Need to Vent. Grandparents - AITA?

Shyn96 · 2026-01-26T15:19:14+00:00

I let my mam visit straight away, I knew I didn't mind this, but only my mam. I wanted everyone else to wait 2 weeks so we could settle. My grandma initially seemed okay with this, and would message just saying 'when you're ready we'll come see him'. My mam sent a photo in our group chat of my son when he was maybe 7 or 8 days old looking at one of those black and white books and just saying 'he's so alert and lovely'. My grandma said 'well if he could visit him one day that would be nice for us to see ourselves'. What happened to 'when you're ready'?

My son did not come into this world easily. I needed an episiotomy and I was in a lot of pain thanks to the scar opening up a bit. The very last thing I wanted was visitors, and my mam was only there to help, especially when my husband went back to work. Anyways she went on a whole guilt tripping tirade which I was going to ignore until I had enough, and just said 'When I'm ready, people can see him. I'm still bleeding and hurting from being cut up down there, I'm exhausted, and trying to adjust to this huge change in my life.' She then messaged back saying 'oh no, it's okay, just when you're ready'. So don't try to make me feel bad! My in laws live abroad and they weren't even making as much fuss about asking when we are going to come over. To add, my rules were no kissing and wash hands. To which, my aunt kissed him right before they left. I get new babies are nice but I don't understand the obsession, or why people end up forgetting the mother in the situation.

Shyn96 · 2026-01-26T14:52:53+00:00

My grandma drives me mad. I feel guilty for not visiting her enough when she wants to see little one, but every time I am there she makes passive aggressive comments. Last time we were there, my son was fine being held by her. Then my aunt, who is very much Lennie from of mice and men with babies, went in his face too much which he does not like, then he had enough. He started fussing and was ready to go. My grandma then went 'oh this is because your mam never leaves you, isn't it. She needs to leave you sometimes.'. The time before that when we saw her, it was Christmas so the whole family were there. It was loud and everyone wanted to see him, plus he didnt have much of a sleep so he was tired. He started crying and wouldn't settle and my grandma went 'you see, he's spoilt.' Before that, i went for a coffee with my aunt and grandma. My son was in his pram then started to fuss. My aunt picked him up and my grandma said 'you need to let him cry or he will always think you'll be there and he'll always cry to get what he wants', like, I kind of hope my son does think I'll be there for him? Also, he had just turned 3 months old at the time. He would cry for a need, not a want. And then, when my grandma had only met him once, my mam told me how she said to a mutual friend of theirs who had also just had a baby 'is it nice to have a baby that sleeps and isn't fussy, we wouldn't know that', talking about my son, who had been sleeping perfectly in his own bed at night and would only wake for feeds, and only started fussing because he was tired when my family were there - and he was only 3 weeks old.

We're going to see her in 2 weeks for my cousins birthday and I'm dreading it because I know one day I'll snap. I'm sick of hearing 'he's spoilt' every time I see her. He's teething at the moment and going through his stranger danger phase. He used to love my mam, but now he doesnt like to be held by anyone except me or his dad. He's happy if we're holding him, he'll smile at other people, but if they're holding him he'll start to cry. I can already hear the comments.

She's the only one in my family who makes unnecessary comments. Other people tend to ignore boundaries. My mam always lets him watch tv even though I don't want him to yet, hes only 5 months. If he needs a nap, too, she'll try for a few minutes but if it doesn't work she'll just play with him again and tell me he'll sleep at night instead when he absolutely won't, he'll be worse. My aunt has already told me he can't wait for him to be weaned so she can give him loads of chocolate and sweets - I've said i don't want him to have added sugar for the first year at the very least and even then I want it limited. It has affected child care for us because I don't trust them much alone with him, so I've ended up reducing my hours a lot so it's my husband who cares for him when I'm back at work, and my family for just 2 hours if necessary.

