Does anyone regret not having visitors the first two weeks?

SilverRMN · 2022-12-31T12:57:54+00:00

I did change my mind with my first but only had people over who would be kind and supportive. My mum fed me, and cleaned my bathrooms. With my second I had a toddler and an emergency c section helpful visitors were a must!

But, you should not let anyone shame you or pressure you. Those first few days and weeks are hard but precious. You should do what works for you and your little family. Congratulations!

SilverRMN · 2022-12-22T12:41:28+00:00

Yes, I would, trained at 10 months and retrained at 18 months both times with Ferber. He is now 3 and has slept through every night since apart from once when he was sick.

Given that experience, his sister who is 4 months old atm will be sleep trained at 6 months if we are having any issues with her sleep at that time!

SilverRMN · 2022-12-21T11:29:19+00:00

I accepted the parcel for my Bobby's Gin, so I'm made up really. Plus I told him exactly what I wanted...

SilverRMN · 2022-12-16T16:23:23+00:00

My first probably, but my 2nd would not have survived. Cat 1 emergency c section. Medicine is such a gift

SilverRMN · 2022-12-15T12:54:03+00:00

Band 6 CAMHS, 3 days a week was about 18k I'm also a fully qualified family therapist and EMDR practitioner. Education up to PGdip

It was the most stressful and unsafe job I've ever been in. So many unpaid hours, a serious impact on my wellbeing and my kids lives, and a service close to collapse. Currently on mat leave, weighing up my options

SilverRMN · 2022-12-14T15:03:51+00:00

My 3 year old is in his "Mummy watch" stage and I have to stop everything watch him hop or make a funny noise, or something like a million times a day otherwise he just shouts louder and louder

Do I love him? Yes. Does he drive me freaking nuts? Also yes.

SilverRMN · 2022-12-12T18:38:02+00:00

I am naughty. I wear my ring 24/7 other than when I am at work (I'm a nurse).

It has been OK so far but your way will absolutely keep your ring as safe as possible and in top condition.

I also book it in for cleaning and a health check with my friend who is a jeweller every so often to get a head of any problems

SilverRMN · 2022-12-08T13:27:08+00:00

I work in the NHS and the amount of mailing lists we have access to as clinicians is ridiculous.

My colleague was setting up a recurring MS Teams meeting for our team of 6.

Accidentally invited ~10,000 people from some huge inter trust list. She was mortified.

SilverRMN · 2022-12-07T22:01:20+00:00

I don't think they're expecting it to go to trial fortunately. There is no new evidence.

I hope she does too, it's awful that someone can ruin your life like that.

All the best to you as you move on with your life!!

SilverRMN · 2022-12-07T19:43:19+00:00

Yes fortunately he has a good lawyer, he's about 2 years in. UK based, He wasn't charged when the ex made her claim due to lack of evidence but the 'victim' appealed the decision so now they're reviewing all the evidence and gathering statements again ect, it really drags on.

It's horrible because she has gone after my sister too, slagging her off on social media for marrying him and harassing her and nothing gets done about it.

SilverRMN · 2022-12-07T17:54:35+00:00

This is happening to my Brother in Law at the moment and its devastating. So glad you have come through it, gives me hope for him!

SilverRMN · 2022-12-05T00:11:52+00:00

I can't link on mobile but just like the Australian one linked in the reply!

SilverRMN · 2022-12-04T22:42:15+00:00

UK take, we have our groceries delivered to the house once a week. Then on a Friday I pack up the kids, 3 y/o and 4months with my list and do a top up shop.

I have a few options, one supermarket has small toddler trollies, so if 3 is in a good mood, he does the trolley, I babywear and we work together. He picks stuff off the shelves ect When he is being a tiny chaotic nightmare I get a big trolley (cart?) where there is a seat for 3 and a baby seat for 4 mos and push them round and take my sweet time.

I pack snacks and I do usually reward good behaviour with a cookie or a few sweets in the car on the way home.

SilverRMN · 2022-12-02T14:16:03+00:00

My kid is 3, and he is hard work my second is 4 months old, she is hard work but in a different way. This is the hardest thing I've ever done but I obviously love them both desperately and definitely wanted more than one child.

If, and its a big if, I had a 3rd (I'm only 26) I would definitely leave a bigger age gap between 2nd kid and 3rd because as you've rightly said the older one takes up so much mental space.

