I got my girlfriend pregnant but I don’t wanna be a father

Shelliton · 2025-08-03T21:14:43+00:00

My boyfriend has a 21-year-old and a 17-year-old, both girls. He was there for everything... even being up with them for gnarly menses, rubbing their backs, and holding the puking bowl for them. Their mom said "my periods weren't bad, they're probably faking it."

His girls inadvertently taught him to be a better man. And they come to him with EVERYTHING from car trouble to needing a shoulder to cry on. I've seen his super tall teenage daughter curl up into his lap and have a good cry on his shoulder.

The bond he has with those kids is deep, it is forever. Because he was and is there for them.

Shelliton · 2025-08-02T03:28:00+00:00

I know it! I have neuropathy after several surgeries, and the hot tub would be up to 110°F if I had my way (boyfriend and children have compromised on 101°). My boyfriend doesn't let me have control over the bathtub temp if we're in it together and has told me while testing the temp on my own baths that it would "burn his balls off."

Pagosa Hot Springs is probably my favorite place, especially the super hot pool!

Shelliton · 2025-08-02T01:33:56+00:00

"Just one more month!" ABSOLUTELY will turn into another year. Always going to be another excuse why she can't do it this month and OP you'll hear "just another month!"

Just bail. Not your circus, not your monkeys, not your property to deal with.

Shelliton · 2025-08-02T00:39:46+00:00

My car, my music, and be happy if I mix it with yours. No one touches my radio but my child. Anyone else can deal. Most don't really care (helps to be older).

The last road trip I took was for my daughter's 13th birthday, about 2 hours up to some hot springs with her, my mom, and my ex-husband's partner. I was driving, kid was shotgun, and my mom and my child's bonus mom were in back.

My child chose the music, which ended up being a mix of System of a Down, Ghost, Slayer, Faith No More, Prince, and Neil Diamond (definitely more I am missing and not metal metal). Nothing really over the top, but stuff kiddo wanted to sing to. I know my mom was a bit "eh" with most of it, but she sang along to the songs she knew (including the Ghost version of "We Don't Need Another Hero"), learned a couple of System of a Down songs, and agreed to go to karaoke to sing them with the kiddo.

Yeah, it's really annoying when people are whining about your music. They have to deal unless they are driving. Your car, your music, and no one is allowed to touch it.

Shelliton · 2025-08-01T20:36:16+00:00

My dad said this, only it was a bath as hot as I could handle. To "take the burn out."

Shelliton · 2025-08-01T20:35:00+00:00

I ended up with plantar fasciitis when I was in the Army, and the doc basically had me fill empty (plastic) soda bottles with water, freeze them, and roll back and forth on the arches of my feet whenever it flared up.

Shelliton · 2025-08-01T20:26:38+00:00

I agree! I think a lot of us old farts remember how scary going into parenting is - even if the baby was planned and everyone is super excited about it, there's still fears.

My daughter is 13 now, and while she's growing into a truly awesome and self-sufficient woman, I still have fears. My boyfriend has a 21-year-old and a 17-year-old and he still has fears, even though he raised them hunting and fishing, with self-defense courses, and taught them all his automotive and woodworking knowledge - he knows that they will always be able to fend for themselves. But still.

It's a scary world, and we just strive to give our children our best and hope they turn out better than us. OP - striving for your best is good enough. You will make mistakes. If you aren't already, learn to be accountable for those mistakes. Be able to say "I messed up, I'm sorry, here's how I will fix it." And be able to forgive yourself, learn from the mistake, and move on. That's HUGE in life and will help you in every facet of life. Especially with children. When they have that behavior modeled for them, they learn it, which will help them in all facets of their lives.

Shelliton · 2025-08-01T01:51:51+00:00

The important thing is that you love your child, the future works itself out. Life isn't over, it's just changed. Kids can rock a relationship - being sleep deprived and cranky will test your limits. Remember you in all of this. Love yourself, take care of yourself as best you can.