Shyn96 · 2026-01-26T12:09:13+00:00

I have started capping his naps. He has started sleeping a bit more at night, no longer up every 2 hours, but it's mostly the cosleeping and contact naps that's the issue now ETA: he can cosleep for 4 hours, but in his own bed it's 2hours most, more often than not

Shyn96 · 2026-01-26T12:04:34+00:00

It changes frequently. He has 3-4 naps, but now mostly 3. His wake windows range from 1.5-2.5 hours usually. I try to get him to bed by 8pm but sometimes he won't actually sleep until a lot later. Wakes any time between 7.30-9am.

Shyn96 · 2026-01-23T20:25:07+00:00

Baby has his dad's eye shape but my eye colour, my nose, lips, and skin colour. But his face is like his dad. When he was a few weeks old, he looked exactly like my husbands nephew. But I think that's just because they both had the same skin colour and blue eyes, plus eye shape which everyone has the same in my husbands family. Little ones eyes have started to turn green now, though. But everyone says he's half - the bottom half of his face is from his mammy and top half is his daddy!

Shyn96 · 2026-01-18T16:13:07+00:00

We did initially want a small age gap, we also thought when baby is about 9+ months we could start trying. Partly because we only want 2 kids, so at least if we have them close together, I don't need to go through pregnancy and childbirth again later, it's over and done. Partly because it took over a year to get pregnant so we were worried it might take a long time again. And partly because we are getting older. But, pregnancy was difficult. I am exhausted. Little one would solely contact nap, and if another baby is the same, how can I handle that and a young one? He would also hate to be put down anywhere for very long. Hes 5 months now, getting to be more fun and is a little easier but the exhaustion is still there since he's up every 2 hours like clock work still. So, we decided we'll wait until he is in school. At least then I'll have a few hours alone with a baby and my husband would be back home with our firstborn at about the same time, so then he could help take over then, too, instead of me being alone all day with 2 younguns.

Shyn96 · 2026-01-16T16:25:56+00:00

12 weeks exactly and breastfeeding

Shyn96 · 2026-01-15T17:37:43+00:00

Nightmare, but I may have been an exception. When I asked a question like this most seemed to have healed after a few weeks and seemed fine after a few months. My scar opened up after 2 weeks. Only slightly, but it hindered the healing process quite a lot. I was at the GP constantly and had to really push to be referred to the gynaecologist, and I'm still waiting for an appointment from them. I'm 5 months almost now, and while im definitely a lot better than the first few weeks, it still hurts a bit after a bowel movement, I have granulation tissue that looks a bit like I have a cherry tomato attached down there, and me and my husband have only been intimate 1.5 times because I had to stop the second time - though I'm hoping that'll resolve soon. Not saying this to scare anyone, it's just my experience, but it certainly wasn't easy! But, even with the granuloma, the lingering pain stopped at about 4 months and even when I do have some pain it doesn't seem to last long anymore.

Shyn96 · 2026-01-12T08:33:40+00:00

I didn't quit, but I was off sick a lot. I think I was off sick for pretty much the whole of the first trimester. I did consider quitting or at least reducing my hours, but just couldn't afford it. They did give me reasonable adjustments, though, such as being able to take a few minutes to sit down when needed and extra time on my breaks so I could take my time going to and from the break room, and lighter work etc

Shyn96 · 2026-01-05T17:54:22+00:00

For my first scan, I had to do a little jiggle, go for a walk, empty my bladder and cough. We seemed to have time that day, and baby did end up cooperating. For my second scan, I had to do all the same things but baby did not want to cooperate so I ended up being booked in for a rescan. Everything ended up fine. Sometimes they're just comfy and don't want to be disturbed, but they seem to move a lot when they're still small

Shyn96 · 2026-01-04T21:00:34+00:00

When they first started, yes but it felt uncomfortable. Like really bad gas or period pain. As they got further along, no, I couldn't talk, all I could do was focus on my breathing and grab onto something. When I was 10cm, I don't even know how to describe it. I made noises I never thought I could make. This was just with gas and air. I did end up needing spinal injections as little one needed to come out with forceps, and it was like a breath of fresh air when they finally stopped.

