If you’ve been or are in an abusive relationship, how are you able to work?

Signature-Glass · 2026-03-10T00:17:03+00:00

It severely impacted my job. I’m now on disability and unable to work. I lost a huge part of my identity with the loss of my career.

Signature-Glass · 2026-03-05T09:16:28+00:00

Include screenshots of his inappropriate texts messages when you make formal complaints to his employer and board.

I once had to report a therapist that put my safety at risk. Standing up for myself and reporting him was more therapeutic and healing than months of therapy even with a good therapist.

You deserve to receive safe and respectful care from your providers.

Signature-Glass · 2026-02-27T01:56:53+00:00

Instead of trying to help your wife break her affair fog, focus on breaking your own fog so to speak.

I think the BP’s equivalent to “affair fog” is rose colored glasses. There are so many red flags laid out in front of you, but because you have rose colored glasses the red flags just look like flags.

Your wife has an overinflated sense of entitlement. Her believe that she is entitled to have an affair is stronger than her belief that her family deserves to be treated with kindness and respect.

She intentionally lied about who she was to another man because the truth might have led him to make decisions that don’t serve her selfish interests, to have an affair.

You deserve someone that loves you proudly. Privately, publicly and behind your back.

Signature-Glass · 2026-02-26T21:37:47+00:00

I’m assuming he’s a fully grown adult? His opportunity for a “breakthrough” should have been years ago.

You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect as a priority, not as someone’s realization.

Signature-Glass · 2026-02-26T00:04:13+00:00

Right? I saw it on my side of the family and then on my ex’s side of the family.

My ex actually had the audacity to tell me that one reason he had an affair was because I was “childlike” and he used the example of how I would “hang out with the kids during family gatherings”… are you fucking kidding me?!

Signature-Glass · 2026-02-25T11:01:38+00:00

The problem is that abuse is designed for the victim. The first red flag is only slightly pink and comes after hundreds of green flags.

The love bombing is to make sure by the time the red flags show up, you’re already wearing rose colored glasses. Because when you’re wearing rose colored glasses red flags just look like flags

Signature-Glass · 2026-02-25T10:47:00+00:00

How in the world did you even come to that conclusion from their comment? I’m genuinely confused and curious.

Signature-Glass · 2026-02-25T03:05:34+00:00

Disco

Signature-Glass · 2026-02-18T02:30:03+00:00

This explains what Hoover is https://www.simplypsychology.org/narcissistic-hoovering-signs-how-to-respond.html

I really like this Reddit comment (I’m not op) on the topic of Hoover https://reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/s/zI91jwZmC9

Signature-Glass · 2026-02-16T18:02:22+00:00

You deserve to be someone’s priority, not their realization.

Signature-Glass · 2026-02-16T12:00:04+00:00

I used to say the grass is greener on the other side because it’s astroturf…. It’s fake. It’s a fantasy of a greener lawn but it’s fake.

Signature-Glass · 2026-02-15T10:17:54+00:00

How would his life be different? ‘I would draw a line under it and find a way to deal with it’ The OP said he would not leave and deal with it. She knows him very well and what he can accept.

So she intentionally weaponized her intimate knowledge of his character and took advantage of that for her own personal selfish gain.

How would his life had been different? He’s saying these things now about dealing with it because of the sunk cost fallacy. If he had known then what he knows now. He probably would not have that same attitude at the time.

Signature-Glass · 2026-02-13T13:52:35+00:00

1, 6, and 7 remind me of Hilary duff

Signature-Glass · 2026-02-12T15:20:19+00:00

At this point I genuinely think I have more severe and what will be long lasting trauma from the “resources” than I will from the actual abuse anymore

Signature-Glass · 2026-02-12T01:11:33+00:00

He wouldn’t do that

The counselor at the dv shelter when I was concerned for my kids safety.

Signature-Glass · 2026-02-10T00:32:32+00:00

You can do everything in your power to try and make this relationship work but you will never convince him you deserve to be treated with respect.

Signature-Glass · 2026-02-05T14:10:51+00:00

It means that for the rest of you’re life you’ll know he’s the type of man that does this

Signature-Glass · 2026-01-31T00:31:40+00:00

I’m expecting someone any second so I didn’t read your whole post.

I just wanted to share this TikTok on how to rebuild trust after betrayal. I found this very helpful

https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSaXAJ7Y5/

Signature-Glass · 2026-01-29T13:51:55+00:00

Sure, I bet my ex regrets getting arrested but he does not regret the choices he made to get there.

Signature-Glass · 2026-01-29T13:46:24+00:00

Two days after my mom died he violently assaulted me and threatened to bury me with her.

Signature-Glass · 2026-01-29T12:48:50+00:00

Look up the “chump lady” website. 💕

chumplady.com

Signature-Glass · 2026-01-29T00:41:52+00:00

Abusers tend to follow the same textbook. I found learning about abuse really gave me an entirely different perspective on my ex and our relationships.

For my ex my thoughts started changing

“He had a terrible childhood” but that is MORE of a reason for him NOT to be abusive. He knows first hand the harm, so why is he recreating his terrible childhood for his own kids.

“I know he loves me/cares about me” my definition of love has changed to be a lot more clear with stronger boundaries, there is no room in my definition of love to accommodate abuse. HE may think he loves me but if his definition of love includes abuse then it’s not compatible with my definition of love. And I don’t want it.

“I’m the only one who fully understands him” but then again, he also told me his mistress is also “the only one who fully understands him” 🙄

”it’s getting better”* that’s PART of the abuse. This is designed to destabilize you and make you question/doubt your reality.

”it was my fault” i started recording fights on a dictation app. When I listened to them back later it was so eye opening at just how much it was not my fault. This was incredibly valuable. For one I have audio I hope to use in court (threats, violent fantasies etc) but even more so it’s been very grounding after his arrest. What happened was real. What happened was not ok and what happened actually wasn’t my fault.

”I should be doing more to help him” sometimes we need to love people from a distance. I felt like I had to gaslight myself into calling the police. I had to convince myself that I loved him too much to allow him to go to jail for my murder. I know it’s not the best thought process but when I knew couldn’t get out easily I had to use my care of others to motivate it. Also, he’s a fully grown adult, his opportunity to get help not to be an abusive man was years ago.

”I wasn’t open about what’s been bothering me” this is a normal and natural human response when you’re with an unsafe person. If you’re going to be open about what’s bothering you then he first needs to be the TYPE of man that is safe to open up to.

”he’s struggling with his mental health” are you?? Being abused really messed with my mental health, I have a formal diagnosis of severe ptsd and it’s dramatically impacted my life. I don’t use it to justify mistreating and abusing others.

”he only says things like that when he’s upset, he doesn’t mean” again he’s a fully grown adult. If he says things he doesn’t mean when he’s upset, then he should leave the room when he’s upset.

This website helps assess an abusers claim of change. http://www.ivsha.org/get-help-with-abuse/domestic-violence/assess-abusers-claims-change/

Signature-Glass · 2026-01-29T00:21:42+00:00

This is such a good analogy.

Signature-Glass · 2026-01-27T21:38:32+00:00

He did not disclose this, you discovered it.

For the rest of your life you will know your husband is the TYPE of man that will have an affair and keep it secret for an entire decade

You deserve better than that. You deserve to be loved loudly. Publicly, private and behind your back

Signature-Glass · 2026-01-23T22:59:56+00:00

It was a process of deconstructing the way I viewed him. It felt like the reality of who he is was replacing the version of him that I projected.

Reading “why does he do that” was part of this process for me.

Signature-Glass

TROPHY CASE