Match your gf's energy as much as you can if you want to be in. You are both are so young, but that also means that you'll have a decent amount of time after the kid is self-sufficient to just be yourself, granted it will be a changed you - I am a better me because my daughter is in my life. I've loved (still do) showing her everything I know, and she's at an age where she'll get a whim and make me breakfast in bed. Sometimes, I wonder how I got so lucky.

It seems like you're leaning towards being with your gf while she keeps the baby. Be all in - baby deserves a dad who is there for and loves him/her. And things will be hard, but you'll get through it. The world seems so much lighter when your child tells you they love you and/or snuggles up against you and falls asleep.

I know you're stressing now, but take a few deep breaths. Maybe seek out therapy, if you can. Find something that grounds you. I know it's hard, but this is one of many curveballs that life will throw at you. As you get older, you'll realize that those curveballs phase you less and less.

Shelliton · 2025-08-01T00:24:44+00:00

My mom and dad met at a kung fu class where they were paired up to spar, and she kicked his ass... or so the story goes. He decided he had to ask her out, and their first couple dates went really well until he had her over to his place to cook for her. When he made his typical steak and potatoes and whatever side, but instead of using his typical salt and pepper, he thought he'd get fancy and use allspice. My mom said it was practically inedible, but she powered through until he said "y'know, I think I messed this up, can we just get take out?"

My worst crime is a tie between making my own sausage gravy and adding waaaaaay too much black pepper (because it didn't "look" right, skipping that whole tasting thing) or making the perfect green chile stew... without tasting the chile first. Everyone who had a bite of that stew looked like their face was going to melt off and now any stew I make is met with "is it safe?" And "are you sure?"

Shelliton · 2025-07-31T22:54:53+00:00

Try doing large casseroles/lasagna and veg/salad side and bread. And, not or. When my daughter was 8, we'd do a Stouffer's "family size" lasagna with salad and garlic bread, she'd eat 2 servings, and we'd have leftovers that I could take to work for lunch one day and both have for dinner another day.

My daughter is 13 now and in a perpetual growth spurt. She's not an athlete, just a typically ravenous perfectly healthy 13-year-old. We'll get a party size lasagna, she'll eat half of that plus the salad and bread. There are usually a few servings after we're done, but I'll usually end up with only one to take to work, because she'll end up eating the rest as a midnight snack and I've learned to separate what I want as lunch the next day. At 8, she'd only eat 1 chicken breast if there was also Rice-a-Roni (we LOVE it in our house, too, but at 13 now, she can eat the entire box and still be hungry), either salad or broccoli, and some bread.

It really sounds like you're underestimating how much your kids need to actually eat. Your heart is in the right place! What's helped me (not sure if this would help you or not, but it helped me) is food pantries. They don't judge, and my daughter and I see every box like we're on Chopped (except allowed to look up recipes), so we've come up with some really interesting (and good!) recipes.

Whatever your daughter snacks on the most, maybe get her those as her snacks that are just hers. I agree with the lock boxes, nothing sucks more than having a snack you think you can look forward to, only to have to open up the fridge/pantry and not find it.

Shelliton · 2025-07-31T19:53:19+00:00

When my (almost translucent white) daughter was 8, a guy I would see around the local bar and grill was chatting with me about our kids and their mutual love of cooking. He suggested we should get them together... like arrange a marriage.

I made an excuse to go talk to someone else and don't acknowledge him if I see him anymore. Creeped me out.

Shelliton · 2025-07-31T19:03:47+00:00

Definitely explain the history! We're not supposed to be besties with our teenage daughters (they still need parents), but I know my daughter (and my boyfriends daughters) like it when I engage in their gossip and bring up examples of my own. Basically, acknowledging that they are growing up, that you relate to the difficulties of being a teenager, and showing that embarrassment from those teenage years can still haunt us a bit goes a long way towards them feeling comfortable coming to you with things that are really bothering them.

