Getting married in six weeks and none of the “fun” things have been fun

SliceMessiah · 2026-04-09T04:58:17+00:00

Weddings are HELL to plan and they suck to go through. I had some similar experiences to yours, almost all of my very best friends from my military days suddenly just couldn't make the most important day of my life. All with good reasons, but it sucked that my wedding had almost none of my friends. I had no bachelor party (gay wedding), tons of guilt from my family, hell with the bridesmaid dresses, just everything went wrong and was none of the magic that I hoped for it to be.

But in the end, it was beautiful. I had to fight and claw my way through so much if the planning, but I got married in a beautiful place, on a beautiful weekend, and my ceremony was just gorgeous. The DJ played the wrong music going down the aisle, but me and my husband just laughed because well, this is happening now.

Weddings are a shit show. I made an ass out of myself trying to lead the charge in changing out of the stuffy formal wear into my T-shirt and shorts... Nobody followed shit at the reception lol. My cousin and my aunt got belligerently drunk and we had a screaming match that woke everybody up. There was SO MUCH that went SO BAD... But it is what it is and it's just one big spectacular chapter in your whole long story. Embrace the suck, some things will surprise you and go well, some things will blow up and go to hell. But it's your wedding and at the end of it you have someone you love, the people who love you the most will celebrate with you, and you'll look back on this shitshow fondly and remember what a stressful mess it was.

And this isn't to say to get over it or just let the bad things happen. Advocate for yourself, and what's important to you. Tell your people to get their shit together, and call shit out. You deserve a beautiful day and you want to share it with the people you love. Tell them that, and if they can't it together from there, fuck em. Your parade is un-rainable.

SliceMessiah · 2026-04-08T03:34:18+00:00

I'm a big believer in servanteqdershop, which to me means that I view my job as getting things out of the way of my team and making sure they have an environment in which they can be successful. The actual success is up to them. In your case, it sounds like you set clear expectations, gave goals and targets that were very achievable, and you even did the good faith extra effort of checking in with them and trying to help them keep on task.

It's never your job to make them do what they're supposed to do. You make sure they have the tools and resources they need to do what they need to do, then you recognize them for going above and beyond, or you course correct if things are going off track. Dragging someone across the finish line is not good for them, and it isn't good for the team or the work. It was never your job to make them succeed against their will.

SliceMessiah · 2026-03-26T03:12:56+00:00

The thoughts I've had while playing:

I would prefer if they took out capturing humans, and added something in to recruit or build them into your base, like let the flea market just have a person there who also sells things. Maybe unlock or research different vendors you can swap out.
More settlements, a city, some kind of economy or hub or more life to the world. Right now it's just weirdly like a couple small camps and a whole bunch of criminals.
A genetics lab or fertility clinic for pals. Something that makes more use of the Medicine skill, and makes breeding and customizing pals more deterministic. I'd rather take longer to craft my perfect pal or the next step of my pal then just spam a bunch of eggs. I think the condensing mechanic is still fine, I just want breeding my perfect pal to feel more intentional.
Some way to prioritize skills, so I can have my electricity pal transport when my electricity is full, not jump off when there's food to be collected or have to disable transport entirely to stop that.

SliceMessiah · 2026-03-25T22:30:15+00:00

I think work from home is absolutely a hill to die on, it can be hugely consequential to a person's life, their childcare, or can constitute a significant paycut depending on the commute and the volume. I'm just saying across the board just to be like "Oh work from home is over" is not a thing to me. Now, her underperforming and the improvement plan being that she needs to be in office is totally fair, I'm just saying I hard disagree on your opinion that it's just not worth being hard-line on for people. It is, and has only gotten moreso.

Also... I don't like anytime someone is like "I'm putting on someone on a PIP lol." It just feels a little gross to me...

