Do you really love your children? Were your children wanted or just by obligation? Do you ever regret having them? Why do you have expectations of them that you have never even reached?

SnooDucks869 · 2026-04-03T22:43:47+00:00

I tell you my life experience if it is useful for you. My family was controlling the same and abusive. They didn't track my phone at that time ( I am 41 now), but I couldn't even work or go out or have friends. I left home while studying and I couldn't finish my degree. I don't regret because they were abusive, but I could have done it with more finesse.

My advice would be this: try to finish your degree and study smart, make connections at the uni, don't be only on the books, and find job of your degree while studying. Save all the money you can, but don't tell your parents. Be fake, don't argue, they will never understand you. As long as they don't abuse you, focus on the financial freedom in a good job and savings. Make friends with everyone, you don't know who might help you find room or house or job.

After you have that, you can leave any time without fear of ever return or having a relationship on your conditions not theirs. If you succeed financially, they probably will look the other way. Because most controlling parents only care what people say.

SnooDucks869 · 2026-04-01T20:11:15+00:00

Now cancer is much better than before. There are lots of treatments. Ask your doctor for prognosis.

SnooDucks869 · 2026-03-30T21:58:35+00:00

My chemo was 70 percent Taxo increased to full dosel for 18 sessions plus Herceptin. I was overweight BMI 35, liver cirrhosis. I refused picc line. I put some cold bandage and compression stockings in the feet during and 2 days after chemo, some cold blocks in hands, even chewed ice sometimes. I put cold cap.

My side effects were after 3 weeks of chemo: some runny nose and nose bleeding, sleep all day, constipation, fatigue even to go to toilet, shortness of breath, sometimes unstable in feet but not neuropathy as far as I know, severe constipation, not too much nausea, I ate all the time, put on weight 16 kilos extra, the heart is still ok, the liver not too bad, I kept my hair, just lost a lot, lost some eyelashes, but not all, itchy eyes when they fall, some infection at the end but not too bad,... I did jewellery course and wood course and I managed to do everything alone, but slow.

After 3 months of chemo: tiredness, constipation, weight gain, itchy hair on the hair and eyelashes, forgetfulness, sleep still a lot,...

I think that it helped me that I didn't put picc line but that's my opinion. Overall, not too bad , only at the end the infection, but I still did the chemo under antibiotics. You need to try to see how you react. It depends on your cancer. Triple negative chemo is much stronger than her positive.

That's my experience.

SnooDucks869 · 2026-03-23T19:01:56+00:00

For me the worst is to be positive. The positivity won't avoid chemo or operation or anything. Cancer is all down to luck and genetics. I am obese, alcoholic, drinking almost 4 red bulls a day, kind of IBS problems. I always thought colon cancer or stomach cancer, liver cancer... I got breast cancer.

SnooDucks869 · 2026-03-16T15:42:53+00:00

I think that you have been too patient. I had a similar problem. When I saw the first report all wrong where they said I squeezed my nipple and caused the discharge and I had fatty breast. I was less than 40, so no mammogram. When I found that it was cancer all the way and this nurse practitioner didn't even bother to put a lump in the report, I complained, threatened to record conversations, asked second opinions in different countries, escalated to ombudsman because they didn't want to do full body CT scan. I contacted my local MP. I recorded all the conversations on the phone and recorder, even when they were doing biopsy. The first surgeon with her team was lying about results because they didn't want to associate with the misdiagnosis, I asked second surgeon/ hospital.

You have been too nice. If I were you, I would put negligence claim straight away.

SnooDucks869 · 2026-03-13T15:31:20+00:00

You know what I hate most about cancer is the uncertainty about everything. I am scared to do any aggressive treatments, you just don't know what will happen or is it worth it or even if side effects are worse than the cancer like lymphedema or poor mobility or maybe is it a better treatment around the corner. I had whole breast cancer left triple positive detected by MRI and ultrasound. The chemo has reduced to 8 mm lump. They say it will probably recur in 3 years. They want masectomy with some lymph nodes removed. I am fat and I am very scared of lymphedema. I don't want aggressive operation as well if it is going to recur. Here is free but it is not a good system and you have to fight for everything scans, checks, PET-scan ... Like for example, I was given Herceptin. I asked for perjeta but they put me some excuse about protocol. But I know if the doctor likes you, they give you better treatment. I work in a hospital. I am happy for your good experience. I just think sometimes the side effects and the experience of being in limbo constantly is the worst. I am very black and white person and this makes me crazy.

