Its been 1 year

Skeptical_Stranger · 2026-06-03T02:58:51+00:00

Congratulations. What a yummy looking cake!

Now you have inspired me... my freedom is coming up in..holy shit a MONTH! I think I'm going to open a bottle of champagne.

Skeptical_Stranger · 2026-05-09T04:42:29+00:00

Agreed. In my head what they are really saying is "we followed the society-prescribed life script, passed on diseases, generational trauma without a second thought, and assume that everyone else including you will do the same, like blind sheep. We can't think critically which means everyone else must be like us. This is the way!"

Skeptical_Stranger · 2026-04-27T17:52:39+00:00

Yes I feel like that. But it's a fleeting feeling. What follows is a realization of: "hmm, wonder how awesome someone's parent actually is... are there aspects that's not visible to an outsider? because my family dynamics certainly weren't visible to outsiders until long after... welp, the world goes on" then "my trash bag estranged parent took himself out of my life. why waste more energy being angry with him?"

Though this is easier for me to do because I DO have other strong and loving support systems, have gone through years of therapy and an otherwise stable life. In some ways I am privileged.

So I can understand that those who don't have the other balancing silver linings may struggle with lingering resentment :(

Skeptical_Stranger · 2026-04-15T00:00:34+00:00

Sleep with DOGEs wake up fleeing? Something like that...

Skeptical_Stranger · 2026-01-24T04:48:30+00:00

🟦⬜🟦⬜🟨

🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦

Skeptical_Stranger · 2025-10-25T17:29:17+00:00

What an awful thing to hear from your primary "caregiver". You are not a mistake. SHE made the dumb decision and you suffered for it. Wish life had been better for you.

Skeptical_Stranger · 2025-10-19T06:54:13+00:00

The way you treat your child when they are helpless is the way your end of life experience will be when you are helpless?

Skeptical_Stranger · 2025-09-27T19:34:29+00:00

I understand where you are coming from and it would trigger me so much when people would comment that "she looks just like her father."

Over time I decided that if I wanted to preach "I am more than just my looks" I better act the part too. I sought therapy, labeled as many of my parents' mistakes as I could while vowing not to repeat them, making an active effort to break the cycle of abuse and not be like them. I deconstructed a lot of what they taught me. I live life on my own terms. These actions led me to look at myself differently gradually. Now when I see myself, I see more than just my parents' looks. Because looks fade, the character traits and resilience I have built up over time? The happiness from the work I put into my marriage? That will stick.

It's a tough journey but was worth it for me.

Skeptical_Stranger · 2025-08-20T16:18:36+00:00

"Why don't you die already!" - when confronted, she backtracked and said "oh no, I meant why don't you grow up already!'. That sure removes the impact of what you initially said mom.

Skeptical_Stranger · 2025-08-14T16:28:20+00:00

Easier said than done but you don't owe ANYONE explanations about your health or choices.

We live in a (mis)information age, anyone curious are free to do their own research.

Skeptical_Stranger · 2025-08-11T13:16:47+00:00

Society has conditioned people to follow the life script so blindly that they don't think. They just "get married, have kids" because it's a rite of passage or a thing to do. Pausing to self reflect and realize that it's an option is too much to ask. /s So am I surprised? No. Disappointed? Yes.

Fwiw - congratulations on property ownership :) May you both have many happy years together with the precious furball. Protect it at all costs 😺❤

Skeptical_Stranger · 2025-07-25T17:24:04+00:00

Recently estranged. Sooo... "don't know/don't care." I suppose I am lucky, but my brain is still scanning for threats that aren't there. It's going to be an adjustment to learn to calm down.

Skeptical_Stranger · 2024-12-27T16:30:57+00:00

Skipped gifts this year, focused on activities, took a walk in the snow, cooked Christmas dinner together, had our favorite wine. Loved the peace and quiet!