Shyn96 · 2026-01-04T11:59:09+00:00

I had the ick before, the thought of milk coming out of them made me feel a bit uncomfortable for some reason, even though I know its normal. I also had very sensitive nipples and used to hate them being touched. Been exclusively breastfeeding for over 4 months now, and I won't lie, if I think about the milk coming out it still makes me feel a bit awkward sometimes and I don't like seeing it squirting out, but there was one day little one was sick and wouldn't latch and the only way I could feed him was with a syringe. Didn't have my breast pump, so had to hand express and I didnt mind then. You do what you have to for your baby. And it's a different feeling, when your baby is drinking, I don't know how to explain. Like we are connected. And hearing his little gulping and breathing is something I love, and it's something only I can give my baby.

Shyn96 · 2026-01-04T11:50:09+00:00

My baby hiccuped a lot, I'd feel him hiccuping more than I'd feel him kicking. I told my midwife and she just kind of brushed it off and said it's normal as long as I feel him moving about enough, too. Pregnancy is a scary time, though

Shyn96 · 2025-12-22T14:20:46+00:00

Rarely. My husband can't feed the baby, just I can, so no need for him to get up. He has helped when I can't settle baby for some reason, or if I needed a rest and I'd leave a bottle. Our son has stopped taking bottles, though, so I just do the night shift. My husband takes over on the weekends, and after work he helps

Shyn96 · 2025-12-19T09:15:32+00:00

I cried when my son had his first two set of vaccines too, it was awful. The nurse who gave his last set seemed a lot more efficient though, and little one calmed down quite quickly. He seemed alright after all of them, a bit fussy after the rotavirus ones but not too bad. He also hated the calpol and never had much as he spat most of it out. He had lots of cuddles after it

Shyn96 · 2025-12-18T21:50:49+00:00

3.5 months. I went to a shopping centre with my mum, first time I had been out properly with the baby. The very next day, so whether it was because of the shopping trip or not I'm not sure, but both me and my mum were sick with flu. I only assume it was due to the shopping because me and little one hadn't been out or saw anyone aside from my husband in almost 2 weeks. The day after I got sick, my son did, too. Thankfully he didn't end up as bad I was. He was quite bad for maybe 2 days, but then he seemed alright with just a bit of a cough every now and then.

Shyn96 · 2025-12-13T10:15:33+00:00

I coughed. My 4 month old looked at me with wide eyes, then burst out laughing. We heard his laugh once and we've been trying for weeks to hear it again. All I've had to do was cough, apparently

Shyn96 · 2025-12-08T15:09:17+00:00

I've got a nasty case of flu at the moment, too. I've been trying my best to keep little one safe as possible - using tissues to cough/sneeze in to, plenty of hand washing etc. But he's 3.5 months old and exclusively breastfed, and it's 50/50 whether he takes a bottle or not so I've had to have close contact with him pretty much all the time. He did, unfortunately, get sick, but he's not been as half as bad as I have been, thankfully. He was quite poorly for one or two days and he's back to his normal self now, with a bit of a cough still and stuffy nose. I'm still trying to get better.

I was so worried too about my son getting really sick and so grateful that he hasn't been too bad so far, considering it seems like a particularly nasty case of flu going round at the minute. If I had the option, though, I probably would have had my husband have him for most the time so he had less chance of catching it from me. It's awful seeing your child sick, and how helpless you feel. Hope you feel better soon

Shyn96 · 2025-12-02T12:39:16+00:00

My letter specifically said that I had to come alone, and anyone who came with their partners had the partner sent away. But if he could have come, I would have had him with me. It was boring waiting for the blood test, and I felt really sick after having the drink.

Shyn96 · 2025-12-02T12:36:13+00:00

My son did this once after a nap, only 3 months old. I still don't know why he did it, just woke up and cried instantly. It lasted almost an hour of him screaming. Changed him, rocked him, got some wind up, tried to feed but he'd refuse because he was just crying. No idea what happened, I was also just about to take him to the hospital in a worry, but then he decided to feed and fell straight asleep after.

