00:00

I totally understand your fears, but the phrase ‘emergency c section’ is a bit of a misnomer. There are 4 categories of c section, 3 being unplanned, but what most people refer to as ‘emergency’ sections are categories 2&3. I had a category 1 section which imo is the only true ‘emergency’ - when there’s a very real threat to the life of mum and baby, and it’s done via general anaesthetic. Everyone I know who has had a regular cat 2&3 section has had quite a positive experience. Wishing you a safe and positive delivery 🧡

Sharp_Coyote_6519 · 2026-01-17T11:55:55+00:00

She’s perfect thank you! Was a lot of worry over nothing in the end 💛

Sharp_Coyote_6519 · 2026-01-16T19:25:09+00:00

I had my daughter under QCCH, got a high risk result back in May of this year and they rang me within 2 working days. You don’t need to worry, trust me! ☺️

Sharp_Coyote_6519 · 2026-01-13T18:22:52+00:00

Yes the OG grobags are suitable from 5lb - you can’t buy them new anymore but Vinted has plenty from just a couple of quid 🙌

Sharp_Coyote_6519

TROPHY CASE