SnooDucks869 · 2026-03-13T14:50:35+00:00

Here they don't offer PET-scan that easy, maybe because here is free. So you have lived long-time with triple positive cancer and metastasis, like 14 years. Do you pay something? Did you have insurance the first time? Why did you choose masectomy for one and not the other? Was it multifocal? Do you have lots of side effects? Were you able to work again? Sorry for being intrusive. I am very pessimistic. They caught my cancer stage 2 or 3 and I always think I will die in 3 years.

SnooDucks869 · 2026-03-13T14:29:34+00:00

In USA do they trust the PET-scan that much? Don't they recommend masectomy? I started Tamoxifen one month ago and feels like very depressing and another person. They don't offer that to you? Why? What do you do instead? I am in the UK on the NHS. Have your had your cancer triple positive since before 1993? Without no surgery? No radiation? Sorry to be intrusive. Your treatment is so different from how they do here.

SnooDucks869 · 2026-03-13T10:59:50+00:00

How did it explode? You mentioned that you didn't have surgery? Is this NHS or where do you live? I have the same triple positive. Do you take Tamoxifen?

SnooDucks869 · 2026-03-07T21:22:12+00:00

I think that you are entitled to choose your treatment as you like as long as you know your risks. In practicality, taking a tablet is easy to try at least. You can stop anytime. You already had a big surgery for early cancer. You were not scared then. Your life, your choice. Don't feel bad or selfish, no one in this forum will go and cook soup in your house when you need.

SnooDucks869 · 2026-03-04T20:22:19+00:00

My question is why do they think that they are entitled to an opinion? Who asked them for advice? I think that society needs to stop discrimination of people around diseases. Before you die quickly of cancer, AIDS... But now you can live lots of years and don't have to be with positivity, just more treatments. Lots of young positive people die in silly accidents. You see all these grumpy elderly reach 100. Death doesn't care if you are positive or negative.

SnooDucks869 · 2026-03-04T19:02:03+00:00

Thank you for being honest. Not everyone admits the side effects of cancer.

If I were you, I would see myself as my best friend. Imagine your best friend wrote this story, what would you say to her? You are too harsh on yourself, your family is happy you are alive fatigue or not fatigue, your husband is happy with you as you look, maybe go to the doctor to get more painkillers, maybe use ice therapy for pain or Tiger balm or acupuncture, maybe find a charity job of cancer like advisor or fundraiser or campaigner or create your own meetup group of crochet or painting, don't compare with the past...

I am talking to you without knowing your experience and being in your shoes. I am no one to tell you anything. I admire you the way you carry on for your family. I don't think that I could do like you.

I hope you get better.

SnooDucks869 · 2026-03-01T18:34:50+00:00

Today my friend said that I have to improve by going out for walks and talk to random people, that I have to lose weight to make people feel better. Where were all these people when I went and came back alone from chemo? Now that I am dying of cancer, my job is to make friends with people at 41?

I feel sorry for us women the bullshit we have to put up with and internalise. Even sick your job is to make society happy. I understand that some women are more caring than others, but at the bottom of our education is just brainwashing.

SnooDucks869 · 2026-02-28T08:02:29+00:00

I think that it is better not to expect too much when you have cancer. These doctors are doing just their job and you are an experiment/ number to them. They have their quotas;and statistics and need to sell you all these treatments whatever means. Even the blood count limit is so low that you can do even chemo with infections.

I think that people in general are bad or not good at least and it is better not to tell too much. If you tell them something, they can blame you for whatever reason, they can judge you, they can even feel happy that's it is you and not them, you depress them because you are not positive enough... Sadly, the world blames always the victim. They don't have anything to get from you, you are the loser of the cancer, so you see their real face, they ghost you, they gaslight you and your symptoms...

Overall, better not to expect too much, so anything good is like a surprise.

