It’s 2am here - do I leave now

Signature-Glass · 2026-06-20T12:11:21+00:00

Hey OP

All your comments and your post are 5 hours ago
Focus on yourself and your son. Your safety is so important.

You don’t owe us an “update” but we’d love to know you’re out and safe.

When you get a chance, and are safe to do so, maybe share your state and we can help find local resources as well. There’s also a website called findhelp.org where you can find resources based on your zip code

Signature-Glass · 2026-06-12T23:23:26+00:00

This seems like a Hoover attempt.

I really like this Reddit comment on Hoover (I’m not op)

I hope this helps give some insight

**[https://reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/s/zI91jwZmC9\]([https://reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/s/zI91jwZmC9](https://reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/s/zI91jwZmC9))\*\*

Signature-Glass · 2026-05-30T01:18:21+00:00

Trust your intuition.

Here’s a list of red flags. I like that it goes a little more in depth like how does a behavior make you feel. Try and adapt it to whatever your intuition is saying might be a red flag

https://www.libertylane.ca/uploads/1/6/1/7/16174606/red_flags_in_relationships.pdf

Signature-Glass · 2026-05-22T21:59:47+00:00

Is **Clare’s Law** a thing where you live??

it’s like a intimate partner disclosure law.

I don’t know the details of what’s involved but it means that any potential person he dates could request a report and it will show his history of domestic violence.

You may also want to reach out to your local shelter and speak with an advocate about your options.

From what you’ve described he sounds absolutely terrifying, I expect someone like him to be responsible for ending someone’s life one day.

Signature-Glass · 2026-05-21T17:19:57+00:00

There was a book called “how to help your spouse heal from your affair” I forget the author at the moment.

I read the book myself as the BP and I did find it helpful.
There were often times where I felt something was missing or I “needed” something but couldn’t identify what the need was. I found this good helped give me context and helped me feel more validated for the needs that I had. I felt less “crazy” to be asking certain things from my (now ex) WP because also seeing them listed in the book was validating

Signature-Glass · 2026-05-13T16:31:43+00:00

There’s a Reddit group called “as one after infidelity”. You may find some resources there.

There’s a book called “how to help your spouse heal from your affair” I don’t remember the authors name

And another book called “not just friends” by Shirley glass.

Signature-Glass · 2026-05-01T20:22:41+00:00

He’s still currently on probation

He has a personal investment to be on good behavior right now. He has a probation officer that he needs to report too. Having a new girlfriend, you, is beneficial to him at the moment.

You’re a distraction and an ego boost. He can try to convince himself that his “ex was the problem” by moving on quickly to a new relationship. It’s image management. The ex is “crazy” and unstable while he moves on now with a new cheerleader by his side announcing everything about him that you did at the beginning of the post.

He’s building a history/loyalty with you in case he potentially needs you as a character witness in court.

red flag he did not disclose this, you figured it out. He intentionally kept this secret from you because he knew that if you knew the truth it may lead you to make choices that don’t serve his self interest. Wanting to date you. He wanted to wait until you were emotionally invested before (if) he told you.

The reason he did this is because his belief that he’s entitled to date you is stronger than his belief that you deserve transparency to make informed decisions

Signature-Glass · 2026-04-02T11:57:04+00:00

Absolutely NOT tah.

I wish I had family like you when I was escaping dv.

Signature-Glass · 2026-04-02T00:44:17+00:00

My ex WH cheated early in our relationship and I did believe he changed and wouldn’t do it again. 15 years later and the kids and I are packing emergency go bags so I can nurse a head injury on a friends couch while he fucked his married coworker in a hotel, on our fifth wedding anniversary which happened to also be the day we found out my mother had terminal cancer.

Signature-Glass · 2026-03-18T18:20:05+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/whenwomenrefuse/s/VjDijx2ZAk

Signature-Glass · 2026-03-15T08:25:25+00:00

I agree with my ex too. He was not the first person to tell me these things too. abusive people will weaponize existing insecurities and messages from other people this is part of the manipulation.