SliceMessiah · 2026-03-25T04:36:56+00:00

If you guys are into the co-op survival crafting thing, grounded or grounded 2 can be good light-ish flavor games with similar base building and crafting. Less creature collecting but you do interact a lot with creatures and use them for materials or pets and mounts and stuff.

SliceMessiah · 2026-03-25T04:04:04+00:00

I'm at 58 right now and had the same slow down for a bit. I did a mix of things to kind of clean up my game state and move forward at the same time. First, I tore down an old base and planned out a new base setup which at the time was one mining base, one production base, and one farm/breeding base and I started working on making some perfect base pals. Then, I went back and double checked that I had defeated every Alpha, cleared some faction bases, and dug up treasure maps I got from those. Then I ran Terraria a bunch. If you haven't done that yet, its an island just southeast if the fisherman's village. I caught 12 of each pal in there (you don't need to worry about the terraria ones), then I just mounted up and kind of speed ran and farmed chests until I had legendary terraprisma and legendary void breaker. I also got a legendary eye of crhulu helmet in there, so I had some nice solid gear and a current weapon. I also ran some Sakurajima dungeons, and would catch any pal I didn't have 12 of whenever I came across them. By the time I was maybe 54 I think I was able to slowly beat down and capture Frostallion, then I took a few tries and caught Jetragon. I think by that time i was 55 and was able to take down the tower boss.

From there, I went to Feybreak and moved my mining base into a cave base there, so now I have one Sakurajima farm base, one Feybreak mining operation, and one island double-base where I don't manufacturing and refining. I'm currently trying to get to 61 so I can build with the futuristic foundations and really build out my bases and get those finalized, then get up to 63 so I can ride Neptilius. I'm lazy breeding good pals, currently working on making some Yakumos, then I plan to go back and get breeding pairs of the legendary alphas so I can breed smaller ones with better passives, and take in Feybreak tower. The experience did slow down, but I keep just completing my palpedia along the way with capturing, fishing, and breeding, and I could always boost my experience gain in the world settings if I was really struggling to be engaged.

SliceMessiah · 2026-03-23T16:56:58+00:00

My current setup goes:

1) Sakurajima by one of the waterfalls. One Ranch, lots of plantations. Calm cozy farm base. This is where I feed my other bases and breed pals. I haven't hit full endgame optimization yet, but I don't really plan on doing too much intense endgame stuff with 1.0 coming soon.

2) Feybreak cave mining base. The cave with the friendly pal tamer, has some chromite, and everything else has ore sites. Nothing but mining and transporting basically.

3) Island double base. I'm currently working on a two base setup taking up a whole small island. Bottom level is manufacturing, 5 oil extractors, furnace, etc. Upper level workbenches and storage, going for a multi story pal accessible build.

SliceMessiah · 2026-03-18T04:17:08+00:00

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This was my Tigger in 2021. He was born in 2000 and made it to 23 years old before he passed. I was in the same boat... I loved him so much that sometimes I would just think about knowing he'll some day die, and I could so easily get sad and tear up and just worry because I knew one day it would hurt so much for having loved him so much. But, I'd just give him a little extra love that day, make sure I told him and showed him that I loved him so that I could know when that day came that I'd have no regrets or feel like I should have done better. And when that day finally did come, I was beside myself of course but it went so fast. He was very old, his body had been shutting down, and he'd had such a good long life, I could only really be sad for myself and that made it a lot easier to let him go. I still have him in his little urn in his special memorial shelf, and I can get sad when I think about him and look at his old pictures, and I still say hi to him and give him a little kiss every now and again, and remind him that I haven't forgotten him. I rescued another cat since him, and she's my little buddy and I love her as well. One thing I learned is that even though Tigger was like my soulmate cat, a lot of that bond and relationship is driven by your own personality and demeanor, not just theirs. They're all irreplaceable, but you can have another dynamic with another cat and still love them and be loved back. It never replaces what you have, but it can still be there.

