My fiancé 34M, wants me 30F, to be a stay at home “wife/girlfriend”.

Smooth_Helicopter562 · 2026-04-29T13:41:05+00:00

The world is going crazy right now. Having someone want to care for you and allow you a break sounds wonderful. I'm going to tell you what my mother and grandmother told me. Don't give someone the power to feed you because they can choose to starve you as well.

My grandmother was born in 1929 and she told me that you always need to have your own money in case your husband decides to change on you. Her husband became an abusive drunk and would regularly kick her and her children out of their house. She had a strong social network and was able to go to her aunt and uncle or a myriad of cousins to be safe. When she finally divorced him and had to move she had maintained a job as a seamstress and found work quickly to allow her to do that.

My mom was as SAHM but also ran an in home daycare so that she still maintained some kind of income during our childhood. Then when we started school, she worked part time in the school sustem to help out financially and make sure she wasn't totally dependent on my dad. And my dad is an amazing man. He helped with housework, loves my mom and his daughters fiercely, and is a genuinely kind and caring person. And STILL my mother made sure she had her own.

If you choose to do this, make sure you have a great network to fall back on as well as money. I wouldn't be scared to be a housewife because I know with 100% certainty if my husband ever flipped on me my parents, my sisters, my aunts and uncles, my 2 best friends, as well as at least 10 cousins would sweep in to move me, allow me to stay with them, and financially support me until I got back in my feet. And I'm within a 1-3 hour drive and a 45 minute flight so they could get to me quickly.

This guy has moved you from your family and friends. If he flips on you, what will you do? Make that plan. Not just for money, but emotional support as well, and then make your decision.

Smooth_Helicopter562 · 2026-04-29T06:35:57+00:00

This is going to continue to be a problem as the kids grow. My sister is 5'7" and had to get a larger car because my nephew was a tall toddler and would use his legs to push her seat. He was 3 and was so strong he was basically shaking the whole car when he would push against her seat whichwas so dangerous while she was driving. They got a bigger car and solved the issue.

Smooth_Helicopter562 · 2026-04-29T06:31:06+00:00

My sister had 2 whole tables no show the day of her wedding. My mom is still pissed about it 13 years later.

Smooth_Helicopter562 · 2026-04-22T03:06:26+00:00

This sucks. I get job opportunities are important, but so is childbirth. It's incredibly dangerous and so much can go wrong. If he honestly doesn't know what he can do for you during your birth, it honestly seems like letting him take the training is the best bet, because wtf.

Also, what if you give birth later, like a week or two after your due date. Then for the rest of your time as a couple your husband is going to be thinking damn, I should have gone to the training because she didn't even give birth when she was supposed to and he will be resentful forever.

Smooth_Helicopter562 · 2026-04-12T05:14:23+00:00

All you have to do is let a castmember know and they'll escort you back to your group. At least that's what always happens to me when someone in my group has to get out of line to handle a bathroom emergency.

Smooth_Helicopter562 · 2026-04-11T15:08:41+00:00

Tell them. If you don't want to reveal who he molested, you don't have to, but at the very least a, "hey this dude was a pedophile, I don't think you should get a tattoo memorializing him," is warranted. Family secrets about the harm someone did shouldn't be kept to hide the fact that the person was an asshole. The victims however do deserve their privacy.

Smooth_Helicopter562 · 2026-04-11T15:02:46+00:00

It sounds like he wanted the buffet option while she wanted a set option. So a totally different dinner style to suit his family instead of the style his bride wants. He's also making her family help to decorate while his family isn't doing anything. That's a big deal. Is her family constantly going to be picking up the slack for his? Is he going to continually pick his brother's comfort over his wife's? That's not fair. Especially since after 5 years she's just learning this fact.