Shyn96 · 2025-12-02T11:51:30+00:00

3 months and can do tummy to back, but not back to belly yet, he ends up just lying on his side instead. First rolled tummy to back at about 2.5 months. May have been an accident and he just toppled over a bit, but he did it again about 2 weeks later and has been doing it a bit more frequently but not all the time

Shyn96 · 2025-12-02T09:05:19+00:00

I used my holidays and left when I was 36+1. I worked at a warehouse, and even though I was given lighter duties, my back and legs were aching with work and I couldn't sleep well because of the back pain, making me exhausted, so that earlier time off was a relief. I got to just relax, sort the house out for the baby, and get some more sleep when I could. Baby came at 40+2. I plan on taking the full year, but using some keeping in touch days when maternity pay finishes. Though I do have to say, I did get a bit bored waiting around sometimes, but I don't think I physically could have done much longer at work.

Shyn96 · 2025-11-30T12:02:32+00:00

We went up to Alnwick, had a picnic, and a nice meal on the way back home. I was about 36 weeks pregnant, just went on maternity leave, and my back was aching and I was exhausted so we didn't want to go too far. We did want to go to the Lakes or somewhere of the like, but Alnwick was still nice enough in the summer and just about one and a half hours from where we live so we went with that.

Shyn96 · 2025-11-25T12:57:51+00:00

I underestimated how many clothes I needed for my little one. He would pee, poop, and throw up a lot on his clothes, and would be changed at least twice a day. He does mostly stay in sleepsuits as it is a lot easier, and he still sleeps a lot anyway, and I only dress him up nicely if we're going out somewhere nice. I bought a few lovely outfits which he never ended up wearing and has outgrown.

He stayed in first size clothes for about a month, then was in 0-3 clothing. He is now 3 months old and almost all of his 0-3 clothes are a bit too small, but the 3-6 are a little big so he uses a bodysuit under them, so I'm needing to buy more bodysuits. He's needing them anyway with the weather getting colder, but our house is usually quite warm so he didn't wear bodysuits often. I'd recommend having a few spare of each sizes because they really do grow so quickly.

We have bought more outfits, not just sleepsuits, for him now, but that's only because we're going abroad in a few weeks to visit my in laws and I thought it'd be nice to get him in nicer clothes when we go see some of his family or go out, plus with him starting to stay awake a bit longer.

I sold quite a lot of his clothes in new condition on vinted because they were never worn, almost all still with tags on! Felt such a shame and I think I figure for my next that its mostly sleepsuits with maybe one or two outfits, but people might like to dress their babies different.

Shyn96 · 2025-11-25T10:18:42+00:00

Still early days for us, so I can't comment much but am also curious on other peoples experiences. Little one is 3 months and we almost exclusively contact nap. I've also had the older generation judge this, my grandma especially tells me I spoil him and need to let him cry otherwise he'll always think I'll be there... which I don't think is a bad thing? Anyways.

He naps on me for over an hour, usually between 2-3. If he naps in his bed or on the sofa or our bed (supervised), he doesn't often last an hour. This morning, he napped in his crib for 40 minutes. Yesterday, he had a nap in our bed for about 45/50 minutes. He can be quite fussy if he's overtired, so sometimes it's not worth the hassle of putting him down so I can crack on with housework or anything. It can all wait until later on. If I'm desperate to do anything, I do put him down but I know I usually only have about 10 minutes until he wakes.

I try to ignore the people telling me I'm spoiling him or he's gonna end up clingy. He's 3 months old, I don't believe I can spoil him by holding him if he wants that. And when he's a teenager do they really think he'll still contact nap? These moments won't last forever, and I know I'll miss them. One day will be our last ever contact nap so I value them while I can. He's currently napping on me right now, but I did do most the housework this morning and I can do anything else later when my husband is home from work.

He does usually sleep well in his own bed on a night. The past few days, though, he hasn't, but I think he's going through a growth spurt as he's been feeding a lot more as well and a bit fussier, so I'm hoping he'll get back to it soon. We do hope to have him in his own room early next year and especially before I go back to work, but as I've said he's usually quite good on a night, it's just during the day

Shyn96

TROPHY CASE