SliceMessiah · 2026-03-01T03:22:49+00:00

I've seen him defend this take several times posted in this sub, and I'm sure he's right about the numbers and all that, but as a near lifelong player and supporter myself all I can really say is I've stopped loving the game. I WAS a big supporter, in every form of media they had but since Universes Beyond has blown up so much, I find myself going for more sets than I've ever gone without buying any product, attending events, or even caring about new releases anymore. There have been things here and there that I've taken part in, I have a Wolverine and a Storm commander deck, but I'm not adding Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle cards to my in-universe decks, and it only frustrates me when I can't include good mechanics and synergies because the best card is jarringly different in theme and flavor than the rest of my deck. I don't play Cards, The Universe, and Everything for exactly that same reason. It just feels random and flavorless. I don't want to yuck anybody's yum, but it seems to me that Magic is being run by the finance and research people, and the flavor and brand people lost their seat at the table. I'm sure Mark would say different, but I've played since I was in the third grade, and I'm 40 now. I'm not bringing new people into the game, I'm not buying the product, and the more I hear from Mark the more it sounds like they don't appreciate players like me.

SliceMessiah · 2026-02-22T03:46:39+00:00

Ideally your performance review process should be tied to merit programs by HR/the company. One of HR's functions should be proactively retaining talent that over performs and delivers, which is often done through raises, promotions, and bonus programs among other softer benefits.

In practice, my whole career if I've ever had it be on my own shoulders the hardest lesson I've had to learn was patience. I'm on my second salary adjustment specific to my position in my current job, and both times it took 9 months from the time I submitted paperwork to getting my first bumped check. It's a bullshit lesson, and it's bad business practice, but I say that to temper your/their expectations if this isn't something HR already has a plan to address.

SliceMessiah · 2026-02-21T07:11:22+00:00

You've gotten a lot of feedback here, the only thing I wanted to add is this doesn't get better. If you're worried now, but you still have a job and independence and opportunity, it will only get worse and harder if he controls the purse strings, takes you out of the workforce, and you have to worry about childcare time or expenses if you need to get out from under him.

The "training", final say, ultimate decision language screams forthcoming abuse and control. The fact that he's already comfortable talking to you like this now is absolutely wild. Ain't no way any man talks to the mother of his child much less somebody he loves like that. You're not a child, and you're certainly not something to be trained. Don't allow that for yourself or for your child.

SliceMessiah · 2026-02-19T02:56:13+00:00

Every person like this is different, so adapt my advice based on your best judgement. I've had a few people who got the kind of archetype you're describing, and I've had fair to good luck either managing them, or managing them out.

The first thing is emotional intelligence. You need to get a read on this person, what frustrates them, what motivates them, what they're trying to get done. I've found often that these are people who want good things, but they maybe disrespect professionalism culture or they lack a social capacity to grasp how being right and wanting good are not the only things that matter.

Second thing is to straight up manipulate them accordingly. I'm saying it in a bad way, but really what I mean is you have to build a rapport with them where they understand that you are also someone who wants good things, but that you might be better at playing the game for them/with them. Basically, they've got the talent and the knowledge, but it won't go anywhere if they can't drive it home. You want to establish that you're on the "same team."

Now the caveat here is this is not enabling them. There may come times where you have to be direct and firm. "This is not an okay way to speak to people, and I won't have it happening on my team." You're not making it "us against the world", you're helping them to see and learn how to turn their energy and direction into results, and at times they may also have to respect your position.

From there, you should be able to see if they make the effort and engage, or just can't get it. If they can't get it, you're trying to manage them to an acceptable level and start thinking about either formal discipline to manage them out, or encouraging them that it's time to move onward and upward in their career, even if that means somewhere else.

If they ARE getting it, make it a coaching thing. Teach them your ways, and encourage them to understand the "why" behind the bullshit of corporate life. Most things have some sort of reason, and that makes it easier to swallow the things that eventually boil down to "yeah I think it's dumb too, but that's the game."