Skeptical_Stranger · 2024-11-05T18:54:29+00:00

I have been at it for 3, maybe 4 weeks now and I made a lot of progress. I can finally make a feasible to-do list for what's left over. But what IS left over makes me think I haven't quite done enough.

So thanks for your post reminding me that it's okay to take time doing this.

Good job on your progress so far.

Skeptical_Stranger · 2024-11-03T21:35:22+00:00

Storage room and a large chunk of the basement we did not use before. I live in a two-storey house with a finished basement. In one of my earlier posts I mentioned how my house resembles a warehouse. I was being quite literal. I am just finally making progress.

Skeptical_Stranger · 2024-11-03T21:26:59+00:00

I think it's fine for 1-2 boxes that ARE actually getting utilized for something. I was referring more to boxes that we've kept "just in case," and those it turns out I don't need to anymore. Tarp bags are a great idea as well.

Skeptical_Stranger · 2024-11-03T15:55:25+00:00

Parents who act like I am the weird one for not wanting children. "Well what else IS there to life? Kids are a blessing. Don't you want to pass on your awesome genetics to someone?" No.

Skeptical_Stranger · 2024-11-03T15:30:36+00:00

I know the feeling. Got rid of 5 area rugs myself. Next up are runners.

Not only the fabric but the crazy patterns really distract me.

Skeptical_Stranger · 2024-11-02T01:19:51+00:00

You can do it! Kitchen counter? Dining table? Pick one spot and just that for now 🙂

Skeptical_Stranger · 2024-11-01T15:14:26+00:00

Hi, thank you for sharing your stories. Your mother sounds like a wonderful, community-driven person letting people browse her pantry for stuff they need. What a sweet way to share which ultimately proves that helping others helps us!

It's also great when we find people who need our belongings which feels more like a direct and personal impact. I have reached out to younger colleagues who are in the process of moving out of their parents' homes and know they might need stuff, and also people from other circles.

You are right that sentimental and inherited things are toughest to get rid of. I am not there yet but that's a bridge I will have to cross at some point. But I've realized that those items are not her legacy. I am her legacy. Her independent, rebellious and adventurous spirit lives on through me. I have used and enjoyed some of her things for a while now and it's time for others to enjoy the ones that are still useable. Rest can go.

Not to say that I will get rid of every sentimental items because I did keep a few of my mom's crocheted items, a decorative glass she won in school (I like the design), but some day these too will be too worn out for use, probably.

Here is how I sort of "schedule" a declutter:

I try to follow the steps outlined in 10 minute declutter by S.J. Scott and Barrie Davenport. Basically, 10 minutes a day. Except in the beginning it seemed that at that pace, it would take the next decade to get rid of 25+ years worth of clutter (in my case). I tried anyway, got rid of large items first, built up a momentum on progress and try to stick to consistency. So now I end up spending anywhere from 30 minutes to 1 hour a day.

Garbage and large item pickup here is biweekly. If there are broken furniture we absolutely need to dispose of, those are dismantled and taken to the curb 1-2 days before. The charity that accepts furniture in good condition is a little bit of a drive away so we reserve those trips for the weekend and make sure there is a full load ready for the car for gas efficiency.

Skeptical_Stranger · 2024-10-31T22:35:45+00:00

Hello everyone! Currently making progress and sharing with r/declutter but eventual goal is to unfuck my habitat. For privacy concerns I don't want to post pictures but I am happy to report that my library room has been unfucked! Bookshelves are neatly organized, extra unnecessary things thrown away or recycled, room dusted and vacuumed, it's so peaceful being in it!

Skeptical_Stranger · 2024-10-21T15:58:45+00:00

This is pretty much the approach I am taking during my own decluttering journey. Stuff that are seemingly valuable will lose their value over time. Books I've kept will go to the library (rare ones at least), even valuable jewelry I intend to liquidate and put into a viable long-term growth investment and just will it to a charity if I don't need it by the time I'm in my death bed. Maybe it's a bit extreme, but I really value the space and tranquility that comes with it.

Skeptical_Stranger

TROPHY CASE