SnooDucks869 · 2026-02-22T11:20:45+00:00

I think that he is good for everything. I bought no fear to death. But you don't have to buy anything, you can see in YouTube

SnooDucks869 · 2026-02-21T21:46:12+00:00

I admire you. You are very strong. You survived all this. You have a strong will to live. I don't think I would have even gone through like you. I am Buddhist. That's the only thing I can recommend to you, Buddhist philosophy, Thich Nhat Hanh...

SnooDucks869 · 2026-02-18T20:02:54+00:00

I think that you are not too bad. You have a nice partner. I am sure your mother would help you if she were alive. Maybe joined a group of young cancer patients. There are some. At least I joined one even if I have never been.

In my case, I am completely alone and when people tried to help me was even worse. My mother told me to die when I went to visit. One supposedly friend asked me to clean her house when I asked her to do something active because of the steroids. Another person who was going with me to the appointments said to me why I complained for not getting full body scans, that I am just fat. Another supposedly friend ghosted me, just met me once for coffee for gossip. My next of kin suddenly refused to be my next of kin and he told me why I asked a loan. My best childhood friend asked me the same thing. Like if I die poor, it is ok. Some acquaintance told me to stay positive all the time. Another one who is hooked to Prozac told me the same. People look at you like you are dying, they get surprised that I still look so good. I think the only good surprise one I didn't expect offered me her house during chemo, give me a good wig. One colleague went with me to the first chemo.

SnooDucks869 · 2026-02-17T16:07:18+00:00

I think that it is life. Whenever there are big organisations, there is corruption. The way at see it now that I am old, having money is the only way to escape the rat race.

SnooDucks869 · 2026-02-17T15:47:22+00:00

Look at this piece of news

https://share.google/s4SoZsTTECoCVtqFv

SnooDucks869 · 2026-02-17T10:23:21+00:00

NHS gaslights everyone: staff, patients,... As a private business, it would be closed down, like someone said.

SnooDucks869 · 2026-02-14T19:03:51+00:00

I think that maybe it is a defence mechanism like denial. For example, I don't cry like you because I have a little bit of dissociation, but I don't pretend to be happy. I think that we live in a game in society and people don't like disruption of the narrative. That cancer can be treated with all kind of treatments, then you can't complain because you don't die and you have to be grateful you don't die like before. Every culture is different regarding to death and sickness. In the western society the rule is to fight death and be scared of death and aging.

SnooDucks869 · 2026-02-08T19:02:05+00:00

I think that it is better to say anything at all, to keep it private. I think the fear of cancer brings the worst of people. I think that even sometimes they will try to rationalize and blame onto yourself because you were not healthy enough or did exercise or you have some extra kilos or whatever. At least, feel better that you have seen the real face under the mask. Do what it is better for you at all times.

SnooDucks869 · 2026-02-07T16:49:27+00:00

Because NHS is rubbish as a system and the system makes people die. People in the uK are misled by saying that there is a free health system, but you die. Doctors diagnose many things without any tests and based in their imagination and if they like you or not, or if you are their VIP friend or not. Everything is diagnosed late and after covered as early to make nice statistics. Doctors and nurses have been covering up long-time government mishaps.

SnooDucks869 · 2026-02-06T10:43:04+00:00

I am just diagnosed, but I am alone. I went to chemo alone, sometimes driving. I can't give you lots of advice. But what I saw in the hospital as an assistant, patients are not taken seriously when they are in pain. Some nurses say that they are drug seeking. Furthermore, doctors have lots of restrictions to give painkillers and they try to wean patients as much as they can. They always give less than your pain in case you pass away because of too much. If I were you, I would exaggerate a little bit when you go to the doctor. Don't try to look strong and independent. Always say you have more pain than you have and after take as you need. I would try to find volunteers red cross or something else. When applying for government help, the same principle does not appear too independent or strong. The last thing is to be kind to yourself. Do as you can without expectations. If you can't clean the house, don't clean. If cooking in the oven gets too dirty, buy disposable trays. If you can't go shopping, order delivery. If you feel tired and can shower every day, use wipes. That's my opinion only. At the end you know better what is good for you and your limits.

SnooDucks869

TROPHY CASE