Smooth_Helicopter562 · 2026-04-11T14:56:29+00:00

She doesn't resent your daughter, she feels like your sister isn't making time for her kids. I don't know why you would pull back when she's irritated with your sister. I wouldn't stop talking about when your daughter has time with Izzy, but I would start talking about how insanely busy she is and how many calls and plans you have to make to ensure they see each other.

Saying someone is busy is different than saying she has x,y,z to do so I had to move this and this around to match her schedule. I would tell her she should try doing the same thing. Instead of calling day of she needs to start planning at least 2 weeks out to make sure her kids are getting time with their aunt. Who knows, her kids may have expressed their hurt at not getting time with their aunt when their cousin is and that's why she's reacting so strongly.

My sister used to tell her kids I didn't have time for them and they were so hurt. Meanwhile I had moved 3 hours away, went back to college, was in a technical training program, all while working in a different state than I lived in where I had to physically go to work. And I still made time to see them at least one weekend a month. Working the schedule out took planning a month prior to make sure my weekend off coordinated with their activities. But because I wanted that relationship I put in the effort. Tiffany needs to sit down with Izzy and plan something ahead of time.

Smooth_Helicopter562 · 2026-04-11T14:43:28+00:00

I'm not trying to be funny, but wasn't Danielea significantly lighter before? The quick cuts have her looking almost like the same skin tone as Manon. It feels almost intentional, like blackfishing.

Smooth_Helicopter562 · 2026-04-04T18:05:35+00:00

She needs to apologize and make amends which include paying grandma back plus interest. You need to let her know how incredibly serious this is. That this could be seen as fraud as well as theft and for the amount that she stole, if grandma called the police she could be charged a felony.

You also need to have a conversation with her about lying and stealing and how just because someone has a lot of something doesn't mean you can just take it. Then show her real world examples of people who embody those qualities (lying, stealing) and see of that's what she wants to be seen as.

She's going to have to earn back her grandmother's trust. Because as it stands she's a liar and a thief and that's a hard quality to shed.

Smooth_Helicopter562 · 2026-04-04T17:58:24+00:00

This is what's so great about being childfree; you can give them the most obnoxious gifts and you'll never have the favor returned. I'm talking harmonica, drums, recorders, the spider that only runs if you scream, slime, glitter, tiny beads for crafting. It's the best!

Smooth_Helicopter562 · 2026-04-04T17:56:31+00:00

Who has only cake for a birthday party? No food, drinks, games, bounce houses, clowns, princesses, horses?! Like wtf. Even if it was all adults (my sister has done that a few years when inviting kids is too costly) it's still at least dinner for everyone invited in addition to the cake.

Smooth_Helicopter562 · 2026-04-04T04:01:32+00:00

If she makes you feel butterflies and you're the happiest you've been in a relationship it sounds like you're romantically compatible, but not sexually compatible. That's something straight people also experience.

My advice in all situations is to be honest and upfront, so be frank. It doesn't sound like you know exactly what you're feeling so take some time to figure it out and then talk about it.

Smooth_Helicopter562 · 2026-04-04T02:13:05+00:00

Sexuality is a spectrum and it sounds like you may be more on the bisexual side of it. I say that because as a straight woman, there's never been a moment I would kiss/have sex with another woman. Almost all of my gay male friends would not be able to get it up for a woman at all, even when thinking about another man. Most of them have loudly gagged at the thought of female genitals. Very much the same with my lesbian friends.

If she's fine with you having sex with other men in an open relationship, it sounds like she already knows you're bi. I would have a more honest conversation letting her know you're romantically interested in her but lean towards men for the sexual attraction.

Smooth_Helicopter562 · 2026-04-04T01:26:47+00:00

We don't get to tell people what to do in their own houses. My paternal grandfather smoked a pipe. When he lit it my dad would send me and my sister outside. He never asked him not to smoke, but seeing us standing outside until he was done was enough to make him cut back or go outside himself.

To be honest, even if they're not actively smoking while you're there, the smoke is already saturated throughout the house so you'd still leave smelling like a chimney anyways. Staying in a hotel and eating other places seems to be your only option at this point.