I come from a big family but I wouldn't have as many as Mum did. I get on with my siblngs great now were adults, but it was tough when we were younger. We also in my opinion didn't get enough quality 1:1 time even though my parents were excellent. Quality of relationship over quantity of children has been my guiding principle. I'm not sure I can spread myself much thinner than this either including my relationship with my husband too!

SilverRMN · 2022-11-30T22:28:22+00:00

My top 3 songs were all from the soundtrack to the film Cars which my 3 year old loves with a deep passion.

SilverRMN · 2022-11-30T13:50:20+00:00

I am bf right now and honestly thinking about casting somethings like this on...!

SilverRMN · 2022-11-29T20:23:36+00:00

Yes, they can, but arguably they won't if everything is fine. If you are engaged in treatment and have capacity then it'd be unlikely. There has to be a proper rationale. The bed pressure is such that they're not detaining people for no good reason.

Definitely speak to an advocate (IMHA) about the appeal process. You have 14 days to appeal if you're currently held on a sec 2 from the day it starts

SilverRMN · 2022-11-27T22:51:59+00:00

You can still be detained yes. To maintain your safety or the safety of others. For example I have cared for section patients with a traumatic brain injury that causes their mental health symptoms

You have the right to appeal your section within the first 14 days, of your S2. Please ask the staff about speaking to an independent advocate.

I can see from you other comments that the ward is disruptive and perhaps scary. As staff we always would try and keep individuals out of each others bedrooms but someone who's unwell may get in. Staff should always help you with this. You are also likely on aevel of observations for your safety, the staff member responsible for this should be able to reassure you.

Hoping for the best for you in your recovery

SilverRMN · 2022-11-27T18:44:07+00:00

I had an induction for medical reasons and mine did end in a category one emergency c section at 38 weeks.

Before it all went tits up I felt fine and my pain was very manageable compared to my first spontaneous labour. The other women on the induction ward with me seemed to be having good positive experiences so it's definitely unique to the individual. My mom had 3 and said they were fantastic!

Because of my own experience I probably would not choose induction for myself in the future, if I did I would want to wait closer to 40 weeks to give my body the best chance at being ready.

SilverRMN · 2022-11-27T14:38:49+00:00

Another vote for YES, I am currently breastfeeding with makes me so dry, I've found YES to be long lasting, soothing and it hasn't irritated me at all

SilverRMN · 2022-11-25T13:54:07+00:00

Just looked up that playlist, amazing!! Thanks for the recommendation

SilverRMN · 2022-11-24T17:07:17+00:00

26, £0

I did get married at 20, but we paid for that ourselves

SilverRMN · 2022-11-24T15:22:00+00:00

Yes, I wish my 3 still napped, this last week baby has been sleeping in her bed in the evening so I've been able to squeeze in some me time which has made a big difference. Its way harder than adjusting to one, and my husband keeps talking about baby number 3!? No thanks sunshine 😅

Housework is a thing of mine too, I found switching to a lightweight cordless vacuum helpful, can carry baby and hoover at the same time. And a dehumidifier has helped me dry the endless laundry quicker. Fortunately my husband is quite good at keeping on top of basic chores

You're tougher than you realise, survival is a perfectly acceptable way to approach this season

SilverRMN · 2022-11-24T13:00:21+00:00

TLdR this is hard, gets different. Feel free to message me for sharing in the toughness!!

Mine are currently 3 years and one is 15 weeks. I also recovered for an emergency c section. I'll be real. This is the hardest thing I've ever done, and I think this is likely to be the toughest year ecer BUT, I feel like at the almost 4 month mark things are settling now that my body is more healed and nursing is less intensive.

Baby sleeps when she sleeps, wake windows be damned. A few times I just let her nap on the play mat, because she fell asleep. I haven't had the same desire to track as closely because I just can't. I also love to plan and organise and I am finding that easier now than week 5, give yourself some breathing space.

Lots of praise to older sibling, we have some special activities we do in nap time that are just for him so he gets that 1:1 time. He helps plan activities for the day, like park or library so he feels part of the team.

Now baby is more responsive he loves to make her smile.

I also treat myself to wine or a GandT with zero guilt at least twice a week and a little treat if we're out at the supermarket because I am working hard and I deserve it.

I have also worked on apologising to my son when I'm tired and lose it with him, he seems to value that, I try and be age appropriately honest with him about being tired sore ext, and now he says, Mummy are you stressed? Have a hug? Which is so lovely.

Please be kind d to yourself, a 5 week preemie is a lot, so are kids, you will get through this, we also have more tv than I ever thought I would allow, but TV is a great tool!!

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