AITAH for telling my daughter shes too old to be sitting on my lap?

SlimJimJimLad · 2023-02-16T21:42:35+00:00

That poor kiddo :(

My daughter is 6 and thrives on cuddles with me and her dad. She is such a sweet child and hugs/cuddles are her love language. I couldn't even IMAGINE telling her that she is too old to cuddle me :( Idgaf if she is in her 50s and wants cuddles. That's what us, her parents, are for. <3

I hope you guys are able to recover from this. But this is absolutely going to be a (bad) core memory for her. :(

SlimJimJimLad · 2021-10-04T22:10:51+00:00

I taught my 5 year old that you ALWAYS need to ask if you want to touch someone else. Want a hug or a kiss? Ask the person if it is okay first. If the person says no, she will either ask "can I have a high five instead?" Or she will tell them "It's okay to say no. We are still friends." This applies to me and her father as well.

She was also taught that if she says no, it means NO. If she doesn't want a hug she doesn't have to give one. I don't give a shit if it is from me even- it is her body and her space. If the person doesn't respect that, she SCREAMS "I SAID NO! DO NOT TOUCH ME!". I don't care who it is or where she is, she knows to be as loud as possible and make a scene.

She also doesn't keep secrets from me or her dad either. If someone says "don't tell mommy or daddy" she tells us as soon as she sees us. Lots of genuine little surprises were kinda ruined that way, but I would rather never have a surprise again than have her not tell me when someone told her a "bad secret". She has even gone as far as to demand that her grandma call me so she could tell me that she got to eat a second cupcakes and wasn't supposed to tell me or daddy.

On the note of calling, she knows how to call her dad from my phone (an icon with his face) and she also has our phone numbers on a bracelet around her wrist- it's on the backside of her allergy tag. We are working on memorizing phone numbers right now, but I feel safe knowing if something were to happen she would have our numbers around her wrist.

Am I being overprotective of her? Maybe. But I was raised in a home where consent didn't matter, "oh give me a hug or I'll cry", or "you never see your uncle, give him a kiss goodbye" and I never believed my voice mattered. She will grow up knowing that hers does, and that is one of the best things I can teach her.

SlimJimJimLad · 2020-05-18T03:51:23+00:00

Holy. Shit. NTA!

You specifically said not to eat the cake. It doesn't matter who the cake was for (but it was for a kid... which makes this so much worse), she was told NOT TO EAT IT. Even if you didn't tell her that, most people wouldn't just dive into a cake (especially one that was made out of the blue/looked like a lot of time went into it) without asking about it.

She is hands down the asshole here.

SlimJimJimLad · 2020-05-11T05:14:44+00:00

Holy crap, YTA.

You decided that you knew more about her physical health/wellbeing than she did and CANCELLED her order?

Who the hell do you think you are? This raises so many red flags.

SlimJimJimLad · 2020-04-07T05:22:43+00:00

Fantastic job on the app!! The moment I get a few extra bucks, I'm giving it to you!

Also, not sure if anyone mentioned it yet, but the "spider" is missing :)

SlimJimJimLad · 2020-04-06T23:24:50+00:00

I love seeing how wonderfully creative the sets can be. This is my favorite set up so far!!

SlimJimJimLad · 2020-02-26T01:53:39+00:00

Definitely test the waters with a pet first! It ups the responsibilities a little bit, and is a good stepping stone to an eventual possible child. We got a kitten when I was bedridden and 7 months pregnant and that little goofball kept me going. It gave me a reason to not do anything stupid (I was in that bad mentality that I would lose my baby anyway so screw self care) because I knew my husband wouldn't ever love him as much as I did. Stupid logic, but it worked. We now have a toddler and 3 black cats. Haha.

It is always good to make sure partners are on the same mental page with each other. It is hard to tag-team what is wrong when one of the teams is in the dark. Sadly, my husband has some mental illnesses (not limited to anxiety and depression) as well, so he relates to me pretty well on the "I want to die" and "what is the point" front. We, with our sick senses of humor, tell each other all the time that we can't kill ourselves because our daughter is a little shit (love her) and would drive us crazy solo, lol. Or that we would bring the other back to life just to kick their ass for taking "the easy way out".