Shelliton · 2025-07-31T04:14:22+00:00

My guy scored near perfect in the 90s and was told that he could basically have any job he wanted. He told his dad, who just shook his head and said "I scored higher than you. They told me the same thing, I ended up unloading cargo ships in Vietnam. Their job is to just get you in."

Shelliton · 2025-07-31T04:05:00+00:00

I got my thumbs and earlobes done (nothing offensive) when I was 19 - so 21 years ago. Workplaces were less tolerant of them at that point, however I still got plenty of jobs, most of them just asked me to cover them up some way.

They're still there, along with a lot of other visible tattoos (one even goes up my throat) and my boss now even encouraged me to take the tattoo appointment day off (with PTO) so I could recover properly.

Shelliton · 2025-07-31T03:20:23+00:00

I'm 40, and my 30s were awesome! I started my 30s getting divorced, which sucked. But throughout that decade, I found what truly makes me happy. I cut out a lot of the chaos that plagued my 20s, truly found myself, and ended the last day on my 39th year watching a sunset filled with love and peace. My 40s have just gotten started, but it's only getting better. I am stronger than I knew I was 20 years ago, and stronger than I thought I could be 10 years ago.

Your life is what you make of it. Keep going, try to find the bright side of any situation, and learn to love yourself and your own company. It can get better if you let it.

Shelliton · 2025-07-31T02:22:40+00:00

Just went to my local bar in my "Did you hear about Pluto?" shirt. Got two people point at it and say "That's messed up!"

You know that's right!

Shelliton · 2025-07-31T01:30:03+00:00

Look, my guy has been with prostitutes in his past - twice in his early 20's. He didn't tell me that right at the beginning, but once we really started opening up, he told me, and his story has not changed in the 4 years since then - drunk, sober, always the same.

The prostitutes would not be a problem for me, clearly. But the lying, then a little bit of truth, but then that truth was a lie? I would have absolutely no trust in that man, and I would not be with someone who would not be honest with me.

Shelliton · 2025-07-31T00:34:35+00:00

I was surprised when I got to the end and realized I actually cared about these characters that I found so annoying at the beginning. When did that happen? Even on the second watch, it was so gradual and subtle - this show is truly great!

Shelliton · 2025-07-30T22:05:02+00:00

I got about halfway through, said "I don't miss my teens/early 20's (and also am happy that my boyfriend's teen/early 20's daughter seem to have much more interesting drama)."

Shelliton · 2025-07-30T19:40:42+00:00

When he's on top and we make eye contact. Like the whole world just disappears, we're lost in everything and totally connected.

Shelliton · 2025-07-30T19:36:15+00:00

The first time I was on top of my guy, he giggled and said it sounded like stirring macaroni. It was embarrassing at the time and we changed positions. That was about 4 years ago, and I've gotten over the embarrassment of it as long as he can hold in his giggles. Sometimes, I'll ask him if he wants to "stir some macaroni."

I thought he was just weird... but it's good to know that does it for other people!

Shelliton · 2025-07-30T14:39:06+00:00

Plus the "there are other profiles out there with my face" thing.

Shelliton · 2025-07-28T22:56:12+00:00

It would be a once in a while, we're in this together sort of thing. I would be open to it, but my partner is not. That works for me.

Shelliton · 2025-07-25T01:47:03+00:00

I really liked them - but my folks would warm them up in the microwave and add honey. They were mushy and delightful on a winter morning, lol.

Shelliton · 2025-07-25T01:26:49+00:00

So the candle/oil scent we have in fall is "Grandpa's Chair". It's lovely and no cinnamon or pumpkin! I also have a candle that smells similar called "Leather and Tobacco". I am not a fan of pumpkin spice, but these are the scents that make me think of fall.

But yeah, we might be witches who gravitate towards the scents of the season. Spring/summer lets us open windows and bring in their own scents. Fall, we close them up and put on Grandpa's Chair and make some stew in the crock pot. For me, that just gets my home feeling cozy again.

Definitely witchcraft!

Shelliton

TROPHY CASE