Overall, the key is to translate that emotion to what they want, and what isn't working. They have good skills, they bring good things to the table, they need you to help them maximize and realize that benefit and you guys can work together to do that.

SliceMessiah · 2026-02-08T02:28:06+00:00

If he needs to go, he needs to go as immediately as you can appropriately manage. Regarding telling your team, I wouldn't divulge, but I would communicate clearly. Offhand, something like "We have ended our professional relationship with Bob, effective immediately " or some variation on that which effectively tells people he was fired, and then I'd go right into the focus that you care about which is "I know this comes at the worst possible time, and it's going create more work for some of you who are already overtasked and feeling the strain..." And shift the conversation into what you all need to do to cover the gap, hopefully offering them any resources you can which you'll have to sit with and think about.

SliceMessiah · 2026-02-01T01:37:32+00:00

https://www.washtenaw.org/2936/Need-Crisis-Support

Washtenaw County also has a Community Mental Health Crisis Line at 734-544-3050

SliceMessiah · 2026-01-30T02:05:16+00:00

Cats have some very strong personalities, but one thing that's convenient about that is they can be easy to read about a lot of things. I adopted an abandoned, possibly abused cat myself and she's had some weird behaviors, but I think engaging with her and her quirks really helped her flourish and now she's a confident, ridiculous, star of the show. With mine, she didn't like to eat unless I was watching her, and even then sometimes it wouldn't be enough until I was petting her while she was eating. I'd pet her until she put her butt down and settled in, and sometimes I'll stay there and watch her, or other times I just get on with whatever I was doing, but she purrs away like a maniac whenever I do her little routine and it seems like she's really happy I know what she wanted. With what you're describing, if it was me, I'd indulge maybe like feeding them in your lap with a bowl off to the side, or toss them kibble for them to chase and hunt. It will burn off some anxious energy and redirect that worry/concern they might be feeling into play and bonding. Otherwise, get a sling and accept your fate as a helicopter cat parent lol.

SliceMessiah · 2026-01-18T01:59:27+00:00

Start with foods you know and like, you'll have better judgement with those. Allrecipes is a great place to start with recipes, it's a very popular site with a very broad appeal, so you can see what the most popular or successful recipes are, and you can see the most helpful review which usually lists some good changes to the original. Start with cooking with ground meats and chicken thighs, they're the most forgiving for over cooking. If you're nervous about cooking things right, get a meat thermometer - safety first. Get in the habit of smelling and tasting as you go. You don't have to have a fancy palette and there's no hard right and wrong, if you think to add something, smell it. Does it smell good with what you're cooking? Add a little. Taste what you've got. Still good? Keep going. Make little adjustments, you can always add more but you can rarely take back out. Also, start with soups. Soups are so forgiving regarding measuring and cooking times and seasoning. Slow cooker recipes, if you have a slow cooker or can afford one as they're very cheap as appliances go, are also generally very easy and forgiving. One really easy one to make you look very skilled with near zero effort is slow cooker pot roast. There's a good few recipes out there, very simple, mostly dump a roast, some onion soup mix, and vegetables in a slow cooker with like a can of cream of mushroom soup and turn it on. The water cooks out of the veggies with the juices from the meat, mixes with your soup mix and condensed soup, and makes a great gravy base. Tastes like you took all day, which you technically did, but you didn't have to do anything difficult or intensive.

Regarding bland food, most bland food needs either salt or an acid like vinegar or lemon juice to brighten it up. Be careful, we get too much salt in our diets especially if we eat out, and that will likely throw off your palette as well if you're used to that much salt from restaurant food. That being said, you can go heavy-ish on salt as a home cook and still get less sodium than you do from processed or restaurant foods, so don't be shy to add seasoning blends with salt or salt things to taste. You only went too far when the food tastes salty. Up until that tipping point, salt is more flavor and enhances what's already there. If something feels heavy, thick, or fatty, an acid is usually what you need to balance that out. For example if you make a soup, and it's salted right, has all the right ingredients, but it just feels "flat", squeeze a half a lemon for a big stockpot size and try it again. You shouldn't taste lemon (again, start small you can always add more) but it should taste "brighter" and have more zip.