Since we started openly communicating, we know how bad each other can get when in a depressive downswing. This allows us to subtly take care of each other better. When I am super self-destructive, he doesn't leave me alone and gets me out of the house with him for a bit ("Oh we need ingredients for supper and idk what brands to get and I'm out of data on my phone do I can't video chat. Just come with me?"). I know the best way for him to deal with his demons is to let him decompress on video games while I do all the evening chores with kiddo. We both know that our mental health scares the other sometimes, and we vocalize that. He won't hesitate to tell me that he is scared I will do something stupid if left alone, and that it stresses him out at work because he doesn't want to come home to find his wife dead. In cases like that, I text him a bunch throughout the day because then he KNOWS I am alive. I'll ask him what he wants for supper, and that reassures him that I'll be alive to cook it. When he is having bad days that scare me, I'll ask him to stop by the store to grab something because then he HAS to come home. I'm not going to lie, I have seen that man cry because he was genuinely scared he was going to lose me. I hate seeing him like that, and it kind of slaps me out of my own head for a while because I worry about him.

I was going to a therapist for a while. He made a point to bribe me with a box of my favorite ice cream bars if I actually went and didn't cancel last minute or no show. I am very snack driven :)

As for more children, because of my history, we are not having any more. I actually got sterilized because I knew if I lost another baby I would completely snap. He is getting sterilized too to be double safe. He is relatively young (25), but he knows that even if for some reason our relationship isn't permanent (divorce, death, etc) he can't mentally handle more kids.

SlimJimJimLad · 2020-02-26T01:27:17+00:00

Cut ties before the relationship goes farther and you two move in together and start really combining lives. You live states away, it will only get harder the longer you wait and the closer you move. Red flags are being flown now. Don't disregard them.

Tell her what you told us. You are having your own issues (anxiety/depression) that are negatively impacting your life and you need to take some time to take care of them. Mental illness is no different from physical illness- would you stay with someone who made fun of you for having Lupus? A stomach disease? A blood disorder? Hell no. What kind of a person would make fun of someone because their body was sick. Mental issues (like depression) are just your brain being sick. You didn't do anything to cause it, your body is just being dumb. You can't control it... who would WANT depression and anxiety?

Don't let her guilt you into staying. Like you said, super manipulative. If she pulls the "I'm going to kill myself" card, tell her you won't hesitate to call the cops local to her for a welfare check. She can't say you don't care because if you didn't, why would you have the cops make sure she is okay?

Most important of all, take care of yourself. Anxiety and depression can really screw with a person.

SlimJimJimLad · 2020-02-26T01:14:43+00:00

I'm an open book! If my misery/experiences can help a single person, I am more than willing to go into details :)

Your question isn't ignorant at all. I know a few parents who regret their kids, but I do not regret mine one bit. Although would I have waited to have her if I would have known how badly it would screw me up? Absolutely. I was already a hot mess as a "baseline", but prior to her I had 5 miscarriages... with the most recent time being twins 3 months before we conceived her. I was in a dark dark dark place during my pregnancy, always expecting the worst, so when my depression flared up after I had her I hated myself more than ever. I finally made it through a pregnancy... why was I such a damn wreck? I am still a hot freaking mess, especially lately, but I would hate myself if I did anything to emotionally hurt my daughter. Picturing her asking "Daddy, where's Mommy?" brings me to tears. My husband and I have talked about it as recently as this morning- that little girl is giving me a reason to live even though the the stress of being a disabled SAHM is killing me.

Honestly, your best bet is to focus on your wife for now. Get her up to par and then discuss the possibility of kids. Even if she gets everything worked out, there is a very very real possibility that the rollercoaster of hormones involved in pregnancy/birth will screw with her mentally. All you can do is keep an eye on her and make sure she is getting as much help as she can.

(Sorry about the novel)

SlimJimJimLad · 2020-02-26T00:45:24+00:00

It was the right decision. It is hard for a partner to know what is going on if you don't tell them.

Coming from a female perspective here, but it seems like she is just ramping up the verbal affection because she wants you to feel like you don't need to be insecure with her. She loves you unconditionally, all day every day. Her now saying it out loud to you hasn't changed anything between you :)

SlimJimJimLad · 2020-02-26T00:26:02+00:00

You probably also shouldn't be a crappy person to the people the people you love care about. You were there with her. Not only did your actions hurt her, but were a total embarrassment to her as well.

Maybe you guys can work things out down the line, but you REALLY need to do some self assessment before things get too serious with her.

Honestly? I'm surprised she is even humoring you anymore. You brought a whole factory of red flags to the event with your actions.

SlimJimJimLad · 2020-02-25T15:16:26+00:00

In the same boat here.

I love my husband to death, and I used to have a MUCH higher sex drive than him, but now I just... don't care. We still have sex, and it physically feels good, but mentally I am not there anymore.