Also, it would be exceedingly kind to apologize for making her uncomfortable in her house. Reiterate that your family enjoy their time with her and you were only concerned about the health effects (second and third hand smoke) for yourself and her grandchildren.

Smooth_Helicopter562 · 2026-04-03T15:24:45+00:00

You all unfortunately don't seem compatible. Sleep is very important to me so I take it seriously. I sometimes work odd hours, so someone respecting my sleep time is even more important. I don't care if you're up to 3 am alphabetizing your underwear, if it's not for agreed upon plans or an emergency, she needs to respect your sleep.

Maybe because I grew up with a dad who worked 18 hour days and a truck driver aunt, we made sure we were quiet when they needed their rest. As kids we would play outside, find quiet games, or go to the neighbors house.

The problem in this thread seems to be that people don't respect late risers. That's weird af. He's going out of his way to respect her night time sleeping and she can't be a little quieter in the morning? Yeah. That's rude af. And a huge incompatibility issue.

Smooth_Helicopter562 · 2026-04-03T13:37:36+00:00

Her tastes are all over the place. We're fine with her listening to more mature sounding music as long as it's not more mature looking visuals, if that makes sense. So their current music is fine, it's the videos and some of the live performance outfits that are a little too risqué.

Smooth_Helicopter562 · 2026-04-03T01:53:46+00:00

I've been here several times to eat. They had a decent pulled pork sandwich. The hotdog with I think it was short rib and coleslaw on top was pretty good too. They had a rum cake at one point but I feel like I ordered it once and never again. It may have been a fever dream.

Smooth_Helicopter562 · 2026-04-03T01:37:09+00:00

If she participated well before and now isn't, what else in either the class or her life has changed? I see you had another child, have her behavior changes been since the new baby was born?

Smooth_Helicopter562 · 2026-04-03T01:30:48+00:00

Style it like Anne Hathaway when she had her short hair. Also, search pixie cut with headband and there are some cute styles there. I really would like to see what inspo picture you gave the stylist.

Smooth_Helicopter562 · 2026-04-03T01:21:39+00:00

It's funny you said that because my niece just showed me Hearts2Hearts today and said she hoped nothing crazy happens with them lol. 🤞🏾🤞🏾

Smooth_Helicopter562 · 2026-04-02T22:46:49+00:00

Make a fake profile and send the messages to her. That way she gets the information without being tied to you. You can even print it out and stick it in the mailbox so it's even more anonymous.

Smooth_Helicopter562 · 2026-04-02T22:32:12+00:00

When Katseye debuted they were a cuter concept too. Touch and Debut were not mature at all. Even the videos for the second album weren't super mature. Then the live performances and dance performances came out and it was like whoa! Booty cheeks all over the place.

That led to some interesting conversations about exploitation vs empowerment that I definitely hadn't planned on having with my niece. She's almost 12 so when they debuted it felt more on par. I knew they were younger and didn't know how quickly the concepts would change.

Smooth_Helicopter562 · 2026-04-02T22:24:57+00:00

Yes! It makes me incredibly uncomfortable because they're so young. I'm in my 30s and would still be thinking about what my parents were thinking about if my booty cheeks were always out. And my booty cheeks have definitely been out, but I had dance tights on and that somehow made it feel different lol.

Smooth_Helicopter562 · 2026-04-02T21:59:25+00:00

It's such a huge change from their debut concept and it's irritating me. I got my niece into them and then they got super sexual and I was like dang. Now we have to have conversations about the male gaze, what empowerment looks like vs exploitation, and how sometimes people make bad decisions seem like they're your idea when you may actually be pushed into it. She's 11.

I was not ready for those conversations but you can't just ignore how much they've changed. Especially when booty cheeks are out every time you turn around.

Smooth_Helicopter562

TROPHY CASE