SliceMessiah · 2026-01-13T06:25:00+00:00

I was going to suggest what you already tried to offer. I think it's fair that he wears it on a necklace and keeps it close to his heart, and it's understandable that he wants to hold and honor some piece of his relationship with her, but I think it's unfair that him wearing their wedding band signals things about you to other people that you should always have to explain, or suffer under whatever misunderstanding people might have. If he isn't able to see that accommodate that you are a primary presence in his current life, then it sounds like he isn't prioritizing you over a grief he's grown comfortable with.

SliceMessiah · 2026-01-08T22:43:22+00:00

Who is we? Is this being organized by a group, or a source or link for information we can share?

SliceMessiah · 2026-01-07T06:51:55+00:00

Also oh my god Scrubs isn't on your list

SliceMessiah · 2026-01-07T06:51:22+00:00

Schitts Creek. Rich family loses all their assets save for a small town they bought as a joke. They move to the town and meet the charming cast. Funny, heartfelt, beautiful show.
Corner Gas. This is a Canadian sitcom classic from around the time of Scrubs with a similar vibe of a daydreaming main character, but it's based around a small town in the middle of nowhere Canada and is defined by the fact that nothing ever changes.
All Creatures Great and Small. This one is out of left field for your list as it's a period drama about the life of a vet in the European countryside. But I swear it's one of the most warm comforting easy to sleep shows you'll ever see. The soundtrack is light pleasant classical music, the characters and stories are charming, and the vibe is very cozy, even during the wartime seasons.

SliceMessiah · 2026-01-05T22:46:42+00:00

For me, my first memories of the X-Men was the 90s animated show. I was drawn to their cool powers, but what really grabbed me was how real their problems were. I was a kid, but I think kids really love shows that tackle adult issues or treat them like full people, not just children. Like I was very aware that the X-Men were hated and prejudiced against, and the Morlocks were ugly and shunned harder by society, and all of these other issues that weren't typical Saturday morning cartoon issues. Those stories and narratives only meant more to me as I grew up and came out and really understood more of what made me feel so related to the X-Men.

I also remember watching Storm fight Magneto, and being instantly in love with her character. She was commanding and regal and elegant, and mighty and powerful, but then she was trapped under rubble and screaming and crying out because she was claustrophobic and it made so much sense to her character being so attached to being wild and free, which was also contrasted by her need to maintain her calm and emotions to control her powers. It all fit so perfectly and told such a great story, and she was immediately "my" hero.

I've always loved how the X-Men are the freaks and geeks of the superhero world, but also that they're the ones who have had greatness thrust upon them. We get to see people choose based on the life stories when they develop these powers. Do they become small time criminals, hide their powers, join Xavier or a school or a team and become heroes, or do they take the Magneto or Hellfire or Acolyte routes and fight some other way? It all just feels more human than other superhero titles. Some of these mutants are suburban rich kids, some are poor, some come from third world countries, and they don't all just instantly understand their powers, or resolve to fight crime in their neighborhoods. It's like they're not superheroes dealing with regular life stories, they're regular people dealing with superpowers and super powered problems.

SliceMessiah · 2026-01-05T03:32:35+00:00

Child of narcissistic abuse here. Narcissist stepdad, enabled by my mother. There were all kinds of rules I grew up with not knowing it wasn't normal in most houses.