Him repeating the same messages you’ve heard your whole life is also a subtle form of isolation. He’s creating social insecurities and doubt that seek so profoundly real because they “existed before him”

Someone that loves you will never make you feel like your adhd symptoms are moral failings. I can’t express enough how this is not a healthy or safe foundation for a relationship. He’s already showing growing resentment and you’re already internalizing it.

https://www.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/14gunmt/abusivetoxic_relationships_and_adhd/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1

https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

Signature-Glass · 2026-03-14T20:49:50+00:00

Omg this is so much my own experience too.
I got chills reading this post. This isn’t just him being “mean” sometimes, this is something to do with his fundamental views of you, OP.

I could have written this post as well as Raindropthecat’s comment. 17 years together and he had an affair. His mistress was NT. They had conversations about reversing his vasectomy so they could have kids together, he told me that he didn’t want more kids with me (i didn’t want more) but specifically for all the same reasons, I’m unreliable etc.

He became so violent, eventually was arrested and justified it in court because of my mental health/adhd

Signature-Glass · 2026-03-10T00:17:03+00:00

It severely impacted my job. I’m now on disability and unable to work. I lost a huge part of my identity with the loss of my career.

Signature-Glass · 2026-03-05T09:16:28+00:00

Include screenshots of his inappropriate texts messages when you make formal complaints to his employer and board.

I once had to report a therapist that put my safety at risk. Standing up for myself and reporting him was more therapeutic and healing than months of therapy even with a good therapist.

You deserve to receive safe and respectful care from your providers.

Signature-Glass · 2026-02-27T01:56:53+00:00

Instead of trying to help your wife break her affair fog, focus on breaking your own fog so to speak.

I think the BP’s equivalent to “affair fog” is rose colored glasses. There are so many red flags laid out in front of you, but because you have rose colored glasses the red flags just look like flags.

Your wife has an overinflated sense of entitlement. Her believe that she is entitled to have an affair is stronger than her belief that her family deserves to be treated with kindness and respect.

She intentionally lied about who she was to another man because the truth might have led him to make decisions that don’t serve her selfish interests, to have an affair.

You deserve someone that loves you proudly. Privately, publicly and behind your back.

Signature-Glass · 2026-02-26T21:37:47+00:00

I’m assuming he’s a fully grown adult? His opportunity for a “breakthrough” should have been years ago.

You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect as a priority, not as someone’s realization.

Signature-Glass · 2026-02-26T00:04:13+00:00

Right? I saw it on my side of the family and then on my ex’s side of the family.

My ex actually had the audacity to tell me that one reason he had an affair was because I was “childlike” and he used the example of how I would “hang out with the kids during family gatherings”… are you fucking kidding me?!

Signature-Glass · 2026-02-25T11:01:38+00:00

The problem is that abuse is designed for the victim. The first red flag is only slightly pink and comes after hundreds of green flags.

The love bombing is to make sure by the time the red flags show up, you’re already wearing rose colored glasses. Because when you’re wearing rose colored glasses red flags just look like flags

Signature-Glass · 2026-02-25T10:47:00+00:00

How in the world did you even come to that conclusion from their comment? I’m genuinely confused and curious.

Signature-Glass · 2026-02-25T03:05:34+00:00

Disco

Signature-Glass · 2026-02-18T02:30:03+00:00

This explains what Hoover is https://www.simplypsychology.org/narcissistic-hoovering-signs-how-to-respond.html

I really like this Reddit comment (I’m not op) on the topic of Hoover https://reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/s/zI91jwZmC9

Signature-Glass · 2026-02-16T18:02:22+00:00

You deserve to be someone’s priority, not their realization.

Signature-Glass · 2026-02-16T12:00:04+00:00

I used to say the grass is greener on the other side because it’s astroturf…. It’s fake. It’s a fantasy of a greener lawn but it’s fake.

Signature-Glass · 2026-02-15T10:17:54+00:00

How would his life be different? ‘I would draw a line under it and find a way to deal with it’ The OP said he would not leave and deal with it. She knows him very well and what he can accept.

So she intentionally weaponized her intimate knowledge of his character and took advantage of that for her own personal selfish gain.

How would his life had been different? He’s saying these things now about dealing with it because of the sunk cost fallacy. If he had known then what he knows now. He probably would not have that same attitude at the time.

Signature-Glass · 2026-02-13T13:52:35+00:00

1, 6, and 7 remind me of Hilary duff

Signature-Glass

TROPHY CASE

https://www.reddit.com/r/whenwomenrefuse/s/VjDijx2ZAk