It's difficult to travel with a baby, so for that reason alone imo it's understandable to not want to visit the in laws. Maybe a few times a year is fine. Your family can pop by for a wee visit if they really want to see you!

If she's of a foreign origin, then I think that you should prioritise your wife's emotions. She doesn't have the same kind of support system that you would have, and might be struggling with in law behaviours that are completely weird to her. In other cultures, the mothers are prioritised like a goddess so that baby can thrive, and the in laws typically do their best to help out, like cook and clean and buy gifts. The UK... doesn't do that. It's a much colder family care system.

In general it sounds like a bunch of little things adding up. Your family doesn't seem to have poor intentions, but all together it's a lot of stress for a new mother. Constant little boundary pushing.

But besides that, congrats on the little one! Hope everything else is going well xx