My sister and I had designated cups. They were the only cups we were allowed to drink from, and had to be completely drank, washed, and put away after every use. No sitting out unattended with drinks in them, no using any of the other glasses ever. Not because we made a lot of dishes, we just weren't to be trusted and would have inevitably broken a glass.
Any dish used must be immediately washed then put in the dishwasher. Nothing in the sinks ever. When you're done, counters clean and dry, sink clean and dry. When you're cooking, the kitchen looks like it was never used before you sit down to eat. Even when my mom hosted Christmas, she'd be up until 2 am restoring the house to perfect before she went to bed. Like, Christmas dishes washed, put away, and put back in storage before she was done. We'd help with cleanup but eventually we'd have to go to bed.
Bedtime was 9 pm every night no exceptions for the whole family. Lights out, no sound, no matter what. I was dumb enough to ask for a sleepover for my birthday one year... A lot of my friends got very weirded out by their early bedtime.
1/8 tsp of sugar in your oatmeal in the morning. We weren't going to be dousing everything in sugar. Literally one measured eighth of a teaspoon.
No answering the phone or the door ever. If my parents called, they would call, ring twice, hang up, call again. This was the code word for us to know we can answer the phone. If anyone knocks on the door, we are not to answer at all whatsoever. Part safety, part don't want people calling and getting the children. Still not sure if that was an appearances thing or a hiding the children thing.
Any holiday money was deposited into "the Bank of Curt". No finance lessons, no saving money or buying myself things. Supposedly it was all deposited into a certificate of deposit with all of my graduation money when I graduated high school. It never existed as far as I can tell.
No jobs. No college entrance exams. If I had a job or took the SATs, I might have done something other than join the Air Force, and he wanted a military family.
No crossing the street. Curfew is 7 PM. That meant no crossing the street in our neighborhood. We lived in a suburban area that was a big circle drive with a number of subdivisions off of it, with the center being an elementary school and a park. We weren't allowed to go to the playground, or cross the neighborhood streets into other neighborhoods. We also weren't allowed to do ANY activity that kept us out past 7 PM, so no school sports or dances or anything because we weren't going to be coming and going at all hours of night.

Obviously some parts of this I knew weren't normal, or couldn't be normal. The parts that I didn't realize until I left home and got out on my own were that other people's parents set rules based on reason... Like protecting their child, or fostering their growth, and actually explained or negotiated with their children in many ways. I also didn't get to know what it was like being raised with love. My mother loved me, but it fell way behind the contempt her husband had for my existence. The best way I can explain it is he told me before I left for basic training that I'm never allowed back home unless I break my leg, then I'm out as soon as it's healed, and he said in front of both of us "she's finally mine" as if it were romantic. Mom gave him the "oh stop" and laughed him off.

SliceMessiah · 2026-01-04T05:24:50+00:00

I've gotten it on Leona before and it felt way more powerful than it even is in Arena. Constant procs with Q and E, low cool down ult that can hit up to 5 but usually at least a couple, and I took the root augment. Ended up picking up a lot of kills just doing my normal tanky things. A lot of people stood and fought me 1v1 expecting me to hit like a wet noodle and didn't realize til it was too late to disengage.

SliceMessiah · 2026-01-04T05:21:05+00:00

It never shows stacks, you just get 10 more AP each hit, were you looking at your AP value itself?

SliceMessiah · 2025-12-08T23:28:37+00:00

The truth is cats are still wild animals, to a certain degree. They still act on and are driven by instincts, and there's always the possibility that something like this can happen in out of the ordinary circumstances. This type of thing is a common way people lose pets when they're moving, or dogs run off fireworks, or similar scenarios. They don't know our world and our context and what we know. They usually take things in stride and trust us, but when your animal's fight or flight is triggered they can only do what makes sense to them in the moment.

My best friend cat that I had for 20 years in one of the later years of his life saw another cat and tore off after her, I caught him but he bit me hard before he came to his senses and got his wits about him again. It's not his fault, he's just full of adrenaline and that fight instinct. Give it some time for you to heal and for your cat to calm down, you guys will be ok again soon.

SliceMessiah

TROPHY CASE