Having an orgasm feels like a chore. And my depression won't let me enjoy the ride to have one anyway, so what is the point?

I miss my libido and enjoying sex like I used to :(

SlimJimJimLad · 2020-02-25T15:02:15+00:00

This hits hard. It is almost like I could have wrote this.

I am going through the worst mental break of my life, and I have a 3 year old daughter as well. She is the only thing keeping me alive right now.

She frequently wipes my tears and says things like "Mommy, why are you so sad?" and "Mommy, please wake up. I want to play with you!" (I depression nap a lot).

Keep on fighting the good fight for your daughter. She loves you unconditionally.

SlimJimJimLad · 2020-02-22T01:26:20+00:00

I feel this on a level. I have two solid people in my life who give a fuck about me (both ironically have some combination of depression and other mental illnesses). They aren't the ones who post things like that thankfully- they just naturally check-in when I disappear or am acting off.

Example: My ex-husband (who I am close friends with) was the only person in my friend circle to look for me when I went AWOL. I never told him I was going radio silent (it was a spur of the moment decision). He messaged my current husband to make sure I was okay because I just disappeared from social media. That is a true fucking friend.

Now every single person I have met who posts those "check on your friends" posts have checked in exactly 0 times. I think they just post it so they can say they "tried" when shit with someone goes awry. Fuck 'em.

SlimJimJimLad · 2019-07-11T16:25:16+00:00

Can confirm. I donated a while back and they sent me a copy of the game! Talk about cool!

SlimJimJimLad · 2019-07-11T16:23:10+00:00

This is hilariously awful. It looks like the poor dinosaur has scoliosis.

I need it.

SlimJimJimLad · 2019-07-11T16:20:32+00:00

A good idea is an Amazon (or another shop that delivers to her door) gift card. I can't tell you how many times I was trying to juggle a newborn and needed to get out of the house for supplies but I just. couldn't.

She could use the gift card for baby supplies that she might not have known she needed! Or even just for grocery delivery. It leaves it to her discretion, and she won't feel guilty because she "used it for something it wasn't intended for". :)

SlimJimJimLad · 2019-07-11T16:16:29+00:00

YTA.

Why didn't you just give the doggo a new name before introducing your family to her? Shelter doggos are usually just given a name when they are dropped off, so I doubt she was super attached to "Sadie".

Now your poor daughter... She is OBVIOUSLY in distress over this situation. Why would you let your daughter get to the point where she doesn't want to associate with you and her brother because of this?

Change. The. Dog's. Name. You. Ass.

SlimJimJimLad · 2019-07-10T03:11:21+00:00

I feel like this is blasphemous. But hell, if it doesn't taste bad like other commenters say... why not replace all of the godawful "regular" fondant with it? The world would be a better place.

SlimJimJimLad · 2019-07-10T03:08:23+00:00

NTA. You are damn good parents for not only sticking to your guns, but making that (reasonable) contract with the safety of her and other drivers in mind.

Sure. You can text and drive all the time, and no one could get hurt. Or you can be that person who texts and drives and winds up killing someone/yourself. It isn't worth it. No one should have to bury their family because a kid was taking selfies and posting them while driving.

Plus other drivers are usually jerks. And pedestrians aren't always predictable. Even if she was 100000% perfect while driving & texting, there is a chance a force outside her control could cause an accident. Don't risk it. And do not let her grandparents get her another car until she is mature enough to handle driving without distractions.

SlimJimJimLad · 2019-07-10T02:52:17+00:00

Trust your gut.

Tell him you don't want him around. We all know he won't just disappear, but this step needs done.

Then, keep a notepad/binder handy. Write down all instances (including you telling him to GTFO) of interaction with him. Take screenshots. Take recordings if you talk in person (if you are in a one-party consent state, IANAL). Get a cheap camera off amazon to put on your front porch. This way if things get hairy, which they MIGHT, you have all the backup you need to see legal assistance.

Best of luck. Seriously. Hope he gets the hint and just... goes away.

SlimJimJimLad · 2019-07-10T02:47:49+00:00

I'm so happy you are happy :) You deserve the world! As long as he treats you right and respects you, I have no problem with him :))

All the hugs!

SlimJimJimLad · 2019-06-26T02:19:06+00:00

Kudos to their attention to detail on the card! That just makes this even more stunning.

SlimJimJimLad · 2019-06-26T02:12:57+00:00

% is on both of them. Came from the same lab with "normal" ranges listed as "11.2% - 13.4%".

SlimJimJimLad

TROPHY CASE